Home made love videos but still there is ..ugh Porn

[fral945]

It is disrespectful.

 

I wonder if any of these men have considered what it would feel like to them if their wives/girlfriends kept a stash of manly, well-hung hunks - dvds, magazines, whatever - only to reassure him that she doesn't REALLY want a bigger johnson - his is just fine, but what's the harm? Would he really be ok with that?

 

What if he caught her eyeing other men, looking at their crotches, butt, whatever. Men do this because they choose to, not because they are "wired" that way. This is just one more pop-psychology lie people use to rationalize their behavior. They buy into it because they want to.

 

It wouldn't bother me. In fact, I'd be more turned on because that would mean she's thinking about sex all the time like me. Of course, your example is theoretical since in real life it is not true.

 

You and JS don't seem to get it. I'll spell in big letters:

 

MEN CRAVE SEXUAL VARIETY. NO SINGLE WOMAN CAN SATISFY A SINGLE MAN 100% SEXUALLY.

 

I'd even take it a step further and say no amount of women could satisfy a single man. If I had a harem of porn stars I'd probably still be unsatisfied. For women this may not be true. I'm not a woman so I won't claim to know.

 

I agree men can control how they respond, but not how they think or feel. Can you stop your thoughts or feelings? You and JS seem to think men should be able to stop their sexual thoughts and feelings. Unless he was born without testicles, I don't think any man could do what you and JS ask. The urge not to look at a beautiful women when you are horny is analogous to not looking at a big juicy piece of steak when you are hungry.

[JerseyShortie]

Perhaps if women controlled their weaknesses (jealousy, insecurity, inability to understand that men and women have different hormone and hormone levels which dictate sexual, psychological, and emotional behaviors and reactions to stimuli), perhaps more women would be more of the type of partner a man wants.

 

Yeah, I wonder why women are insecure. Having every man they have dated since they were 15 use them and porn interchangably where the girls never get older, have perfect bodies, are everything men want in a woman fantasy wise, and the multi billion dollar business that porn is, while men stare at other women in public and always seem to want to remind women how much they are lacking and how they can't satisfy a man..yeah, it's a wonder women are insecure. ((sarcasm)). I don't think men are exactly doing a stellar job or understanding that women and men are different over women my friend. Infact, I think men tend to be the more self-serving sex.

 

It wouldn't bother me. In fact, I'd be more turned on because that would mean she's thinking about sex all the time like me. Of course, your example is theoretical since in real life it is not true.

 

Actually, I think more men would be more bothered about this then they even know themselves. They have never been put in the same position as women have in regards to this. But I think if women were exploiting men for there every inherent insecurity that they worry women want them for, and making it a multi billion dollar business, I think men wouldn't be so happy about it.

 

MEN CRAVE SEXUAL VARIETY. NO SINGLE WOMAN CAN SATISFY A SINGLE MAN 100% SEXUALLY.

 

That's fine! If you crave sexual variety as a man, that no single women can satisfy, then don't get into a committed relationship where you are pretending you are being monogomous and loyal. What is so hard to understand about that? Don't get into a relationship with a woman that thinks you want the same thigns she wants, prizes loyatly, only to tell her that "i'm a man, I need sexual variety in woman, so shut up and deal with my porn." Anyway, sexual variety could mean different things. I could mean different acts. It doesn't have to mean different women. IF YOU NEED VARIETY IN WOMEN AS A MAN, DON'T TRY TO HAVE YOUR CAKE AND EAT IT TOO BY GETTING INTO A MONOGOMOUS RELATIONSHIP WITH ONE WOMAN AND THEN TELLING HER YOU NEED VARIETY. That is completely selfish and unfair.

 

The urge not to look at a beautiful women when you are horny is analogous to not looking at a big juicy piece of steak when you are hungry.

 

And the urge to garner lots of male attention isn't always easy to avoid as well. But I do out because I care about my partner more.

 

Are men really this selfish????

[Order & Chaos]

Yeah, I wonder why women are insecure. Having every man they have dated since they were 15 use them and porn interchangably where the girls never get older, have perfect bodies, are everything men want in a woman fantasy wise, and the multi billion dollar business that porn is, while men stare at other women in public and always seem to want to remind women how much they are lacking and how they can't satisfy a man..yeah, it's a wonder women are insecure. ((sarcasm)). I don't think men are exactly doing a stellar job or understanding that women and men are different over women my friend. Infact, I think men tend to be the more self-serving sex.

