Why do women keep falling in love with me??

[Tomcat33]

This sort of thing used to happen to Brad Pitt all the time. He just needs to find his equal in class, style, and sophistication. Wit and charm of this magnitude is obviously going to induce gushes of eternal, one-sided love. It's precisely because the love pyramid gets mightily rarefied on top, that he should be prepared for the long haul. Brad had to kiss a lot of frogs before he met Angelina.

 

 

And there we have it the three magic words "one sided love" unilateral "love" is not love.

[SpikeyChick]

TBF, you are basically accusing the OP of being disingenuous for being open and likable. If women 'let their guard down' ie throw themselves at him emotionally, it's not his fault and I don't see how he's leading anyone on. It's nice to be open, charming and attractive.

 

.

 

Excellent !

 

As I said above some of the replies to his modern Don Jaun are awful . They are critical, accusatory, sneering and just plain snippy. This guy is a GEM - too much so apparently.

Frankly guys like him are highly sought and relentlessly pursued by women . This is NOT pathology that needs a treatmnent or a cure. The OP asked for advice not a diagnosis from the hen's gallery.

[Nemo]

And there we have it the three magic words "one sided love" unilateral "love" is not love.

That is your opinion. Love is all about self-sacrifice, so it's entirely possible for it to be one-sided.

[Tomcat33]

That is your opinion. Love is all about self-sacrifice, so it's entirely possible for it to be one-sided.

 

 

yeah unconditional love is all about self-sacarfice but we also know unconditional love in a romantic sense does not exist. The Brad Pitt example you sited explains that rather nicely.

[SpikeyChick]

And there we have it the three magic words "one sided love" unilateral "love" is not love.

 

Exactly - Love is fueled by reciprocity and mutuality plus desire. It will falter unless BOTH parties act in ways that preserve this delicate attachment.

Ultimately, LOVE is about how we conduct ourselves in seeking the other persons highest good as vigorously and as equally as we seek our own.

None of this can take place unilaterally.

 

What the OP described were 5 women who fell in DESIRE with him - Lust and Longing which was not returned by the OP. No Reciprocity equals no relationship for those girls .

[Nemo]

No Reciprocity equals no relationship for those girls .

Well, at least the sex was good for them.

[SpikeyChick]

Well, at least the sex was good for them.

 

Perhaps that was the BIG attraction.

[Nemo]

Perhaps that was the BIG attraction.

When you're really in love, you don't want to give any of it up. You want to hang on to it for as long as possible. You want to keep every last inch.

[Storyrider]

This is simple. They're falling in love with you because you somehow made them believe you are in love with them.

 

It is very, very unusual for a woman to declare love first unless she already believes the man loves her.

[SpikeyChick]

When you're really in love, you don't want to give any of it up. You want to hang on to it for as long as possible. You want to keep every last inch.

 

Yes- I love that last inch.. I can 'tolerate' the other six, but I gotta have that last inch.. ja ja !

[Nemo]

This is simple. They're falling in love with you because you somehow made them believe you are in love with them.

 

It is very, very unusual for a woman to declare love first unless she already believes the man loves her.

Yes, good post. Mind you, when I saw Brad Pitt's butt it was love at first sight.

[Sand&Water]

RE:

 

From your post, BrooklynBridge, it sounds like you're not trying to emotionally invest yourself in a relationship, or rather, with the right woman.

 

You care too much about giving these women happiness, as though they have hired you to give them everything they want in a man, without actually benefiting yourself -i.e. being you, and not a "gentleman-on-demand".

 

You are old enough to understand that if you don't start seriously finding a women who fits into your heart, then you may end up alone in the near future.

 

You should incorporate aloofness into your personality -or style. The more careless you appear, the less likely a woman will fall for you.

 

Sand&Water

[SpikeyChick]

RE:

 

You are old enough to understand that if you don't start seriously finding a women who fits into your heart, then you may end up alone in the near future.

 

You should incorporate aloofness into your personality -or style. The more careless you appear, the less likely a woman will fall for you.

 

Sand&Water

 

More dumb advice -

Most women (or those of us who are honest ) are ATTRACTED by indifference and ALOOFNESS.

