his friends hate me...where to now?

[Sarah12385]

i posted something on this subject a while ago, but i have a new update:

today is Thurs, July 17th. next Saturday i'm goin to see a Nascar race with my boyfriend of about 1 month. many of his friends are girls, but there are 2 girls inparticular who are just disgusted by me. they call him, text msg him, email him 24/7, asking if we broke up yet, blah blah, they're OBSESSED.

if that's not bad enough, the 2 girls who hate me are riding in the back seat w/us on the way to this race...their exact words were "well we'll ride with you guys as long as she doesn't say anything ditzy". i about shot thru the roof...i can feel the blood pumping thru my face just thinking about it.

i'm not too good with words when it comes to ppl i don't find very...accepting, like them.

any advice on what i could psay to this girl/girls if they start talkin crap on me again? I AM IN GREAT NEED OF ADVICE PEOPLE lol

[maskee28]

Well, I think if it was MY boyfriend, and his friends were treating me like crap - right in front of him, I would fully expect him to put a stop to it and explain to his "friends" that this is an unacceptable way to speak to the lady he is dating.

 

His friends are being very disrespectful of you and he is just as guilty if he lets this go on. If they can't treat you with any respect, then he needs to discontinue his friendship with them.

[jessicakicksbut]

how old are you both?

[jalexy]

do not go if they go. plain and simple. dont put yourself in that position.

[wideawake]

Hmmm...not sure I agree with the whole "don't go if they do".

 

Why should she be the one that has to not attend the event?

 

I really think her bf needs to step up to the plate and defend his gf. This is unreal that he would allow people to make comments like that about someone he has a relationship with.

 

And why the heck would he let them ride in his car with you if they are going to be rude? He needs to start towing the line or maybe he's not worth it.

 

Anyway, I would give it to both of those girls with both barrels. I wouldn't back down and not attend and let them feel that they've may have won a battle.

 

Just my 2cents.

[Sarah12385]

thanks for the advice guys.

i'm 18 and he's 22 for the person who asked

but anyway, i called him last night about 11pm, and he said "call me back in 20 mins", and so i did. i asked him what he was doing in the past 20 mins, and he said "well i talked to Joy and Brianne..." (the girls that hate me) "...and told them that if they even start sh*t in the car on the way to the race they're gonna get it..." which made me feel.....better. now if that wasn't a surprise, this sure was. he then told me that "Joy said she would talk to you and be civil with you as long as you don't do or say anything ditzy" i was like WHAT?!?! i was so close to calling that girl up and layin into her. the girl had been around me for a toal of 2 hours, i am anything BUT ditzy. and Joy also had said "i hate her....she laughs at EVERYTHING". i'm not going to sit here and say that's a lie, because yes...i DO laugh at a lot. it doesn't take much to crack a smile on my face. i can't help that... >< ahh this sucks.

[yes]

yucky stuff going on here.

 

if i were you, i'd simply cancel - without telling him that it's because of these two "friends". Next time he wants to take you somewhere, ask who's coming, and only go if the two "friends" aren't going - hopefully he'll catch the drift soon enough, and reluctantly choose between them and you.

 

that's my view,

-yes

[Just A Girl2]

It sounds like these 2 wenches are just really jealous of you.

 

I have to ask....why are they, as you say, constantly messaging and emailing and talking with him like they do? Do they have a crush on him or something? Have they all been friends for ages or something? For them to be asking if he's broken up with you yet....first of all, that's pretty immature and not very "friend-like" to him....they should want their FRIEND to be happy......and b) how do you even KNOW they ask him this question? I'm going to assume that you know because he TOLD YOU that they ask him if you've broken up. What the hell is he telling you stuff like this for? Would seem to me that he's contributing to your feeling uncomfortable. It wasn't necesssary in the least for him to divulge this rude question of theirs, to you.

 

Lastly....he sounds immature and like he doesn't have too much in the way of balls. How rude of him to tell you to call him back in 20 minutes, all because he's chatting online with these chicks. I think that's disrespectful.

 

Why must these mouthpieces have to accompany you both on the drive to the race? What, he's not man enough to take just YOU? If I were back at your age, and in your current shoes, and I was seeing a guy for a month and he had 2 female friends who were out and out rude to me, made rude comments like that, were carrying on that way......and we couldn't even go somewhere together without them having to tag along, I'd tell the guy to buzz off.

 

So WHAT he's told them to chill out...it doesn't change the fact that you already know how they feel, the damage has already been done. Knowing how they feel about you, you're just going to continue to feel judged and uncomfortable. Life is too short. You'd be better off to find yourself a nice guy who can stand up for you....who can invite you somewhere without having to bring his gal-pals along with him. That's just bent.