 

 

 

Actually, I think more men would be more bothered about this then they even know themselves. They have never been put in the same position as women have in regards to this. But I think if women were exploiting men for there every inherent insecurity that they worry women want them for, and making it a multi billion dollar business, I think men wouldn't be so happy about it.

 

 

 

That's fine! If you crave sexual variety as a man, that no single women can satisfy, then don't get into a committed relationship where you are pretending you are being monogomous and loyal. What is so hard to understand about that? Don't get into a relationship with a woman that thinks you want the same thigns she wants, prizes loyatly, only to tell her that "i'm a man, I need sexual variety in woman, so shut up and deal with my porn." Anyway, sexual variety could mean different things. I could mean different acts. It doesn't have to mean different women. IF YOU NEED VARIETY IN WOMEN AS A MAN, DON'T TRY TO HAVE YOUR CAKE AND EAT IT TOO BY GETTING INTO A MONOGOMOUS RELATIONSHIP WITH ONE WOMAN AND THEN TELLING HER YOU NEED VARIETY. That is completely selfish and unfair.

 

 

 

And the urge to garner lots of male attention isn't always easy to avoid as well. But I do out because I care about my partner more.

 

Are men really this selfish????

 

Goodness you have a very negative view of men. It really is quite sad. There are so many good ones and as a whole they are a great bunch to be around. Shoot more of my friends are men than women.

 

Again why are you lumping all men together? Do you lump all women? Not all women view men as selfish for this?

 

Listen if your partner is doing this and you are so against it why don't you end the relationship? If it is so disrespectful why not cast him aside for the chance with a man that doesn't view porn. They are out there. You are obviously very unhappy about this and sounding quite bitter. Go find a man that will respect these wishes of your's.

[LucreziaBorgia]

Having every man they have dated since they were 15 use them and porn interchangably where the girls never get older, have perfect bodies, are everything men want in a woman fantasy wise, and the multi billion dollar business that porn is, while men stare at other women in public and always seem to want to remind women how much they are lacking and how they can't satisfy a man..yeah, it's a wonder women are insecure.

 

I think I'm beginning to understand why you post what you do.

[LucreziaBorgia]

I wanted to post again to say that I didn't mean for that to sound snarky or mean, just that it sounds like you may have been hurt in the past over something like this.

[Ruby Slippers]

That's fine! If you crave sexual variety as a man, that no single women can satisfy, then don't get into a committed relationship where you are pretending you are being monogomous and loyal. What is so hard to understand about that? Don't get into a relationship with a woman that thinks you want the same thigns she wants, prizes loyatly, only to tell her that "i'm a man, I need sexual variety in woman, so shut up and deal with my porn."

I see what you're saying, and I agree with your logic -- in a perfect world. But this isn't a perfect world, and people are selfish creatures. Most men want the social benefits of long-term commitment, a family, and a supportive partner, but they don't want to give up the "variety" that porn and checking out other women provides. Most women seem to be trained to accept or tolerate male use of porn. Unless the majority of women absolutely do not accept it and men have to deal with the consequences, men will continue to defend their "right" to use it. And this is something I don't see changing anytime soon. On this point, women by and large remain fairly submissive to men.

[fral945]

Actually, I think more men would be more bothered about this then they even know themselves. They have never been put in the same position as women have in regards to this. But I think if women were exploiting men for there every inherent insecurity that they worry women want them for, and making it a multi billion dollar business, I think men wouldn't be so happy about it.

 

JS,

 

Arguing with you is a never ending battle, but it gives me good practice in arguing my points, so I'll continue.

 

So you know how men think, I see? That is one of your main problems with all of your posts on porn, you think you're the expert on how men think. You're not. With the statements you made above it is obvious to any man (and probably many women) that you have your head in the sand.

 

 

That's fine! If you crave sexual variety as a man, that no single women can satisfy, then don't get into a committed relationship where you are pretending you are being monogomous and loyal. What is so hard to understand about that? Don't get into a relationship with a woman that thinks you want the same thigns she wants, prizes loyatly, only to tell her that "i'm a man, I need sexual variety in woman, so shut up and deal with my porn." Anyway, sexual variety could mean different things. I could mean different acts. It doesn't have to mean different women. IF YOU NEED VARIETY IN WOMEN AS A MAN, DON'T TRY TO HAVE YOUR CAKE AND EAT IT TOO BY GETTING INTO A MONOGOMOUS RELATIONSHIP WITH ONE WOMAN AND THEN TELLING HER YOU NEED VARIETY. That is completely selfish and unfair.

