Enema Posted May 27, 2008 Share Posted May 27, 2008 Clever troll. Well played sir. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Whey2Big4u Posted May 27, 2008 Author Share Posted May 27, 2008 i see where everyone is coming from.... yes you are right that hitting is wrong and i strongly agree, but i dont feel i need to apologize. My entire life ive spent apologizing to my mother, for things ive never done. as for my father, how could he be abusive, hes been a quadrapelegic since i was born (diagnosed with MS) my mother has alwasy been verbally abusive, to me and my father....and she knows that. Sadly by hitting her she now understands my arguments. try living in a house where you cna hear your father crying every night from what your mother said to him and he cant do anything..... verbally telling her how i feel does nto get through to her. I have made many attempts to move out, and i was about too, till my finace took my money. and no i dont need her for finacial support. the reason i cant move out now, is because all of my saving went to my fiance......long story. And yes it is MY car, since I pay for it along with all of my own bills. as for me ruining the trust........its been a long time since ive trusted anyone in my family.....I tell one secret to my mother and at thanksgiving my entire family asks me about it....... I do not condone violence, but i was backed into a corner....and if thats what it took for her to FINALLY hear what i have to say then fine. I am sorry for using violence, but do not feel bad for my actions Link to post Share on other sites
Author Whey2Big4u Posted May 27, 2008 Author Share Posted May 27, 2008 nothing was ever right according to my mother............try being 11 and fixing the wall after your father crashed into it with his wheelchair.and then being yelled at for it for an entire week, even after you fixed it to help her out. then being told i do nothing to help her.ive learned to not bother. as for me growing up and to stop blaming her for my problems............i never said i blamed her for my problems, yes growing up i did, and i have gotten over that. what i meant was for this argument she was the problem, not the casue of MY problems... Link to post Share on other sites
Storyrider Posted May 27, 2008 Share Posted May 27, 2008 OP, how old are you? Link to post Share on other sites
Mary3 Posted May 27, 2008 Share Posted May 27, 2008 OP your mother is very emotionally abusive. All you have known in your entire life is the way your mother has treated you. There is no love or warmth , only blame and dismissal. Its any wonder OP operates off the same territory because OP simply does not know what nurturing kindness might feel like. So backed into a corner , you strike out at your mother. This OP is classic of an abuser. " She made me mad so I hit her " You need a HUGE overhaul in your LIFE and the first thing you need to do is MOVE OUT. Do not stay with anyone abusive. Its sounds like people are walking all over you. I think this goes WAY deep into how your mom has treated you your entire life. If someone bashes you down long enough you will feel like the small insignifcant person she is making you feel. You feel helpless and are confused. I would check yourself into the County Hospital ( free mental health ) and get some extreme counseling and find ways to get STRONG so your mom or anyone else will not rule and direct your life. Your stuff is a LIFETIME of stuff so its going to take some time. When you get healed and you live away , you can come see your mom for like one hour visits. As soon as she knocks you down , LEAVE . Keep practicing until your mom knows you are STRONG and are trying to be a decent son by visiting. Link to post Share on other sites
Lookingforward Posted May 28, 2008 Share Posted May 28, 2008 regardless of who is at fault here - this is a TOXIC relationship and you need to FIND a way to move out on your own before any worse happens. As your screen name suggests you're a BIG boy, surely you can figure it out Link to post Share on other sites
bentnotbroken Posted May 28, 2008 Share Posted May 28, 2008 OP, I don't know what to say other than you have grown up in an extremely abusive situation and you are starting to continue the cycle. In order to live a healthy and productive life, you are going to have to get counseling. I do actually understand your statement about not really feeling bad about what you did. After years of abuse, people tend to justify any action to be heard or to seek retribution. From your post you seem really young. Do you have someone you can turn to for help in straightening out your life so that you don't continue this cycle? I reread your original post and some of the things you say about your mom, show an emotionally immature parent who gains control through intimidation and guilt. Why should your relationship, impact her's at all. I all I would like to say is you need to find a way to move out, it is her house. And I truly pray you get counseling. It is amazing how we carry childhood traumas into all relationships. God Bless you. Link to post Share on other sites
