JackhammerGemma Posted May 28, 2008 Share Posted May 28, 2008 Why do people cheat on perfectly good people? People say I'm smart, beautiful, witty, sexy, a good catch, a good girlfriend, blah blah...I'm dirty in bed and always down for sex and whatnot..so why did I get cheated on? Are people just cruel and heartless? Stupid? Greedy? Selfish? I never had such low self esteem in my life til now. I always believed what people told me I was (see above) but now all I can think is...was that not good enough? Link to post Share on other sites
Tony T Posted May 28, 2008 Share Posted May 28, 2008 Why do people cheat on perfectly good people? For the same reason they watch scary movies, cheat on their income tax, sneak small stuff from stores or their offices, etc. Simply for the rush of it. From an evolutionary perspective, it's inbred in males from many thousands of years to spread their genetic material without regard for feelings or anything else. For the many thousands of years, before mankind became "civil", females resided in communes and were mostly receptive to whatever males happened by who could put on the best show. We, as humans, are still in the process of getting more organized in our thoughts and actions. Meanwhile, it's really hard for a lot of people to shake the evolutionary habit of seeking multiple partners. Church, custom and law has tried it's damndest to get man to behave himself but the DNA deep down in the crevices of the soul always wins out...if only in the mind. Of course, it's much more exciting to the adrenal glands if things are acted upon. We've got quite a few thousands of years to go before, MAYBE, many will not get excited about cheating...on their wives, girlfriends, taxes, expense statements or just about anything. So why did you ask this question? Link to post Share on other sites
johan Posted May 28, 2008 Share Posted May 28, 2008 Your ex would most likely agree with your assessment of yourself. And he'd most likely say that what happened wasn't caused by some mysterious deficiency in you. Beyond that, it's not likely he could really explain why it happened, I'm guessing. I'm sure that if someone could have described for him exactly what would happen (that you'd find out and the various ways it would hurt you and for how long), he would have thought a lot harder about it. He probably just wasn't thinking at all. It's not excusable, and I wouldn't expect you to forgive him. But I do hope you can forgive yourself. There's nothing wrong with you. Link to post Share on other sites
OpenBook Posted May 28, 2008 Share Posted May 28, 2008 Or maybe it was just a bad combination, you and him. Link to post Share on other sites
Trialbyfire Posted May 28, 2008 Share Posted May 28, 2008 I'm of the school of thought that there are people who cheat and others' that won't. Watch out for men who need constant external validation from the opposite sex. If they're not getting the constant validation from you, they'll be looking for it elsewhere. I'm definitely not talking about a healthy amount of validation either. Distance yourself from the act itself. Don't bear the burden for someone else's lack of ethics and morals. Link to post Share on other sites
White Flower Posted May 28, 2008 Share Posted May 28, 2008 Why do people cheat on perfectly good people? People say I'm smart, beautiful, witty, sexy, a good catch, a good girlfriend, blah blah...I'm dirty in bed and always down for sex and whatnot..so why did I get cheated on? Are people just cruel and heartless? Stupid? Greedy? Selfish? I never had such low self esteem in my life til now. I always believed what people told me I was (see above) but now all I can think is...was that not good enough? It is so hard for people to understand how a man can cheat on a beautiful woman, especially if she is a good woman besides. Just look at the tabloids and you'll see it happens every day. We always seem to think it will be because a woman is a b**** or is only half pretty and her guy finds someone prettier but in the end, if it wasn't a right fit a guy (or girl) will go elsewhere to find a better fit. I suppose you should count your blessings that you weren't locked in to a marriage contract and invested in all the assets that go with it? I'm sure you'll find someone who won't cheat. I believe they're out there. Good luck. Link to post Share on other sites
Chrome Barracuda Posted May 28, 2008 Share Posted May 28, 2008 Why do people cheat on perfectly good people? People say I'm smart, beautiful, witty, sexy, a good catch, a good girlfriend, blah blah...I'm dirty in bed and always down for sex and whatnot..so why did I get cheated on? Are people just cruel and heartless? Stupid? Greedy? Selfish? I never had such low self esteem in my life til now. I always believed what people told me I was (see above) but now all I can think is...was that not good enough? Meeting the right one takes time. I havent met the right women yet but I've been meeting alot of women who were interested in me so I am dating around when I can. Cheating is greedy, selfishness, and all about them. There's no other way to put it. When a person cheats on you, sometimes you can force them do it by treating them badly but in other times you can treat them like gold and that person will still have a way to fail. Link to post Share on other sites
