Are all men cheaters??

[White Flower]

If my SO did that, I'd be relieved. It would mean his libido was at least equal to mine and I could jump his bones with impunity, not worrying that I was going to wear him out... :p :p

On a more serious note I belileve this to be true. Use it or lose it. These muscles must be exercised so they last longer. Don't you want ALL your parts working well into your 80s?

[Tomcat33]

On a more serious note I belileve this to be true. Use it or lose it.

 

 

That is what I told this really sexy co-worker I am developing a little crush on, the other day when he walked by desk and said my name in a teasing manner and I looked up and he stuck his tongue out at me. "use it or lose it" He was totally shocked to hear me come back at him with that...and since the interest level has raised considerably. :laugh:

 

Office flirting is so much fun!!

[4givrnt4gtr]

well reading/scanning over all your responses, i see im not alone in my confusion about this whole cheating thing.

 

A point my mom made was that he didnt DO anything...as much as getting horny on some skank's text messages and then coming home to jump me.

 

He never met her, nor talk on the phone with her, just text and chat.

 

I thought that was enough proof that apparently he doesnt have enough with me...but reading from the men's posts...this whole "fantasy" he claimed is something men do.....interesting.

 

All the same, i feel disrespected by it...but as my mom said im doubting my decision of crucifying him for it. Specially because, as i can see, its not like im going to find a man who isnt getting off in some way either chatting/phone sex/porn.

btw never had issue with porn for some reason....however interacting with someone else...gives me a pukey feeling.

 

but keep it all coming..this is interesting stuff

[Lizzie60]

On an even more serious note... I honestly think that any man (99.9 MY stats) that has his ego stroked.. will eventually give in and have an A... I am convinced that I can almost have any man I want if I stroke their ego.. and compliment him on stuff that IS important to him...

 

I don't think many men would resist.. I am not saying that to brag but I know men are just as sensitive to ego boosts (maybe more so) than women...

 

So if they never had any idea of cheating.. this might give them an urge to go see what's out there.

 

Maybe he's been married for a long time... is comfortable in his 'quite ordinary' boring life.. and then BAM.. a nice looking woman smile at him and compliment him.. he will fantasize about her.. and will want more...

 

Men are easy.. sad but true..

 

I dare any women to try it..

[Tomcat33]

On an even more serious note... I honestly think that any man (99.9 MY stats) that has his ego stroked.. will eventually give in and have an A... I am convinced that I can almost have any man I want if I stroke their ego.. and compliment him on stuff that IS important to him...

 

I don't think many men would resist.. I am not saying that to brag but I know men are just as sensitive to ego boosts (maybe more so) than women...

 

So if they never had any idea of cheating.. this might give them an urge to go see what's out there.

 

Maybe he's been married for a long time... is comfortable in his 'quite ordinary' boring life.. and then BAM.. a nice looking woman smile at him and compliment him.. he will fantasize about her.. and will want more...

 

Men are easy.. sad but true..

 

I dare any women to try it..

 

I TOTALLY agree. I know my powers too all I have to do is use a certain tone and smile as much as I do and I have it down pat, and they are putty in your hands. I see the way men get around me, if I wanted to I TOTALLY could have them doing flips in fact quite often men misinterpret my outgoing nature and very personable style as a sexual invitation to make a pass at me only to find they are completely shut down. I come off as the complete opposite of a friggid biiitch, though I can come off bitchy I am friendly biiitch and guys seem to really go for that.

 

Then again I am "flirty" with both men AND women, it's just my nature to smile a lot and give a lot of banter around and men and they seem to find that very inviting.

 

 

so yeah I know what you mean, men can be really easy.

 

I have gotten job opportunities from men who "wanted to help me" and who knows what they imagined in their heads "if I help her she will sleep with me" but when you are in tune with your levels of attractiveness as a woman, you learn very early on that what men want and what you will actually give them is FOR THEM to sort out, not for you to feel bad about. I have no remorse about that. A man can think you will put out all he wants but it's not your fault he misinteprets your feminine ways with a possibility for more. So in that respect men ARE easy.

