Are all men cheaters??

[JackJack]

"a commited person has no place taking out a profile on a dating site period. "

 

 

But its ok to talk to some chick? OK, so are you meaning, the conversation would be, "Hey how are you today? OK nice chatting with you." OR, Take your clothes off and let me see you touch yourself?"

 

I would think if someone was in a committed realtionship they wouldn't want their partner talking to someone esle either, especially in a sexual nature.

[Tomcat33]

Besides life is not black and white like that, did he do it once does he do it all the time and talk to the same chick and look at the same vidcam person every week and avoids having sex with me? that would change everything I wouldn't consider it cheating so much as a sickness of sorts.

 

But a one off I could care less. I've had boyfriends that looked at porn when from time to time or when I was not around and I could care less, they were always ready and willing for me and as many times as I needed it, as long as it's the "gift that keeps on giving" who cares what he is looking at in his downtime.

[Tomcat33]

"a commited person has no place taking out a profile on a dating site period. "

 

 

But its ok to talk to some chick? OK, so are you meaning, the conversation would be, "Hey how are you today? OK nice chatting with you." OR, Take your clothes off and let me see you touch yourself?"

 

I would think if someone was in a committed realtionship they wouldn't want their partner talking to someone esle either, especially in a sexual nature.

 

 

What is the difference between looking at some gangbang to get off and having a woman on the other end describe the gangbang on the phone?

[Tomcat33]

 

You've still not clarified what the difference is, when the intent is identical.

 

I clarified it you are just not wanting to get it.

 

So there isn't much more I can say on that other than go back and reread until it makes a little more sense.

[JackJack]

What is the difference between looking at some gangbang to get off and having a woman on the other end describe the gangbang on the phone?

 

Apparently none at all.

 

So it would be ok with you if your spouse or partner talked dirty or had someone esle talk dirty to them on the phone?

[Trialbyfire]

I clarified it you are just not wanting to get it.

 

So there isn't much more I can say on that other than go back and reread until it makes a little more sense.

From what I've seen, all you did was to redefine that you felt there was a difference but not what the difference is, since in the situation referenced by myself, the intent is identical. No touching just lots of interactive, hot, steamy cyber or phone sex.

 

As for non-interactive porn, I could care less. I find non-interactive porn more a joke, than anything else.

[Tomcat33]

Apparently none at all.

 

So it would be ok with you if your spouse or partner talked dirty or had someone esle talk dirty to them on the phone?

 

 

 

Well if there is none at all then what's the problem here.

Now if you are being sarcastic rather than adding sarcasm to the conversation which no one benefits from just answer the question so that we understand what you feel is the difference.

 

Can you tell us what the difference is?

[Tomcat33]

From what I've seen, all you did was to redefine that you felt there was a difference but not what the difference is, since in the situation referenced by myself, the intent is identical. No touching just lots of interactive, hot, steamy cyber or phone sex.

 

 

 

Here is my explanation again:

 

Well a commited man visiting a porn site even to engage in a live webcam is very different than a man taking out a profile on a dating site, even if he is to do the exact same thing as he would be doing on the porn site. One he is potentially looking for dates another he is looking for fantasy. There IS a difference.

 

so the difference is for me in my psyche! And that is how I determine what I would consider cheating and what I would not.

 

Just like in YOUR psyche interactive porn is not ok and non-interactive porn is a joke, it is a distinction that is happening in YOUR psyche, so it is exclusive to your own parameters of what you find ok and what you don't.

 

Again people who are really closed minded will only accept what is in their own psyche which is why you are digging and digging trying to find a fifth leg on this cat, this cat has 4 legs.

[Trialbyfire]

Here is my explanation again:

 

Well a commited man visiting a porn site even to engage in a live webcam is very different than a man taking out a profile on a dating site, even if he is to do the exact same thing as he would be doing on the porn site. One he is potentially looking for dates another he is looking for fantasy. There IS a difference.

 

so the difference is for me in my psyche! And that is how I determine what I would consider cheating and I would not.

 

Just like in YOUR psyche interactive porn is not ok and non-interactive porn is a joke, it is a distinction that is happening in YOUR psyche, so it is exclusive to your own parameters of what you find ok and what you don't.

