Lookingforward Posted June 9, 2008 Share Posted June 9, 2008 wow thats a sad concept to me. i better make sure my next committed boyfriend knows he cant troll the market just b/c theres no ring on his finger. thanks for pointing out that some ppl actually feel this way, yikes. to me a RELATIONSHIP equals a commitment. usually ppl talk about these things before they start referring to someone as there G/F your next "committed bf" ? But wasn't your last one M ? or does that only matter when it's you he's "committed" to ? just wondering how you reconcile the two pov you've expressed. Link to post Share on other sites
pelicanpreacher Posted June 9, 2008 Share Posted June 9, 2008 your next "committed bf" ? But wasn't your last one M ? or does that only matter when it's you he's "committed" to ? just wondering how you reconcile the two pov you've expressed. She got you there NES! (If we can't laugh at ourselves then we don't deserve to laugh at others) Link to post Share on other sites
Lookingforward Posted June 10, 2008 Share Posted June 10, 2008 She got you there NES! (If we can't laugh at ourselves then we don't deserve to laugh at others) NES is a 'reformed OW' now so hypocrisy will be nothing new...... Link to post Share on other sites
Owl Posted June 10, 2008 Share Posted June 10, 2008 NES is a 'reformed OW' now so hypocrisy will be nothing new...... As opposed to the obviously clear minded truth being shared by CURRENT OW??? ROFLMBO! Link to post Share on other sites
Lookingforward Posted June 10, 2008 Share Posted June 10, 2008 As opposed to the obviously clear minded truth being shared by CURRENT OW??? ROFLMBO! no, just that some suddenly "switch" from it's okay to berating current OWs - sad really Link to post Share on other sites
Owl Posted June 10, 2008 Share Posted June 10, 2008 Right...as opposed to berating BS's...which is clearly acceptable. Link to post Share on other sites
Lookingforward Posted June 10, 2008 Share Posted June 10, 2008 Right...as opposed to berating BS's...which is clearly acceptable. ummm...this IS an OW/OM board is it not ? So no, that's not acceptable, but if BSes come here to vent against OW/OM then yes it is acceptable to reply in same Link to post Share on other sites
twice_shy Posted June 10, 2008 Share Posted June 10, 2008 your next "committed bf" ? But wasn't your last one M ? or does that only matter when it's you he's "committed" to ? just wondering how you reconcile the two pov you've expressed. Yes, the whole "I don't see a ring on their finger" doesn't jive with me. I had someone I was dating feel the same way long ago, but expected me to be ok with something she did. We started dating, probably about a month. We were suppose to be working on something, but clearly didn't have the talk about being committed. Well one weekend out of the blue, without telling me, an ex-boyfriend calls her and wants her to come stay the weekend with her at the college he was attending...and she went. No call to me, nothing. I had to hear it from her roommate. Anyway, when she got back she tried to pretend as if she didn't do anything wrong. I was not swayed. She gave me the line about, "we don't have a committment, you can't be mad at me." I told her very calmly, "you are right, we don't have a committment, so I am not mad. But if you want a committment with me, that isn't the way to go about it." Then told her I wouldn't be seeing her anymore. LOL, and wouldn't you know it, she got pissed. She called me several times after that trying to squeeze in a date, and I just told her I wasn't interested. Boy, if she was to tell me, "there isn't any ring on my finger", I would have had to say, "and thats a good thing..means some other guy out there is still safe" Link to post Share on other sites
neverendingsaga Posted June 10, 2008 Share Posted June 10, 2008 your next "committed bf" ? But wasn't your last one M ? or does that only matter when it's you he's "committed" to ? just wondering how you reconcile the two pov you've expressed. yeah, it was sad what MM & i did & im never going to make that mistake again. i shouldnt have been w/ a committed man even if he told me he was D'ing. i wouldnt want my man to do that to me w/ a OW. & ill never do it again. does that make me a hyprocrite? its just how i feel. ive def. learned a huge lesson!! Link to post Share on other sites
neverendingsaga Posted June 10, 2008 Share Posted June 10, 2008 no, just that some suddenly "switch" from it's okay to berating current OWs - sad really i wasnt trying to berate anyone. i just think that a boyfriend is a commitment. to me it is. & just b/c i screwed up in my past doesnt mean im not allowed to believe in commitment. i dont understand what your beef is sorry. i didnt mean any offense. Link to post Share on other sites
twice_shy Posted June 10, 2008 Share Posted June 10, 2008 i wasnt trying to berate anyone. i just think that a boyfriend is a commitment. I agree.... Link to post Share on other sites