SnapCracklePop Posted May 28, 2008 Share Posted May 28, 2008 nothing was ever right according to my mother............try being 11 and fixing the wall after your father crashed into it with his wheelchair.and then being yelled at for it for an entire week, even after you fixed it to help her out. then being told i do nothing to help her.ive learned to not bother. as for me growing up and to stop blaming her for my problems............i never said i blamed her for my problems, yes growing up i did, and i have gotten over that. what i meant was for this argument she was the problem, not the casue of MY problems... I will admit that not every person is fit to be a parent, and not every child gets the benefit of good parenting. I still say there are extremely few situations where hitting your parent, especially your mom, could be seen as acceptable. The bottom line is we all owe something to our parents. They gave us life and that is the most precious thing to each and every one of us. You may not like her, but at the very least in return for giving you life, what you should be doing is trying to get her help so she can be healthy and well again. Link to post Share on other sites
Chrome Barracuda Posted May 28, 2008 Share Posted May 28, 2008 I have a mom who's like that too. But you know what I could kill her with my bare hands if it would shut her up but I wont. Not because i choose not to, or because she's my mom. But it's because it doesnt make it right. It's not right for me to do it. Even if I could. You need to legally get back your car, get your money right and leave. She wants to be free fine. Let her be free. She's self centered and selfish so you know what, you get your life in order and when she's ready to act right then, you talk to her. Maybe when she grows up and stops verbally assaulting you, you can both speak to each other on the same playing field. I know what your going through, been there and done that. I keep my distance from her. I still love my moms but whe I get my paper I'm gone and she knows this. Just apologize and make plans for your future on your own. Dont be around her anymore. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted May 28, 2008 Share Posted May 28, 2008 Not because i choose not to, or because she's my mom. But it's because it doesnt make it right. It's not right for me to do it. Even if I could. The original poster's better choice would be to cut his mother out of his life. This type of abuse won't go away because his mom is CRAZY and has been throughout his life. He won't have a mom/son relationship with her, ever... Please move out and make your own life happy. Get counselling and work through your pain, anger and heal yourself. Link to post Share on other sites
tinktronik Posted May 28, 2008 Share Posted May 28, 2008 The original poster's better choice would be to cut his mother out of his life. This type of abuse won't go away because his mom is CRAZY and has been throughout his life. He won't have a mom/son relationship with her, ever... Please move out and make your own life happy. Get counselling and work through your pain, anger and heal yourself.I come from a similar family background and agree wholly, there is no going back and building something that never existed in the first place. You cannot have a rewarding relationship with a seriously crazy or just malicious person. Move on and try to learn a life that you can live that satisfies you on your own terms. Link to post Share on other sites
Kasan Posted May 28, 2008 Share Posted May 28, 2008 nothing was ever right according to my mother............try being 11 and fixing the wall after your father crashed into it with his wheelchair.and then being yelled at for it for an entire week, even after you fixed it to help her out. then being told i do nothing to help her.ive learned to not bother. as for me growing up and to stop blaming her for my problems............i never said i blamed her for my problems, yes growing up i did, and i have gotten over that. what i meant was for this argument she was the problem, not the casue of MY problems... I understand your situation more than you know. Some of us here on this board have gone through horrific childhoods and feel blessed to have come through on the other side. If it were me, I would bunk with a buddy or sleep in my car before I let my mother's dysfunction drive me to violence. It is simply time for you to do what it takes to get out. I understand you would be leaving your dad there, but right now, you have to think about yourself. Once you cross the line of hitting your mother, the second time will be become easier. You have been a victim of abuse as a child, but I worry about the man you have/will become and how your upbringing will affect every relationship that you have. You can break the cycle of abuse and move on to have wonderful relationships without abuse-but it will take some work. Link to post Share on other sites
