Are all men cheaters??

[Terrible Person]

You are so right on! Wow. That was a great analogy. Thats a thinker. Thank you!

[shakenandstirred]

Love it!

 

I think too many people allow the skin industry to define their sexuality. It's an industry I have no respect for, that takes advantage of peoples' weaknesses and creates imaginary expectations, all for the mighty buck. For everyone who's bought into it, you've been screwed, literally and figuratively.

 

This ties into the subject matter of the entire upswing of cheating. Sexual gratification with no strings, NOW! For men who have an addictive personality, the skin industry takes advantage of the weakness and creates the never ending circle of the gift that keeps on giving...at least to the skin industry.

 

Some men don't necessarily fuel the skin industry but they do buy into the entire sexual gratification, right NOW, with varied partners. In essence, they cheat. In doing so, they also prop up the culture encouraged by the skin industry.

 

Ok..while you and MrsHellOnFire are indirectly man bashing, be aware that women play a role in how society dictates cultural events too. There are women who play into this money machine developed by the powers that be just as much as men do. The comment that most men are too weak to be who they are is probably relegated to the fact that men can be as emotional as women in certain situations. I would counter that most women do not want an overly emotional man, because who can they depend on when they(the woman) are having an emotional crisis and he is having one right along with her.

Buying into the sexual gratification thing is easy to fall into for a man. We are totally testosterone,( there is a little estrogen too) the chemical basically in the make up of the sex drive. A Man who basically thinks about sex every 6 minutes is going to fall in that rabbit hole of sexual gratification. We are visual creatures and most tv commercials and industry play into that with all those adds and programs with the undertone that sex sells. And who are they using to say that sex sells? I bet you will find more commercials or programs with women being all sexual and voluptuous than you will find with men being the same way. Of course it's a male dominated world..at least so far. It takes a strong man to resist the temptation of a woman, knowing we are married or have a girlfriend and not cheat. Seeing that we think about it almost all day. However a lot of men don't cheat. This thread is about "are all men cheaters" However women are doing the same amount of cheating nowadays. For different reasons mostly than the men, but they are still doing it nonetheless

[Untouchable_Fire]

no, not all men are. just as not all women are cheaters. though i agree it may be difficult to find in this day and age, not saying there weren't many male cheaters throughout history, but media plays an important role here. and look at what the media tells men they should do? be cool, screw as many girls as you can, and ACT tough, blah blah blah. most guys are too weak to be who they are and then there are the many that are just conditioned by society... they are also too naive to understand that they are playing into a game and money machine.

 

Get real!

 

Guys do this because it's what works! The media is just doing a better job at letting guys know how women think.

 

Competition fuels female attraction much more so than with men. You want the guy that all the other women want. Then you want him to be faithful. Then... if he is... he doesn't seem so attractive anymore, cause he isn't being chased by other females.

 

This is not true of everyone... but for the vast majority it is!

[Trialbyfire]

Ok..while you and MrsHellOnFire are indirectly man bashing, be aware that women play a role in how society dictates cultural events too. There are women who play into this money machine developed by the powers that be just as much as men do. The comment that most men are too weak to be who they are is probably relegated to the fact that men can be as emotional as women in certain situations. I would counter that most women do not want an overly emotional man, because who can they depend on when they(the woman) are having an emotional crisis and he is having one right along with her.

Buying into the sexual gratification thing is easy to fall into for a man. We are totally testosterone,( there is a little estrogen too) the chemical basically in the make up of the sex drive. A Man who basically thinks about sex every 6 minutes is going to fall in that rabbit hole of sexual gratification. We are visual creatures and most tv commercials and industry play into that with all those adds and programs with the undertone that sex sells. And who are they using to say that sex sells? I bet you will find more commercials or programs with women being all sexual and voluptuous than you will find with men being the same way. Of course it's a male dominated world..at least so far. It takes a strong man to resist the temptation of a woman, knowing we are married or have a girlfriend and not cheat. Seeing that we think about it almost all day. However a lot of men don't cheat. This thread is about "are all men cheaters" However women are doing the same amount of cheating nowadays. For different reasons mostly than the men, but they are still doing it nonetheless

To clarify something, the only reason why I've targeted only men in this thread is that this thread is about all men cheating or not.