[OpenBook]

That is what I told this really sexy co-worker I am developing a little crush on, the other day when he walked by desk and said my name in a teasing manner and I looked up and he stuck his tongue out at me. "use it or lose it" He was totally shocked to hear me come back at him with that...and since the interest level has raised considerably. :laugh:

 

Office flirting is so much fun!!

 

:lmao: You go Tomcat!! Always keep 'em on their toes...

[OWoman]

On a more serious note I belileve this to be true. Use it or lose it. These muscles must be exercised so they last longer. Don't you want ALL your parts working well into your 80s?

 

Why only your 80s? My death bed is going to be littered with lovers...

[OpenBook]

All the same, i feel disrespected by it...but as my mom said im doubting my decision of crucifying him for it. Specially because, as i can see, its not like im going to find a man who isnt getting off in some way either chatting/phone sex/porn.

 

God this is so depressing to read. We're all doomed, DOOMED I tell ya. [OpenBook wails to the air]

[OWoman]

SO you never EVER fantasize about other men other than your H?

 

I guess I'm the boring one here because I actually don't. I make quite a clinical assessment of their likely, um, shaggability, and then decide whether or not to make a move. And since MM, well, the clinical assessment always delivers a "not up to the same standard" assessment, so it stops then and there.

[Tomcat33]

:lmao: You go Tomcat!! Always keep 'em on their toes...

 

 

I said it with a total deadpan face almost looking "bothered"

 

It was PREFECT! tee-hee

[4givrnt4gtr]

God this is so depressing to read. We're all doomed, DOOMED I tell ya. [OpenBook wails to the air]

 

its not that we are doomed...its that either we accept that men like to look at other women and even have meaningless fantasies about them, or we dont, and we go about life thinking all men all scoundrels...

 

thats what ive gathered from the posts here anyway...now as to how far the fantasies are permissible, well thats a whole 'nother issue....

[Trialbyfire]

its not that we are doomed...its that either we accept that men like to look at other women and even have meaningless fantasies about them, or we dont, and we go about life thinking all men all scoundrels...

 

thats what ive gathered from the posts here anyway...now as to how far the fantasies are permissible, well thats a whole 'nother issue....

It's very much individual and couple agreed upon boundaries, that defines cheating and disrespectful behaviour. Some couples have completely open relationships where they're allowed to sleep with anyone. Some with open relationships have predefined boundaries, where the other person gets to veto the third party. There are relationships where none of this is acceptable, where it's more the traditional one-on-one style relationship. Some consider interactive porn cheating or at minimum, disrespectful behaviour and some consider it okay.

 

What do you feel? This is key. Forget what everyone else has said. What do you need to have a viable, happy relationship?

[White Flower]

its not that we are doomed...its that either we accept that men like to look at other women and even have meaningless fantasies about them, or we dont, and we go about life thinking all men all scoundrels...

 

thats what ive gathered from the posts here anyway...now as to how far the fantasies are permissible, well thats a whole 'nother issue....

In your opening post you say it was your ex that was caught with racy texts and your mom advises you to let it go and not be so hard on him. Are you thinking of taking him back?

 

This last post was great BTW. It seems you are already beginning to understand and accept that, while all men are different, there are many similarities. They are certainly visual creatures and once we accept that we can tune in to their needs.

[angie2443]

well reading/scanning over all your responses, i see im not alone in my confusion about this whole cheating thing.

 

A point my mom made was that he didnt DO anything...as much as getting horny on some skank's text messages and then coming home to jump me.

 

He never met her, nor talk on the phone with her, just text and chat.

 

I thought that was enough proof that apparently he doesnt have enough with me...but reading from the men's posts...this whole "fantasy" he claimed is something men do.....interesting.

 

All the same, i feel disrespected by it...but as my mom said im doubting my decision of crucifying him for it. Specially because, as i can see, its not like im going to find a man who isnt getting off in some way either chatting/phone sex/porn.

btw never had issue with porn for some reason....however interacting with someone else...gives me a pukey feeling.

