My Story. Need some support?

[Ashy_Face]

I met my boyfriend online when we were both 13. It was March of 2004. I know. Young. We didn't start going out right away so calm down. He lives in Michigan and I live in Pennsylvania. I met him because he was a good friend of one of my friends that I knew. We connected right away though. We always talked. Everyday I would come right home and hop on the computer. So it did start out as online because neither of us had a cell phone. We decided to start dating in November of 2004. At this point we were both 14. Actually everything went fair and well for a long time. Over a year actually. However, during that year it was all online, and a few phone calls here and there for five minutes on somebody elses cell phone.

 

In December of 2005 we broke up. He had found somebody he really liked that lived in his area. I was upset. I had strong feelings for him. I was happy at the same time though. He found somebody he could be happy with there with him instead of 650 miles away. Although we had a strong connection, it was only really online. So I could understand why he had doubts about our relationship. He was with her for awhile but in the mean time we still talked everyday. I beleive he talked to me more than he talked to her. I know that pissed her off. I had told him that I would stop talking to him if he wanted me to not if she wanted me to. Well he didn't. During that time our relationship grew stronger and stronger. Oh. I forgot to mention in December of 05 we both got cell phone for Christmas and we were both 15 now. So yea we were tlaking on the phone everyday instead of online. I guess that was why our relationship got better.

 

So yada yada yada, about a year goes by. It's November of 06. He completely dumps her to go back out with me because she was really pushing it on to him that we should stop talking. I guess he wasn't having it. Whatever. That was that. 16 now.

 

May 3, 2007. Few days after his 17th birthday. He drives 650 miles to see me for the first time. I was so friggin nervous cause I was affraid of how I would act around him. I'm a shy girl, specially around people I like. He got here and I didn't even act like that. It was weird. I had never been that open so quickly with anybody. The first time we touched was a kiss. He had picked me up in his arms and it was just so sweet. I was so happy. Unfortunately his parents would only allow him to stay for the weekend. So it was Friday night, Saturday all day, then Sunday he left early in the morning.

 

What we didn't know was that his parents were only allowing him to come for that one time until he was 18. So it was like an efing tease. I longed to see him since we met 2 years before, I finally see him and it's only for a weekend. Then I can't see him again for another whole year.

 

Well we lasted that whole year. Dispite the fighting caused by the lonliness and stress. I'm 17 now. He's 18. He recently visited May 2nd to May 11th. Best week of my life. Best part was my Mom let him stay here. He slept on the couch though. :X Some of the time. hehe. He "accidently" fell asleep with me in my bed every night until the alarm just so happened to go off at 1am. Haha. It was sweet though. He even went to my senior prom with me while he was here. The only time I was away from him was while I was at school. But I only go for half a day. So most of the day was with him.

 

He left and I was sad. Very very sad. I totally bawled.

 

We've been talking about this for about a year now. I'm moving to Michigan with him in August once I turn 18. My family already knows. Not very supportive. They aren't telling me I shouldn't go. They just keep telling me that I'll be back. My friends are too.

 

Here is my deal though. I HATE Pennsylvania. Not my friends nor my family. I love them to death. I will never deny that. It's more because of past experiences and the fact that there isn't anything in this area. I want a family and I'll be damned if I raise them in this area. There's nothing around here. What my family doens't understand is that no matter what, I'm moving. If I was with him or not. If I wasn't with him I'd be moving to some other state where I didn't know anybody. So I think this is a better situation considering I've known him for quite some time now. Also, I've talked to his family and a few other people that live in the area. So I have friends there too. Not just him.

 

I know I'm going to miss my family and my friends beyond beleif. But it's time for me to stand on my own and make my own decisions. It just always brings me down when my Mother tells me "you'll be back, he'll break your heart and I'll have to rally up the gang and have a motorcylce ride up to Michigan and bring you home after we all kick his ass". She likes him though. She's met him and stuff and thinks he's a "nice boy". So I don't understand why she's always trying to bring me down about moving. Also, my Nana does it too. And she's the type of woman that has something to say about anything. Nothing's good enough. Ex. I work two jobs and go to school getting straight A's. Her: "You need to help out more in this house. You can't be up in your room all day sleeping and doing whatever" After I would get done watching my little brother and sister.

 

Not saying anything bad about her but she's hard to please.

 

Sorry for the long post. I just felt it was a need to explain it all out so you could get an understanding of my situation. But here's the point I was getting to. I want to hear some opinions on it. Or even support or even ways to talk to my family about it so they will stop bringing me down.

 

Please and thank you.

[NeverLetMeDownAgain]

Are you my long-lost sister? Your family sounds exactly like mine, down to the "You'll be back with your tail between your legs" part.