 

If this thread were about cheating in general, I would be expanding my comments to include my opinion on the female buy-in to the skin industry, including sexual gratification right NOW, and how ridiculous it is.

[shakenandstirred]

To clarify something, the only reason why I've targeted only men in this thread is that this thread is about all men cheating or not.

 

If this thread were about cheating in general, I would be expanding my comments to include my opinion on the female buy-in to the skin industry, including sexual gratification right NOW, and how ridiculous it is.

 

Understood. Even though this is a biased thread, there is always the unmentioned other side of the bias. Just wanted it to be remembered

[Trialbyfire]

Understood. Even though this is a biased thread, there is always the unmentioned other side of the bias. Just wanted it to be remembered

No worries. I completely understand.

[GreenEyedLady]

Hmmm. Are you hinting there are videos of the famous Miss O floating around?

 

Doesn't everyone have video now?

[White Flower]

Regrettably, that is one thing exMM and I never did...

[Chrome Barracuda]

That seems so true. A couple of my female friends have told me they love the challenge and that a woman doesn't notice the guy, but the beautiful wife on his arm. This is what attracts her to the guy.

 

If he is with someone so beautiful then he must be worth something.

 

I also noticed since I got married (almost 4 years now) that I seem to be approached by women alot more. I've been in situations where they wait until my wife actually goes to the bathroom or walks away and they make their move.

 

Granted alot of women out there are respectful and don't do this, but to quite a few it seems like if you are a single guy, you are just 'another fish in the sea' to these ladies. They seek out ones that are already proven to be worth something. Although, to me and probably men in general that doesn't make a whole lot of sense.

 

During my single days, if a woman had a ring on her finger, I wouldn't even bother attempting to start anything, I wouldn't allow myself to stoop down to that level of disrespectfulness. However it seems nowadays that a ring on your finger doesn't mean much to some of the predators out there.

^^^^

 

Realest stuff ever written here.

 

Alot of women do like to hit on men with hot women.

 

Sad.

[OWoman]

That seems so true. A couple of my female friends have told me they love the challenge and that a woman doesn't notice the guy, but the beautiful wife on his arm. This is what attracts her to the guy.

 

 

Interesting idea. I've often discussed seemingly "mismatched" couples with friends when we're out - the fugly guy with the hot chick ("he must have money") or the dog with the really hot guy ("he's gay - hired as an escort for the evening") but I can't say I, or anyone I know, has ever felt attracted to someone simply because they appear to have "pulling power". How old are these friends of yours? Perhaps they're still developing their own taste, and are trying on other people's in the meantime to get a sense of what might work for them?

[OWoman]

Regrettably, that is one thing exMM and I never did...

 

Call him up and ask for a souvenir....

[Taramere]

lot of women do like to hit on men with hot women.

 

Sad.

 

It doesn't even need to be about physical hotness. Young women develop role models using women they admire for all sorts of reasons - physical looks often playing only a very minor role. Sometimes the mimicking will extent to the older woman's choice in men.

 

Less about hostility or competitiveness (though it can turn into that, of course)...more to do with wanting to become somebody else, Perhaps thinking that the man that somebody else is with might be able to help that process along. Or that winning his validation will mean they've finally become that woman they wanted to be.

[LakesideDream]

Owomen... your bad! bad! bad! Putting banal thought into a fragile flowers mind.

 

You should be punished!

[OWoman]

You should be punished!

 

You offering, LsD? :p :p

[OWoman]

Young women develop role models using women they admire for all sorts of reasons - physical looks often playing only a very minor role. Sometimes the mimicking will extent to the older woman's choice in men.