 

If we use your criteria for getting into relationships, JS, no man would ever be in a relationship. Do you really believe the men that get into relationships with you want exactly what you want? If so, you've identified your own problem. I know that the women I get involved with don't have the same wants as me in a relationship. It would be childish to think so. The important thing to me is that I satisfy the wants and needs that she has, and that she does the same for me. We are partners, not equals. We each have something to bring to the relationship.

 

You have an extremely black and white view of life. Most things in life are shades of gray and porn falls into that category. It may or may not be bad depending on the context.

 

Although sex is hard wired, it is not the be all end all. Many of us (including myself) would like to have a loving wife, family, and children one day. So if I find a women that is a great match but maybe not the greatest match sexually, does that mean I should not get into a relationship? Because I will use porn or possibly cheat because the woman will not fully satisfy me sexually? You do realize that men are far more monogamous today that anytime ever in history? If you think it's bad now, go back thousands or years when kings had harems of women, polygymy was the norm, and prostitution was far more prevalent. We've evolved quite a bit I'd say.

 

Would you apply the same criteria to women who seek out friends or family, or other men to meet their emotional needs? If I used your criteria, then if a woman cannot get all her emotional needs met through me, then she shouldn't get involved with me.

 

I can honestly understand why you don't like porn. Most women don't. No one is saying you have to like it, but your reaction to it is highly inflammatory. Women are not exactly perfect, you know? There are things I don't like about women but I accept because I know men and women are not wired the same way.

[Mr. Lucky]

Oh and on another note, if I was with my H in Starbucks and saw him undress someone with his eyes I would slap the hell out of him. For those of you who don't understand why..this is too allow him to be as embarrassed as I am to be in public with my man and have him looking that way at someone else. I don't mind him taking quick notice of someone being pretty, but what you were talking about is just plain lewd.

Whoa, hold on a minute! Not only did you have this reaction, but then Jersey said:

 

"That's exactly how I feel. I sometimes see a cute man. I will notice and say he is cute. But then he is out of my head and I am not thinking of his sexually. I am not using him as fonder so that I can be turned on to have sex with the man with me. I would consider that plain disrespectful. I have seen men with their gf/wives check me out. And I have looked over at their gf/wives and you can see the unhappy looks on their faces. It certainly doesn't make me any happier either. Women don't prize men that can't be kind, warm, compassionate, considerate, loving and loyal to their own woman."

 

Just so we're clear, here's what I posted initially:

But it's no different than the emotional response I might have if I'm sitting at Starbuck's and a pretty girl walks by. Unbidden, into my head pops "I wonder what she looks like naked" ?

 

Mr. Lucky

Where did I say "stare" "ogle" "drool" "letch" or especially "undress her with my eyes" or "check her out"??? Oh wait, I forgot, according to some posters that's just how ALL men are. At the minimum, you're guilty of painting with an extremely broad brush...

 

Mr. Lucky

[porter218]

Mr. Lucky

Never underestimate how much a woman can read in the way a man looks at her. This is something that we can see even if the look isn't long and you aren't "drooling" lol. I know you don't realize the look is lewd otherwise you wouldn't do it..but we know what is passing through your head.. usually.

[Jersey Shortie]

Goodness you have a very negative view of men.

 

I have a realistic view of men. Fathers should tell their daughters that while they grow hoping for the day that a man falls in love them, men are hoping for the day when the next playboy playmate issue comes out.

 

 

Most men want the social benefits of long-term commitment, a family, and a supportive partner, but they don't want to give up the "variety" that porn and checking out other women provides.

 

I realize this. That's why it really hurts. Men have their cake and eat it too and women are the ones that have to make the compromises just to have some affection in their lives.

 

 

With the statements you made above it is obvious to any man (and probably many women) that you have your head in the sand.

 

Exactly what statements do you think I have my head in the sand about? I actually think I am just now being realistic about how most men are.

 

 

Most things in life are shades of gray and porn falls into that category. It may or may not be bad depending on the context.

 

No, porn isn't bad for men at all. It's just bad for all the women out there that will forever have to play next to it to have a relationship with a man. Men win, women loose and I just guess that that is how men want it.

 

 

Although sex is hard wired, it is not the be all end all. Many of us (including myself) would like to have a loving wife, family, and children one day.

 

Yes, I know men want these things. But on top of that they still want to look at 18 year olds in porn. It's a nice thank you to the mother of your child that obviously is only getting older everyday.

 

 

So if I find a women that is a great match but maybe not the greatest match sexually, does that mean I should not get into a relationship? Because I will use porn or possibly cheat because the woman will not fully satisfy me sexually?

 

I don't have the answer for that. I don't understand why men have committed relationships and then turn around and say " I need variety". Actually, I guess I do understand it. It's because the guy wants his cake and to eat it too. He will get his needs met in that type of situation and the woman is suppose to compromise on her needs in this situation. Such as the need for monogamy, respect and loyalty. The one thing men expect women to compromise on is other women. It's a big joke about being "committed".

 

 

Would you apply the same criteria to women who seek out friends or family, or other men to meet their emotional needs? If I used your criteria, then if a woman cannot get all her emotional needs met through me, then she shouldn't get involved with me.

 

I never said a man or a woman shouldn't have friends or family. If she is seeking out other romantic emotional needs with other men, you have a problem and she isn't respecting her relationship.

 

Women are not exactly perfect, you know? There are things I don't like about women but I accept because I know men and women are not wired the same way.

 

I never said women were perfect. This is the issue we are discussing though and it's an issue obviously, by the millions of posts here about porn, that many women struggle with. It's just too bad that so many men choose porn and choose to make women struggle with this issue.

 

 

Where did I say "stare" "ogle" "drool" "letch" or especially "undress her with my eyes" or "check her out"??? Oh wait, I forgot, according to some posters that's just how ALL men are. At the minimum, you're guilty of painting with an extremely broad brush...

 

You said you were thinking of what she looked like naked. That is less then innocent.

 

I really like thought how most of the guys ignore the comments I make about men wanting both a committed relationship and variety at the same time. Please tell me gentlemen, how that is fair to the woman you claim to care for above all others? Why is it that the one thing you want women to compromise on is "other women"? Do you not see how unfair that is? Do you not see how unfair it is to get into a relationship and then turn around and directly or indirectly let your SO know that you need other women to be happy. It makes relationships with men a big joke.

[Order & Chaos]

Wow I feel bad that some of you have had to feel like you needed to negate yourselves so much to keep a relationship going.

 

I do not feel, and anyone that knows me, that I have been trained to be submissive to men! And just b/c women may disagree does not mean that they then have been trained to think a different way and they would really feel the way you do. That is just rude.

 

Have you tried therapy? I have never in my wildest days ever thought that men are waiting for the next Playboy bunny. I have a high sense of self respect and esteem and know the wonderful assests I bring to the table and know that any man would be honored to have me with them. But I am not threatened by noticing the attractiveness of another being/object.

 

Again why are you making compromises to have affection? Why not stand your ground and see what that gets you. You would be happier. And is the affection worth it so much that you are willing to negate yourself. Wouldn't it be better to be on your own than with someone and so bitter?

[fral945]

I have a realistic view of men.

 

No, you don't. You expect us to think and feel like you do.

 

Exactly what statements do you think I have my head in the sand about? I actually think I am just now being realistic about how most men are.

 

That men and women are not the same. You seem to think that we think and feel like women. You've stated several times you think you know how men would respond in certain situations.

 

 

I never said women were perfect. This is the issue we are discussing though and it's an issue obviously, by the millions of posts here about porn, that many women struggle with. It's just too bad that so many men choose porn and choose to make women struggle with this issue.

 

We choose to make women struggle with this issue? So it's our fault. How? You choose to make it an issue to struggle with. I didn't choose to be born with a penis and sexually excited by millions of different women. Frankly, life would be a lot easier if I wasn't sexually aroused by different women. I could accomplish a lot more in life. It is just the way I am.

 

Many women have learned not to make it such a big issue. There may be women who feel the way you do, but they do not choose to react the way you do.

