stopdb0y Posted May 26, 2008 Share Posted May 26, 2008 I made the biggest, worst possible mistake of my life. I have been dating my girl for a bit over a year now. I love this girl, she gets me, she's understood when i told her at the beginning of our R that I always take it extra slow. She never pushed, just had fun with me and enjoyed each other. Well, A little while ago i thought we should move forward and make our relationship more serious. We talked about marriage, not in a wistful...oh what our kids are gonna look like, more like a, ok so how is this going to work. I brought it up, I know I want to be with this woman for the rest of my life... But then, i did something stupid. A few weeks ago an old friend resurfaced. I havent seen her in a long time, so we started contacting each other thru email. Before, we had sort of a friends with benefit thing, but that ended a long time ago. Still, one night she was horny and asked to meet up on a chatroom...I was so stupid. I met her on the chatroom, and we sort of had cyber...which to me was more like a joke, nothing serious. I dont care about this woman, i was just bored. We did this a few times, whenever I got bored and my girl was busy with her studies. I never saw it as cheating, just boredoom and silliness Anyway, my girl came over one night and ask to use the computer. Since i felt i had nothing to hide i let her. Somehow she found the chats. I never saved them but I guess something happened and the last one was saved. She was histerical. It broke my heart. Im a strong man, definitely not emotional, but seeing my baby cry like that broke me. I kept telling her i didnt want to lose her over something that silly, that it meant nothing. She said she couldnt trust me anymore. I never intended to meet with this other woman but my girl wont believe me. She said that I had intent....I swear by everything i love that I wouldnt have. Anyway, she left me that night. I thought about it and i realized i did something really stupid and cant blame her for not forgiving me. But i know she loves me too, and I wants us to work so badly. I talked to her once more since she found out. Again she was crying so hard. I couldnt help but cry right along. I felt like a total idiot and have lost respect for myself. i cannot believe i gave up something so good that easily. I will never find anyone like her again, i know that. I told her i was too ashamed to contact her again but to please contact me if she ever wanted to say hi, that id do anything for her. When we said goodbye that last time she hugged me, kissed me crying and said she loved me. I was completely destroyed. I kept saying sorry and saying i love her too. This was maybe two weeks ago. Im a mess without her, I feel so stupid but i cannot give up hope....should i contact her? or as i said should i let her contact me? I think she may be too proud to contact me so thats why im wondering if i should make the move. or should i let her be for a while... I dont know what to do Please Please help me, I cannot lose her.... Link to post Share on other sites
Author stopdb0y Posted May 27, 2008 Author Share Posted May 27, 2008 *bump* please anyone help. I dont want to lose her, i know what i did was stupid but please please help me figure out what to do..... Call her? Wait for her to call me, but what if she doesnt? Let her be for a while then call her? but what if she then makes up he mind about leaving me for good? Help me please!!! Link to post Share on other sites
sedgwick Posted May 27, 2008 Share Posted May 27, 2008 Once trust is broken, it's very hard if not impossible to get it back. It would hurt me a lot if my boyfriend did this. I would probably leave too. I'd say the best thing to do is let her go. If she feels she can ever trust you again, she'll come back to you. But you've said what you have to say to her and she's made the choice to leave anyway -- which I totally understand, I'd do the same -- so there's really nothing more you can do. I'm sorry to say it, but you already have lost her. Link to post Share on other sites
Nemo Posted May 27, 2008 Share Posted May 27, 2008 I guess you weren't really happy with the relationship. Anyway, you've been put firmly in the friend zone now, and there is no escape. Good luck with moving on. Link to post Share on other sites
Habibti Posted May 27, 2008 Share Posted May 27, 2008 For what it's worth, she's probably waiting to see if you "care enough" to call her. Yeah, you did a stupid thing and really hurt her, you're going to have to pay for that but that being said, I hope you really learned your lesson and at least it didn't go as far as the physical cheating. Link to post Share on other sites
Leia Posted May 27, 2008 Share Posted May 27, 2008 Sorry... nothing much you can do. To some girls it's a really big deal if you cyber whatever with other girls ~ "wasn't I enough that you have to go cyber someone else?!" ~ that sort of thing you know. Let this be a lesson to you. Link to post Share on other sites
Nemo Posted May 27, 2008 Share Posted May 27, 2008 I think you only want her back because you now realise you can't have her. Otherwise you wouldn't be bothered. Time to move on. Good luck. Link to post Share on other sites