 

Less about hostility or competitiveness (though it can turn into that, of course)...more to do with wanting to become somebody else, Perhaps thinking that the man that somebody else is with might be able to help that process along. Or that winning his validation will mean they've finally become that woman they wanted to be.

 

Wow - this is another completely new concept to me! Thanks, Taramere - I guess the young women I know (and the young woman I once was ) are just cut from a different cloth. To the extent we had role models, we forged them from literature, philosophy, history - certainly none of our contemporaries would have been deemed "role models" in any kind of aspirational sense.

 

On reflection, it's also quite a scary thought. I shagged my Art History lecturer's x. Did I want to become (like) her?!? Not remotely - she was a complete nutcase, and completely insecure. It would have been a major step down, even if I was significantly younger than her at the time.

[Taramere]

Wow - this is another completely new concept to me! Thanks, Taramere - I guess the young women I know (and the young woman I once was ) are just cut from a different cloth. To the extent we had role models, we forged them from literature, philosophy, history - certainly none of our contemporaries would have been deemed "role models" in any kind of aspirational sense.

 

On reflection, it's also quite a scary thought. I shagged my Art History lecturer's x. Did I want to become (like) her?!? Not remotely - she was a complete nutcase, and completely insecure. It would have been a major step down, even if I was significantly younger than her at the time.

 

Various circumstances that can set the scene for infidelity. The popular Other Woman perspective is that the wife/long term girlfriend has become less unattractive (put on weight, developed insecurities, focusing more on her children and less on her partner... whichever), and her partner decided to go for someone younger and prettier. That will sometimes be the case.

 

A popular Betrayed Spouse view is that another woman cynically took advantage of a weak time in the relationship. That will sometimes be the case. Both perspectives might have some validity in a lot of cases. Most people will select whichever one is most flattering to them...or, if not flattering, the least damaging to their self esteem.

 

Try working with disturbed adolescents, and what I'm trying to say will maybe seem clearer. The girls tend to be very curious about the lives and relationships of their favoured female staff members. They'll give those women admiring, positive "I like you...I want to be like you" messages one minute. Competitive "I bet I could take your boyfriend off you" the next.

 

That's how mixed up young girls with a bad experience or two behind them often behave. You're their best pal one minute, their biggest rival the next. And I think those are girls probably quite often grow up to be Other Women.

[OWoman]

Try working with disturbed adolescents, and what I'm trying to say will maybe seem clearer. The girls tend to be very curious about the lives and relationships of their favoured female staff members. They'll give those women admiring, positive "I like you...I want to be like you" messages one minute. Competitive "I bet I could take your boyfriend off you" the next.

 

Ah. Right. With you. Yes, I can quite understand that. (Though, I guess, "disturbed adolescent" might seem a bit of a redundant concept ) Thanks for clarifying.

[Taramere]

Never thought about it like that. Are you a psychologist?

 

Psychology and psychodynamic theory formed part of a degree I took, and I've always been interested in that kind of thing - but I'm not a psychologist.

[OWoman]

These friends have bfs and husbands. Sad but true. Yes, the one cheats quite often, the others however don't.

 

Like I said before when I'm out with my wife, I get alot more looks from women then I do when I go out by myself. I've been approached more as well.

 

Maybe they think you have money? :p :p :p :p :p

 

I can't speak for anyone other than myself, but I would NEVER approach someone who was with someone else, in that way. (Well, unless it was to tell him that his credit card just bounced, or his fly was undone, or one of those things you prefer not to say in front of other people to spare them embarrassment.) But then I'm not the "pick up someone in the pub" type, so I wouldn't be trawling there for action - SG or MM - either way, I guess.

[angie2443]

Try working with disturbed adolescents, and what I'm trying to say will maybe seem clearer. The girls tend to be very curious about the lives and relationships of their favoured female staff members. They'll give those women admiring, positive "I like you...I want to be like you" messages one minute. Competitive "I bet I could take your boyfriend off you" the next.