 

I really like thought how most of the guys ignore the comments I make about men wanting both a committed relationship and variety at the same time. Please tell me gentlemen, how that is fair to the woman you claim to care for above all others? Why is it that the one thing you want women to compromise on is "other women"? Do you not see how unfair that is? Do you not see how unfair it is to get into a relationship and then turn around and directly or indirectly let your SO know that you need other women to be happy. It makes relationships with men a big joke.

 

It's not unfair because men and women are different. We are comparing apples and oranges, not apples and apples. You're attempting to apply a standard that is true for women to men.

 

All of your arguments about porn I can counter with examples from romance novels. Most men cannot meet the expectations met in those books. All of them involve generally a tall, dark, well-muscled tycoon chasing one woman. Think we don't feel "disheartened"? Those of us short, fat, bald, pale, and poor men? Is that what women want us to be? How can we possibly measure up? And please don't argue about how it's not the same because porn is degrading. We've already discussed that ad nauseam. You find porn offensive, we know. That isn't going to change.

 

Both provide completely unrealistic views of the opposite sex and ideals of what we would like in the opposite sex. But they are fantasies and escapes from reality, and they satisfy our needs when they are not being met. As long as people don't begin using them in place of the real thing.

[Mr. Lucky]

You said you were thinking of what she looked like naked. That is less then innocent.

Ah, so now I understand the standard you're looking to set. Not only does a man need to conduct himself in a way you approve, but his thoughts are also subject to your review and consent. Good luck with that...

 

Mr. Lucky

[The Collector]

As has been mentioned, 'chicks flicks' and romance novels present impossibly attractive men for women to fantasize over. If this 'upset' me, would it be ok to ask my partner to never watch or read them?

[porter218]

All of your arguments about porn I can counter with examples from romance novels. Most men cannot meet the expectations met in those books. All of them involve generally a tall, dark, well-muscled tycoon chasing one woman. Think we don't feel "disheartened"? Those of us short, fat, bald, pale, and poor men? Is that what women want us to be? How can we possibly measure up?

 

women who read those books have no ground upon which to stand in this argument. But I am willing to bet that if this was your wife and you told her it was hurting your feelings that she read this stuff then she would stop with no argument. So many men treat porn like a crack addiction.

 

Women are not chosing to be hurt by their mans need for porn, sane people don't like to be hurt. There are many different types of women out there. There are the ones who like porn almost as much as men, so all you men who NEED porn go find them and be happy. then there are women who pretend they are OK with it as to not cause problems in their relationship( this is the majority of women). And then there are the ones like me who don't like their man to look at porn and make it known. I am not at all bitter about this issue with porn because in the end I know I hold the power to walk away if my H couldn't give porn up. Thank god he has enough sense to pick me over porn with no argument and actually agrees with everything that jerseyshortie and I are talking about.

[fral945]

women who read those books have no ground upon which to stand in this argument. But I am willing to bet that if this was your wife and you told her it was hurting your feelings that she read this stuff then she would stop with no argument. So many men treat porn like a crack addiction.

 

I agree. The fact of the matter is, though, I nor almost any man on earth would be threatened by my wife reading a romance novel (or watching porn). It's a fantasy, who cares? I'm never going to have sex with the woman in the porn video and you will never have sex with the man in your romance novel.

 

Women are not chosing to be hurt by their mans need for porn, sane people don't like to be hurt.

 

I must be talking to a brick wall. I didn't say you chose to be hurt. I'm saying you choose how you respond and/or react (bolded for emphasis).

 

There are many different types of women out there. There are the ones who like porn almost as much as men, so all you men who NEED porn go find them and be happy. then there are women who pretend they are OK with it as to not cause problems in their relationship( this is the majority of women). And then there are the ones like me who don't like their man to look at porn and make it known.

 

I would agree that most women do not like it. The problem is that many of those women don't really understand or care to understand how we men work. There are some enlightened women, like LucreziaBorgia and other women on here, who actually understand the power of the male sex drive & the effect of visual stimulation for men and aren't threatened by it. Once you realize that it is not a threat and purely an escape/fantasy for most men, you will be better off.

 

I am not at all bitter about this issue with porn because in the end I know I hold the power to walk away if my H couldn't give porn up. Thank god he has enough sense to pick me over porn with no argument and actually agrees with everything that jerseyshortie and I are talking about.

