Being a single Christian and trying to find someone in church...

[taiko]

I would like to see how single Christians or past single Christians on here have found their SO.

 

In my particular case, I find that it's virtually impossible to make a connection with anyone in the church because at the particular church that I go to:

- I'm not in particularly noticed by anyone there.

- If I do make a connection it's usually very short lived or I'm unable to act on it 'on time'.

- It doesn't seem like a natural fit.

- Most people are married, divorced, or not in the same page as I am.

 

Also, I feel that church sometimes seems like a contrived social environment at times, and there is not really that much in common on a personal level other than having the same faith. Plus, you also get the idea that if you are motivated to find someone there, then you are going with the wrong motives and it doesn't work out since you'll come across as desperate anyway.

 

Yet, on the other hand, we are taught not to be unequally yolked with non-believers and to only date serious people inside the church itself and on top of that, to maintain a strict standard of sexual purity including your thoughts.

 

In my case, I'm dealing with just one church and I'm not prepared to move away from it at the time being so I understand that I'm limiting my options that way, but for personal reasons it must stay there.

 

So, I posit this thread to see how other celibate Christians who are currently or were single in the past have dealt with this issue of faith. Did you just restrict yourself to dating people inside the church, or were you open to dating other non-Christians, maybe with the hope that they would become a Christian? Do you think that you are getting some mixed messages - on one hand you get a strong message against sexual impurity (wait until marriage to have sex), dating non-believers, yet on the other hand it's wrong to go to church to meet girls since you are going with the wrong motives.

 

I choose that path but did not interpret equally yoked as being my home church. Being a small congregation there were only 3 single women in my age range. I guess I was lucky in that I did not come to Christ in a congrgation that believes we are the "one true church" and everyone else was either not saved or a less worthy Christian so equallly yoked for me meant the same level of commitment. The same level of church attendance, the same ideals on tithes and offerings for example. Theologically speaking it was only necessary that she was born again and believed in the Trinity. Which left a whole lot of women (more then 3) even if it is not the majority of women in the world.

 

Others will have it tougher then just browsing Christian sites. Alone they won't do, denomination specific sites or socials held by their stand alone mega church will have to do. If that is the path you both choose. Like all of us you will settle. Attendance of a specific church is just higher on the priority for some then it is for me, and how I was taught.

[Love Hurts]

From a woman point of view;

 

Careful in these times…. Wolves go to church too.

Men are looking for an independent woman… that means she can do all things; {the great job … great income…. great benefits…. be a home owner pay her own bills …. buy her clothes and food and what not….

She is established…. Now all she needs is a man and what is his job?

To make her a mother and then he gets comfy on the couch watching sports t.v. while she is still the independent woman.

 

Songs have been written about this….

 

It’s the today thing…..

Many are lost in the ocean of insanity.

If you are an independent woman…. Stay that way.

The majority of men today only want the fringe benefits of your hard labor and it’s not worth it to invest time in them.

 

If they could destroy what you have built up… they would do it in a day. {Jealousy is in their hearts} Seriously; if you have more than the man you date… beware.

Beware of the lies… im a Christian too and all the righteous stories… while the depth of their heart is deceit… You can find yourself in a snare.

 

We have a very different caliber of men on earth today… the few good men left are on their way to the grave of old age.

 

*Not undermining the minority true Christian men that are well rounded

(potential} family men and know how to love their wives and that it’s a 100% effort on both parties in every area of the arena to make a marriage work and raise a family. These men are rare and very few in these days.

 

 

A true look at the men of today: Scripture tells us:

 

2 Tim 3 :

 

This know also, that in the last days perilous times shall come.

 

2 For men shall be lovers of their own selves, covetous, boasters, proud, blasphemers, disobedient to parents, unthankful, unholy,

 

3 Without natural affection, trucebreakers, false accusers, incontinent, fierce, despisers of those that are good,

 

4 Traitors, heady, highminded, lovers of pleasures more than lovers of God;

 

5 Having a form of godliness, but denying the power thereof: from such turn away.

 

6 For of this sort are they which creep into houses, and lead captive silly women laden with sins, led away with divers lusts,

 

7 Ever learning, and never able to come to the knowledge of the truth.

 

8 Now as Jannes and Jambres withstood Moses, so do these also resist the truth: men of corrupt minds, reprobate concerning the faith.