Mary3 Posted May 28, 2008 Share Posted May 28, 2008 I understand your situation more than you know. Some of us here on this board have gone through horrific childhoods and feel blessed to have come through on the other side. If it were me, I would bunk with a buddy or sleep in my car before I let my mother's dysfunction drive me to violence. It is simply time for you to do what it takes to get out. I understand you would be leaving your dad there, but right now, you have to think about yourself. Once you cross the line of hitting your mother, the second time will be become easier. You have been a victim of abuse as a child, but I worry about the man you have/will become and how your upbringing will affect every relationship that you have. You can break the cycle of abuse and move on to have wonderful relationships without abuse-but it will take some work. I like this posters idea of even sleeping in your car if you have to , or even a cardboard box under the freeway BOTH of those are better than the life you are living with her. I agree with previous posters that your mom is WHACK ! So get out ASAP and get strong , get help and maybe you might never need to be around your mom again. If thats how it has to be ,well then.... Link to post Share on other sites
amerikajin Posted May 28, 2008 Share Posted May 28, 2008 Maybe you should get out and get your own place. But I suspect you don't want to do that. That's it, plain and simple. OP, I think your problem is that you are not taking control over your own affairs. You are just sitting around and living life passively, taking sh*t from people and being a victim. You complain about living with your mom but you don't bother to move out on your own, which is what you should be doing as a man. I think your fiance left you because she saw that you couldn't stand up to your mother in a way that is productive, and that you weren't taking control of your own life. I can understand you might be angry at your mother (perhaps justifiably), but that doesn't excuse hitting her. There were other ways of dealing with this situation. Link to post Share on other sites
tinktronik Posted May 28, 2008 Share Posted May 28, 2008 We still don't know how old the OP is. I'm going to guess at still a minor or just over legal age. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Whey2Big4u Posted May 31, 2008 Author Share Posted May 31, 2008 That's it, plain and simple. OP, I think your problem is that you are not taking control over your own affairs. You are just sitting around and living life passively, taking sh*t from people and being a victim. You complain about living with your mom but you don't bother to move out on your own, which is what you should be doing as a man. I think your fiance left you because she saw that you couldn't stand up to your mother in a way that is productive, and that you weren't taking control of your own life. quote] well I will say that for years i have been trying to move out. I had an awesome job when i was 19, making 45K a year. I was on the verge of moving out, packing, paying ym fiances bills, paying for my car and my own bills, boaught a dog..................starting my own life AND I WAS A FULL TIME STUDENT!!! I was living the life of a 30 year old....I never went out and i was stressed MY father is in a nursing home now, and my mother has a boyfriend. I am in my ealry twenties now...if that answers your question And yes i did have someone to go to until she turned her back on me and took everything I now cannot move out.......sadly, After my fiance left me, she took my savings........and I lost my job......and for a while was in therapy. When it rains it pours. I am now just starting to get back on my feet....9 months later. I am saving little by little to move out...ASAP For now my mom spends most of her time with her boyfriend in jersey, so i hardly see her. Link to post Share on other sites
Nevermind Posted May 31, 2008 Share Posted May 31, 2008 You were on the verge...why didn't you move out, at that time? What was it that stopped you? How did your fiancé get your savings? Link to post Share on other sites
SoulSearch_CO Posted May 31, 2008 Share Posted May 31, 2008 Whey, what happened to your awesome job with a 401K attached to it? That was fairly recent when you made the post about that? If I were you, I'd jump on the chance to relocate ANYWHERE away from your mother...what happened to Florida? Link to post Share on other sites