 

That is fine, if you find a man who meets that criteria, good for you. I'm just emphasizing (like most others here) that 99% of men use porn and finding those men who don't is like finding a man that has never masturbated. You and JS will be passing on some good men with other great qualities just because of this one issue.

 

I'm just curious and trying to understand your viewpoint (and this is directed to you and JS): Do you consider masturbation bad? If a man imagines another woman naked while masturbating do you consider that equal to a man watching porn and masturbating? Is just the thought itself a problem for you?

[porter218]

I feel like I should be involved with anything sexual my husband does. If I am offering sex 24/7 why would he chose to mastubate by himself. If he does it occasionally I don't really have too much problem with it because he tells me what he fantasizes about when he does it and usually it is about me and other times it is about another girl doing me and him watching...the fantasy centers around me so not a problem. I tricked him into telling me these fantasies by leading him to believe that anything is ok and luckily I was ok with where his mind wanders. Sure I may have passed up some men with good qualities because of their desire for porn, but the fact is they could not have made me happy and if I wasn't happy I am sure I didn't make them happy.

 

You claim that why worry about it because the men will never get to sleep with the porn star, I think that is not comforting at all. All you are saying is that they will never get the chance, not that if the opportunity presented itself they would say no. Any way. an ex of mine who had a problem with porn did sleep with one of the porn stars when she came through town to dance at a local strip club.

 

That assumption of women haveing an issue with porn due to insecurities is not always true. I look just as good as they do and can do what they do. The reason I don't like it is because if your sex life is not lacking in any way then there should be no need for it UNLESS you desire variety..and if that is the case then you are not well suited for me. I agree that 99% of men LIKE porn, but what we are talking about on this thread are men who NEED porn even at the expense of others.

[morelaugh]

Many of us (including myself) would like to have a loving wife, family, and children one day. So if I find a women that is a great match but maybe not the greatest match sexually, does that mean I should not get into a relationship?

That's fair enough as long as you make sure that she knows how you feel about her and you are upfront with that. As long as she is aware of the situation and accepts it - that is fine.

 

But, if you plan on never telling her the fact that she is not the greatest match sexually for you - you are starting a relationship with plain deception. Which is never good and can only lead to problems later on.

 

Having said that, I don't know many women who would accept a relationship with a man who doesn't think she is a good match sexually. Also I imagine that "darling, no single women can satisfy me 100% sexually" would not be the best way to get someone to marry you and have children with you.

 

Good luck with finding one like that!

[fral945]

If he does it occasionally I don't really have too much problem with it because he tells me what he fantasizes about when he does it and usually it is about me and other times it is about another girl doing me and him watching...the fantasy centers around me so not a problem. I tricked him into telling me these fantasies by leading him to believe that anything is ok and luckily I was ok with where his mind wanders.

 

So you want to control his thoughts? Do you really think your husband can control his thoughts & fantasies? Do you control every thought that pops into your head? And you really believe he never fantasizes about other women without you? I don't know what world you live in, but it sure isn't the same one I'm in.

 

I wish you could be in a man's body for a day & experience what goes on in a man's mind & body sexually in one day. I think it would be a very eye opening experience.

 

Any way. an ex of mine who had a problem with porn did sleep with one of the porn stars when she came through town to dance at a local strip club.

 

That is a pretty rare occurrence. And you said he had a problem with porn. I imagine you and JS's strong anti-porn views come from having both had past relationships where porn was a major problem.

 

The reason I don't like it is because if your sex life is not lacking in any way then there should be no need for it UNLESS you desire variety..and if that is the case then you are not well suited for me. I agree that 99% of men LIKE porn' date=' but what we are talking about on this thread are men who NEED porn even at the expense of others.[/quote']

 

Unless you desire variety? News flash: 100% of men desire sexual variety, including your husband. Some choose to live the live of variety and some choose not to. Most choose a middle road where they settle down with one woman but look at some porn to satisfy their desire for variety instead of sleeping with multiple women.

 

 

That's fair enough as long as you make sure that she knows how you feel about her and you are upfront with that. As long as she is aware of the situation and accepts it - that is fine.

 

But, if you plan on never telling her the fact that she is not the greatest match sexually for you - you are starting a relationship with plain deception. Which is never good and can only lead to problems later on.

 

I'm not sure I agree with you, but this post is about porn, not me. We can discuss that in another forum.