jon01 Posted May 27, 2008 Share Posted May 27, 2008 Wait a week or so, then hand write her a letter explaining yourself and tell her how much you love her. Send it along with a delivery of flowers. I know what you did was wrong, but I get where you're coming from in that you were bored and it meant nothing to you. If she really loves you, then she will forgive you and try to *listen* to your explanation of things. If she wants to hold on to the grudge and pain, and wants everyone to feel sorry for poor little her, then it's her loss. Either way, there's plenty more fish out there and even though you keep thinking there will be nobody like her, there is. Link to post Share on other sites
justaman99 Posted May 27, 2008 Share Posted May 27, 2008 You cheated on her. Regardless of being bored or not it was absolutely wrong. Women will see this as cheating period because mentally you were fantasizing with someone else and not her. I'm a guy and I would consider any texting, iMing or emails with sexual connotations to be cheating as well. Women are emotional beings and when you offer yourself sexually to someone else even on the internet you have broken that emotional bond. You blew it big time and odds are she won't be able to forgive you or trust you. It's very easy for her to think that if he did this, will he ever do it in real life? If he really loved me why would he have sexual conversations with some other girl? I think it's done. Link to post Share on other sites
TrustInYourself Posted May 27, 2008 Share Posted May 27, 2008 You want keys to play games with her mind? No contact. Ignore her. Only then do you have a chance. It's on her. Link to post Share on other sites
thebam Posted May 27, 2008 Share Posted May 27, 2008 My opinion, you made a mistake mate, admitted it, and realise what you have done yes?...You love this girl right? get your finger oot and go get her! relationships must be strong enough to get past silly little games like that or whats the point? no one here has the perfect 100% relationship (god look at mines!) no matter what they say so my opinion go get her or spend an eternity wondering what would have been if you did ;o).......Good luck let's know how you get on. Link to post Share on other sites
Author stopdb0y Posted May 27, 2008 Author Share Posted May 27, 2008 I know i made a huge mistake...I know but it was a MISTAKE, i never thought it was going to hurt her. Just the same i cannot give up without a fight. But i dont know if i should let her come to me, not push her, let her talk to me when she's ready. Then again i was the one that hurt her, i should be the one that is going after her not all the way around. I dont know what to do Link to post Share on other sites
justaman99 Posted May 27, 2008 Share Posted May 27, 2008 Well if you want to give it a shot I think you should lay it out to her one time, just once. Tell her you are human and you made a mistake. That you love her and only her. You know what you did was wrong not only was it disrespectful to her and the relationship but it broke the best thing you have in your life. Tell her you will do anything for her and hope that one day she can forgive you. You understand how hurt she is and that you will let her go about this event at her own pace and if she finds it in her heart to start talking about it that you will be ready for her, when SHE wants to. Say this to her if she will talk to you, if not send it in an email and then leave her alone. Don't bother her, pester or check-in. She needs to do this without you. Link to post Share on other sites
4givrnt4gtr Posted May 27, 2008 Share Posted May 27, 2008 Well if you want to give it a shot I think you should lay it out to her one time, just once. Tell her you are human and you made a mistake. That you love her and only her. You know what you did was wrong not only was it disrespectful to her and the relationship but it broke the best thing you have in your life. Tell her you will do anything for her and hope that one day she can forgive you. You understand how hurt she is and that you will let her go about this event at her own pace and if she finds it in her heart to start talking about it that you will be ready for her, when SHE wants to. Say this to her if she will talk to you, if not send it in an email and then leave her alone. Don't bother her, pester or check-in. She needs to do this without you. hmmm well from someone who is in her position i tell you this....if you love her...fight for her. My ex bf did something similar to what you did. Last time i talk to him he had me half way convinced he loved me and made a huge mistake. i still needed time to think so i walked away. He told me he wouldnt contact me bc he had no right after what he did, that if i wanted to say hi, then by all means please do it. He better not hold his breath. I love this man, and i know that if he contacted me id probably give it another shot. In fact...if he doesnt, it kinda tells me I didnt matter enough to him to fight for me. As the one disrespected I cannot even think about contacting him. Thats too desperate. Getting cheated on AND chase the guy afterwards? yeah i dont think so. So bassically dont count on her contacting you....if you really love her, go get her. Link to post Share on other sites
