Home made love videos but still there is ..ugh Porn

[ahah2322]

I would think that 2X a week is pretty normal.

 

men are wired differently i.e. they do fantasize about having sex with other women but the attached ones don't actually do it because they are commited physically to only one woman.

 

so long as he's not ADDICTED or CONSUMED by porn in which case, IMO, he isn't, that is perfectly fine.

 

th home-made videos are awesome, but not always new and exciting. porn ideas/ fantasies are always in flux and as a girl, i find it more exhilarating. this doesn't mean he finds you unattractive- i'm sure he thinks you're really fab because he's with you!

 

he just requires new materiel/ new flavors to think about.

 

you're not a prude. but it will be helpful if you can understand how men are wired and not take it too personally.

[Ruby Slippers]

Vive le difference!

Point taken.

 

I think my boyfriend is at about your level of interest with it, and in the big picture, especially given the quality of our sex life, I know that's really minor.

 

I guess I just wanted to comment that I do sympathize with the emotional impact it can have. I think we could all benefit from a little more understanding of the other side. I don't think most women want to control their men on this or prohibit it. The more sensitive of us, those with more innocent views of romantic love, would just like a little understanding, and to understand it better ourselves.

 

This thread has been reassuring to me and helped me get a grasp on the rational side of the matter and feel better about it emotionally. So, thanks.

[JerseyShortie]

99% of men, including those in committed relationships, watch porn. Some women like it too, some don't care, and for some it's a huge issue. I don't think the latter are prudes, but they are displaying unwarranted jealousy

 

But it isn’t just about unwarranted jealousy. In those moments that the is turning to porn he is replacing you for that girl. And what is so unwarranted about women not feeling so hot that the man that *claims* he cares so much about her over other women is still seeking out college aged coeds with implants to meet his true desires. Men are lucky in the context that women don’t replace them with colleged aged coeds, sitting around wishing for younger and bigger boobed mates. I don’t think men have any idea how de-feminizing it can feel.

 

It doesn't mean they are comparing you unfavorably to the women in the porn, If they are, they are just as capable of doing that with any woman clothed or semi-clothed. It's not like men need to see a woman butt-naked before they think 'wait a minute, she's hotter than my partner, maybe I should trade up.'

 

The big difference is that with porn, men are seeking it out activity. They are spending some amount of time indirectly chasing other women. Which is an action that is the completely opposite of claiming he wants one woman to be committed to and committed to him

 

You think your partner should only have sexual fantasies about you. Do you never fantasize about a guy you work with, or some mysterious stranger? Well, many men need a visual cue to get that fantasy going, then it's over and they forget about the two-bit whore in the video

 

I don’t know what is worse. The fact that everyday millions and millions of women in relationships have to settle for “gentlemen” that use porn in conjecture with their real life relationship or the fact that you while you like porn, you consider the women in it “two-bit whores” which completely shows a lack of respect for women. And women call them "two bit whroes " themselves to make themselves feel better about the fact that their husbands are choosing these two bit whores over them. Funny how the women in porn movies get called names but the men don’t.

 

Your post is full of you qualifying yourself against these porn rivals. That's not how it works. He just wants to jerk off over some girl he doesn't have to get to know, care about or call the next day. It's you he wants the real deal with

 

As a woman though, when a man is looking at porn, it is a completely contradiction to what he claims he says he really wants. Men want it both ways. They don’t want to really contribute to the needs of a woman in a relationship. That is why so many women are left to struggle with this issue and so many men say “just suck it up and deal with it” in such a cold and selfish manner. It is really disheartening that I see it time and time again then men once again chose porn over their own women in their lives. Women are suppose to “shut up and deal with it” so that men can have their cake and eat it too and not put any real effort into really being a loyal mate for their partner. Seriously, if you wonder why women are bitter to men, this is one big reason why. Men so very obviously don’t care about the real life women they are with over their porn.