 

I would never date a guy whose friends (who didn't even really KNOW ME) badmouthed me like that...cuz hun, it ain't likely going to get any better. If they're jealous of you and resent you, I don't see that going away. The more time you spend with him and the closer you get to him, the more rude they're likely going to be.

 

If I were you, I'd just stand up for yourself (cuz you deserve more!) and tell him that in light of how rude they are, you've changed your mind and won't be going to the race with him........that in the future, if he wants to do with something with you, just the 2 OF YOU, then he can give you a call.....but you're simply not diggin' this current arrangement and you have no respect for people who judge you without even knowing you; who bash your personality and make hurtful remarks.

 

You deserve better. There are lots of nice guys out there who would A) treat you better...B) not having to bring their gal pals along when out with you (how stupid) and C) who had decent friends to begin with.

[HokeyReligions]

"I don't care if you don't like me, but you are supposed to be X's friend and the least you can do is show him some respect by behaving like an adult"

 

"Get off my back and grow up"

 

"What do you care? You don't have to go along on our dates."

 

"Ditsy might be your opinion of me, but rude, selfish, and very childish is my opinion of you"

 

"Do you really think I care about your opinion?"

 

"Water off a ducks back baby" (said with a smile, then turn your back)

 

 

These are a few things I can think of to say. Keep calm, don't respond to anything that is not civil conversation.

 

Good Luck.

[wideawake]

Those are great!

[Gray]

Maskee's the only one who's got it right. Why's your boyfriend friends with them if they keep insulting you. I get ticked if someone says they don't like my girlfriends shirt.

[Sarah12385]

*sigh* 10:17pm

just got home from being with Jonathan. i think i was a little...different towards him tonight. told him he'd been actin just, different the past few days..."aw sweetie i was just busy 'n tired...you know that.." which is the truth i suppose. i was supposed to spend the evening with him, til about midnight or so, but....no....he needed to be with his FRIENDS. ><

i'm calm tho...i am. on the drive home i was thinking to myself why he's so...charming. and he is. but anyway, the new news IS: last night my ex-boyfriend hung out with Joy and Brianne *the trumpet sounds*. yes that's right....the 2 girls that hate me, conversed with my ex (of TWO YEARS) last night on Joy's front porch. is anyone else seeing the bottom of the canyon yet?

[Sarah12385]

and one more thing lol

i don't want you all to be thinkin i don't want him to be with his "friends", because i do. and maybe, just maybe, he'll learn something from this whole thing. maybe i'll be that one girl who opens his eyes 'n shows him just how immature he can be.

lol sorry i was just lookin for a self-eseem booster

[Just A Girl2]

Hey there,

 

I'm dying to know......how is it that these 2 sourpusses just happened to be hanging out with your EX? That's sort of weird. Did they know him from before or something?

 

As for ol' Jonathan, him being too busy to spend time with you but needing to be with his friends instead, girlfriend.....you gotta skid this one. He sounds like a boob.

 

So how did the drive to/from Nascar go? Was it today? How were the "girls" to you? Were they civil or decent or what?

[Sarah12385]

i'm sorry i can't answer your question about the ex thing...

 

as for the Nascar thing, i'm not leaving until next Saturday night. lol PRAY FOR ME. i'm just beside myself...i mean i'm sorry i'm complaining about the same 'ol thing over 'n over again but...i just can't keep stuff like this inside or ill burst. this keeps the tears away hehe.

i just can't explain it, but i DO think Jonathan is a good person. but these "friends" of his just...don't bring out the best of him. he's known them for years...i can't tell him or even expect him to *choose* me over them...i don't believe that's the right thing to do.

[Just A Girl2]

You lost me. Why can't you answer my question about the ex thing? Is it top secret, classified information or something? LOL Or is it that you just don't KNOW how they ended up hanging out with your ex? Do you have any reason to believe that your ex knew them from before? Judging by the how rude and conniving they are, I guess I'd be concerned that they went out of their way to find out who your ex was, so that they could 'chat him up' and try to get some "dirt" on you, to pass along to Jonathan...in an attempt to break you up...that's where my concern would lie.

 

You know, it's one thing to be mature and considerate and openminded and respect the fact that someone we're dating has friends and to respect their need to maintain those friendships.....but ol' Jonathan has exceeded the boundaries of stupidity. He should have never stood by and allowed the sourpusses to diss you like they did, friends or no friends. No decent guy would let ANYONE diss or badmouth his gal. Period.