 

Again people who are really closed minded will only accept what is in their own psyche which is why you are digging and digging trying to find a fifth leg on this cat, this cat has 4 legs.

I've already defined that he's only looking for cyber or phone sex on the dating site, a number of times. There are plenty of men who do that.

 

With this in mind, it would be okay with you that your partner do this, whether it's a dating site or an interactive porn site?

[JackJack]

Well if there is none at all then what's the problem here.

Now if you are being sarcastic rather than adding sarcasm to the conversation which no one benefits from just answer the question so that we understand what you feel is the difference.

 

Can you tell us what the difference is?

 

 

I can't tell you the difference, for I have done neither. And for the record, I haven't. I don't look at gangbangs, have I ever seen porn, sure. Gangbangs, nah and that was your example.

 

So you can answer mine now.

 

Is it ok with you if your spouse or partner were to talk dirty to another or have someone else talk dirty to them?

[grogster]

If I have a dream - subconscious, beyond my control - of sex with someone other than my partner, and it results in orgasm - is that cheating?

 

Absolutely not. For me cheating is the result of intentional conduct or the reckless disregard of likely consequences. (For example, the married salesman who gets so drunk on a business trip that he ends up sleeping with a drunk female co-worker. He may not have intended the tryst, but he recklessly disregarded the infidelity risks of binge drinking with a co-worker).

 

As for our dreams, if sex dreams equals cheating, then we're all guilty.

[grogster]

Thanks Grog, your post was rational and clear (as always) but I couldn't resist using the carbon thing to illustrate my point. It's becoming obvious to me that before we all decide whether ALL men (or women) cheat, maybe we should first come to a consensus about "what the definition of IS, is" (thank you Bubba!!).

 

I have this sinking feeling that there are as many definitions of "cheating" as there are people.

 

Wow, rational, educated adults cannot even reach consensus on the definition of cheating! That's scary.

 

I suspect it's the problem with message boards, which build Towers of "values" Babel. There's often no "center" to these discussions.

[Tomcat33]

I can't tell you the difference, for I have done neither. And for the record, I haven't. I don't look at gangbangs, have I ever seen porn, sure. Gangbangs, nah and that was your example.

 

So you can answer mine now.

 

Is it ok with you if your spouse or partner were to talk dirty to another or have someone else talk dirty to them?

 

If you can't tell the difference then you must think picture porn is the same thing. Much as I see it as the same thing. So what's the problem here?

 

I already answered your question in a previous post.

[JackJack]

If you can't tell the difference then you must think picture porn is the same thing. Much as I see it as the same thing. So what's the problem here?

 

I already answered your question in a previous post.

 

 

I wave the white flag, you win.

 

Whatever you say.

[EnigmasMuse]

Well for me, I wouldn't want my spouse chatting online or on the phone with someone else sexually. I would hope he would feel the same about me. I would think if he didn't mind if I did it, would be because he might be doing the same, so therefore he feels no need to tell me not to.

 

I couldn't see getting all turned on either by him chatting sexually with another person either. I don't see any point in getting turned on by another and then going to do the deed with your spouse, if your spouse doesn't turn you on and you need outside assitance then both of you have a problem. I would feel like crap if I was used for him to get his jollys off on after he has gone and chatted to someone else to get him all hot and bothered. It would make me feel I wasn't good enough for him that he needs to turn elsewhere.

[OWoman]

So it excites you that he is excited by another?

 

No, but nor does it threaten me.

 

I was merely referring to the evidence of surplus libido - if he had some to spare, I'd help myself with impunity.

[Tomcat33]

I wave the white flag, you win.

 

Whatever you say.

 

 

Well no it's not a matter of winning or losing anything we are trying to rationalize our thoughts so that we can understand each other's stance better. since we are all going around in circles like a dog chasing its tail.

 

I say, if my guy likes to use porn from time to time to fantasize and masturbate or he might like to use a live woman on the phone to get him off what is the difference between the two?

 

You say I don't know because I have done neither, ok fine but if you are going to say that one is cheating and the other is not then try to expand your power of intepretation/imagination and let's explore why one feels like cheating and the other doesn't so that I too can understand how you deem one as cheating and one as not?