 

Men and women can mate for life, or at least for the long term. But most are still attracted to other people, whether they admit it or not. Porn provides a safe release from these feelings, and IMO is going to make him less likely to want to stray in real life, not more

 

I am sorry, but if a man can’t be loyal to his partner without the idea of other woman to sustain him, then maybe he shouldn’t be in a committed monogamous relationship to begin with. I think it’s fine if men need x amount of women to feel good about themselves. What is really awful is that men want both relationships and x amount of women and the ones that end up paying for it are the actual real breathing women that care about him. He certainly doesn’t have to sacrifice or give anything of himself.

 

And if he likes porn (as 99% of men do), and you make a big deal over it, he will most likely just hide his porn use. You'll just have to accept it, forget about it, or find one of the men who doesn't like it (although secretly does

 

Why don’t men just “accept” that women don’t like it in relationships? Why is it always the woman that must “accept” the table scraps men want through our way? As for men just hiding porn when the discover a mate doesn’t accept it, then maybe women should just hide having real affairs because their husband wouldn’t accept it

 

Maybe if men spent more time actually showing respect for the woman in their life, instead of turning to porn, something that treats women like crap, there would be better relationships

 

Because masturbation with porn is a committed man's way of having the sexual variety he (and his hormone flooded brain) need

 

Then that man shouldn’t pretend he cares to be in a committed relationship. Because if a man can only have a supposedly “committed “ relationship through his need to sustain it with x amount of other women, that isn’t really a commitment. It’s a big fat lie he is using to his best desires to get all his needs met . Funny how women are told that men need this and men need that, what about woman’s need and desire to have a man that values them and is truly monogamous? Apparently women are very undeserving of ever having that. Whenever this subject comes up I am once again reminded about how very little men truly care about the woman in their lives

 

]It's always nice when the men in our lives that claim the love us so replace us for younger, super imposed images of other women. It's a great way to show you care guys. Really thanks for showing us women that we are crap to you. This is why it is so hard to really trust men. They don't really want to do anythign to earn our trust. They just want to find a way to get real sex and still be able to look at porn.

[Mr. Lucky]

As a woman though, when a man is looking at porn, it is a completely contradiction to what he claims he says he really wants. Men want it both ways. They don’t want to really contribute to the needs of a woman in a relationship. That is why so many women are left to struggle with this issue and so many men say “just suck it up and deal with it” in such a cold and selfish manner. It is really disheartening that I see it time and time again then men once again chose porn over their own women in their lives. Women are suppose to “shut up and deal with it” so that men can have their cake and eat it too and not put any real effort into really being a loyal mate for their partner. Seriously, if you wonder why women are bitter to men, this is one big reason why. Men so very obviously don’t care about the real life women they are with over their porn. I am sorry, but if a man can’t be loyal to his partner without the idea of other woman to sustain him, then maybe he shouldn’t be in a committed monogamous relationship to begin with.

Jersey, what is your definition of "monogamy" ? It seems to differ from the fromal definition of the word, which is:

1. The practice or condition of having a single sexual partner during a period of time.
   

Whenever this subject comes up I am once again reminded about how very little men truly care about the woman in their lives

 

]It's always nice when the men in our lives that claim the love us so replace us for younger, super imposed images of other women. It's a great way to show you care guys. Really thanks for showing us women that we are crap to you. This is why it is so hard to really trust men. They don't really want to do anythign to earn our trust. They just want to find a way to get real sex and still be able to look at porn.

Wow, bitter much ? That attitude seems like a self-fulfilling prophecy...

 

Mr. Lucky

[JerseyShortie]

Jersey, what is your definition of "monogamy" ? It seems to differ from the fromal definition of the word, which is:

1. The practice or condition of having a single sexual partner during a period of time.
   

 

 

Yes, that is the definition of monogomy, but when you are being told that men use porn to fill in the gaps so that they can sustain themselves in a monogomous relationship, I find that to be a contradiction to claiming to want monogomy. What guys really want is to have it both ways. There is less of a degree of loyaty involved if the only way you can have a relationship with one woman is to feed yourself on ideas and images on other women. There can be physical cheating and there can be emotional cheating. And to some degree, porn can be emotional cheating. I think most men that view pornography do have a kind of emotional response to it.

 

 

Wow, bitter much ? That attitude seems like a self-fulfilling prophecy...

 

 

Unfortunetly, even if it comes off bitter, I am being more realistic about what men do within relationships. This is why I don't even understand why men bother with relationships because they seem to care just as much about their right to porn and ideas of other women as they do the one woman that actually cares about him. It's frustrating and disheartening. It's nice to know that no matter what you do for a man, he can never be happy. What is the point in doing anything for a guy?

[Mr. Lucky]

Yes, that is the definition of monogomy, but when you are being told that men use porn to fill in the gaps so that they can sustain themselves in a monogomous relationship, I find that to be a contradiction to claiming to want monogomy. What guys really want is to have it both ways. There is less of a degree of loyaty involved if the only way you can have a relationship with one woman is to feed yourself on ideas and images on other women. There can be physical cheating and there can be emotional cheating. And to some degree, porn can be emotional cheating. I think most men that view pornography do have a kind of emotional response to it.

But it's no different than the emotional response I might have if I'm sitting at Starbuck's and a pretty girl walks by. Unbidden, into my head pops "I wonder what she looks like naked" ? Does that make me an "emotional cheater" ?

 

Mr. Lucky

[porter218]

Hummingbird I agree that porn has no place in a relationship..but you say that you are only having sex with your partner about 2 days a week. I have never been with a man who didn't need it 6-7 days a week. Perhaps the issue with porn should be dealt with once you two live together and you are actually giving him all the sex he needs. He may be saying that he is ok with the amount of sex he is getting but that is probably because he is supplementing with porn. If once you start having sex every day he continues with the porn that often than he needs to decide if one woman really is what he wants.

I don't put up with my husband watching porn and he has become ok with that because I make sure to tire him out with sex 2-3 times a day. I know some of the men posting on this thread are going to think I am being controlling. but the truth is in retrospect i have found that porn would start popping up in the house only right before and during the times that he cheated on me..as if porn somehow made him venture out and get the real thing elsewhere.

[germanbabe]

Looking at porn may seem like a "harmless" activity because there's no actual sex taking place with a real live woman, but the feelings involved in the process of getting turned on and/or masturbating with porn is definitely a type of cheating. It's called emotional infidelity which can be every bit as devastating as the "real" thing.

 

It's a lame excuse to keep saying that it's natural for men to need variety, etc. Just knowing how hurtful it is to a woman when a man uses porn should be all the prompting he needs to stop doing it. How would men feel if they knew their women were getting all hot and bothered on a regular basis while deliberately enjoying looking at hot men? If a woman tells a man his use of porn hurts her and he keeps doing it anyway, he clearly has no regard for her feelings.

 

Men are not hardwired to need porn. There may be some tendencies to want to look at beautiful women but that doesn't mean that an evolved man can't overcome his "need." I wish men would stop making excuses to make themselves feel better when they know they are hurting their wives and girlfriends. Women have every right to be outraged when their SO uses porn and worse, refuses to give it up.

 

One more point...pornography in general objectifies and demeans women. It helps keep us all trapped in the dark ages where women are still treated like objects.

[ahah2322]

It's called emotional infidelity which can be every bit as devastating as the "real" thing.

 

are you kidding me? ther is no attachment to porn.

 

It's a lame excuse to keep saying that it's natural for men to need variety, etc.

 

no, it's not. how is it a lame excuse? what is wrong with variety? it is more exciting.

 

How would men feel if they knew their women were getting all hot and bothered on a regular basis while deliberately enjoying looking at hot men?

 

I setriously think men wouldn't mind- no double standards there!

 

Men are not hardwired to need porn.

 

obviously, but there is nothing wrong with WANTING to seek self-gratification with porn.

 

I wish men would stop making excuses to make themselves feel better when they know they are hurting their wives and girlfriends.

 

they are not making excuses. in their minds and in truth, there's no attachment to porn: so it's not emotional cheating. besides, variety is sexually-exciting for men: why deny them of fantasies?

 

Women have every right to be outraged when their SO uses porn and worse, refuses to give it up.

 

yes, they do. but i don't think they HAVE THE RIGHT to coerce them to cease pornography viewing. walk if it bothers you so much.

 

One more point...pornography in general objectifies and demeans women. It helps keep us all trapped in the dark ages where women are still treated like objects.

 

uhm...?

[Mr. Lucky]

How would men feel if they knew their women were getting all hot and bothered on a regular basis while deliberately enjoying looking at hot men?

If she used the resulting sexual energy on me, I'm cheap and easy enough to have no objection whatsoever to her occasional use. If she used it instead of me - as sometimes get posted here - Houston, we'd have a problem ...

 

Mr. Lucky

[germanbabe]

Well, above responses missed important points.

 

What's missing here is how a woman feels about it and how the disregard for her feelings affects the relationship. Sure, she can try to ignore it, try to accept it, try to admit that men just can't get past using it, but no matter what, she can't turn off the feeling of betrayal. It doesn't matter that there's no emotional attachment to a photo of an air-brushed babe. She still feels hurt. How can that be ignored?

 

There is no good argument against one person in a relationship who feels hurt by her partner's emotional infidelity, however you try to rationalize it, and people are rationalizing here like crazy. What happened to respecting your partner's wishes if your behavior is damaging the relationship? What is more important here? Your "freedom" to indulge in porn vs. your partner's feelings?

 

If this line of thinking still doesn't make sense, then there is a serious disconnect somewhere and relationships are only going to go so far in terms of emotional intimacy. But then again, it's becoming obvious that real emotional intimacy is not what quite a few love shackers are after. And if that's the case, then so be it.

[Enema]

What's missing here is how a woman feels about it and how the disregard for her feelings affects the relationship.

 

Why should her feelings trump his? Why should he have to change for her?

 

Double standard. If you don't like him the way he is, find a guy that has the same outlook as you. Good Luck!

 

 

What happened to respecting your partner's wishes if your behavior is damaging the relationship? What is more important here?

 

Again, why are the womans feelings more important than the mans?

 

The woman's irrational expectations when dealing with her husband's porn use are "damaging the relationship" so why doesn't she change?

 

If you don't like it. Find one of the 2 guys on earth who don't look at porn.

 

 

But then again, it's becoming obvious that real emotional intimacy is not what quite a few love shackers are after. And if that's the case, then so be it.

 

Nice ad-hominem attack on love shackers... you're doing wonders to dispel the "crazy anti-porn lady" rep you've created.

[Mr. Lucky]

There is no good argument against one person in a relationship who feels hurt by her partner's emotional infidelity, however you try to rationalize it, and people are rationalizing here like crazy.

Again, porn and infidelity are not the same thing, anymore than my wife's enjoyment of "The Hills" equates to her looting our 401K and moving to Laguna Beach. My commitment to her is real, the occasional woman on my flat screen is a fantasy. Thank God she's smart enough to know the difference...

 

Mr. Lucky

[JerseyShortie]

Mr Lucky:

But it's no different than the emotional response I might have if I'm sitting at Starbuck's and a pretty girl walks by. Unbidden, into my head pops "I wonder what she looks like naked" ? Does that make me an "emotional cheater"?

 

To some degree, sure why not? You are having both a physical and emotional response to another woman. There is something very basica and somewhat emotional to that response.

 

BTW, I really hate it when I am out or I go to Starbucks and there is a man there clearly with a girlfriend or wife and he is checking me out. It’s just another thing that makes me disheartened about men. Espeically when they are older guys. It lets me know what I have to look foward to from men. But whatever, most men just aren’t very loyal even though they want loyalty.

 

 

Porter:

I don't put up with my husband watching porn and he has become ok with that because I make sure to tire him out with sex 2-3 times a day. I know some of the men posting on this thread are going to think I am being controlling.

 

I don’t think it’s controlling so much as you compromising. I am sure having sex 2-3 times a day isn’t always easy and you are giving him more sex in return for his visual fidelity

 

Ahah:

are you kidding me? ther is no attachment to porn.