 

Having said that, I don't know many women who would accept a relationship with a man who doesn't think she is a good match sexually. Also I imagine that "darling, no single women can satisfy me 100% sexually" would not be the best way to get someone to marry you and have children with you.

 

Good luck with finding one like that!

 

I'm not stupid. I would never say that to a woman. And I don't think any man would. I am just telling you because I am trying to get you ladies to understand how the male mind works. Most men, even if they married a playboy bunny, will eventually get tired of her sexually and desire another woman. Men are designed to be sexually insatiable. I am not telling you this and expecting you to like hearing it. I am just telling you because that is the way it is.

 

Ever notice how many rock stars and movie stars sleep around on their wives and cheat, even though they are married to extremely beautiful women? Remember Hugh Grant and the prostitute? He was married to Elizabeth Hurley, but ends up with a hooker who didn't even look half as good. It's because of his desire for variety. He had one of the most beautiful women in the world but he wanted something different. It wasn't even half as good, but it was different.

 

Not all men act on that desire, but he did. And some turn to porn instead because it's easier and more socially acceptable than going to a hooker or having an affair. If you have read anything about the history of sex you'll realize that men have come a long way in the past couple of thousand years. We're far more civilized than we've ever been. Prostitution, zoophilia and pedophilia were actually quite common thousands of years ago in many societies.

 

Many of you posting here seem to hold very extreme, "all or nothing" views when it comes to porn. I'm just trying to get you to see that there is a middle road. A little porn is ok as long as it doesn't replace the real thing. If you've had bad experiences with men and porn in the past don't let that make you think that all men are porn addicts. Like everything else in life, there are degrees.

[porter218]

I understand men often think like you do , this is why I would be gay if things didn't work out with my husband. No I do not expect to control what my husband fantasizes about, I just prefer that it involves me. I wouldn't leave him over a fantasy, he can't control that like porn. Honestly if you change things up often sexually for your man, they will not tire of you over the years like you seem to think. I can see how you ma have that problem however if you are too busy fantasizing about other women to stay satisfied with the one you have.

 

When I said my ex had a problem with porn, what I meant was he wouldn't give it up for me. Another thing some of you are not taking into account, is sometimes the use of porn makes you fantasize about being with another woman, and eventually that can lead to you acting on that feeling. Years ago this happened to my husband. I am not saying I blame the porn for it just recognizing that porn showed up around the house, after about 2 months of finding porn he finally had an affair with a stripper on a business trip. even he admitted the porn fed his fantasy too much, and that is what put the idea of cheating in his head.

[Mr. Lucky]

Another thing some of you are not taking into account, is sometimes the use of porn makes you fantasize about being with another woman, and eventually that can lead to you acting on that feeling. Years ago this happened to my husband. I am not saying I blame the porn for it just recognizing that porn showed up around the house, after about 2 months of finding porn he finally had an affair with a stripper on a business trip. even he admitted the porn fed his fantasy too much, and that is what put the idea of cheating in his head.

Doesn't make any sense to me at all. Most adults know the difference between fantasy and the real world and also understand the consequences of not exercising impulse control. I'm not sure which is more surprising - that he would offer a "porn made me fantasize and that made me cheat" defense or that you would buy it. I might fantasize about owning a Ferrari but have a clear understanding of the consequences of obtaining one at gunpoint. Mis-labeling porn as the reason he cheated denies you the opportunity to confront and deal with the real problems...

 

Mr. Lucky

[fral945]

I understand men often think like you do , this is why I would be gay if things didn't work out with my husband.

 

I'm just trying to emphasize that sexual variety is a desire every man has. Even in your wonderful husband. I don't expect what I am telling you to be comforting, I just want you to realize that it is there (in varying degrees, of course).

 

LOL, I'm glad you can't get into our heads. I don't think many women realize the kinds of sexual thoughts and desires we have in a normal day. If we told you everything we thought you would definitely go gay. A lot of men downplay their porn use and sexual thoughts/desires/fantasies because they know most women would probably be shocked by them.

 

No I do not expect to control what my husband fantasizes about, I just prefer that it involves me. I wouldn't leave him over a fantasy, he can't control that like porn. Honestly if you change things up often sexually for your man, they will not tire of you over the years like you seem to think. I can see how you ma have that problem however if you are too busy fantasizing about other women to stay satisfied with the one you have.

