what is happening to me?

[whereisthelight]

OK, i know why i should not stay in my marriage. I thought after I got all these answers that I would feel relieved and somewhat in charge. However, i feel depressed and still very lonely. I have to constantly remind myself why I should not be married and it does not seem to help me. Especially when I think of how he is relaxing with his glass of wine and his girlfriend while I'm raising OUR child. I can't explain why I'm going through these feelings. Don't get me wrong... I love my child and can't imagine my life without him. I would never give him up. I just don't know how he can go on and living up his life without his child. I feel like i'm never going to meet anyone. My dates have been total disasters. I find myself wishing I had my life back and have someone to share things with. Instead the person who had agreed to have a child with me is somewhere else having a life with someone else. He has found someone who will accept him for who he is. In addition to that he is forcing his child to accept this relationship even though his child has expressed that he is not ready.

 

I'm sure I'm not making sense. I can't even make sense of what I'm feeling. I'm not sure what I am even asking except does anyone understand what I am feeling? I know I'm overwhelmed.

[bigmanpayne]

i hope i can be of some help to you. i have been going through something similiar and i hope i can help you by sharing a little bit...

 

Especially when I think of how he is relaxing with his glass of wine and his girlfriend while I'm raising OUR child. I can't explain why I'm going through these feelings.

 

same thing here. that absolutely eats me up. i've posted before about it and i just dont know how to deal with it. my wife has her new guy, has moved in and i am left with the kids and trying to make sense of everything - but something everyone told me is that she probably checked out of our relationship a long time ago. that means it seems fast that she has moved in with someone else, but in reality she was done with our family months before she actually left and once i got over the relationship (like she had already done) things would be better for me. that probably will work for you too, but believe me it has been incredibly hard.

 

 

Don't get me wrong... I love my child and can't imagine my life without him. I would never give him up. I just don't know how he can go on and living up his life without his child. I feel like i'm never going to meet anyone. My dates have been total disasters.

 

here, here again! my wife has no desire of even seeing our kids and it baffles me! it makes me feel worse, because i feel guilty for her actions, and feel bad for my babies (10, 7) who dont deserve this. i cant imagine ever being without my kids and i thought she felt the same way, and i would have bet my own life that she would have ever left them like this, but it has happened and we are dealing and trying to move on. everyone has told me that my kids are better off and if i can hold on and be strong and do what's right for them (and myself) they will be fine. a little therapy and a lot of time spent by me with them has helped them quite a bit.

 

As for the dating, I hear you again! my dates have been absolute nightmares! it has almost sworn me off of women and truned me into a monk! one thing that i noticed is even though i am not pursing any women, it seems as if i am attracting (and am attracted to) the same type of woman as my ex wife is even if that is not at first evident. they make me feel worse about myself and make me truly believe that i am destined to be alone. what is worse is that i am having trouble finding a decent person and my ex has already moved in with her boyfriend and he is so stupid he actually believes that she has no flaws... INCREDIBLE. i often feel that i will never find anyone and that i will be alone forever, but again everyone tells me to be patient, things will turn around and i will find someone who actually cares about me for me - And I hope they are right.

 

 

He has found someone who will accept him for who he is. In addition to that he is forcing his child to accept this relationship even though his child has expressed that he is not ready.

 

i am so scared that one day my ex will wake up and want to spend time with the kids and want to have them around her new boyfriend, which would absolutely destroy them. my lawyer has said that you can make it so the kids cant be around that other person at least for a while so maybe you should look into that. that just isnt fair to the kids. your child probably sees this other person as the reason for their own misery (because mommy and daddy arent together) and it is very unfair for them to have to be around that other person, at least at first. i hope that works out.

 

 

I'm sure I'm not making sense. I can't even make sense of what I'm feeling. I'm not sure what I am even asking except does anyone understand what I am feeling? I know I'm overwhelmed.

 

You are making complete sense. i have the same thoughts and feelings as you do which is why i am here and i post my thoughts and troubles here. everyone has been very helpful to me and i am sure they will do the same for you. it is hard though. i personally think that my ex will live happily ever after and i will be doomed to child-raising and loneliness for the rest of my life. they say the grass isn't always greener, but my paranoia wont allow me to believe that sometimes. sometimes it is hard for me to see the light at the end of the tunnel, but i am sure that it is there if we can only be patient. you are not alone with your feelings and thoughts. try to be strong, it's a struggle, but try as hard as you can.

