Beat up my mom.....and not sorry

[Whey2Big4u]

I feel like i have no place else to vent............i trust no one

 

well a few days ago, my mom and i got into a fight. see, i have a job and i come home late everynight. when i get home i want to relax, and my mom always wants to talk about things. i always ask her for five minutes and she never does. she then gets angry....etc. also when we fight she always seems to know what to say to get me angry.

 

growing up i had a n anger issue, but inlight of recent evetns in my life, i dont like being angry anymore, its easier not to be. (my fiance left me, and my father was put into a nursing home, and my mom is dating) Now when my mom gets angry i ask non chilante about it. I dont know why, but i guess becasue i stopped caring.

 

well anyway my mom alwasy tells me i need to be a man, i need to be more mature. mean while i had a full time job, taking care of my finace, trying to start my own life...etc. and of course i failed. My mom calls me gay casue i shave my body...i hate hearing it. then the last straw was she called me a F*ck Up.

 

well with my mom nothing is ever good enough. i could clean the whole house, but if i forgot to bring in the newspaper....its as if i did nothing all day. so now i do absolutley nothing.........i admit it. I figure its better to get yeled at for actually not doing anything ....then trying and doing something.

 

also the last couple of months, sometimes i get a little depressed becasue of teh whole fiance thing. as my moms puts it.....i need to change my attitude, becasue its not fair to her and it impinges upon her new found happiness. That she had to deal with a sick husband for years and now shes happy and its not fair. As if i wasnt in the house the entire time my father was sick!!!!

 

wel after she called me a **** up, i said to her in a calm voice thaqt it was nice to know that im a **** up...thanks ma. She then said she meant it as im a **** up with her (our relationship). As if it doesnt take two poeple.

 

well she kept giong and going and going and going on about how i **** up and its not fair to her.....blah blah blah. I continuely asked her nicely to stop and leave me alone, as i doevery time we fight. her famous answer is no i wsill not leave you alone. then she expects me to tell her whats bother me. god forbid i tell her its her. when i do, sahe finrd a way to flip it and its always about something else.

 

long story short, after asking her nicely to leave me alone (and at this piont im not angry i just want to be left alone) she then calls me a **** up again..........now im angry. she then brings up my fiance and other things.

 

at this piont im furious, i stand up grab a pillow and start hitting her with it till she falls to the floor, her nose is bleeding and shes crying. (shes lucky i didnt use my fists!!!!

 

I havent had a n outburst like that in years!!!!! and did not want to

 

odly enough i really dont feel bad for it. her boyfriend came and took her to his place and she stayed there all week. she then texts em saying sahe thinks i need help and that it would be good to get some family time with her and her bf.

 

she also said that if i get angry i should walk out of the house ( but walking away according to my mom is being rude)

 

as my father put it damned if you do damned if you dont,

 

when i wasnt angry and asked her to leave me alone, she doesnt leave, when i get angry and beat her up i need help.

 

my relationship with my mother has never been a good one......in fact i blame part of that for my fiance leaving me

 

now my mom took MY car, even though i pay for it. My mom calls me a liar now too, becasue i bought a camera and didnt tell her.

 

now she wants me to apologize for hitting her. I dont think i should, but for my cars sake i will, i need it to get to work.

 

I just find it hard becasue im always apologising to her, my whole life,

 

i guess i should choose my battles (which is none of them)

[The Collector]

You mom sounds a pain in the ass. But you are not going to get any sympathy for assaulting her. Geeze, you could have killed her, you realise that?

 

You should apologize. You also need to learn that women, including your mom (tragically) can be very good at pressing a man's buttons until he snaps. Then he goes to jail or is labeled an abuser and the woman's bruises heal and they win. So the only thing to do is keep calm or walk away.

 

You should also move out as soon as possible.

[twice_shy]

Maybe you should get out and get your own place. But I suspect you don't want to do that.

[Nevermind]

Oh my god.

 

You beat up your own mother? She is lucky you didn't use your fists??

 

ARE YOU SERIOUS?

 

She isn't lucky at all. Her son brutally attacked her. And he doesn't even feel sorry for it.