 

Is it because with one he is having some form of contact with a live human being and the other is just all happening through his eyes and his mind? what plays in your psyche when you dertermine what makes you feel like he is cheating and what not.

 

The reason I see both as just means to fantasy is because they are both tools used to get off they are not real even though a real woman may be on the other side of the phone. Again, if it is a one off or twice, fine if it happens all the time "Chyu got some splainin to do Lucy...."

 

Now if a man logs into a dating site and takes out a profile and exchanges pictures or webcam with another person, there is the potential the two could develop something emotional. I just don't see any man I would be with developing something emotional with a 1-976 chick, I have enough faith in my selection in men that the type of man I would choose to be by my side, may get off on that but would not want to be with a woman who does that for a living so I don't consider it a threat. I consider it fantasy and that's that.

 

 

Being on a dating site and interacting with other people who are potentially looking for some sort of rewarding contact from another human being and probably MORE is potentially far more dangerous than some 1-976 or webcam chick.

 

Again, this is in MY psyche and where I draw my parameters and how I CHOOSE to live for me.

[OWoman]

Could you explain why there's any difference between interactive cyber/telephone porn and going to a dating site and doing the identical thing with someone who isn't getting paid?

 

I didn't claim there was a difference. I wouldn't have issues with either. Sexual exclusivity isn't an issue for me.

[JackJack]

Well no it's not a matter of winning or losing anything we are trying to rationalize our thoughts so that we can understand each other's stance better. since we are all going around in circles like a dog chasing its tail.

 

I say, if my guy likes to use porn from time to time to fantasize and masturbate or he might like to use a live woman on the phone to get him off what is the difference between the two?

 

You say I don't know because I have done neither, ok fine but if you are going to say that one is cheating and the other is not then try to expand your power of intepretation/imagination and let's explore why one feels like cheating and the other doesn't so that I too can understand how you deem one as cheating and one as not?

 

Is it because with one he is having some form of contact with a live human being and the other is just all happening through his eyes and his mind? what plays in your psyche when you dertermine what makes you feel like he is cheating and what not.

 

The reason I see both as just means to fantasy is because they are both tools used to get off they are not real even though a real woman may be on the other side of the phone. Again, if it is a one off or twice, fine if it happens all the time "Chyu got some splainin to do Lucy...."

 

Now if a man logs into a dating site and takes out a profile and exchanges pictures or webcam with another person, there is the potential the two could develop something emotional. I just don't see any man I would be with developing something emotional with a 1-976 chick, I have enough faith in my selection in men that the type of man I would choose to be by my side, may get off on that but would not want to be with a woman who does that for a living so I don't consider it a threat. I consider it fantasy and that's that.

 

 

Being on a dating site and interacting with other people who are potentially looking for some sort of rewarding contact from another human being and probably MORE is potentially far more dangerous than some 1-976 or webcam chick.

 

Again, this is in MY psyche and where I draw my parameters and how I CHOOSE to live for me.

 

I said whatever you say. But wow, if you feel the need to further explain yourself like you just did, by all means, I'll be more than happy to read it.

[angie2443]

Porn is just a tool for masturbation. There might be some men who form some kind of emotional attachment to the pictures they masturbate to, but I'm sure in most cases it's just a quick way of getting off.

 

The main danger with sexual cheating is that it frequently engenders a degree of emotional attachment that threatens the existing relationship.

Two people become rivals for one person's affections. Because of the high emotions involved, whether they wanted to or not, and whether they thought they were above that kind of thing or not...they become enemies. And anyone who has ever loved and also had an enemy knows that the worst kind of betrayal happens when the person you love sides against you with your enemy.

 

Which is how cheating feels, and is why it affects people so much. Just look at what goes on in the OW section, and you'll see how it plays out. Some people manage to conduct their part in that ongoing conflict with a lot of grace and maturity....but that takes effort, discipline and great emotional control.

 

The fact that they manage it doesn't mean they aren't hurting - and it doesn't mean that they don't, deep down and behind all the attempts to understand and relate to the "other side", regard the woman on the other side of the fence as being their enemy. Even when they really don't want to.

