Why do women keep falling in love with me??

[whichwayisup]

No it doesn't because in order for it to be love it must be reciprocated, unilateral "love" is not the same thing. What the OP is describing is unilateral so it is founded on an erroneous basis.

 

That's not true. I've read many threads where a MM isn't inlove with the OW, yet she is completely head over heels inlove with him.

 

I see your point too, but if someone isn't inlove with you (general you) and you're inlove with them, love everything about them (currently there is an OW on LS who IS in that situation, she LOVES her MM yet he doesn't love her, let alone know she loves him) so it is possible.

 

and what does "stalker" have to do with anything!?!?

 

I can't remember at the moment. I had a thought about that earlier, but now it's gone. Hopefully it will come back and then I'll post again.

[D-Lish]

From your posts, though, D-Lish, you are kinda needy. Look at the last unemployed, living with Mom and Dad loser gamer guy. I mean you were obsessing over him here on Loveshack.

 

Oh shut up- you give yourself away so easily troll.

[Tomcat33]

Oh, so two people who fall in love instantaneously without knowing much about each other is wonderful, where if one person falls in love with the same criteria, it's not okay? Wha?

 

You are a grown woman I am surprised you don't know the components of love:

 

1. commitment decision

2. passion

3. initmacy

4. reciprocation

 

that INLOVE feeling can only exist if all these are present. In the case of love at first sight BOTH parties are feeling this and once this is mutually established they proceed to put each other through "tests" to see if this love is in effect real. This is done both consciously and subconsiously and hence it is determined if it was indeed love at first sight or simply infatuation ie, a rel works out for the long haul or it does not.

 

In the case of the OP CLEARLY #1 and # 4 are missing so it is unilateral therefore it would scare the poor guy off in particular a woman who tells a man I LOVE you after only 6 weeks of knowing him and of he not reciprocating.

 

I don't see what's not to get here.

[Tomcat33]

That's not true. I've read many threads where a MM isn't inlove with the OW, yet she is completely head over heels inlove with him.

 

I see your point too, but if someone isn't inlove with you (general you) and you're inlove with them, love everything about them (currently there is an OW on LS who IS in that situation, she LOVES her MM yet he doesn't love her, let alone know she loves him) so it is possible.

 

 

 

Then I suppose she was gravely mistaken. And in the case of these OW you speak of they knew their partners more than a mere 6 wks.

 

I would be spooked if a man told me he loved me after a mere month of knowing me EEK

[Trialbyfire]

You are a grown woman I am surprised you don't know the components of love:

 

1. commitment decision

2. passion

3. initmacy

4. reciprocation

 

that INLOVE feeling can only exist if all these are present. In the case of love at first sight BOTH parties are feeling this and once this is mutually established they proceed to put each other through "tests" to see if this love is in effect real. This is done both consciously and subconsiously and hence it is determined if it was indeed love at first sight or simply infatuation ie, a rel works out for the long haul or it does not.

 

In the case of the OP CLEARLY #1 and # 4 are missing so it is unilateral therefore it would scare the poor guy off in particular a woman who tells a man I LOVE you after only 6 weeks of knowing him and of he not reciprocating.

 

I don't see what's not to get here.

Not everyone has the exclusivity/relationship discussion previous to falling in love. I think this is the case with most OW/MM relationships, as well.

 

As for reciprocation, did you notice that the OP said that he does try to make women happy to the point where they open up completely to him so he can get a clear look at who they are? In order to make people open up to you, you get them to trust you. While I suspect it's not deliberate on his part to do this, when you have 5 in a row of exactly the same situation, either you're picking the wrong women or you're doing something to cause the same result.

 

As for love v. infatuation. No one can fall in love that fast, individually or jointly. It's infatuation and most likely a dose of lust.

[norajane]

Hi. I'm a 27 year-old male living in New York City. Been here my whole life.

 

I go out a lot and meet lots of women all the time. Over the past 2 years I would say, I would start dating someone and after about 4-6 weeks, each one has professed love to me, and became very attached to me. I liked most of them, but never fell in love with any of them. The longest any of the relationships lasted were 7 months.

 

I think I'm a good guy. I'm good looking, very honest and very funny and smart. For some reason they all get really into to me, to the point where it's a big turn off to me. I can't seem to feel the same way and just want someone I'm dating to be interested in me, but not completely obsessed and say I love you's and how in love they are with me and can't live without me and so forth.

 

I know I'm not that excellent of a person, yet this consistently happens to me! The past 5 women I've "dated" - all of them!

 

Any ideas or insights??