 

Yeah so Jonathan's a good guy, you think....but hun, there's tons of good guys out there.........one who don't come with this 'baggage' (nasty friends). Ones who don't bring their bitchy female friends along on trips with their girlfriend to Nascar.

 

I guess it's up to you. Seems to me like you're just settling for a lot of crap here.......and no guy is worth that.

[Sarah12385]

well i couldn't answer the thing about the ex because i don't know. i don't know how they got to the point where they *needed* to hang out with him. whatever.....

*sigh* and you're probably right, i *am* putting up w/a lot of crap, but i have this, problem i'd guess you'd say. i have a *lot* of faith in people. A LOT. until he's dome something wrong, and i know it. i'll hold on, thinking in my head that things will be okay. it's probably a bad way to be but i can't help it...

i wish this would just blow over.

[Sarah12385]

it's now 12:10am. i called him at 11......no answer, 11:30....no answer, and once more at midnight, still no answer...

now all i can think of ~ him out witht those girl's doing God knows what. do i need professional help because i'm going out of my mind here.....

:(

[Starlight43]

Kill them with Kindness. It works everytime!!! I definately think you should considerate it when they are in the back seat whisphering, throwing out the disses or doing whatever it is they do. It will seriously confuse them, so like i said, go get em and kill them with kindness

[Just A Girl2]

I'm by no means an expert on dating or relationships, but I've got a good 20 yrs experience in it.

 

You're 18, he's 22. You've been seeing each other for one month.

 

It is VERY early in your relationship, and already this guy is causing a helluva lot of stress and grief and confusion and discontent. In the early stages of dating someone, even though it may not be all that realistic, things should be extremely smooth and problem-free......

 

Here you are on a Friday night, sitting there stewing about this guy.....calling him every half hour, only to find he's not at home...only to be freaking out and worried that he's out with these gals "doing God knows what." This isn't the way things should be.

 

A "good guy" would have taken you out tonight...to a movie, out for a bite to eat, spending the evening with you.

 

You said you were SUPPOSED to have spent the evening with him tonight, til midnight...but he said he preferred to go out with his friends instead (which is likely why he's not home, right?)

 

It could be that these girls are brainwashing him about you..you know what they say to him when you're around, who knows what they say when you're not there? They may have been pumping your ex b/f for 'dirt' on you, to further try and make you look 'bad' to Jonathan. The whole thing is just for more complicated than it should be.

 

You're bright, articulate, smart.........just forget this guy and all the mess that comes with him, and find someone else......someone who will treat you with the respect and consideration and maturity you so rightly deserve. You're worth more than to be sitting at home on a Friday night, calling up a guy who blew you off for his friends.

[Sarah12385]

well WWIII was fought tonight.

i called him one last time...he answered. here's the convo:

Jon: yeah?

 

me: hey...bout time

 

Jon: yeah i saw u called 3 times. phone was at home chargin sorry, i should've given u Joy's cell number to call, didn't mean to worry you..."

 

me: well where were you?

 

Jon: at the bar. was the desegnated driver this evening heh

 

me: oh okay.....

 

Jon: well i need to get up at 6, i'll call you tomorrow....

 

there's more to it but i need sleep lol.

thanks everyone, SO much.

[Sarah12385]

first of all, thank you to everyone who helped me out with the "his friends hate me..." thing. you don't know how sane you all kept me so thank you.

i did get in touch with Jonathan last night around 1am. everything is alright with us now...i think we just need time to cool things down.

and as for that Pocono trip...it's off. Jonathan said that he didn't think it was fair to put me in that position, having to be w/those 2 girls who hate me, so he sold OUR tickets to 2 other girls, and he said we'd do something that day. so.....maybe he's not as bad as i thought...

again, thanks everyone.

[clia]

it's now 12:10am. i called him at 11......no answer, 11:30....no answer, and once more at midnight, still no answer...

 

I can assure you that acting this way is a very quick way to drive someone away. There's no reason to call him three times that late at night when you knew he was out with his friends. And worse, he has caller ID so he knows you called that much. If someone was keeping tabs on me that way when they knew I was out for the evening with friends, I would be annoyed. But that's just me. You aren't his mother. (And FWIW, if one of my guy friends had a gal who he'd been seeing for a month who was doing that...I'd probably tell him she was kuckoo.)

 

I think you need to relax. It is not worth this much stress. You should not be sitting home on Friday night calling his phone three times to find out where he is. You should either be out with your friends, doing something you like to do at home, or fast asleep.

 

It is VERY early in your relationship, and already this guy is causing a helluva lot of stress and grief and confusion and discontent. In the early stages of dating someone, even though it may not be all that realistic, things should be extremely smooth and problem-free......

 

I totally agree with this.