 

Let's see the facts that you yourself stated: you do nothing at the house, you still live with your mother, you made her bleed, you made her cry and you feel no remorse. You only think about your car.

 

when i wasnt angry and asked her to leave me alone, she doesnt leave, when i get angry and beat her up i need help.

 

my relationship with my mother has never been a good one......in fact i blame part of that for my fiance leaving me

You need help. Beating anybody is a sign of anger issue, beating your own mother to the floor is a sign of something gone seriously wrong. You are not even trying to see that any of this is your fault. No, it's even your fiancé's fault, that you can't get along with your mother.

 

You're living in your mother's house, you're living by her rules. You are not helping her and when she asks what bothers you, you hit her. Your fiancé dogged a bullet. Get help. Seriously, get help. You will continue to hit people and one day this will get you in trouble. You won't do it for your mother, but maybe do it for yourself.

[Kasan]

I gotta tell you, beating up a parent is unacceptable and inexcusable.

 

If I was your mother, I would slap a RO on you so fast that your head would spin.

 

Find your own place and get yourself together as I suspect the next person you hit will probably file charges.

 

I am a mom and none of my kids ever raised their hands to me.

[bentnotbroken]

It is time you find your own place. Under no circumastance other than self defense, should you ever touch your parent. Even if the parent isn' right, don't touch them. You probably should get some help soon.

[SnapCracklePop]

Dude... that is your mom. What you did is wrong. If things are getting to be too much, you leave the room or house or whatever. You do NOT physically abuse your parents. They gave you everything.

 

Any relationship can become strained, but violence will not solve any problems. You should have left, and if you wanted to repair your relationship, you get professional help.

 

The ONLY time when I'd be OK with hitting a parent is in self defence from their physical attacks. If what she was doing was construed as mental abuse, you just get up and get out.

 

If you are a man, you'd recognize that physically you have an advantage over her. What if this had been a 5 yr old yelling at you... would you make his/her nose bleed as well??

 

You: Anger Management

Both of you: IC and family counselling.

[sb129]

Dude... that is your mom. What you did is wrong. If things are getting to be too much, you leave the room or house or whatever. You do NOT physically abuse your parents. They gave you everything.

 

Any relationship can become strained, but violence will not solve any problems. You should have left, and if you wanted to repair your relationship, you get professional help.

 

The ONLY time when I'd be OK with hitting a parent is in self defence from their physical attacks. If what she was doing was construed as mental abuse, you just get up and get out.

 

If you are a man, you'd recognize that physically you have an advantage over her. What if this had been a 5 yr old yelling at you... would you make his/her nose bleed as well??

 

You: Anger Management

Both of you: IC and family counselling.

 

GREAT post.

 

OP- You DO need help. I feel really sorry for your mom.

[whichwayisup]

at this piont im furious, i stand up grab a pillow and start hitting her with it till she falls to the floor, her nose is bleeding and shes crying. (shes lucky i didnt use my fists!!!!

 

You let your anger take over and you chose to beat up your mom. Yeah if you had used your fists your butt would be in jail right now, rightfully so.

 

I suggest you get counselling, both for your personal issues, depression and anger management so you can LEARN how to control your anger and walk away (and I mean physically LEAVE the room and get out of the house, away from her or anyone else who you get pissed off at, because next time that could be your future wife!! THINK about that for a while) and also you need to move out. Find a cheap apartment or rent a house with afew friends.

 

You've ruined the trust and bond between you and your mom, she did NOT deserve to be hit by you, doesn't matter if she was in your face and telling you things you didn't want to hear. You're an adult so you need to be responsible for your actions and DO something about it before it ruins your life.

 

Good luck and I hope you talk to your mom, try to make things right with her.

[whichwayisup]

now she wants me to apologize for hitting her. I dont think i should, but for my cars sake i will, i need it to get to work.

 

Are you serious??

 

You say "my car" do you mean "her" car?

 

It shocks me that you can't see how messed up your thinking is.

[Kamille]

Your mom sounds about as complicated as anyone's mom, namely mine. I've come to rationalize that my mom picks on me out of her own desire to see me succeed and be happy. She just doesn't really express it very well.

