In love with my boyfriends cousin

[angelina85]

I agree on what you said. I know I'm in some kind of denial here. I have never been so confused in my life before. Before my relationship with Nick, I was with a guy for 5 years. I loved him with all my heart. But he didnt seem to love me that much. He always took me for granted, but I still loved him and stayed for 5 years. I finally left him. And after some time I met Nick. He is a really nice guy. I thought to myself that I never wanted to experience that kind of love again. Nick knows about this, but also admits that doesn't have that much time for me. I'm not really sure what I want, a stable longterm relationship or a short passionate one. Nick have always been focused on his studies. We're all so young. I dont dare to think about the future.

 

You're right. He is not forcing me to stay. But he won't let me go. Or let me be with someone else. I understand that. I admit that a part of me is afraid of loosing him. Because of all the memories that we've shared and the love we have for each other.

 

I have thought about what I am loosing and the risks. And I know I have to face them. If I regret later, then let it be my punishment. A decision has to be made. I have been dragging this for months now.

[Javelin]

Good lord, does this generation have any morals? I mean seriously, this goes beyond all boundaries of a relationship. Relationships follow a few codes and if broken by either person, the relationship stops functioning properly..

 

1) Time

If you realize that you don't have the time for a relationship, perhaps you need to evalute where the two of your stand.

 

In your case, your boyfriend isn't making time for your relationship and it's affecting you. You're lonely and are too scared to break up with your boyfriend because you think it'll hurt him. Let me tell you something, you've pretty much cheated on him with his cousin. That'll hurt him much more than breaking up with him.

 

2) Commitment

You have to be capable of commiting yourself.

 

In a sense, you're not ready for this step because you feel that you are too young to settle down. This is fine and should be signs that your boyfriend is not the one at this moment and you need to be single or find someone else that'll move slower.

 

These are several signs and I'll leave it up to your to figure out the rest. They are pretty obvious and only take a few moments to figure out.

[theobserver]

Please, break up with Nick and Eric, I'll explain why shortly. Tell Nick/Eric you'd be happy to remain friends (if you wish) Considering you'd probably still see alot of them. Tell Nick again how you feel because personally as I see it in your head you wish Nick and Eric were 1 guy. If both their redeeming qualities could just merge there wouldn't be an issue.

 

Sadly in the real world not every man can balance work/education and leisure time well and most women you'll find will cheat because they're not getting enough attention, don't believe me? Read some of these threads where the woman is cheating.

 

You could also remain friends with Nick/Eric and possibly even remain friends or friends with benefits(plain sex) but I don't know if you or they can handle such a thing.

 

 

Now I didn't know if I should mentiont his but different strokes for different folks although it's odd theres many people out there who live the alternative lifestyle In the most f'd up situation maybe the 3 of you could enjoy a relationship together, from what I read Nick knows about Eric he probably even knows you still see him for your social needs of a boyfriend that he can't provide Eric obviously knows Nick knows and it doesn't seem to be bothering him too much (sigh no shame). Many people live in a poly relationship. I don't know if it can work since you all seem to be young but the 3 of you seem to be there the only person not happy is yourself because you feel the need to commit to one.

 

(read my other posts I pretty much agree on monogamy relationshis but I'm throwing what I said above out there for consideration)

 

To finish up I'm going to give my monogamy reply.

 

There was another thread on here made by a husband whos wife cheated on him with his cousin. A cousin who he has to see at every family function (and it seems his family are the type to have several reunions and bbq's a year so it's not just a once a year thing he has to see him) now himself and his wife while still married during the cheating were on a break (so really classifying it as cheating probably isnt accurate but see my underline message here) .

 

He himself slept with a random woman during the break but the point is messing with family is a big mistake. Essentially unlike if it's a stranger when a couple try to work through things it's extremely painful to have to see the person your partner slept with especially when it's a family member all the time. From what I could tell from the posts it's eating the guy up mentally and can not look at his wife the same way and move on, they aslo have kids which is added to the mix.