 

but keep it all coming..this is interesting stuff

 

There is a huge differance between looking at porn from time to time and actually interacting through text, phone or whatever with another person sexually. This is your choice. If you end up excepting this behavior, you have to except the consequences that come with it.

 

Just know that there are other men out there who don't interact sexually with other women when they are in a commited relationship. If you want one of those men, you're going to have to get rid of this attitude that all men do it so I might as well live with it.

 

In the mean time, forget about defining cheating and decide what bounderies you absolutely have to have to be happy in a relationship, and then stick to them.

[Lookingforward]

however interacting with someone else...gives me a pukey feeling.

 

 

I agree that it's the 'interacting' with someone other than you that takes it to a different level than watching porn etc

 

just my opinion of course

[OWoman]

its not that we are doomed...its that either we accept that men like to look at other women and even have meaningless fantasies about them, or we dont, and we go about life thinking all men all scoundrels...

 

 

Not all men do. MM's sister remarked recently how during the years of MM's M he never looked at other women - he always kept his eyes downcast, his head bowed, like he was going to get smacked if he dared look up. And how, once he met me, he straightened up, started to walk tall and hold his head up, and look the world in the eye like he did before the M. But how, despite that, he still never noticed other women. She'd say, wow, look at that hot chick! and he'd startle, look around frantically until she pointed the woman out and then he'd look puzzled. Meanwhile, her own H would be panting and drooling.

 

He also has no use for porn. Unless it's of me.

[MrsHellnoFire]

no, not all men are. just as not all women are cheaters. though i agree it may be difficult to find in this day and age, not saying there weren't many male cheaters throughout history, but media plays an important role here. and look at what the media tells men they should do? be cool, screw as many girls as you can, and ACT tough, blah blah blah. most guys are too weak to be who they are and then there are the many that are just conditioned by society... they are also too naive to understand that they are playing into a game and money machine.

[White Flower]

Not all men do. MM's sister remarked recently how during the years of MM's M he never looked at other women - he always kept his eyes downcast, his head bowed, like he was going to get smacked if he dared look up. And how, once he met me, he straightened up, started to walk tall and hold his head up, and look the world in the eye like he did before the M. But how, despite that, he still never noticed other women. She'd say, wow, look at that hot chick! and he'd startle, look around frantically until she pointed the woman out and then he'd look puzzled. Meanwhile, her own H would be panting and drooling.

 

He also has no use for porn. Unless it's of me.

Hmmm. Are you hinting there are videos of the famous Miss O floating around?

[OWoman]

Hmmm. Are you hinting there are videos of the famous Miss O floating around?

 

:eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek:

 

I don't look THAT much like Paris Hilton!

[grogster]

Sex starved, maybe, but I've met few genuine perverts in my life. Most men are pretty boring in that regard...

 

 

 

Women who will "go at nothing to get some pussy even though they are married"? Would that make them lesbian, or bisexual, or bi-curious?

 

Most, not all. The trick is to find others who share your "perversions," don't become obsessed and simply have fun. Americans take sex much too seriously, and their "perversions" even more so.

 

On male infidelity, my scientific survey of American male infidelity shows the following bell curve: 20% (serial cheaters and all-round *******s) (the "hard core" unfaithful) (you know who you are) (mostly Lizzie's men); 60% (the "situationally" unfaithful) ("good" men who fell prey to alcohol and a sexually available woman, a flirtatious work colleague or Lizzie); 20% (the "hard core" faithful) (namely, the overwhelming majority of self-represented male LoveShack posters and a couple Amish farmers in Lancaster County, Pennsylvania).

 

There, question answered.

[angie2443]

You have to remember you are in a infidelity forum. That is what all these posts are about. If you read and respond to these post everyday for months on end, then you can get a sense that this is a widespread problem. However, remember that the people posting on here are only a very tiny fraction of society. Not all of society are going through the problems these posters are, in these forums.

Not all men are bad, just like all women aren't either.

 

 

4givrnt4gtr, this is very important to remember. I know plenty of men who havn't cheated. I know older couples that are still going strong after 20 years or so of marriage. I know plenty of couples who respect each other and treat each other good. When I come here, however, I don't talk about these people. When I come here, I talk about all the messed up couples and people I know. As it was mentioned before, this is an infidelity forum. People come here to talk about infidelity. If you go to the OW/OM forum, you're mostly going to find OW/OM. You can get kind of negative if only come to LS to see how relationships work.