 

That's perfectly understandable. I agree variety would be a major deterrent, but the urge is always there, even if it is relatively small. That's a good attitude to have, though. I hope you can spread the word to women everywhere.

 

Maybe your husband is the type of man that doesn't have a strong urge. Or he's already satisfied his desire for variety in his younger days. Or he chooses to suppress those desires for his own personal reasons. Or maybe you're just great in bed, IDK.

 

Now that I think about it, that would be the ideal for me, a woman that is willing to keep things spiced up in the bedroom. I know my desire for sexual variety will never completely go away, but if there is enough variety, I would be satisfied enough. To me, at least, that seems to be the most mature way to look at it.

 

I certainly wouldn't be very tempted by other women if I had a good woman at home who kept things interesting between the sheets.

 

Another thing some of you are not taking into account, is sometimes the use of porn makes you fantasize about being with another woman, and eventually that can lead to you acting on that feeling. Years ago this happened to my husband. I am not saying I blame the porn for it just recognizing that porn showed up around the house, after about 2 months of finding porn he finally had an affair with a stripper on a business trip. even he admitted the porn fed his fantasy too much, and that is what put the idea of cheating in his head.

 

That's a big jump from fantasy to reality. That boils down to personal responsibility, and I agree with Mr. Lucky. Watching porn and then going out and having sex are 2 completely different things. That shows a complete lack of control.

 

I can sympathize with you as well, I see a great lack of personal responsibility in both sexes, including women. That's one of the things that frustrates me with many of the women I meet. Lack of responsibility and not acknowledging your faults in your actions, or even worse, an unwillingness to change or even try to change when you know you have a problem.

[porter218]

LOL, I'm glad you can't get into our heads. I don't think many women realize the kinds of sexual thoughts and desires we have in a normal day. If we told you everything we thought you would definitely go gay. A lot of men downplay their porn use and sexual thoughts/desires/fantasies because they know most women would probably be shocked by them.

 

.

 

Actually I unfortunately have a good idea of what goes on in a mans head. This is probably why I am so severe on this subject. I was blessed to have a 3yr relationship with a man who was brutally honest about the workings of his mind, and all his friends were very honest around me because they saw it didn't seem to bother me. I really was shocked at first, then I realized I had a golden opportunity to make a long study of the male mind in this situation. I stayed with him almost only for that reason and really pumped him for information. It was like I had been given an honorary pass to the " Man Club".

[fral945]

Actually I unfortunately have a good idea of what goes on in a mans head. This is probably why I am so severe on this subject. I was blessed to have a 3yr relationship with a man who was brutally honest about the workings of his mind, and all his friends were very honest around me because they saw it didn't seem to bother me. I really was shocked at first, then I realized I had a golden opportunity to make a long study of the male mind in this situation. I stayed with him almost only for that reason and really pumped him for information. It was like I had been given an honorary pass to the " Man Club".

 

I find that to be one of the benefits of this forum, to raise topics that are difficult or very touchy to bring up in real life. I can tell you this, I've never had a discussion about porn to this extent in real life.

 

I doubt (though I could be wrong) many men will ever be completely open about their porn use because they are scared how the women in their lives will react. I think most women realize it's there, they just prefer the "don't ask, don't tell" policy. I can't say I've ever voluntarily talked about it myself because of that very reason. Some of the sexual thoughts I have at times I feel would shock or disgust women, and I bet many other men feel the same way.

 

Your reaction in that situation is perfectly normal. It is not a comforting feeling to learn how we think about sex when it is so very different from the way you view it. I think in the long run you are better off though. I wish there was a good way women could be more educated about how a man's mind works. I know I can always use more information on how the female mind works.

 

I've learned a lot myself about women that has opened my eyes. I'm still single, so I guess I don't completely have them figured out, but I feel like I have a better understanding of them, and it has helped me in my relationships with them. There are things that used to frustrate me about women, but then I eventually came around to the realization that you are women and not men. You are different, and there are certain built in differences, for whatever reason. I may not like all of them, but I can accept them and find ways to deal with them. I don't want to be alone the rest of my life, and finding a good woman is probably one of my greatest desires in life.

 

I have found this forum to be a good place to learn where the other sex has their internal battles and struggles and how best to deal with them. Hopefully, we can use that information to come to compromises that will work for both sexes in real life and improve our relationships.

[morelaugh]

fral,

would you mind telling us how old you are?