Sheesh !

[sally4sara]

More dumb advice -

Most women (or those of us who are honest ) are ATTRACTED by indifference and ALOOFNESS.

Sheesh !

 

Yup. Till you grow up and get a life of your own leaving little time and patience for games.......

[Tomcat33]

-

Most women (or those of us who are honest ) are ATTRACTED by indifference and ALOOFNESS.

Sheesh !

 

 

RE:

 

From your post, BrooklynBridge, it sounds like you're not trying to emotionally invest yourself in a relationship, or rather, with the right woman.

 

You care too much about giving these women happiness, as though they have hired you to give them everything they want in a man, without actually benefiting yourself -i.e. being you, and not a "gentleman-on-demand".

 

You are old enough to understand that if you don't start seriously finding a women who fits into your heart, then you may end up alone in the near future.

 

You should incorporate aloofness into your personality -or style. The more careless you appear, the less likely a woman will fall for you.

 

 

And besides you can't FORCE who you feel love for and who you don't, PERIOD.

 

You can't tell your heart "ok I'm getting up there I'd better mature and feel what I am supposed to feel" you either feel it or you don't.

 

 

There is no reason why he SHOULD feel in love with them, he is dating them, dating does not equal = "I promise to fall in love with you."

[macon]

"As nice as this position could be for me at times, it can very uncomfortable when someone professes their love to you, and you can't reciprocate...."

 

I'm very curious - when you say you can't reciprocate, has this always been the case? Have you ever actually been in love with someone? Do you feel connected to your emotions in your everyday life?

[BrooklynBridge]

Wow, so much activity on this thread....I go out for drinks, head on a plane back to NY and 90 something replies...wow.

 

Not to be too conceited here, but I do agree with some of you that I may be guilty of being a great person. It's not something I try very hard to be, I just am who I am.

 

Believe me, I want, (read: I WANT) to be in a relationship, hence the dating, and again, all I try to do is be myself, try to connect with the other person and respond to her and try and put a smile on her face whenever possible. I don't think that this is too flawed of an approach.

 

I do know what it's like to be completely head over heels in love with somebody. I would welcome the opportunity to feel that way again. But when they tell you all these things and you could just sense that the other person feels that way and you don't, well it sucks. And then I think, how did this happen with another one, again!?? That's what I mean by not reciprocating. I just haven't been there with any of them, and had I been heading down that road, it became impossible to do so after that.

 

Coincidentally, when I was on the flight last night, it dawned on me that there was consistent feature about each woman that I only realized last night. All of them are not from New York. In fact, 4 out of the 5 had been in New York for less than a year. Part of me feels like I was kind of like that lame storybook fantasy that some people have about moving to New York and being swept away by some awesome guy (yay! Sex and the City movie tomorrow!! lol). But seriously, there may be something to that.

 

So if any of you are coming to New York soon, PM me! j/k but could there be something to that???

[Nemo]

Not to be too conceited here, but I do agree with some of you that I may be guilty of being a great person. It's not something I try very hard to be, I just am who I am.

Agreed. It's not your fault for being the guy of many girls' dreams. And you can't change the person you are, just to seem less desirable to women. That would be wrong, and disingenuous.

, when I was on the flight last night, it dawned on me that there was consistent feature about each woman that I only realized last night. All of them are not from New York. In fact, 4 out of the 5 had been in New York for less than a year.

To be honest, I just think you've been desperately unlucky. In that you've "happened" on the clingy ones by accident. This is not a statistically significant sample, and the only "problem" you have is that you're almost too desirable.

[SpikeyChick]

 

Not to be too conceited here, but I do agree with some of you that I may be guilty of being a great person. It's not something I try very hard to be, I just am who I am.

 

 

Ooh ahh ! You are priceless. Im getting moist just reading your post. Too bad my SO ( who is in the den) is also so IN LOVE with me otherwise I am there baby.

 

My guess is that you draw women toward you because you have a natural ability to communicate with them in ways which build emotional RAPPORT.

I bet that these gals open up to you soon after they meet you. My gut also tells me that you have an innate gift of putting them at ease and creating a "safe" emotional atmosphere in which they feel comfortable.

You "attend" to them in ways that most men never understand. You pay attention to details .Your approach is testament to that old saying " little things mean a lot " ...and they do to women..

Good work ..

[BrooklynBridge]

Ooh ahh ! You are priceless. Im getting moist just reading your post. Too bad my SO ( who is in the den) is also so IN LOVE with me otherwise I am there baby.

 

My guess is that you draw women toward you because you have a natural ability to communicate with them in ways which build emotional RAPPORT.

I bet that these gals open up to you soon after they meet you. My gut also tells me that you have an innate gift of putting them at ease and creating a "safe" emotional atmosphere in which they feel comfortable.

You "attend" to them in ways that most men never understand. You pay attention to details .Your approach is testament to that old saying " little things mean a lot " ...and they do to women..

Good work ..

 

How sweet of you SC....perhaps in another lifetime.

 

So basically, this will continue to happen and I should just wait till that one comes around where I feel the same way...

 

If only there weren't all these women walking NYC thinking about the what if.....it does make me feel bad...

[Trialbyfire]

This is simple. They're falling in love with you because you somehow made them believe you are in love with them.

 

It is very, very unusual for a woman to declare love first unless she already believes the man loves her.

This is so true. I know I've never said it first. I sometimes wonder if I don't fall in love unless it feels like the guy loves me first. I use the "feels like" term loosely because men act and say things they don't feel deeply, for assorted reasons.

[Tomcat33]

So basically, this will continue to happen and I should just wait till that one comes around where I feel the same way...

 

 

Yes basically this is what will continue to happen. As long as you are honest with them and not do or say anything that can mislead them there is nothing more you CAN do. It's not your fault these women fall easily for you.

 

The thing is Brooklyn, you pretty much know right away if a person does it for you or not so don't waste your time or their time if you feel it's not there. Sometimes men will hang out with women and go through all the motions of "being the boyfriend" and meanwhile he knows it is not going to happen. And women do it too of course. Almost like its better to have someone there than no one at all.

 

If you are falling in love with someone you pretty much feel a spark right away, you feel that strong inexplicable connection right off the bat. A connection that excites your every sense. If that spark isn't there as the weeks progress it ain't happenin so don't lead someone on playing the part of boyfriend if you don't feel it.

[electric_sheep]

This is so true. I know I've never said it first. I sometimes wonder if I don't fall in love unless it feels like the guy loves me first. I use the "feels like" term loosely because men act and say things they don't feel deeply, for assorted reasons.

 

There are some smart people on this forum.

 

In my experience, people may become infatuated with someone who doesn't share this infatuation, but love is normally a joint venture. Love doesn't happen in isolation.

 

The process of falling in love involves sending out little feelers and testing the air. I think it must happen in micro stages. Love puts us in a vulnerable state. People don't generally just jump right into something like that, and open themselves up to that kind of pain. To fall in love we must have faith and feel secure.

 

So... my guess is you are sending out the wrong signals. When these girls test the water, so to speak, you reciprocate in a manner which sends a message you don't really mean to send. Could be you are not that intuitive? I can generally detect these things, and adjust my interaction with the other person accordingly. Kindness and openness are great, but one must be careful not to send the wrong message.

[Tomcat33]

This is so true. I know I've never said it first. I sometimes wonder if I don't fall in love unless it feels like the guy loves me first. I use the "feels like" term loosely because men act and say things they don't feel deeply, for assorted reasons.

 

 

To me it is very clear when a guy is falling for me, I can feel it and his actions prove it. I've had few guys "fall" early on and I was not reciprocationg so I had to cut it off, to stay would be to give them false hope.

[Tomcat33]

In my experience, people may become infatuated with someone who doesn't share this infatuation, but love is normally a joint venture. Love doesn't happen in isolation.

 

The process of falling in love involves sending out little feelers and testing the air. I think it must happen in micro stages. Love puts us in a vulnerable state. People don't generally just jump right into something like that, and open themselves up to that kind of pain. To fall in love we must have faith and feel secure.

 

 

 

EXCATLY!!! I share your sentiments 100%