[angie2443]

On male infidelity, my scientific survey of American male infidelity shows the following bell curve: 20% (serial cheaters and all-round *******s) (the "hard core" unfaithful) (you know who you are) (mostly Lizzie's men); 60% (the "situationally" unfaithful) ("good" men who fell prey to alcohol and a sexually available woman, a flirtatious work colleague or Lizzie); 20% (the "hard core" faithful) (namely, the overwhelming majority of self-represented male LoveShack posters and a couple Amish farmers in Lancaster County, Pennsylvania).

 

4givrnt4gtr, be careful when it comes to statistics. If you've ever taken a course on statistics, you'll find that many are misleading. I remember comming accross one that said that 60% or 70% (something) of mothers who had children would go back and change it if they could. That is a high number, but then you have to think of who would answer such a survey. For me, the question "do you regret having your children" is such a stupid question that I would never answer it in a survey or otherwise. You need to consider what type of person is more likely to answer a survey, or to consider how the information was gathered to come up with a certain statistic.

 

I think grogster is a former cheater, and my appologies to him if I mixed him up with someone else. He (and a man who has been cheated on) is more likely to think everyone cheats than a man who has never cheated.

[OldEurope]

SO you never EVER fantasize about other men other than your H?

 

 

I've thought about other men, yes.

 

But this is not the same as what we are (or were) talking about here.

 

Compulsive, voyeuristic activity such as phoning someone for "sex" or watching web cam videos of a stripper go beyond just the expected, let us say "normal", boundaries of day-dreaming/thinking of someone else.

 

It is also a whole other category beyond a man flipping through the occasional Playboy or, I will grant you, a film here or there.

 

However, to engage in "live" artificial "sex" is a sign of someone who cannot keep the boundaries between reality and fantasy in place, and of someone who is seriously sexually frustrated.

 

Most rapists, serial killers had extreme pornographic exceptions, and in their delusions, could not differentiate between the fantasy woman of their pornographic addictions, and some gal going down the street in her skirt and heels. The next thing you know....a headline rape and murder.

 

No, no, I am not putting "most men" who look at pornography into this extreme kind of category. But I am saying that pornography is not the harmless activity that we, today, try to casually treat it as. It is easily something which--when one engages a little too much, a little too often, and a little too much in anonymous "fantasizing"--pushes the scales of one's psychic balance over the rational limit and into one's mental dark zones. It is basically unhealthy behavior.

 

 

xoxox

OE

[twice_shy]

I also read that 3 our of 4 men have cheated in relationships...thats just horrible.....

 

Any thoughts?

 

Yea, 3 out of 4 right there says that not ALL men are cheaters.

 

I must be in the 1 out of 4 category. Never cheated, never will. And won't put up with cheating.

[Trialbyfire]

no, not all men are. just as not all women are cheaters. though i agree it may be difficult to find in this day and age, not saying there weren't many male cheaters throughout history, but media plays an important role here. and look at what the media tells men they should do? be cool, screw as many girls as you can, and ACT tough, blah blah blah. most guys are too weak to be who they are and then there are the many that are just conditioned by society... they are also too naive to understand that they are playing into a game and money machine.

Love it!

 

I think too many people allow the skin industry to define their sexuality. It's an industry I have no respect for, that takes advantage of peoples' weaknesses and creates imaginary expectations, all for the mighty buck. For everyone who's bought into it, you've been screwed, literally and figuratively.

 

This ties into the subject matter of the entire upswing of cheating. Sexual gratification with no strings, NOW! For men who have an addictive personality, the skin industry takes advantage of the weakness and creates the never ending circle of the gift that keeps on giving...at least to the skin industry.

 

Some men don't necessarily fuel the skin industry but they do buy into the entire sexual gratification, right NOW, with varied partners. In essence, they cheat. In doing so, they also prop up the culture encouraged by the skin industry.