 

I get annoyed at my mom, but I never get angry at her. And I'm not violent for one bit, (never found it released anything), so hurting her physically is unimaginable. (gives me shivers to think of it).

 

You realize you just chased your mom out of her own house, right?

 

You're the one who should move out. She does deserve happiness.

 

To be honest, your posts makes you sound extremely self-centred.

 

You've had a rough time lately? So have I. Will I end up beating up anyone? Not in a million years. And clearly your mom can relate to having tough times, and knows that moping around feeling sorry for oneself isn't the way to get better.

[Trialbyfire]

Dude... that is your mom. What you did is wrong. If things are getting to be too much, you leave the room or house or whatever. You do NOT physically abuse your parents. They gave you everything.

 

Any relationship can become strained, but violence will not solve any problems. You should have left, and if you wanted to repair your relationship, you get professional help.

 

The ONLY time when I'd be OK with hitting a parent is in self defence from their physical attacks. If what she was doing was construed as mental abuse, you just get up and get out.

 

If you are a man, you'd recognize that physically you have an advantage over her. What if this had been a 5 yr old yelling at you... would you make his/her nose bleed as well??

 

You: Anger Management

Both of you: IC and family counselling.

I also agree that this is an excellent post.

 

I will add that incessant nagging and emotional abuse are not acceptable.

 

Both of you need Anger Management and IC. Once you've come to terms with what drives you, then consider family counselling.

 

Did your father also engage in domestic violence?

[Storyrider]

Good luck and I hope you talk to your mom, try to make things right with her.

 

I wouldn't recommend he talk to his mom in person any time soon. Maybe over the phone, if that.

 

If she puts you into such a rage that you can't control yourself, stay away from her. Move in with a male friend or relative TODAY or whatever you have to do. Don't put yourself in the situation where you could repeat the behavior, no matter what. You cannot trust yourself. It is 100% your responsibility to control your own behavior.

[Karyyk]

Are you serious??

 

You say "my car" do you mean "her" car?

 

It shocks me that you can't see how messed up your thinking is.

 

I'm not condoning the act by any stretch of the imagination, but I think part of the reason his thinking is so messed up is due to the way his mother has acted towards him. She seems extremely self-centered ("It's not fair to me that your depression detracts from my happiness." What in the heck is that?), so what do you think has been learned over the years?

 

Again, I'm not excusing something that I find deplorable (I've never laid a finger on a parent, even after my father decked me once upon a time), but the reality is that most children are a reflection of the people that raised them and she was wrong to egg this on and back him into a corner like she did. Calling your own child a f***-up is about as awful a thing a parent, a nurturer, could do. It's basically saying "You're a failure, you've failed me and I give up on you." I remember my father once telling me that he hoped he would be around to see me fail. I've never forgotten it, and can't shake the echo of it in my mind, especially concerning the many times I have failed. It angers me at times, but more than that, it saddens me, saddens me that my father would choose to tear me down like that. What was done was certainly wrong, but she's not the only victim here.

[whichwayisup]

but I think part of the reason his thinking is so messed up is due to the way his mother has acted towards him.

 

I agree, but there is no excuse for him beating her up. Seems he's had anger issues all his life, and it seems too, he's an adult now so blaming his mom for his issues has to stop and he has to take responsibility for it, do something about it and fix it.

Calling your own child a f***-up is about as awful a thing a parent, a nurturer, could do. It's basically saying "You're a failure, you've failed me and I give up on you."

 

Agree with you again, and he never should have had that in his life, his mom should have been loving and supportive - Noone should have a parent, let alone their mom put them down and make them feel bad. BUT again, it is now up to him to DO something about this and change his behaviour. Get thearpy and deal with the pain and anger that he has inside of him. If he chooses to do nothing and continues down this path, well, it's by his own choice and no woman will ever stay with him long term because chances are, he is going to hit her out of frustration and anger.

[Trialbyfire]

I'm going to post a link to an article about domestic violence. It's an eye-opener. While there's no excuse for domestic violence, there are always two parties to the situation.

 

http://www.psychologytoday.com/articles/index.php?term=pto-19931101-000032&page=1

[jon01]

She isn't lucky at all. Her son brutally attacked her. And he doesn't even feel sorry for it.