neverendingsaga Posted June 10, 2008 Share Posted June 10, 2008 I agree.... ok, good to know im not crazy & some ppl dont think im berating just by giving my opinion. i dont understand this board, ppl get all riled up just for other ppl stating there opinions. its so frustrating that sometimes i want to leave but then i remember i got really good help here from other ppl. amazingly most werent OWs so maybe i dont need an OW board, i could go to some other kind of board. but that was my problem so i came here. now i feel unwelcome just b/c im not a OW at the moment. but some ppl who helped me alot WERE OWs or had been OWs (frannie!!) so im staying for now. i will just ignore ppl who i dont understand. i didnt mean to fight w/ anyone. just state my opinion. im a pretty chill person believe it or not!! Link to post Share on other sites
Lookingforward Posted June 10, 2008 Share Posted June 10, 2008 i wasnt trying to berate anyone. i just think that a boyfriend is a commitment. to me it is. & just b/c i screwed up in my past doesnt mean im not allowed to believe in commitment. i dont understand what your beef is sorry. i didnt mean any offense. if you don't understand it - read back through what you posted - it was okay for you to be with a MM, yet you felt that my comment regarding a "bf" not being a committed R was wrong........ yet you apparently felt a MM wasn't "committed" ?? and oh yeah - I know I know - you've "changed" now....... so nm Link to post Share on other sites
neverendingsaga Posted June 10, 2008 Share Posted June 10, 2008 if you don't understand it - read back through what you posted - it was okay for you to be with a MM, yet you felt that my comment regarding a "bf" not being a committed R was wrong........ yet you apparently felt a MM wasn't "committed" ?? and oh yeah - I know I know - you've "changed" now....... so nm so im not allowed to realise i was doing the wrong thing & change? are you saying im a hyprocrite unless i keep doing the wrong thing? sorry but i really dont get it. i thought this board was here to support ppl. i knew my XMM was committed. yeah at 1st he was separated so i didnt see it as commited. but when he went back home i realised he was committed & we were doing the wrong thing. thats why im saying i did the wrong thing. and i stopped. so now im not to say that in my opinion a boyfriend is a commitment? (i dont even know what that has to do w/ the fact that i was w/ a MM... to me a marriage is commitment & i shouldnt have been involved & to me a BF/GF relationship is also a commitment.) whatever im moving on B/C i dont get your point. Link to post Share on other sites
Lookingforward Posted June 10, 2008 Share Posted June 10, 2008 so im not allowed to realise i was doing the wrong thing & change? are you saying im a hyprocrite unless i keep doing the wrong thing? sorry but i really dont get it. i thought this board was here to support ppl. i knew my XMM was committed. yeah at 1st he was separated so i didnt see it as commited. but when he went back home i realised he was committed & we were doing the wrong thing. thats why im saying i did the wrong thing. and i stopped. so now im not to say that in my opinion a boyfriend is a commitment? (i dont even know what that has to do w/ the fact that i was w/ a MM... to me a marriage is commitment & i shouldnt have been involved & to me a BF/GF relationship is also a commitment.) whatever im moving on B/C i dont get your point. obviously, not that I'm surprised Link to post Share on other sites
twice_shy Posted June 10, 2008 Share Posted June 10, 2008 so im not allowed to realise i was doing the wrong thing & change? are you saying im a hyprocrite unless i keep doing the wrong thing? sorry but i really dont get it. i thought this board was here to support ppl. i knew my XMM was committed. yeah at 1st he was separated so i didnt see it as commited. but when he went back home i realised he was committed & we were doing the wrong thing. thats why im saying i did the wrong thing. and i stopped. so now im not to say that in my opinion a boyfriend is a commitment? (i dont even know what that has to do w/ the fact that i was w/ a MM... to me a marriage is commitment & i shouldnt have been involved & to me a BF/GF relationship is also a commitment.) whatever im moving on B/C i dont get your point. Point is you struck a nerve with her. You are someone that was an OW, you have bettered yourself, realized that being an OW isn't a good thing to be. You strived to become a decent person and it struck a nerve. Link to post Share on other sites
Lookingforward Posted June 10, 2008 Share Posted June 10, 2008 Point is you struck a nerve with her. You are someone that was an OW, you have bettered yourself, realized that being an OW isn't a good thing to be. You strived to become a decent person and it struck a nerve. LOL, extrapolating from nothing again TS ? I call it hypocrisy when at the same time someone posts about how a bf/gf is a committed R , that same poster is still posting "what do I do re my MM" posts on other threads... Link to post Share on other sites
twice_shy Posted June 10, 2008 Share Posted June 10, 2008 LOL, extrapolating from nothing again TS ? I call it hypocrisy when at the same time someone posts about how a bf/gf is a committed R , that same poster is still posting "what do I do re my MM" posts on other threads... It would be hypocrisy on her part if she was STILL the other woman and railed against such. It is not hypocrisy when someone who use to be in a certain situation, changed for the better, and now calls it like they see it. It may be one thing if she NES tried to ignore the fact that she was an OW, but she has taken responsibility for what she has done and is now speaking from experience. I'm sorry it cuts you that she saw the light and now wants nothing to do with being an OW. Link to post Share on other sites
Lookingforward Posted June 10, 2008 Share Posted June 10, 2008 It would be hypocrisy on her part if she was STILL the other woman and railed against such. It is not hypocrisy when someone who use to be in a certain situation, changed for the better, and now calls it like they see it. It may be one thing if she NES tried to ignore the fact that she was an OW, but she has taken responsibility for what she has done and is now speaking from experience. I'm sorry it cuts you that she saw the light and now wants nothing to do with being an OW. You're still not "getting it" , so nm Link to post Share on other sites
twice_shy Posted June 10, 2008 Share Posted June 10, 2008 You're still not "getting it" , so nm No, I get it just fine, you think its hypocrisy for someone to have learned from their mistake and now they are totally against any such behavior and behaviors that are similar. I get that you really don't understand the meaning of the word hypocrisy. Link to post Share on other sites
Lookingforward Posted June 10, 2008 Share Posted June 10, 2008 No, I get it just fine, you think its hypocrisy for someone to have learned from their mistake and now they are totally against any such behavior and behaviors that are similar. I get that you really don't understand the meaning of the word hypocrisy. Maybe you should go back and read this whole thread to see what the situation was we were commenting on ? Link to post Share on other sites
SueBee3490 Posted June 10, 2008 Share Posted June 10, 2008 I consider bf/gf relationships to be committed. If someone is casually dating around with no serious intentions and both realize that they are dating others, etc. usually they don't call that other person a bf or a gf. Why call them anything at all? Bf/gf usually implies a level of commitment. Link to post Share on other sites
Lookingforward Posted June 10, 2008 Share Posted June 10, 2008 I consider bf/gf relationships to be committed. If someone is casually dating around with no serious intentions and both realize that they are dating others, etc. usually they don't call that other person a bf or a gf. Why call them anything at all? Bf/gf usually implies a level of commitment. That's your prerogative, I don't see it that way Link to post Share on other sites
SueBee3490 Posted June 10, 2008 Share Posted June 10, 2008 Should have continued on with my previous thread..... but say if I'm casually dating Bill and I'm introducing him to friends/family, I won't call him a "boyfriend". I will probably just say "This is Bill" nothing more. If we are more serious and committed, I will say "This is my boyfriend, Bill". Sounds like this guy has a gf as he said it himself. He realizes there is something wrong in what he's doing behind her back so he comes up with the line "he's not sure she's the one" which if she means nothing, etc. he doesn't need to say anything about her. Probably guilt kicking in. Link to post Share on other sites
neverendingsaga Posted June 10, 2008 Share Posted June 10, 2008 Point is you struck a nerve with her. You are someone that was an OW, you have bettered yourself, realized that being an OW isn't a good thing to be. You strived to become a decent person and it struck a nerve. ok now THAT i get. im not saying i dont think shes a decent person- heck i dont even know her or her story- but i think your right that she doesnt like that ive changed. thx for explaining. its the only theory that makes sense to me about why shes saying im berating & being a hyprocrite & implying I"M not a decent person or im not allowed to have an opinion about this subject b/c i happen to have another thread asking how to get away from my X!!!!!!MM. (he is most def. XMM and always will be & if that makes me a hyprocrite in her eyes, guess im a hyprocrite in her eyes for life. wont stop me from saying i think boyfriend=commitment till the cows come home.) Link to post Share on other sites
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