 

Point is don't leave Nick to go all mental with this ****, right now he's only accepting this because of all his school work I guarantee you after he's done with school (if you're still together) he's going to wake the f*ck up on just what you and his lousy cousin have done. He's going to look at you with no respect and you'd break up anyway.

[angelina85]

To Javelin, I agree with what you said. I'm so scared of hurting him more than I already have. I have really tried to be a good gf before this happend. And we're happy. But there were times were he would just neglect me. And some girls demand more attention than others. I know that a part of me is in denial and trying to find excuses for him to let me go and let me do whatever I want. I might seem that me and Eric doesn't have any guilt at all. That is not true. We felt really guilty at the beginning. We tried to stay away and cut all the contact and so on. It just didnt work out. And as you said, I might not be ready for the real thing yet.

 

To theobserver, wow I totally agree with you. Yes, sometimes I really wish that Nick and Eric were one person. I've told Nick several times times that we need to take a break. Or just break up. Because staying together like this is not the solution. I moved out of the dorm in january. To another one. So I see Nick like once a week now. I need the distance. Coz I'm not in love with him anymore. And a part of me is doing that so he can get over me. I see Eric more often. Like 3-4 times a week. I dont know what kind of relationship me and Nick have now. Its like, I want to break up, but he can't let me go. So we're something in between. And me and Eric...well..we're also something in between.

 

I know it's wrong to mess with family. It really wasn't my intention. Hopefully, they won't see each other much in the future. They're a big family. They don't meet at famillygatherings or stuff. But they run into each other from time to time, being that they live at the same dorm.

 

I know I should forget about Eric. There is no future what so ever. And I can't just stab Nick in the back like this either. I have tried to remain friends with the both of them. But that is hard too. I agree with what you said about Nick waking up. I have noe idea how this summer is going to be. And what will happen after his exams. But a part of him is not letting me go because is wants to keep his cousin from having me.

 

I know people might think that we're selfish and guiltless. That is not true. We're trying to keep distance, me and Eric. It's just harder than I thought. Being that he's not in love with me anymore will make it easier for him I guess. I will just have to get pass this somehow.

[Untouchable_Fire]

Its like, I want to break up, but he can't let me go. So we're something in between. And me and Eric...well..we're also something in between.

 

Listen, why are you making it his choice? This is your happiness, your future! You make the decision and dump Nick. He will get over it given some time. I mean... it kind of seems arrogant to believe that he won't be able to get over you.

 

I think the problem you seem to be having is that Nick is so good on paper. He has a great future ahead of him, and will probably make a fair chunk of money. Chances are though that he is going to be a workaholic...

 

Best to move on.

 

I know I should forget about Eric. There is no future what so ever. And I can't just stab Nick in the back like this either. I have tried to remain friends with the both of them. But that is hard too. I agree with what you said about Nick waking up. I have noe idea how this summer is going to be. And what will happen after his exams. But a part of him is not letting me go because is wants to keep his cousin from having me.

 

Well, this would be a tough choice if the world only had these 2 men in it. Luckily for you there are about 3 billion more. Why not go find someone else?

[twice_shy]

I just dont know what to do anymore. Nick is like the guy I can marry and have kids with. But Eric...he brings out the child in me and there is so much passion and spark between us. I feel alive when I'm with him.

 

Then just be a child. Hopefully you and Nick don't work out so someone else that will be true to him will reap the benefits once he becomes a lawyer.

 

He is working his arse off so he, and whoever he ends up with, have a good future.

 

So just go off with Eric and live the life of a child, as you put it. Set Nick free.

[shakenandstirred]

Then just be a child. Hopefully you and Nick don't work out so someone else that will be true to him will reap the benefits once he becomes a lawyer.

 

He is working his arse off so he, and whoever he ends up with, have a good future.

 

So just go off with Eric and live the life of a child, as you put it. Set Nick free.

You gotta love Twice_shy. He may be blunt and to the point, but what he says is true and the truth hurts sometimes

[couchmonkey]

His cousin. What the hell is wrong with you? Are you going to invite Nick to your wedding and family functions? That would be a riot.