[TrustInYourself]

OK, i know why i should not stay in my marriage. I thought after I got all these answers that I would feel relieved and somewhat in charge. However, i feel depressed and still very lonely. I have to constantly remind myself why I should not be married and it does not seem to help me. Especially when I think of how he is relaxing with his glass of wine and his girlfriend while I'm raising OUR child. I can't explain why I'm going through these feelings. Don't get me wrong... I love my child and can't imagine my life without him. I would never give him up. I just don't know how he can go on and living up his life without his child. I feel like i'm never going to meet anyone. My dates have been total disasters. I find myself wishing I had my life back and have someone to share things with. Instead the person who had agreed to have a child with me is somewhere else having a life with someone else. He has found someone who will accept him for who he is. In addition to that he is forcing his child to accept this relationship even though his child has expressed that he is not ready.

 

I'm sure I'm not making sense. I can't even make sense of what I'm feeling. I'm not sure what I am even asking except does anyone understand what I am feeling? I know I'm overwhelmed.

 

Yeah I know how you are feeling. I'd be down to meet up and hang out and share some hugs and laughs. lol.

 

Don't stress that *******. Don't stress his relationship. Be a pillar of strength, support, and love for your children/child.

 

It's hard to accept when the person you love decides to just take a crap on your relationship and do whatever they want to do without thinking or caring about the consequences. Be happy, you'll be ok. Those feelings will come and go. Have faith, best wishes.

[treelover]

My situation is a little different (married 32 yrs, 2 older kids, his affair, we tried to make it work again).

You said you can't explain why you're going through these feelings. To me, his affair was a betrayal of the vows we had taken; it was a betrayal to all the years I had put up with his self-satisfying ego; it was a betrayal to the sanctity of marriage. But during those 2 months that he was with the OW, I would cry one day, feel great the next and be back to crying again.

You also said that he has found someone who will accept him for what he is. Is it that you don't want him to have someone who is willing to over look his shortcomings, where as you wouldn't for couldn't?

You just have to do a lot of soul searching, and take things one step at a time. Don't be in a hurry; you may miss your golden opportunity if you do.

[whereisthelight]

Yeah I know how you are feeling. I'd be down to meet up and hang out and share some hugs and laughs. lol.

 

OK..just mention the place and the time! LOL! I think I am just now starting to mourn the relationship. I'm not sure. I have a lot of anger towards him now. Maybe I'll feel better when I'm not so stressed out. I have to constantly give myself a reality check and continue to accept that the relationship is over. I hate the hold he's got on me. I'm depressed one minute and angry the next.

[TrustInYourself]

Haha, you name the time and place and I'll tell you if I can make it.

 

If it's over and you've accepted it, it just takes time for your emotions to start balancing out. Time is your friend. I hope you feel better!

[Shin0bi1]

OK..just mention the place and the time! LOL! I think I am just now starting to mourn the relationship. I'm not sure. I have a lot of anger towards him now. Maybe I'll feel better when I'm not so stressed out. I have to constantly give myself a reality check and continue to accept that the relationship is over. I hate the hold he's got on me. I'm depressed one minute and angry the next.

 

 

Just make sure you know it is okay to feel these feelings. Do not bottle them up. It is okay to feel sad, cry, get mad, curse, feel the pain and misery, guilt, etc... This is perfectly normal. The hardest part is after you experience multiple waves of emotions is picking yourself up and living day to day. I used to experience emotions in extreme mood swinging ways. One minute i am happy, next minute I am a wreck..etc.. this is perfectly normal. I used to wake up crying and go to sleep crying in torment that I could not see my son everyday and such. I do not do this anymore... I let it all out and eventually I was healing a lot faster because I allowed myself to be vulnerable.

 

Things likes working out, hanging out with friends, going to bookstores, walking around malls, eating out, watching movies by myself, and exploring a forest preserve helped me.

 

You will find yourself understanding this person had a special place in your heart and that you will have good memories of it. That is okay too because atleast you are what you are because of your experiences. Just understand that if you look back in your life, you will probably notice that your relationships have gotten better and better progressively. If I am right, the next serious relationship you will have will be even stronger and much much better.

 

Seriously when you are ready start dating. Have the fun and small talk and hangouts. You will keep your mind occupied with hobbies, friends, family, and dates. You will not have time to think about hurtful past because you are having so much fun in rediscovering yourself and feeling ALIVE.

 

Peace,

 

Shin0bi1