 

Take it easy... he used a pillow, and I'm not sure where you conjure up the "brutally" from. If you read his entire post, you would realize his mother is totally off her rocker and has serious issues. If anything, you should feel sorry for this guy. I agree hitting his mom with pillow wasn't correct, but everyone has a breaking point. For god's sake, didn't you see First Blood? Even Rambo couldn't take it!

[jon01]

You do NOT physically abuse your parents. They gave you everything.

 

Right for the most part. Unless say your parent was Jeffery Dahmer and you came home and saw him eating your best friend. Then would it be ok to kick his ass even though he's your father?

[sb129]

Take it easy... he used a pillow, and I'm not sure where you conjure up the "brutally" from. If you read his entire post, you would realize his mother is totally off her rocker and has serious issues. If anything, you should feel sorry for this guy. I agree hitting his mom with pillow wasn't correct, but everyone has a breaking point. For god's sake, didn't you see First Blood? Even Rambo couldn't take it!

 

He made her bleed.

 

Whether she is off her rocker or not DOES NOT make that OK.

[Lizzie60]

a pillow fight and she has a bleeding nose.. are you sure the pillow didn't fly and all you had was the pillowcase...

 

Anyway.. there is no excuse for your behaviour.. you work.. you should be on your own..

 

If I were your mother, I would kick your azz out the door sooo fast.. no excuse for hurting her.. NO EXCUSE AT ALL...

[Karyyk]

If he chooses to do nothing and continues down this path, well, it's by his own choice and no woman will ever stay with him long term because chances are, he is going to hit her out of frustration and anger.

 

Absolutely agreed-upon...

 

While it's a different situation, the day when I chose to quit blaming my father for all of my problems was probably one of the most freeing decisions of my life. I am my own man, and if my actions end up causing pain to anyone, the responsibility for that falls on me. He has no input on what I do with my life, no more influence, nothing. Perhaps one of the best things to be done at this point is for 'Whey' to get out of under the shadow of his mother's influence. If she's not helping the situation, and his only reason for staying is for some monetary assistance (the car statement seems to indicate this), it might be time to man up and grow a pair.

[Lizzie60]

Take it easy... he used a pillow, and I'm not sure where you conjure up the "brutally" from. If you read his entire post, you would realize his mother is totally off her rocker and has serious issues. If anything, you should feel sorry for this guy. I agree hitting his mom with pillow wasn't correct, but everyone has a breaking point. For god's sake, didn't you see First Blood? Even Rambo couldn't take it!

 

So what.. she was bleeding.. a pillow... yeah right..

 

So if someone gets in your face.. and scream at you.. it's OK to knock him/her off? WOW...

[jon01]

So what.. she was bleeding.. a pillow... yeah right..

 

So if someone gets in your face.. and scream at you.. it's OK to knock him/her off? WOW...

 

Well look at it this way. If someone paid to have sex with you, and they didn't give you your money and then started yelling at you calling you a wh*, would you be ok to give them a slap or would you just walk out of your apartment?

[twice_shy]

I gotta tell you, beating up a parent is unacceptable and inexcusable.

 

If I was your mother, I would slap a RO on you so fast that your head would spin.

 

Find your own place and get yourself together as I suspect the next person you hit will probably file charges.

 

I am a mom and none of my kids ever raised their hands to me.

 

No kidding...it is inexcusable what he did.

 

and did you notice his handle? Whey2big4u? Unless he has another reason for using that handle, it looks to me like he is a weightlifter and probably could really hurt her.

 

Bottom line, if you don't like her, her rules, or what she says to you "whey", then you are free to move out and pay your own bills and quit mooching off your parents.

[Lizzie60]

Well look at it this way. If someone paid to have sex with you, and they didn't give you your money and then started yelling at you calling you a wh*, would you be ok to give them a slap or would you just walk out of your apartment?

 

Huh? well if he paid.. I had the money.. right?

 

If that would happen.. it would happen only once... but I wouldn't touch him.. and I wouldn't walk out of my house.. he would..

 

I had one argument once.. and I threw him out the door.. he never came back.. he called and begged for over 1 1/2 yr.. even his wife called me to take him back.. I don't deal with 'losers'.