 

That's how mixed up young girls with a bad experience or two behind them often behave. You're their best pal one minute, their biggest rival the next. And I think those are girls probably quite often grow up to be Other Women.

 

This was me before I took a good look at myself and decided I wanted a chance at a happy family life. It's funny what bad experiences can do to you. My father was abusive and a serial cheater before my mother divorced him. On the one hand, what he did disgusted me. On the other hand, I was so scared of becoming the "wife" (what I considered the sad, older, used and abused woman) that up untill I was about 21 I decided to be the OW. I think that many woman who end up with married men are like this. I wonder if it's the same for the men who end up with married women.

[iamloved]

I was talking to my mom about my situation with my now ex. She thinks i shouldnt be so harsh on him (caught him sending dirty texts to some random female).

Any thoughts?

 

LT relationships are hard work - you have to make sure that you continue to meet each others needs within the boundries of the relationship. He stepped over the boundry - that has to be dealt with - but I don't buy into the fact that people exhibit this type of behavior unless something they need is missing. Some people do need variety - if that's the reason - you need to know that now so you can make a decision. But - don't throw the baby out with the bath water - a good man is hard to find. Make sure you understand why it happened and see if you can come to some kind of resolution.

 

Chat/Text sex is a little over the line for me in my marriage - and it would cause me some angst and anger. However - I will say that one of the things that I think leads to cheating is that once people are together for awhile they stop flirting with each other. Do you send him flirty/sexually charged e-mails/text messages? Do you make sure he knows you still think he's "got it going on"? We get so busy and serious about living life - that we forget to stop and insert a little sexual fun. In my experience - if you aren't doing this for your partner - there is someone out there willing to do it for you. It's part of the "work" - even if your tired, stressed and busy - meeting the needs of your partner needs to be a priority. When both parties take that attitude - the relationship is at less risk to be poached upon. IMO.

[OWoman]

This was me before I took a good look at myself and decided I wanted a chance at a happy family life. It's funny what bad experiences can do to you. My father was abusive and a serial cheater before my mother divorced him. On the one hand, what he did disgusted me. On the other hand, I was so scared of becoming the "wife" (what I considered the sad, older, used and abused woman) that up untill I was about 21 I decided to be the OW. I think that many woman who end up with married men are like this. I wonder if it's the same for the men who end up with married women.

 

Was that a conscious choice at the time, Angie, or one that you recognise now in retrospect? I'm asking because there are very few OW around here who are OW as a result of a conscious choice - I was one, though for rather different reasons to yours - so it's interesting to hear you describe it in those terms.

[Tomcat33]

It doesn't even need to be about physical hotness. Young women develop role models using women they admire for all sorts of reasons - physical looks often playing only a very minor role. Sometimes the mimicking will extent to the older woman's choice in men.

 

Less about hostility or competitiveness (though it can turn into that, of course)...more to do with wanting to become somebody else, Perhaps thinking that the man that somebody else is with might be able to help that process along. Or that winning his validation will mean they've finally become that woman they wanted to be.

 

 

It seems you are describing women who are still very young and impressionable and who have not as of yet "found" themselves.

 

 

Personally I think it is more basic than that, women are more accepting of a man's body and less than perfect outward appearance provided he has a lot to offer in the way of wit, charm, intelligence and power. This can be be very intriguing to women and they can be charmed by his personality charisma and social status, and his demeanor alone can be intoxicating even if his outward appearance is less than desirable. Heck it happened to me with my ex and he was not much to look at but wow was he EVER charming and a mover and a shaker and very agressive in getting what he wanted and I found that very appealing.