Krytie TV Posted May 28, 2008 Share Posted May 28, 2008 It is so hard for people to understand how a man can cheat on a beautiful woman, especially if she is a good woman besides. That's because people have this way of always making it out to be a reflection of them rather than what it is. What it is is a moment of passion that has nothing to do with the person that's being cheated on and everything to do with the person being cheated with. It's simply an inability to pass up the immediate gratification. When someone is cheating, they probably aren't thinking about how their girlfriend deserves it because she's not good enough... they're thinking about the sweet piece of fresh ass that is staring them in the face. Nothing more. Link to post Share on other sites
Untouchable_Fire Posted May 28, 2008 Share Posted May 28, 2008 Why do people cheat on perfectly good people? People say I'm smart, beautiful, witty, sexy, a good catch, a good girlfriend, blah blah...I'm dirty in bed and always down for sex and whatnot..so why did I get cheated on? Are people just cruel and heartless? Stupid? Greedy? Selfish? I never had such low self esteem in my life til now. I always believed what people told me I was (see above) but now all I can think is...was that not good enough? Are you going to allow him to do it again? Link to post Share on other sites
Woggle Posted May 28, 2008 Share Posted May 28, 2008 Because some people are never happy with what they have. They live in perpetual grass is greener mode and they always need to have that rush. As for these beatiful famous many of them are probably a nightmare to live with once you get past the looks. It doesn't excuse cheating but most beautiful women have a man who is tired of her crap. Link to post Share on other sites
twice_shy Posted May 28, 2008 Share Posted May 28, 2008 Why do people cheat on perfectly good people? Because they are sh#tty ass people. Link to post Share on other sites
t_veron Posted May 28, 2008 Share Posted May 28, 2008 Cheating is like a drug. Instant gratification of many emotions. People that cheat (guys or girls) are usually selfish. I think people end up with a partner that's not likely to cheat and they themselves get bored without the drama and need excitement. It's very hard to avoid this if the communication was never there and both must be willing to set aside a day each week or two just to get nasty and dirty with each other like when you first dated. If you become a brune and don't do this or that your partner will venture out. If you keep the excitment alive then they will look forward to your "day of fun" and not elsewhere for that gratification. Link to post Share on other sites
AAlike Posted May 28, 2008 Share Posted May 28, 2008 This is not to speak on your specific situation or relationship, Gemma, but I've noticed that in many cases ill-conceived or executed relationships shift from being a cooperative effort to a competition. I think that cheating tends to occur when this competitive element starts to engulf one of the people in the relationship - like it's the ultimate "I'll show them" - otherwise why wouldn't the cheater just break up with their SO? I am not at all condoning it - in fact, I'd say that cheating is among the most spineless and disrespectful things that people can do - but very rarely is it done in a relationship that is not already in a critical state. It usually occurs when their relationship has gotten one party so frustrated that they are able to justify it in their own head while it is happening. again, there are certainly exceptions to this - some people just suck. Link to post Share on other sites
Mahatma Posted May 28, 2008 Share Posted May 28, 2008 Because some people are just stupid Link to post Share on other sites
shanny Posted May 28, 2008 Share Posted May 28, 2008 Hi Gemma... I have wondered the EXACT same thing myself. I've been in the same boat. People say all the same things about me yet I got lied to and cheated on for the past year. And yes, it does lead to low self esteem. Everyone tells me that it was not me, that it was him. But yet somehow we still blame ourselves. So to update you on our similar situations, I dumped him but am still seeing him casually. He has of course said that he has changed and truly appreciates me now. I wonder how long it's gonna last. I had to move in with my parents because of all the debt he put me in (and I even have a really good job... I'm talking about a lot of debt). He has finally started working and is supposedly a changed man. I am though seeing someone else too (not seriously). In a way it feels good to play him the way he has played me, but in a way I feel like crap for dating two people. If our situations continue to be the same maybe you will meet a wonderful guy too! The other guy is everything a guy SHOULD be, not like the losers we are dating. As soon as I can get myself to the point where I can let the jerk go completely I hope to have a future with this other guy. I don't even know why I'm wasting my time with the jerk... but just like you have said with your man, I am disgustly drawn to him no matter what he does. Sorry to go on about my situation in your post but I know we've been in the same boat for awhile. I will tell you what everyone else has told me... DON'T BLAME YOURSELF! Some people are jerks and don't appreciate what they have. If your guy is like mine, he is good looking, smart, funny... girls are drawn to him. Therefore they always get their way and if they don't they can always go onto the next girl. Don't be so hard on yourself. I hope you can start the same process that I have in separating yourself from the dead weight. Good luck and let me know how you are doing! <3Shanny Link to post Share on other sites
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