johan Posted June 1, 2008 Share Posted June 1, 2008 All I have to say is: sad, sad, sad. Even trying to imagine doing something like this to my own mom kills me. If this is how your relationship with your mom has to me, then all I have to say is what a bleak life. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted June 1, 2008 Share Posted June 1, 2008 sadly, After my fiance left me, she took my savings........ Did you call the Police on her? Since you weren't married, technically she is NO rights in the sense of YOUR money. Bunk up with a friend until you can manage on your own. If you stay living at your moms, this is only going to get worse. Also, be prepared that she may kick you out of the house, so having a friend's couch to crash on should be plan. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Whey2Big4u Posted June 1, 2008 Author Share Posted June 1, 2008 On the verge means i had everything set, then my fiance left (she made some money to help pay for rent) and I lost my job....like I said when it rains it pours well right now im part time, since im finishing up my bachelors.........florida isnt for another year or so...... as for my savings.........they were autoomativly deducted from my accounts to apy her bills, she just put in larger numbers, according to her it was of my own will.......long story thankfully i do have a friend who would let me crash..... and another reason why i cant move out is becasue i pay my mother,,,,,i just found out. she lied to me and told me my car insurance went up ( its under her name) when it really didnt and i have been paying her alot more money.....she said its money for me to live in the house also whe you live in certain cities......nothing comes cheap, plus im working to pay back my mother for some money i borrowed after my saving depleted so nicely............. like i said i just started to get back on my feet i really dont want to argue Link to post Share on other sites
bentnotbroken Posted June 1, 2008 Share Posted June 1, 2008 Do you have a plan for leaving? You have to set a goal and focus on it. While you are there, you must learn how to deal with you mom's outburst and lies. I would suggest you ignore them. If she makes that impossible, find a friend to crash with, hell it's summer sleep in your car. You have to plan, plot, and execute your deliverance from the house. Link to post Share on other sites
Mary3 Posted June 1, 2008 Share Posted June 1, 2008 On the verge means i had everything set, then my fiance left (she made some money to help pay for rent) and I lost my job....like I said when it rains it pours well right now im part time, since im finishing up my bachelors.........florida isnt for another year or so...... as for my savings.........they were autoomativly deducted from my accounts to apy her bills, she just put in larger numbers, according to her it was of my own will.......long story thankfully i do have a friend who would let me crash..... and another reason why i cant move out is becasue i pay my mother,,,,,i just found out. she lied to me and told me my car insurance went up ( its under her name) when it really didnt and i have been paying her alot more money.....she said its money for me to live in the house also whe you live in certain cities......nothing comes cheap, plus im working to pay back my mother for some money i borrowed after my saving depleted so nicely............. like i said i just started to get back on my feet i really dont want to argue This is such a mess. You need to treat yourself like an abuse victim and call the Domestic Violence Hotline. Talk to the counselor there. They will help you devise a plan to get out and stay out. You are truly an abuse victim by your mother and your girlfriend. How on earth did the girlfriend get you to pay those bills of hers ? How did she change the dollar amounts ? Please give more information. Because your posts are very vague and broken. IN order for you to LEARN how to help yourself it would be helpful to open up to us about the trickery of the girlfriend . I can gaurantee if you don't deal with this SOON then your outcome will always be the same because you are being abused and feel frozen with apathy and fear of getting out on your own , having your mother dictate your every move , thought , expenditure and that would also include your x gf who dumped and ran with your money. You cannot be helped unless you can explain in more detail of the cons of what happened to you. From there we can advise you step by step how to get out. I don't care if you owe your mother 40 million dollars , you need to LEAVE ! That is the first step of recovery. Link to post Share on other sites
SoulSearch_CO Posted June 2, 2008 Share Posted June 2, 2008 I agree with Mary. I'd say the first step would be to get insurance on your own. Obviously she can't be trusted to tell you the true amount. Sounds like you found a girl to date that has similar tendencies to lie and steal your money. The first step is to get the heck out. Nobody is trying to argue with you, Whey...but you are on dangerous ground if this happens again and the situation escalates. Currently, you could be charged with 3rd degree assault, which is a class 1 misdemeanor (the highest misdeanor you can get...just before a felony). Who knows? Next time it could be worse. You're just lucky she hasn't charged you. I would have. Link to post Share on other sites
Chrome Barracuda Posted June 3, 2008 Share Posted June 3, 2008 Yeah, just stack your paper, and get your money right. Live your life on your own without any crazy girl or your crazy azz moms! Good luck to you. Link to post Share on other sites
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