 

What are you doing with them during these 4-6 weeks? That should only give you time to go on 6-12 dates, tops, if it's 1 or 2 dates a week. Any more than that, and you are seeing them way too much and going way too fast. Perhaps you need to see them less often so you aren't giving them the impression that you are devoted to them and are as head over heels as they seem to be.

 

I just can't imagine that there would be many women who would profess love and not being able to live without you after 6 weeks, much less that all 5 women would say such things. You are either giving them the wrong impression by what you're doing, or you're dating some very needy women, or some very immature ones.

[Tomcat33]

That's fine I never said exclusivity, I said commitment decision. When you are commited you don't need to have a talk you know, you feel it due to the person's actions and words having the "talk" is a formality but what you are feeling is based on what you have shown each other and said.

 

In all fairness the OP never said exactly how commited he is in affection and actions. Regardless it's bad all around when a woman tells a man she loves him before he does and more so after only 6 weeks of dating.

[whichwayisup]

I guess he's got mojo happening or something!

[Tomcat33]

What are you doing with them during these 4-6 weeks? That should only give you time to go on 6-12 dates, tops, if it's 1 or 2 dates a week. Any more than that, and you are seeing them way too much and going way too fast. Perhaps you need to see them less often so you aren't giving them the impression that you are devoted to them and are as head over heels as they seem to be.

 

I just can't imagine that there would be many women who would profess love and not being able to live without you after 6 weeks, much less that all 5 women would say such things. You are either giving them the wrong impression by what you're doing, or you're dating some very needy women, or some very immature ones.

 

 

Yes I agree on all counts.

[monkey00]

The last girl I dated was the first to profess her love after less than 2 months of dating. Though when we stopped seeing each other it was obvious there was something wrong with her head. One thing with her is that she's usually attracted to guys who are emotionally distant (which she told me), which may have been the cause & effect of it.

 

Since she was the first there's no way I could compile a recurring pattern among women of these types. Though she was very needy & infatuated with me.

 

I would recommend spending less time with a woman, at best 1x a week. And look at those recurring patterns of the women professing their love vs women who didn't. For all you know you must be doing something to charm them or they must be a similar type of woman who are emotionally needy.

[whichwayisup]

Any more than that, and you are seeing them way too much and going way too fast. Perhaps you need to see them less often so you aren't giving them the impression that you are devoted to them and are as head over heels as they seem to be.

 

If a woman wears her heart on her sleeve, chances are she is going to get very emotionally attached too quickly, and fall inlove.

[SouthernT]

This is exactly the technique used by someone I know.

 

Once you let your guard down, you let your emotions take over because you trust that the other person will be just as invested in you. In your situation, just like his situation, he wasn't invested because he wasn't emotionally wide-open as he appeared to be. He said all the right things but when push came to shove, his actions belied his words.

 

 

So very true....

[Tomcat33]

The last girl I dated was the first to profess her love after less than 2 months of dating. Though when we stopped seeing each other it was obvious there was something wrong with her head. One thing with her is that she's usually attracted to guys who are emotionally distant (which she told me), which may have been the cause & effect of it.

 

Since she was the first there's no way I could compile a recurring pattern among women of these types. Though she was very needy & infatuated with me.

 

I would recommend spending less time with a woman, at best 1x a week. And look at those recurring patterns of the women professing their love vs women who didn't. For all you know you must be doing something to charm them or they must be a similar type of woman who are emotionally needy.

 

 

Well that's just it, if it happens once it's her. If it happens frequently it's time to evaluate what kind of signals one is putting out OR what type of women one is choosing. "Easy prey" comes to mind.....

[monkey00]

If a woman wears her heart on her sleeve, chances are she is going to get very emotionally attached too quickly, and fall inlove.

 

I've never been in love so I don't know how it feels. Though I still think it's highly debatable whether or not it's real what they're feeling. The one I dated I argued with her that it wasn't real but she insisted it was.

[Tomcat33]

I've never been in love so I don't know how it feels. Though I still think it's highly debatable whether or not it's real what they're feeling. The one I dated I argued with her that it wasn't real but she insisted it was.

 

 

What did you base it on to tell her it was not real?

In other words what were you giving her or not giving her that leads you to believe she had it all wrong?

[SouthernT]

My Gad, some of the advice that you have received here is awful.

 

In a nutshell, you are naturally great with women - so much so that they become infatuated/ in love/ invested in you rapidly, and way before YOu feel the same.

Firstly ignore all the whiners and faultfinders here who see this as some problem of your own making - as if there something that you need to "fix".. ( Apparently you may have intimacy problems, you choose low quality women, you are covertly manipulating them ...blah ! What BS is that )

You are a man with a rare ability and this talent is just working TOO WELL.