 

Actually, there seems to be a huge attachment to porn from men. Otherwise so many men wouldn’t argue it into the ground. It's something that starts as soon as they hit puberty, and well into adulthood, they still can't seem to let go of those pubecent fantasies. I think porn makes men not only horny but gives them feelings of feeling more masculine, sexy…etc etc…. Especially when there is a particular lady that he is very attracted to in said movie. There are very real feelings that get re-created when a man uses porn.

 

 

Ahah:

Obviously, but there is nothing wrong with WANTING to seek self-gratification with porn.

 

I actually agree. I don’t think it’s wrong for men to want to seek self gratification with porn. What I think is messed up is the amount that men do it today, the kind of porn that is out there, they way it depicts women and a whole mess of other items.

 

Ahah:

They are not making excuses. in their minds and in truth, there's no attachment to porn: so it's not emotional cheating. besides, variety is sexually-exciting for men: why deny them of fantasies?

 

No one is denying them anything. If men need/want variety, then they should go out there and have variety. But don’t get into a committed relationship and turn around and say you need variety. That is completely unfair to your partner and completely self-serving

 

Ahah:

yes, they do. but i don't think they HAVE THE RIGHT to coerce them to cease pornography viewing. walk if it bothers you so much

 

I know a few women that have walked because of their husbands/boyfriends porn use. And to be honest, I don’t think anyone here is coercing anyone to do anything. We all have are opinions on it. Men don’t have any more of a right to “coerce” a woman into accepting it into a relationship.

 

 

Germanbabe:

What's missing here is how a woman feels about it and how the disregard for her feelings affects the relationship. Sure, she can try to ignore it, try to accept it, try to admit that men just can't get past using it

 

I don't think it's fair at all to ask women to ignore it/accept it. All that solves is for him to get all his needs met while she is suppose to supress hers. How is that fair

 

My question for the men that use the old argument “just ignore it/accept it”. Why don’t men just ignore porn and accept it not being a part of their life anymore.

 

Germanbabe:

Your "freedom" to indulge in porn vs. your partner's feelings?

 

I think we can see that many men choose their freedom to indulge in porn unfortunetly. A lot of men show us what is really important to them. And it isn’t their real life partner.

 

Enema:

Why should her feelings trump his? Why should he have to change for her?

 

Why is he in a relationship if he wants variety? If you want x amount of women, then please go find that. But why do men get into committed relationships only to disappoint their partners with their desire to have their cake and eat it too? If men want other women, then go out and find it. Don't pretend you care about that one woman while you on the side feed yourself with other women.

 

 

Again, why are the womans feelings more important than the mans?

 

 

Why is the porn more important then the woman?

 

 

Mr.Lucky:

Again, porn and infidelity are not the same thing, anymore than my wife's enjoyment of "The Hills" equates to her looting our 401K and moving to Laguna Beach. My commitment to her is real, the occasional woman on my flat screen is a fantasy. Thank God she's smart enough to know the difference...

 

Mr, Lucky, is there not a tv show that you watch that is fantasy? Perhaps LOST? Because that would be comparable to her watching the Hills. Porn is not comparable to The Hills unless she is masturbating to the young guys on there. Which I highly doubt anyway. If the occasional woman on your flat screen is not such a big deal, then why do men even need to seek it out?

 

I don't understand men and how they say porn is no big deal yet the length they go to keep porn a part of their life tells a very different story.

[Order & Chaos]

In every relationship there are certain lists, the priority "I'm not going to compromise on", the secondary "I would really like but open to some compromise, and then the misc "I really don't care".

 

Know yourself, know what you want in each column and then stick to it. If porn use is so awful that one feels it is emotional/visual infidelity then make that known in the beginning and don't compromise. But understand if the other party won't compromise either. To me this is like wanting children, money, religion, etc. Possibly hot topics that need to be discussed before marriage.

 

I'm a woman and a feminist but can not get this worked up over porn. There men who don't look at it (contrary to popular belief here), my sep. husband. We have viewed it together but I really don't think he has any real interest in it.

 

As a woman I have viewed porn for fun and on my own. No different than some women getting aroused by romance novels. Men are visual, women are more mental/fantasy. I really don't see a difference with it and have no problem with porn unless it started replacing actual sex.