 

To the Jerry Springer Pit with you.

[angelina85]

I dont' really feel that I have anny choice here. It feels like his decision.

I know that he will get over me after some time. But to be able to get over someone

you need to stay away from that person. No contact. I don't think he is ready for that.

We meet once a week. Barely speak on the phone and sometimes on msn. But we're all busy

with studying for the exams. So, don't know how the summer will be.

Of course Nick is good on the paper. But money can't buy love. I don't think I'm

ready for finding someone else. Havent really thought about that. I don't know what I want.

Do I want a stable relationship or do I wanna have fun and nothing serious? But I need someone

there for me. I don't want to be completely alone.

 

I have thought about letting Nick go for so many times now. I know that I don't deserve him.

Some other girl will make him happy. I have done my best during the time we've spent together.

 

I don't know how to find out what I really want. I feel so confused. I don't know what is right

or wrong. But I know that we can't continue doing this anymore.

[JackJack]

You're still young, you have plenty of time for a committed relationship. Have fun, date, and try to find out what you really want in life and out of a relationship. Just don't get into a situation where you are dating someone serious like you did, and then go out and be with someone else while in a relationship. Its going to be ok.

[twice_shy]

I dont' really feel that I have anny choice here. It feels like his decision.

I know that he will get over me after some time. But to be able to get over someone

you need to stay away from that person. No contact. I don't think he is ready for that.

We meet once a week. Barely speak on the phone and sometimes on msn. But we're all busy

with studying for the exams. So, don't know how the summer will be.

Of course Nick is good on the paper. But money can't buy love. I don't think I'm

ready for finding someone else.

 

Then break up with Nick and be alone for a while.

 

 

Havent really thought about that. I don't know what I want.

 

Then do the right thing, break up with Nick and spare him.

 

 

Do I want a stable relationship or do I wanna have fun and nothing serious? But I need someone

there for me. I don't want to be completely alone.

 

Well, thats too bad. Otherwise you are using Nick.

 

 

I have thought about letting Nick go for so many times now. I know that I don't deserve him.

Some other girl will make him happy. I have done my best during the time we've spent together.

 

I don't know how to find out what I really want. I feel so confused. I don't know what is right

or wrong. But I know that we can't continue doing this anymore.

 

You want to REALLY find out what you want? Then you DO need to be alone for a while. THEN you will find out what you want pretty quickly.

[Lucky_One]

"Nick is like the guy I can marry and have kids with."

 

If you can cheat on him now, you can guarantee that you will cheat on him later, when the kids are whining and he is at work busy on a case, and when you feel neglected. You will jump into your BMW and go **** your tennis coach, then, instead of his cousin.

 

How can you even think of marrying someone, when you say you don't love him and when you can't even manage to be faithful to him? Is it just all about the $$$?

[Mahatma]

Make it clear to Nick you aren't getting the attention you need. If nothing changes or you still aren't getting the attention you need, leave Nick. As for Eric, if you are still feeling feelings for him, go for it. I've had relationships like this (but I'm also much younger than you.. 18) and they have never yielded anything long term.

[twice_shy]

Make it clear to Nick you aren't getting the attention you need. If nothing changes or you still aren't getting the attention you need, leave Nick. As for Eric, if you are still feeling feelings for him, go for it. I've had relationships like this (but I'm also much younger than you.. 18) and they have never yielded anything long term.

 

But Nick has the ability for the long term. The guy is in law school for crying out loud. He is trying to make something of himself.

 

meanwhile, of course someone with no ambition has more time for her.

 

Nick will make something of himself and find someone who appreciates the sacrifice he made while in school.

[Javelin]

To Javelin, I agree with what you said. I'm so scared of hurting him more than I already have. I have really tried to be a good gf before this happend. And we're happy. But there were times were he would just neglect me. And some girls demand more attention than others. I know that a part of me is in denial and trying to find excuses for him to let me go and let me do whatever I want. I might seem that me and Eric doesn't have any guilt at all. That is not true. We felt really guilty at the beginning. We tried to stay away and cut all the contact and so on. It just didn't work out. And as you said, I might not be ready for the real thing yet.