 

This is something men don't seem to quite grasp since they are so fixated on the basic components that makeup the proverbial "arm candy". This being the ultimate goal in mating for men. Of course as men get older and pack on the weight, lose the hair and friends get hitched up they want more than just arm candy and feel more of the need for a much deeper emotional bond so they start looking for arm candy-"ish" women with depth but find that sometimes they have to lower their expecations since their ideals are not that easy to come by.

 

 

In terms of women wanting to be the women that are in a disproportionate coupling, I'm not sure I buy that theory...sure I have wondered "I wonder what he has that he got HER" but it's more curiosity than this need to want to one up her. It's fun to size people up and women, we are great at that. Women wear fashion for other women not for men, we are competitive in nature in terms of how we look and present ourselves.

 

I had a friend/coworker who was average looking at best, charming funny guy but not exactly much to look at and when he knew I was heading out for a night on the town he would ask me to tag along sometimes claiming this very same thing, "can I be seen with you since women give you more action if you are seen surrounded by hot women" Well what would happen is that his confidence levels would boost up and he became more care free around me and my g/fs since he was already surrounded by attractive ladies his neediness would dissapear and it was easier for him to relax and have a good time. Did he get more action? I don't remember and in fact I don't know how he did on his own, but he claimed it was good for him so it's not the first time I hear of this "theory" I'll say this though selfconfidence IS attractive no matter what package it comes in.

 

Heck that idiot David Deangelo wrote a whole book around this theory so men are programmed in a very basic way, that is less physically attractive men are, since they have to try harder.

[Trialbyfire]

Try working with disturbed adolescents, and what I'm trying to say will maybe seem clearer. The girls tend to be very curious about the lives and relationships of their favoured female staff members. They'll give those women admiring, positive "I like you...I want to be like you" messages one minute. Competitive "I bet I could take your boyfriend off you" the next.

 

That's how mixed up young girls with a bad experience or two behind them often behave. You're their best pal one minute, their biggest rival the next. And I think those are girls probably quite often grow up to be Other Women.

Do you recall my post in the other thread about my longtime friend who when we were teens, ended up to be my natural filter for the dine and dash guys? This is her to a "T". She matured out of this type of attitude but only with some serious work on her part, at a young age. Thank goodness she never ended up to be an OW but I think it was more due to timing and environment, rather than anything else.

 

I will add that she had an abusive relationship with her biological father and a messed up, almost competitive relationship with her mother. This is where she improved, when she moved out of the family home, got help and matured/stabilized.

[Tomcat33]

This was me before I took a good look at myself and decided I wanted a chance at a happy family life. It's funny what bad experiences can do to you. My father was abusive and a serial cheater before my mother divorced him. On the one hand, what he did disgusted me. On the other hand, I was so scared of becoming the "wife" (what I considered the sad, older, used and abused woman) that up untill I was about 21 I decided to be the OW. I think that many woman who end up with married men are like this. I wonder if it's the same for the men who end up with married women.

 

 

Interesting indeed, as OW said.

 

 

It sounds like your choice was premeditated and to say that MANY women who end up as OW have premeditated intentions seems rather broad.

 

I just find it funny when people see a deveation from what is deemed as "normal" by our social standards and automatically try to attribute it to some negative past trauma. I mean if you really want to disect each person's experiences in life and reasons behind choice I am sure you can find something in everyone's past to justfity a present action. Who has a perfect upbringing/family life? NO ONE

 

Some OW were neither raped as kids, nor abused, and parents are still together and syblings are all happily married and there was no infidelity in the home growing up, yet they ended up falling for a married man anway. Now if we dig deep enough I am sure we can find something to make up this theory but then we are really stretching it aren't we?

 

Also just to add before I was 21 I had decided I was going to never have a stable job/life anywhere in particular and decided to travel the world and pick up work where I could. Well let me tell you, I grew out of THAT idea fairly quickly. At 21 we are still trying to find oursleves everything we do wrong is premeditated, it is how the 20's are supposed to be lived, and it's almost like we PLAN to be stupid until we finally grow out of it.