 

I do think that if one feels even checking someone out in public is some sort of cheating you are in for a world of disappointing in every relationship. There isn't a man or woman alive who hasn't done that. Shoot you aren't dead when you are married or a monk!

 

Again, for me, it comes back to the top part of my post. You know yourself, you know what you want, and you stay true. If your partner deviants from it then you have to address it and see where you are. Do not lessen yourself by compromising on things you just can't compromise on but don't expect the other person to do it either. Therapy has been a big help for me on that. Lessening yourself only works for a certain amount time but it will always pop back up.

 

But just b/c one feels one way on something doesn't mean the other person is wrong for believing differently.

[Mr. Lucky]

I do think that if one feels even checking someone out in public is some sort of cheating you are in for a world of disappointing in every relationship. There isn't a man or woman alive who hasn't done that. Shoot you aren't dead when you are married or a monk!

An actual realistic understanding of men! Nice to see

BTW, I really hate it when I am out or I go to Starbucks and there is a man there clearly with a girlfriend or wife and he is checking me out. It’s just another thing that makes me disheartened about men. Espeically when they are older guys. It lets me know what I have to look foward to from men. But whatever, most men just aren’t very loyal even though they want loyalty.

Jersey, I'm going to make it easy for you by disclosing the heretofore secret workings of the male mind. I may be jeapordizing my mancard in doing so, but here goes:

 

1). Q - Why do men check out other women?

 

A - Because we're men, that's how we are. Love us or hate us, you're pretty much stuck with us .

 

2). Q - Why do men fantasize about other women?

 

A - See answer #1 above.

 

3). Q - Why do men look at porn?

 

A - See answer #1 above.

 

I hope this clears it up for you...

 

Mr. Lucky

[Mr. Lucky]

you are giving him more sex in return for his visual fidelity

Now that one made me laugh. "Visual fidelity" ? What exactly does that mean?

 

Mr. Lucky

[angryyoungman70]

What happened to respecting your partner's wishes if your behavior is damaging the relationship?

 

Such as the case of a man's wife only allowing intimate encounters once evry 4-6 weeks on average?

 

I think you're missing the point.

[JerseyShortie]

I'm a woman and a feminist but can not get this worked up over porn.

 

I hope you are saying that you can not get this worked up over porn and not telling other women what they should or shouldn't take issue with.

 

 

As a woman I have viewed porn for fun and on my own. No different than some women getting aroused by romance novels. Men are visual, women are more mental/fantasy. I really don't see a difference with it and have no problem with porn unless it started replacing actual sex.

 

I really don't know one woman that reads romance novels that masturbates them. I also never heard of a romance novel degrading men by calling them names and other such items. I think romance novels can be compared to video games for men. An activity that is stereotypically enjoyed by the other sex, that while can be "sexy" in it's own right, is not a masturbation tool".

 

I do think that if one feels even checking someone out in public is some sort of cheating you are in for a world of disappointing in every relationship. There isn't a man or woman alive who hasn't done that. Shoot you aren't dead when you are married or a monk!

 

There are varying degrees to which you could be cheating. If you happen to see someone attractive and think they are hot, and move on, that's okay. However, if you choose to focus on that person to the extent of picturing them naked, to some diegree you aren't really being very sincere to your partner. I' m not saying a man or woman is never going to look at another person again. I however think more women would be okay with their man saying "Oh she is cute"..instead of " oh I wonder what she looks naked I want to have sex with her".

 

As it stands, I still find it disheartening when a man is out with his very own family and looking at other women. It's a reminder of what women have to look forward to from their men and not a very nice reminder. But it seems like most men don't give a crap anyway.

 

 

Jersey, I'm going to make it easy for you by disclosing the heretofore secret workings of the male mind. I may be jeapordizing my mancard in doing so, but here goes:

 

1). Q - Why do men check out other women?

 

A - Because we're men, that's how we are. Love us or hate us, you're pretty much stuck with us .

 

2). Q - Why do men fantasize about other women?

 

A - See answer #1 above.

 

3). Q - Why do men look at porn?

 

A - See answer #1 above.

 

I hope this clears it up for you...