 

Would you really compare what those people (regardless of which side of the fence they're on) are going through to the feelings you have about a boyfriend using porn? Men might flippantly use the word "love" in respect of their porn - but porn isn't human. It meets needs, but doesn't have needs itself that are going to conflict with yours and impinge on your relationship. It genuinely doesn't care whether your relationship works or doesn't work. It isn't your enemy. Where's the betrayal?

 

Everything said is correct, IMO.

 

The only time I think porn is a problem, is when it is used too much (replacing the partner or taking away time for other important things) or when it is violent, or involves children. Thing is, with many women who are bothered by it, they are in a situation where their partner is a bit addicted. Just an observation.

[angie2443]

Yikes the fertility statistics are scary... id better hurry up & find someone better than XMM to have a family with LOL

 

Re: your McDonalds story- sounds like a classic serial cheater & perfect example of why it doesnt matter whether some men-or women- married at 18 or 38, they are just cheaters through & through. thats depressing but the flip side is that there are some men who are NOT cheaters no matter what age they marry. i really dont know why i was wasting my time w/ a proven cheater. i will find one who doesnt have such a track record!!

 

Didn't mean to make the statistics sound scary. Again, most women are ok untill their late thirties. Just stay healthy, and drink whole mild and eat icecream. That's the newest advice I've read on getting pregnant. Also, make sure your guy is under 40. Many older men can have children with little problem, but a man's fertility does decrease as he ages and he is more likely to father a child with genitic problems (regardless of the mother's age).

 

As far as my ex goes, yeah, he was a classic serial cheater, but that's not the thing that sticks out in my mind when I remember him. What gets me, is that he was able to pick up women so easily. When I met him, he wasn't that bad looking. He had a slight gut and didn't take care of himself that much, but he still looked alright. By and By though, he just completely let himself go. He smoked like a chimney, ate pig's feet and pork rines every day, and after awhile started to bathe less and less. This was one of the reasons I broke it off. He had no problems picking up other women, though, and the women he picked up were much younger than him and not bad looking at all (from what I heard anyways).

[OldEurope]

That a person--a man--would want to call a porn hot line to pay to hear...whatever one hears... or watch some sad weirdo dance around on a web camera...or to ingest a lot of pornography...is, as I say, a sign of mental instability. In addition to just, you know, bad taste (Remember that?)

 

There is a point at which "fantasy" becomes unhealthy. I suspect that men who are into these hot lines and cameras and whatever don't just pop in from time to time, a couple of times a year, but become obsessive about it. For them to be compelled to such behavior quite often means a poor relationship with reality in general, women in particular, and too many dark chambers of the psyche filled up with disappointments, anger, frusrtation. It is not healthy.

 

I wish people would get beyond this whole "anything goes", "I'm okay you're okay" mentality and see some of these behaviors for what they are: rotten and very disturbing.

 

As for the cheating: my criteria is: If he's hiding such activity from you, it's cheating. He feels guilty. For his desires are somewhere else.

 

xoxoxOE

[Tomcat33]

That a person--a man--would want to call a porn hot line to pay to hear...whatever one hears... or watch some sad weirdo dance around on a web camera...or to ingest a lot of pornography...is, as I say, a sign of mental instability. In addition to just, you know, bad taste (Remember that?)

 

 

 

I'm sorry but how is wanting to watch a beautiful young woman sexually pleasing herself or hear her on the phone doing the same thing a sign of mental instability!?!!?

 

fine you presonally have a problem with porn I get it, but to say that if a man is into that he is mentally unstable seems a bit extreme to me.

 

Can you explain how he is deemed unstable from wanting to experience that? Isn't sex natural, isn't the act of wanting to see another beautiful human being express themselves sexually not natural?

[OldEurope]

It should be with the woman he loves; or the woman he is aspiring to love.

 

Not on the phone or via a web cam with an anonymous stranger, for God's sake...

 

Sad...sad...sad

 

 

OE

[Tomcat33]

It should be with the woman he loves; or the woman he is aspiring to love.

 

Not on the phone or via a web cam with an anonymous stranger, for God's sake...

 

Sad...sad...sad

 

 

OE

 

 

SO you never EVER fantasize about other men other than your H?