3rd time a charm

[Jim]

me and my gf have now gotten together for the third time. the second time she dumped me it was because she said she just didnt feel anything towards me. we continued to talk and stayed really good friends.

 

then 3 days ago she said she wanted to go back out with me because she liked me again. her fear was rushing back into the relationship again and she was afraid she wouldnt feel anything again. The second time she went out with me and broke up it was 1 day!

 

now yesterday she told me she thought it might be better to just be friends, and when we were around each other she just felt like friends. i told her that she couldnt expect her intense feelings for me to come back in one or two days and she needed to give it time. she decided to give it some time.

 

i think she expects all the feelings she used to have to come back instantly. i told her they wouldnt for a little while. was i right? we also know each other like theback of our hands so its not such a new exciting experience of our dating. i have never lost feelings for her at all and i care about her a lot. When she asked me out it told me that she has feelings for me too, and that deep down she wants to be more than friends.

 

she has told me shes afraid of commitment and getting locked in. I feel like its kind of my fault because i got very serious in our first relationship and i think shes scared.

 

what can i do to help her get the feelings back she used to have for me? i also need to know how i can help her overcome her fear, because i think thats what the whole problem is.

[PurpleAngel]

WELL WELL WELL… you are speaking to a woman who has had FIRST hand experience at this problem and let me tell you something you are NOT going to want to hear!!! She is not right for you!

 

think she expects all the feelings she used to have to come back instantly. i told her they wouldnt for a little while. was i right?

 

When you love someone you just LOVE THEM and YOU FEEL IT, regardless. Your feelings came back, or in fact never went away, right??? SO why is it any different for her. Don’t make excuses for her.

 

I also need to know how I can help her overcome her fear, because I think that’s what the whole problem is.

 

YES I agree, its probably got nothing to do with you and it is her fear of commitment BUT unfortunately you cannot help her overcome anything, you CAN NOT take her problems on as yours to solve. It is very important she fix this problem IF she in fact wants to.

 

 

 

Gees you sound like me, I did that with my ex for years while he came and went, came and went.. and I let him, saying, like you, ‘he has a commitment problem’, ‘poor baby, I need to give him space’, ‘Its my fault, I am too full on’,’ he does love me, I know it’, ‘I just have to give him time to do whatever and I need to do whatever I can to help him get over it so that we can be happy together’!

 

B***** S***** NO WAY not anymore... if they love you THEY will do whatever to heal and be with you! If the desire is not there on their part, WALK AWAY! trust me, if not you are in for a painful journey my friend. I am sorry I am being so harsh BUT I only wish I could avoid you what I went through with someone who is totally emotionally unavailable and commitment phobic. You know what at the end of the day WHO CARES what their problem is, all you should be worried about is that she is saying to you that she doesn’t feel like that for you and JUST wants to be friends. I wish I had heard my ex when he said that and left it at that BUT NO I have to be Mother Teresa and had to try and help, I thought that through my love I could make him feel what I felt and I could heal him from his fears, again B******* S*******, doesn’t work that way!!! Trust me, the only person you should be healing and worried about is YOU! Cos she aint!

 

Please be strong, I suggest you leave her alone, NO friendship, and NO relationship. She needs to go and do whatever she needs to do. You WILL find some one better, GOD ONLY KNOWS, you deserve it!

 

GOOD LUCK YOU DESERVE ONLY THE BEST!

~PurpleAngel~

[Starlight43]

I say, come on now you can't give this girl what she wants all the time if she's going to be so up and down with ya. Why not play a lil game of hard to get, or a few more games. haha okay maybe not. well maybe the hard to get thing would work, but I think basically you should tell her that you think you should just be friends (no matter what it is that you truly think at the moment) with her and explain to her how she has been in past experiences. I've been in a situation with a sort of up and down person, and its not very fun. You deserve a person that is going to stay true to you all the time, and not break your heart.

but who knows I guess, I'm now with that person that did that to me, and I believe that fate really does exsist, so if it's really meant to be it will be.