 

Mr. Lucky

 

I'm not clear on what that was suppose to clear up as that had nothing to do with my post. These where not the questions I asked. And I really hate the lame excuse men use with "i'm a man, that's why it's okay for me to behave anyway I please even if it is hurtful and disrespectful to others". It's really upsetting that men care really so little about their women but they sure do seem to care for every other woman out there. If men want variety, have variety. No problem! But why do men even bother with relationships since they so obviously don't prize anything that is associated with a committed relationship.

[Mr. Lucky]

you are giving him more sex in return for his visual fidelity

It's not for me to say whether (for you) your stance is right or wrong. You obviously feel strongly about it. But the real loss for you is that every man, sooner or later, is going to disappoint you in your demand for visual and mental fidelity and I'd have to assume that this has been an issue for you in relationships to this point. Am I right ?

 

You might find a guy that could skillfully cover for a few months or even longer, but , sooner or later, a chink in the armor will appear. Your man will look at, ponder on or fantasize about another woman. Much like more overt forms of emotional or physical infidelity, will that be a deal-breaker for you? Will you dump every guy that is visually unfaithful?

 

Mr. Lucky

[porter218]

Mr. Lucky, I am not sure if you are talking to Jerseyshorty or me..who, that comment she made was directed toward. Anyway I wouldn't call watching porn being unfaithful but I will call it being disrespectful if your partner doesn't approve. and as far as would I leave for that reason..YES. But as far as someone hiding it from me for more than a day or two..simply impossible in my home. I am a PI on the side and already have a suspicious mind. I however am not against porn in general, many people watch it without hurting anyone. Hell, I have even dated a man who owned one of the bigger porn companies for over a year ( and with him it didn't bother me when he looked at it because you could see he was bored by that crap..he just had to do it for work). I only take issue with those who watch it even though they are fully aware their spouse is hurt, this is a sign of addiction.

Oh and on another note, if I was with my H in Starbucks and saw him undress someone with his eyes I would slap the hell out of him. For those of you who don't understand why..this is too allow him to be as embarrassed as I am to be in public with my man and have him looking that way at someone else. I don't mind him taking quick notice of someone being pretty, but what you were talking about is just plain lewd.

[JerseyShortie]

But the real loss for you is that every man, sooner or later, is going to disappoint you in your demand for visual and mental fidelity and I'd have to assume that this has been an issue for you in relationships to this point. Am I right ?

 

Maybe the real loss is all the men out there that devide their time between their real life SO and their demands to still use other women for sexual cues. Perhaps if men controlled their weaknesses more instead of exploiting them themselves, perhaps more women would be more of the type of partner a man wanted.

 

But to answer your question, yes it is always an issue in relationships because men jsut aren't very loyal. It's depressing. All the men with daughters out there should make sure to tell her that she isn't going to be special or number one in any man's life because most men need porn AND a real woman to be completely happy with themselve and with their woman. That unfortunetly seems to be the sad cold truth.

 

 

You might find a guy that could skillfully cover for a few months or even longer, but , sooner or later, a chink in the armor will appear. Your man will look at, ponder on or fantasize about another woman. Much like more overt forms of emotional or physical infidelity, will that be a deal-breaker for you? Will you dump every guy that is visually unfaithful?

 

Perhaps. Who wants to be with a man that no matter what you do for him, throws it away for a "chink in the armor". Obviously in that moment that chink in the armor is more important to him then his SO. And every time a man does that, he is only proving how true that statment is.

 

Oh and on another note, if I was with my H in Starbucks and saw him undress someone with his eyes I would slap the hell out of him. For those of you who don't understand why..this is too allow him to be as embarrassed as I am to be in public with my man and have him looking that way at someone else. I don't mind him taking quick notice of someone being pretty, but what you were talking about is just plain lewd.

 

That's exactly how I feel. I sometimes see a cute man. I will notice and say he is cute. But then he is out of my head and I am not thinking of his sexually. I am not using him as fonder so that I can be turned on to have sex with the man with me. I would consider that plain disrespectful. I have seen men with their gf/wives check me out. And I have looked over at their gf/wives and you can see the unhappy looks on their faces. It certainly doesn't make me any happier either. Women don't prize men that can't be kind, warm, compassionate, considerate, loving and loyal to their own woman.