 

Well Angelina, I'm sorry, but you're going to have to find the will to leave them both. It's just one of those situations where it's a lose-lose for you and everyone else and I think you know that already. You're trying to make everyone happy and are ignoring the consequences to come.

[angelina85]

I'm not thinking about marrying anyone of them. I'm just saying that Nick is the husband materiale. Not because of his future or money, but based on his personalities. I'm not saying that I don't appreciate him. But face it, we're still so young..and marriage and all that, I don't really focus on that yet. For the past few days I have been thinking much about this. And I feel that I really wanna be with Eric. I just feel that I need him. I can't let this go. I feel really connected with him. I told him the other day that I wanted him to wait for me. Untill this cools down. Then we can have a fresh start. He was unsure. Because his feelings aren't that strong anymore. But today, I've changed my mind. Because after having a real sit-down talk with him, I realised that there isn't much hope for us. I dont think his feelings are strong enough to survive this. I just feel that I'm the one who wants it all. And it hurts to know that his feelings might pass someday. Well some of you might think that I deserve that for cheating. I agree. So I told him today that I'm backing out. I'm gonna stay away and try really hard not to contact him..for a while..it just breaks my heart to know that it will never be us. He always says "only if I met you first...turn back the time"....I met Nick one week before I met Eric in 2006. I can't help but wonder how it would have been if I didnt hook up with Nick.

 

So, I'm trying to forget the guy now. I'm doing a lousy job. I try hard not to contact him in any way. I dont want to forget him..but I have to. He will be that one guy that I can't be with I guess....

 

As for Nick...I've told him everything, about how I feel, what I want and where we stand. But he says, in his heart I'm still his gf. He can't let me go and he won't allow me and Eric getting involved.

 

I'm really tired of the triangle love. But I have caused this so I dont really have the rights to complain...

[twice_shy]

I'm not thinking about marrying anyone of them. I'm just saying that Nick is the husband materiale. Not because of his future or money, but based on his personalities. I'm not saying that I don't appreciate him. But face it, we're still so young..and marriage and all that, I don't really focus on that yet. For the past few days I have been thinking much about this. And I feel that I really wanna be with Eric.

 

Then get off the pot and be with Eric. But make sure you break up with Nick first.

 

 

I just feel that I need him. I can't let this go. I feel really connected with him. I told him the other day that I wanted him to wait for me.

 

So you are doing all of this without leaving Nick first. What is stopping you from doing the right thing and breaking up with Nick other than sneaking behind his back and telling his cousin you have the hots for him?

Grow a set of teets and spare Nick already will ya??

 

 

As for Nick...I've told him everything, about how I feel, what I want and where we stand. But he says, in his heart I'm still his gf. He can't let me go and he won't allow me and Eric getting involved.

 

 

Well then its simple....now I think Nick is an idiot. He should have walked you to the door, led you outside and shut it behind you.

[jon01]

He gets really sad and cries sometimes. And that just breaks my heart.

 

Oooohhh poor you, poor baby get heart broken. You've been through so much anguish, to have to deal with Nick's heart being broken over you.

 

 

Another thing is that I have met some other familymembers of Nick and Eric. And it would be really weird if they found out that me and Eric are in love. We have kept this a secret for 7 months. Erics brother and his other cousins thinks we're only friends.

 

Any respectable and level headed girl wouldn't cheat on her boyfriend first of all, but to do so with someone in his own family just goes to show both you AND Eric have no sense of morals or consideration for anyone but yourselves.

 

If I were Nick, I would be really extremely hurt and embarrassed. When you and Eric become more serious, how do you show your faces at family functions while everyone will know you dumped him for his cousin? Sorry, but you f* up, and I have no sympathy for you, none at all. It's girls like you who make a man's life miserable, because all you think about is yourself.