Many guys would love to have your problem or even half of it. YOu are the kind of guy that women LOVE to LOVE. (Hell, im thinking about you already after just reading your first post...he he !)

Do not change the WAY that you are doing things - it works.

IF you want a different outcome then just slow down and NOT take so many numbers or emails. Cut down your "workload" and be more selective. When you have as many options as you have ,you can pick and choose.

Go for QUALITY not quantity.

 

Nobody is telling him to change, just advising him to slow down a little and be a little more mindful of his affect on women. Women keep falling for him left and right, but he knows that he is not interested in them. So why foster those emotions in a woman? He walks away feeling fine and ready for the next woman....in the mean while, there are a string of 5 or more women left sitting there confused and hurt. He probably is a great guy and that awesome! Just advising him to slow it down when we all know that women are emotional and can't help it. (to a certain degree of course)

 

It's like a woman who keeps opening her legs on the first date and the blows her off. Eventually she's going to learn to stop opening her dang legs on the first date right?

 

Why continue doing the SAME thing over & over but expect a DIFFERENT result?

[whichwayisup]

It's hard to tell someone "NO you are not inlove" when they feel they are. To that person, they think it is, even if in reality it isn't.

[Tomcat33]

It's hard to tell someone "NO you are not inlove" when they feel they are. To that person, they think it is, even if in reality it isn't.

 

 

Well it's simple, if it's not reciprocated it is not love.

[Trialbyfire]

Well it's simple, if it's not reciprocated it is not love.

How do you know if it's reciprocated, if you never say anything? Same goes for commitment. How do you know if anyone is committed until they say so? Is this some kind of out-of-body experience where people are expected to read minds?

[Tomcat33]

How do you know if it's reciprocated, if you never say anything? Same goes for commitment. How do you know if anyone is committed until they say so? Is this some kind of out-of-body experience where people are expected to read minds?

 

 

Have you ever been in love? If so how did you know? What did you feel and how were you sure you were in love?

[whichwayisup]

Well it's simple, if it's not reciprocated it is not love.

 

Then half the people on LS are NOT inlove, even if they think they are.

[Tomcat33]

Here I will start and see if it helps...

 

I knew I was in love when:

 

All I could think about was this person

I wanted to spend every waking moment with him

I could not get enough of him

He wanted to spend every waking moment with me

HE could not get enough of me, his every plan was pretty much including me in it.

Our week dates went from a couple times a week to more times a week to seeing each other all weekend.

He was always making plans to see me and ensuring I was not off dating anyone else and vice versa

We talked about everything and anything for hours on end and still wanted more time together

It was passionate to no end and by the point we were intimate with each other there was no need to talk about exclusivity we WERE exclusive

We could not look into each other's eyes without feeling like the earth was moving

I lost my apetite, he lost his apetite

He would talk about future (way down the line future plans together)

We talked every single day even if we were seeing each other

more and more compliments and expressions of how GREAT it felt to be together

He would send me flowers for no reasons, and emails back and forth claiming how great we were to no end

Started spending more and more time together

 

By the time his I LOVE you came out of his mouth I knew it was coming 100%

 

Pretty much that has been the pattern with all the me I loved

[Trialbyfire]

Have you ever been in love? If so how did you know? What did you feel and how were you sure you were in love?

This isn't about me or you TC. This is about the OP who clearly has a problem. Five women in a row have told him they love him and can't live without him in very short periods of time. They're looking for something reciprocating from him such as a return of "I love you too", which he doesn't feel.

 

This has something to do with him, with them or both. I suspect it's a little of both.

 

Since he can't control how they feel but is clearly unhappy with the outcome, he can amend his behaviour so that it doesn't happen again. He can also look to the women he's attracted to and look for the commonality from that perspective. What the OP might find is that he looks for women who need him.

[Tomcat33]

Actually it is about "me" and "you" and everyone who has a say on why this is happening to this guy TBF because if you need me to explain what reciprocation is in order to feel love the question begs to be asked WHAT DID IT FEEL LIKE WHEN YOU WERE IN LOVE?

 

If you don't know what falling in love feels like then naturally you are not going to understand what I am talking about.

[Nemo]

This sort of thing used to happen to Brad Pitt all the time. He just needs to find his equal in class, style, and sophistication. Wit and charm of this magnitude is obviously going to induce gushes of eternal, one-sided love. It's precisely because the love pyramid gets mightily rarefied on top, that he should be prepared for the long haul. Brad had to kiss a lot of frogs before he met Angelina.