[Order & Chaos]

I hope you are saying that you can not get this worked up over porn and not telling other women what they should or shouldn't take issue with.

 

 

 

 

I really don't know one woman that reads romance novels that masturbates them. I also never heard of a romance novel degrading men by calling them names and other such items. I think romance novels can be compared to video games for men. An activity that is stereotypically enjoyed by the other sex, that while can be "sexy" in it's own right, is not a masturbation tool".

 

 

 

There are varying degrees to which you could be cheating. If you happen to see someone attractive and think they are hot, and move on, that's okay. However, if you choose to focus on that person to the extent of picturing them naked, to some diegree you aren't really being very sincere to your partner. I' m not saying a man or woman is never going to look at another person again. I however think more women would be okay with their man saying "Oh she is cute"..instead of " oh I wonder what she looks naked I want to have sex with her".

 

As it stands, I still find it disheartening when a man is out with his very own family and looking at other women. It's a reminder of what women have to look forward to from their men and not a very nice reminder. But it seems like most men don't give a crap anyway.

 

 

 

 

I'm not clear on what that was suppose to clear up as that had nothing to do with my post. These where not the questions I asked. And I really hate the lame excuse men use with "i'm a man, that's why it's okay for me to behave anyway I please even if it is hurtful and disrespectful to others". It's really upsetting that men care really so little about their women but they sure do seem to care for every other woman out there. If men want variety, have variety. No problem! But why do men even bother with relationships since they so obviously don't prize anything that is associated with a committed relationship.

 

Did you see where I told other people what they should think? No. I made and "I" statement thusly my thoughts and feelings.

 

And yes I do know women who have used romance novels for "recreational use". I would argue that any tingling while reading a romance novel would then, under your terms, be a fidelity issue.

 

And yes there are many romance novels that don't have the guy in the best light as well as porn that isn't necc calling the woman bad names. There is some porn that is just about a couple making love. Look at what HBO plays late at night.

 

I am also not saying you are wrong for your beliefs, I am just saying with how narrow the perimeters you are going to, most likely, always end up disappointed in the opposite sex.

 

Do you consider masturbation wrong? Do you consider fantasying about a Hollywood star or an imaginary person cheating? Isn't even noticing another's attractiveness some degree of cheating?

 

Again, if you read my whole post then you see that I said you need to figure out your priority list and be true to it from the get go. This isn't about a right and wrong but about personal preference.

[MsActual]

It is disrespectful.

 

I wonder if any of these men have considered what it would feel like to them if their wives/girlfriends kept a stash of manly, well-hung hunks - dvds, magazines, whatever - only to reassure him that she doesn't REALLY want a bigger johnson - his is just fine, but what's the harm? Would he really be ok with that?

 

What if he caught her eyeing other men, looking at their crotches, butt, whatever. Men do this because they choose to, not because they are "wired" that way. This is just one more pop-psychology lie people use to rationalize their behavior. They buy into it because they want to.

[LucreziaBorgia]

Perhaps if men controlled their weaknesses more instead of exploiting them themselves, perhaps more women would be more of the type of partner a man wanted.

 

Just to play devil's advocate the same could be said for the other side:

 

Perhaps if women controlled their weaknesses (jealousy, insecurity, inability to understand that men and women have different hormone and hormone levels which dictate sexual, psychological, and emotional behaviors and reactions to stimuli), perhaps more women would be more of the type of partner a man wants.

 

Not much better, eh?

 

Somewhere there is a middle ground, and failure to even consider the notion of meeting halfway is what makes for broken hearts and disillusion with the opposite gender in general.

 

"Pretend that you can ignore concrete sexual stimuli to satisfy a woman's intangible notion of 'fidelity'" is as offensive for a man as "pretend that you are ok with porn" is to a woman.

 

Compromise. Middle ground. If it can't (or worse won't) be found - then there can't be happiness. Only one person pretending to be happy at their own expense for the benefit of someone else.