 

I think a lot of what would concern me about this is that you're incredibly young - both of you are. At 17 and 18, this is probably (unless I'm mistaken in some way) your first serious relationship, and while it's been going on for quite a few years, it's still a situation where you both have a lot of living to do. You haven't mentioned your future plans after you turn 18 - are you or he attending college? Are you planning on working full-time? A lot of what might happen will depend on these plans. If either of you are planning on attending college, the reality is that new social situations and meeting new friends, having new experiences, could possibly disrupt your relationship. There's less chance of this if you plan on working full-time, but it could still happen. Once you get a taste of independence, you're going to want more of it, and you might not be willing to be "held back".

 

On the positive side, Pennsylvania and Michigan really aren't all that far apart, so it's not as if you'll be too far from home, in case things do go sour.

 

Could you possibly move to the same town that he's in, but get your own place? That way, you'd be able to see him as much as you like, but you'll retain autonomy and you'll be able to get used to being away from home, supporting yourself, etc. Since your post states that you plan to leave Pennsylvania anyway, this wouldn't be such a bad thing, and I think your family might be less concerned with things not working out for you if you're on your own.

 

Hope this helps a bit.

[wakaranai]

My first relationship also began at the age of 14, and coincidentally, it was a LDR (USA - China). It lasted for 3 years, and believe it or not, I thought she was the one. So let's move straight to the point. Considering that you have only met him twice? in person and for such short periods of time, it's really hard for you to know if he's the one and if you really love him. As a matter of fact, you might not really know him at all! He is your first love, and sometimes it's the chase that's attractive, the challenge, the longing for someone and someone's longing for you in a LDR.

 

Ok, so the pessimistic part is over. You should definitely go if you feel so strongly about it. I really admire your courage and tenacity at such a young age (something I failed at). However, I do think that you need to have plans for the future just as neverletmedown said. you should make two plans, one with him in mind, and another if you ever break up with him. It's true that you know other people down there, but it seems like they are all associated with your bf, and if you guys break up, they will amount to zero.

And if this relationship ends, don't worry, time does heal all scar no matter how deep you may think it is.

 

Best of luck and I hope everything works out!

[HisLove]

I am encouraging my children to become global citizens. I want them to live and work in different countries and cultures. There is nothing I hope more than to be visiting them somewhere else. I want them to get out there in the big world and enjoy it all.

 

So if you were my daughter, I would be encouraging you to explore way beyond your home town and state. Not necessarily to settle with your boyfriend. Don't ever be afraid to spread your wings because your family is holding you too tight. If you leave and travel, they WILL survive.

[Ashy_Face]

We we both have plans for the future. Once I move there I'm getting a job to save up more money. Also he is getting a full time job. We're both going to college but we're waiting a year due to money and having to settle in after I move. I've already looked at colleges in the area and the classes. So I have that all figured out. It would be cheaper to live together and were going to be moving in with his brother and his girlfriend. So that will be cheap. We both have our own money. Me more than him from working so much. So I'm not so worried about money. But the cheapest way possible is my best bet of keeping that money so I could support myself ifanything were to go down the drain A lot of the people I talk to there aren't really friends with him. They know him, they talk to him, but they aren't friends. I'm more friends with them than he is.Now about the age and love thing. Love is love. No matter what the age. The only differences are the challenges in life due to what's going on because of your age. However I'm willing to work through the challenges that I know are ahead. It'll be stressful. We'll fight. But in the end I know I'll still be the happiest I've ever been because I'm with him.

[jimbob96]

It would be a mistake for you to move in together immediately. Fact is that you only know one side of this guy; it can't be any other way since you have not had the "face time" with him to learn his little idiosyncrasies - the things that may drive you nuts - or the things about you that may drive him nuts. Set up housekeeping nearby, get to know him for real. Give it a few months. Then, if all is good, reconsider your housing arrangements. At the worst, it costs you a bit of extra money. At the best, it protects you against a disaster.

[Eilonwy]

I know I'm going to miss my family and my friends beyond beleif. But it's time for me to stand on my own and make my own decisions. It just always brings me down when my Mother tells me "you'll be back, he'll break your heart and I'll have to rally up the gang and have a motorcylce ride up to Michigan and bring you home after we all kick his ass". She likes him though. She's met him and stuff and thinks he's a "nice boy". So I don't understand why she's always trying to bring me down about moving.

 

Of course I don't know your mother, but I think it could very well be that she does this because in some way, she really hopes it will. It must be hard for her to imagine you'll never come back.

 

My dad does similar stuff sometimes ("Next time you see him he'll have a new girl.", "He's probably going out with someone right now while you're waiting here" etc), and it's a bit painful. In his case I'm sure he only says it because he's "jealous" (other times he'll say he thinks this guy is right for me etc) and afraid I might move to another country... and I thought maybe your mom has similar feelings?

 

In any case, all the best for you when you move! To me it sounds like you two really have a strong bond, and I wish you luck.