D-Lish Posted May 27, 2008 Share Posted May 27, 2008 I think it's in your best interest to just lay low for another couple weeks- give her some time and space to work through this. She's really hurt right now. You didn't physically cheat- but in her eyes, it's feeling like that to her. An emotional affair is just as devastating as a physical one. In order to build back trust after a situation like this, you have to be willing to take things slowly. It won't be easy. You'r actions will speak louder than words. I am not going to chastise you for this, because I think you realize your mistake and want to make amends. Try and arrange a meeting in a couple weeks. Ask her to dinner, and then reiterate how you feel and how sorry you are. Apologize for your mistake- then leave the ball in her court. Fight for her if you really love her. She may or may not be able to get over this, it's hard to say. I know I would have trouble with it- but you obviously have the foundation of love there- it's the trust that has been broken. Good luck. Link to post Share on other sites
justaman99 Posted May 27, 2008 Share Posted May 27, 2008 Take the women's advice here. I'm a guy so my opinion here is second best to theirs. Good luck man. I hope you can get her back. Link to post Share on other sites
twice_shy Posted May 28, 2008 Share Posted May 28, 2008 This was maybe two weeks ago. Im a mess without her, I feel so stupid but i cannot give up hope....should i contact her? No, you leave her alone. or as i said should i let her contact me? You let her contact you if she wants. Even if she contacts you again and you two get back together, there will always be part of her that won't trust you. But you let her decide that. Let her contact you if she feels she can give it another shot. If not, you should leave her alone. You've done enough. I think she may be too proud to contact me so thats why im wondering if i should make the move. You think this is about pride? Sorry, its not. Its about you breaking her trust. Its about her not liking you getting off on the computer with another girl...a girl you know. or should i let her be for a while... I dont know what to do Please Please help me, I cannot lose her.... You cannot lose her, yet you felt the need to get off with another girl by cybering? Some people wait a lifetime for the person of their dreams to come along. And some people take what they have for granted. Maybe you can learn from this and vow to not betray the next girl you say you cherish. Link to post Share on other sites
twice_shy Posted May 28, 2008 Share Posted May 28, 2008 I know i made a huge mistake...I know but it was a MISTAKE Only now that you got caught. , i never thought it was going to hurt her. You are kidding right? Please say you aren't serious. You think that she should have been thrilled you were getting off with another girl on the net? Of course she is going to be hurt. Link to post Share on other sites
4givrnt4gtr Posted May 28, 2008 Share Posted May 28, 2008 Let me ask you this OP...and anyone else who thinks he should wait for her to make contact. ...Will you respect her if she makes contact with you? after what you did to her? (this is exactly what she may be thinking by the way). Probably not....you'll probably take her for granted again, probably think that you can do as you please because, after all, she came back for more. If she is any smart...this is exactly what she is thinking THUS my point. If you love her and dont want to lose her, I say listen to what D-lish said....lay low for a bit....then contact her. Let her know you've been thinking of her and that you wish she is well... By then she has had time to clear her head and you have provided her with the reassurance that you do care for her somewhat (and i say somewhat because if you truly loved her you wouldnt have mess around with someone else). Plus, you allow her to contact you with her pride intact. All im saying. Unless its just me...that think that the wrong doer must be the one making the first move if a reconciliation should happen....lets see what the other posters got to say about this Link to post Share on other sites
thebam Posted May 28, 2008 Share Posted May 28, 2008 Still think pride is one of humanitys biggest drawback, should i wait for her to come to me? she is thinking the same thing and when that happens it equates to nothing, both of you will sit wollowing in your pride until it is lost.You would not be asking for advice if you didnt already know in your heart what you must do.Tell her get this over with and both of you get on with your relationship mate.....only live once so dont let something that means this much to you slip through your fingers because you think you should lie back and let her do the grovelling its a waste of life days spent in misery, trust me i know more than most. Link to post Share on other sites
4givrnt4gtr Posted May 28, 2008 Share Posted May 28, 2008 ...because you think you should lie back and let her do the grovelling. There should be NO grovelling from her whatsoever!! she didnt do anything to get cheated on!!!! Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts