LostInCosmos Posted May 27, 2008 Share Posted May 27, 2008 OK, I need someone to help me kick the "grass is greener" syndrome... I married young, and while I wouldn't say I was naive about it, I have come to learn things about myself and my W I did not previously know. I find myself wishing I had more time in the field both emotionally and sexually. I realize the fantasy of complete freedom and happiness while women lay themselves at my feet on a nightly basis is probably not the shape reality would take. I would love somebody (especially another guy!) to remind me that being single isn't all bliss and marriage isn't all domestic drudgery. Link to post Share on other sites
Deanster Posted May 28, 2008 Share Posted May 28, 2008 I try to remember that myself, as my single best friend tells me of the two wildly hot women he's been sleeping with (separately) for the last year, the other women they invite to join in, the cuddle parties, wild weeks at Burning Man, where he comes back complaining that he's had too much sex with eager and aggressive but not skillful women... etc. He does seem to have some difficulty keeping both his girlfriends scheduled so they're not at his house at the same time. They know about each other, and that's all fine, he just prefers to keep 'em separated. But the grass is certainly not greener... he'll probably die alone and unloved. Ya know, 40 years from now. Most of which he will have spent banging incredibly attractive and sexually adventurous women. Hmmm... sorry, apparently I'm no help at all on this topic. Link to post Share on other sites
thebam Posted May 28, 2008 Share Posted May 28, 2008 He he, aye its a toughy........The Grass has green on both sides of this fence my friend depends which one you like the taste of....security and belonging......or no security and whatever comes next.... Link to post Share on other sites
Woggle Posted May 28, 2008 Share Posted May 28, 2008 If your wife is a good woman the chances of you finding another good woman are slim to none. Hang around with a bunch of singles for a week and listen to the women. Believe me it will make you appreciate what you have at home. Link to post Share on other sites
angie2443 Posted May 28, 2008 Share Posted May 28, 2008 I try to remember that myself, as my single best friend tells me of the two wildly hot women he's been sleeping with (separately) for the last year, the other women they invite to join in, the cuddle parties, wild weeks at Burning Man, where he comes back complaining that he's had too much sex with eager and aggressive but not skillful women... etc. He does seem to have some difficulty keeping both his girlfriends scheduled so they're not at his house at the same time. They know about each other, and that's all fine, he just prefers to keep 'em separated. But the grass is certainly not greener... he'll probably die alone and unloved. Ya know, 40 years from now. Most of which he will have spent banging incredibly attractive and sexually adventurous women. Hmmm... sorry, apparently I'm no help at all on this topic. You are a person who should not be married. It is obviously not the lifestle you want and enjoy. For you, bieng married to someone, is trapping them with someone who will never love them completely and can never be fully there for them. The answer for you is simple- divorce. Link to post Share on other sites
foreveryoung98 Posted May 28, 2008 Share Posted May 28, 2008 I dont remember all of what the single world is like, but I would not take a million bucks to lead my single friends lives. Link to post Share on other sites
trubella Posted May 28, 2008 Share Posted May 28, 2008 there are alot of single ppl out there who would love to be in your shoes. including myself. if i had to choose from having commitment/long term-stability vs ongoing dating and hoping one will stick, ill take commitment. Link to post Share on other sites
81West Posted May 28, 2008 Share Posted May 28, 2008 It's a bit of a false dilemma. I'm thinking it's more like a) single; b) married to a person who is mostly right for you most of the time; or c) married to a person who is mostly wrong for you most of the time. If you've made life choices that have seen you arrive at c, you may have to go back through a to get to b. See? Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted May 28, 2008 Share Posted May 28, 2008 OP, had many years as happily single and some as married. If I D, I'd get married again/or at least LTR, not for the safety/security/companionship but rather for the daily give and take and challenge to grow. It's easy to get into a rut when one is single, perhaps of a different sort than one falls into when married. Of the two, I have liked the married rut better. As I never aspired to bed bevies of women, perhaps my perspective is not the one you're looking for In any event, I don't really think the "grass is greener", though snippets of one reality may appear more enticing than the entirety of another, more familiar reality, stimulating the basic human desire to be curious. I would suggest waiting until after a D Link to post Share on other sites
D-Lish Posted May 28, 2008 Share Posted May 28, 2008 I find being single to be lonley and frustrating... Is the grass greener? No... probably not from either perspective. I have basically been involved in a series of meaningless relationships for the past 5 years since my divorce... I haven't met anyone remotely close to being relationship worthy... It sucks... believe me. Link to post Share on other sites
Deanster Posted May 29, 2008 Share Posted May 29, 2008 You are a person who should not be married. It is obviously not the lifestle you want and enjoy. For you, bieng married to someone, is trapping them with someone who will never love them completely and can never be fully there for them. The answer for you is simple- divorce. Wow - harsh and judgmental much? For the record, I'm actually overall pretty happily married. While we do have sex/intimacy issues, which I post about until even I'm tired of hearing about it (but that's what LS if for, no?), I've clearly and resolutely chosen the married path (14 years so far, no end in sight). While my original post was written with a giant batch of irony and more than a little tongue-in-cheek, even if it was written as my literal thoughts (the hoppy bunny is a strong sign this is not the case), I'd say you were over-reacting. Am I occasionally jealous of my friend's freedom and opportunities - yes. Would I trade places with him - only for a week or two! More seriously - no chance. Just a suggestion - lighten up a bit! Link to post Share on other sites
angie2443 Posted May 29, 2008 Share Posted May 29, 2008 Wow - harsh and judgmental much? For the record, I'm actually overall pretty happily married. While we do have sex/intimacy issues, which I post about until even I'm tired of hearing about it (but that's what LS if for, no?), I've clearly and resolutely chosen the married path (14 years so far, no end in sight). While my original post was written with a giant batch of irony and more than a little tongue-in-cheek, even if it was written as my literal thoughts (the hoppy bunny is a strong sign this is not the case), I'd say you were over-reacting. Am I occasionally jealous of my friend's freedom and opportunities - yes. Would I trade places with him - only for a week or two! More seriously - no chance. Just a suggestion - lighten up a bit! I think I got you mixed up with the guy who was dating his escort. Sorry if you're not that guy. Link to post Share on other sites
luvstarved Posted May 29, 2008 Share Posted May 29, 2008 Well even though my H and I too have more than our fair share of issues, I would not want the single life again. However, I am damn glad for the single life that I DID have. I sowed serious wild oats and I am convinced that this has made me way more appreciative of marriage than I would otherwise be. NOT in an "ugh" way, I regret nothing...but I feel like I know what the grass is like all over the place so do not have any lingering doubts about "what else is out there". A little late to suggest you not marry so young...oh well... Link to post Share on other sites
Deanster Posted May 29, 2008 Share Posted May 29, 2008 I think I got you mixed up with the guy who was dating his escort. Sorry if you're not that guy. Um... yeah, I'm not that guy. Link to post Share on other sites
FridayGal Posted May 29, 2008 Share Posted May 29, 2008 The grass is always greener. It just depends on which side of the fence you're on. I'm on the single side. It looks better on the married side, I think. My friends are mostly married. I date, but the only one I want to date is taken. Link to post Share on other sites
CarDude2015 Posted May 30, 2008 Share Posted May 30, 2008 Well, being single sucks. You have to bear rejection 99.9% of the time, and the .1% of the time that you do get a positive response, the girl then claims it was never a response like that even though you know damned well it was and you know damn well what she said. I sure wish I didn't have to worry about dating, but sadly enough, I have to. Being single sucks, especially when everyone else around you has a serious relationship and you have to hear everyone else bitch about going to the pottery barn with their SO. Link to post Share on other sites
2sunny Posted May 30, 2008 Share Posted May 30, 2008 i think the single life for me is very nice. i was married for 20 years. i am actually enjoying the time and freedom to do things when i want and how i want. Link to post Share on other sites
Lizzie60 Posted May 30, 2008 Share Posted May 30, 2008 Being single rocks! you get to see whoever you want.. whenever you want.. I wouldn't change anything in the world..but it depends how old you are.. I suppose.. if you're really young.. enjoy your youth.. if you're older, then enjoy your freedom.. I guess commitment is only good for middle aged people..for a short while anyway.. just to get a taste of it.. and then appreciate how wonderful it is to be single and FREE!!!! Link to post Share on other sites
OpenBook Posted May 30, 2008 Share Posted May 30, 2008 OK, here's how I feel about being single. It's not GREAT all the time, but it's GOOD most of the time. And it's a darn sight better than being trapped and desperate in a M... which is how I would feel if I were married (I wouldn't dream of speaking for anyone else besides myself, so please don't think I'm insinuating anything about YOU here!!). I would be like a caged animal, pacing back and forth, grumpy and snarling. Plenty of people respond to my attitude by saying Oh if you met the right person you wouldn't feel that way. Well, I'm not so sure. I greatly treasure my freedom and my alone time, and I know I would have to sacrifice it (or at least it would have to be severely curtailed) if I had to take care of a H or SO. At this point in my life, I'm just really really ambivalent about getting back into a serious R again. So, to the OP, I don't envy you a bit my friend. I don't know how you married people do it. Link to post Share on other sites
luvstarved Posted May 30, 2008 Share Posted May 30, 2008 It seems like the bottom line is, it depends on the person. In addition to a VERY "free" youth, I have had bouts of freedom in between LTRs. Even thoug my H is a major pain in a lot of ways, and there are plenty of times when I wish I could just be left the hell alone for a while...if I am really honest, I am just the type of person who is more content with an SO. For me, the single periods were just time spent waiting for the next SO to come along. All in all, I like the sense of having a family and a pretty well guaranteed person to get old with and share memories with... Having said that, I can certainly understand where someone who has a very active life would prefer the freedom of singlehood. Link to post Share on other sites
showupbutbroken Posted June 2, 2008 Share Posted June 2, 2008 Well, other than the fact that your family thinks something is "wrong" with you for being single, people place availability expectations on you because you are single. You don't have someone that has a vested interest in how things turn out so you fight most of the battles alone. You get less time off from work and people say things like "Wow, you seem great. Why are you single?" With that said, it is easier to spend, save and live. You don't need anyone's permission to do anything or be anything. You can flirt, makeout, date anyone and no one really cares. And if you want to avoid a day, you could hang out in your PJ's by the TV and ignore the phone and door and it only affects you. There are two sides to it but for the long term, I hope to meet that available person and get married to someone that can be my best friend. Just think of marriage as a roller coaster, every turn can't be exciting and thrilling in order for those great moments to really count. Link to post Share on other sites
Tony T Posted June 2, 2008 Share Posted June 2, 2008 I realize the fantasy of complete freedom and happiness while women lay themselves at my feet on a nightly basis is probably not the shape reality would take. Now, why the hell not? Link to post Share on other sites
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