 

9 But they shall proceed no further: for their folly shall be manifest unto all men, as theirs also was.

 

-Its true- so in these times finding a Godly man that is well rounded …. Is like looking for a needle in a haystack. My advice… doesn’t look. If; God intends for you to have a partner in life. God will bring him into your life path.

 

In the meantime … learn how to appreciate your walk in the Lord and keep looking up… very- very soon we go home… Praise Jesus!

 

For a Christian man searching for a female…. Just flip this around.

And you will find a fork tongued Jezebel, prepared to break your bank and drive you insane.

 

*How to discern and choose; only through prayer and supplication -

Fast a long fast and repeat the fast… pray …pray much… about everything...

 

God Bless

[FleshNBones]

I would like to see how single Christians or past single Christians on here have found their SO.

 

In my particular case, I find that it's virtually impossible to make a connection with anyone in the church because at the particular church that I go to:

- I'm not in particularly noticed by anyone there.

- If I do make a connection it's usually very short lived or I'm unable to act on it 'on time'.

- It doesn't seem like a natural fit.

- Most people are married, divorced, or not in the same page as I am.

 

Also, I feel that church sometimes seems like a contrived social environment at times, and there is not really that much in common on a personal level other than having the same faith. Plus, you also get the idea that if you are motivated to find someone there, then you are going with the wrong motives and it doesn't work out since you'll come across as desperate anyway.

It seems like single women are especially picky about how, where, and when they meet men unless they are very handsome. There are meeting places, and church isn't one of them at least not in my experience.

Personally, I haven't come across any available single women (my age range) in my church.

 

I tried online dating, and even speed dating. The women were of particularly low calibre, and they didn't consider me worthy.

Your mom is probably your best chance.

[Admiral Thrawn]

Yup, I've lost faith in a church or yonge adults group as being a meeting place. Not saying that it cant be done, but I don't feel any connection with people there and I wont limit myself to just that, obviously.

 

In terms of what Love_Hurts says, I dont think that is entirely helpful at all. In a sence, society has empowered women too much and they have taken over man's jobs and now they want to complain that they cant find men. You can thank feminism for doing that - but then don't try to take the cake and eat it too. If you want a society that was 50+ years ago when men were men and women were women, then you also have to have men as being the breadwinner and women as being house-wives. Perhaps that was more of a Godly age where people knew their place and society and everything was more orderly -- except the racism part (which was that generation's blighted stain). So, tell all your independent women to become women again, make sure men get all the important jobs in society and bingo the problem is solved.

 

Anyway, I think it's pretty much impossible to find someone in the church, and people's responses to this thread have pretty much solidified that. I've already given up concerning finding anyone in the church and don't take the concept to not to be unequally yolked with a non-believer too seriously. I now feel if I find someone reasonably compatable, I'll give her a shot, as long as she's not into really bad stuff.

 

Heck, mom was unsuccessful to find someone in the church and she married a non-believer. Although her marriage was hell with my dad cheating on her all the time, at least she got married rather than becoming an old maid.

[shaunlaker]

Well I don't think that church is the best place to search for your partner,just go out to a late night club man and you will find girls hitting on you and you never know that may be your gonna be wife!

[FleshNBones]

My aunt and uncle met through a Church, but that was about 20 years ago.

[NoIDidn't]

My opinion probably doesn't count for much, as I am already married, but here goes.

 

I, personally, wouldn't look in a church for a good Christian man. People put their best face forward in church. I don't trust that.

 

I would have dated a man that was a church goer, but I didn't meet in a church setting. If he lived the same way outside of the church as he behaved in it, he might be the real deal.

 

I know some real frogs at church - and most of them are already married!!!

[wierdmunky]

My opinion probably doesn't count for much, as I am already married, but here goes.

 

I, personally, wouldn't look in a church for a good Christian man. People put their best face forward in church. I don't trust that.

 

I would have dated a man that was a church goer, but I didn't meet in a church setting. If he lived the same way outside of the church as he behaved in it, he might be the real deal.

 

married!!!

 

I was brought up in church so I know exactly what you mean.

Its like YOUR IN CHURCH SO BE GOOD! And its true that not every person in there is an excellent choice, but there might be more of them??

 

And I wouldn't put church as your only best bet in a person if thats where you want find them I'd still put that person through my regular screening process

[wierdmunky]

It takes a really really secure guy to be with an independent woman.

And independent women still need to remember that guys have feelings too.