Why do women keep falling in love with me??

[electric_sheep]

I'm the same way. Whenever I start dating a woman, I pull out all the stops and sweep her off her feet. Then I find myself in the horrible position of having her fall hard for me, when I don't exactly feel the same way back. Urg.

 

Hey, maybe you guys are like emotional serial killers.

 

You enjoy having women fall head over heels for you, and then just yanking the rug out from under them! Quite sadistic.

 

 

I only kid. I hope that's not the case.

[Trialbyfire]

There are some smart people on this forum.

 

In my experience, people may become infatuated with someone who doesn't share this infatuation, but love is normally a joint venture. Love doesn't happen in isolation.

 

The process of falling in love involves sending out little feelers and testing the air. I think it must happen in micro stages. Love puts us in a vulnerable state. People don't generally just jump right into something like that, and open themselves up to that kind of pain. To fall in love we must have faith and feel secure.

 

So... my guess is you are sending out the wrong signals. When these girls test the water, so to speak, you reciprocate in a manner which sends a message you don't really mean to send. Could be you are not that intuitive? I can generally detect these things, and adjust my interaction with the other person accordingly. Kindness and openness are great, but one must be careful not to send the wrong message.

Thanks.

 

It sounds like you've got empathy electric_sheep and know how to amend your actions accordingly. I've noticed that sometimes, men with empathy only look to use that empathy but in relation to how it solely benefits themselves. Many times, it's not intentional. Just a more narrowed approach than what you display.

[SpikeyChick]

There are some smart people on this forum -

 

There are MORE sour people than smart ones.

[SouthernT]

Wow, so much activity on this thread....I go out for drinks, head on a plane back to NY and 90 something replies...wow.

 

Not to be too conceited here, but I do agree with some of you that I may be guilty of being a great person. It's not something I try very hard to be, I just am who I am.

 

Believe me, I want, (read: I WANT) to be in a relationship, hence the dating, and again, all I try to do is be myself, try to connect with the other person and respond to her and try and put a smile on her face whenever possible. I don't think that this is too flawed of an approach.

 

I do know what it's like to be completely head over heels in love with somebody. I would welcome the opportunity to feel that way again. But when they tell you all these things and you could just sense that the other person feels that way and you don't, well it sucks. And then I think, how did this happen with another one, again!?? That's what I mean by not reciprocating. I just haven't been there with any of them, and had I been heading down that road, it became impossible to do so after that.

 

Coincidentally, when I was on the flight last night, it dawned on me that there was consistent feature about each woman that I only realized last night. All of them are not from New York. In fact, 4 out of the 5 had been in New York for less than a year. Part of me feels like I was kind of like that lame storybook fantasy that some people have about moving to New York and being swept away by some awesome guy (yay! Sex and the City movie tomorrow!! lol). But seriously, there may be something to that.

 

So if any of you are coming to New York soon, PM me! j/k but could there be something to that???

 

Let me ask you this: How many women have actually walked away from you on their own? And because they didnt feel like YOU were the one?

[BrooklynBridge]

Let me ask you this: How many women have actually walked away from you on their own? And because they didnt feel like YOU were the one?

 

Honestly? Over the past 5 years lets say, 0, none of them.

[whichwayisup]

Why not just stop dating for a while and give yourself a break. Maybe when you're least expecting it, a woman will make YOUR heart go thump-thump when you two meet.

 

Do you want a steady longterm girlfriend that you could fall inlove with or do you just want to date casually?

[Tomcat33]

Why not just stop dating for a while and give yourself a break. Maybe when you're least expecting it, a woman will make YOUR heart go thump-thump when you two meet.

 

 

nahhh, how's gonna get a touch down if he is not even in the game?

 

If you don't find the woman of your dreams you keep dating but don't waste so much time on forming relationships with women you KNOW you are not going anywhere with. That could be the problem here he doesn't really know when to say no and keeps them around for the fringe benefits.

[whichwayisup]

All I am suggesting is he take small break from dating, I'm not telling the guy to stop dating forever.

 

Anyway, he's gonna do what he's gonna do...

[Tomcat33]

All I am suggesting is he take small break from dating, I'm not telling the guy to stop dating forever.

 

 

 

Yeah I know you meant not forever, but what for? what is the point of taking a small break!!?!?

[whichwayisup]

Geez relax TC.

[Tomcat33]

Geez relax TC.

 

I am relaxed. I just wanted to understand what would be the point of taking time off but seeing as you can't even explain it then that just reinforces why that is a pointless idea.

 

I mean I can see take time off if you are the one who is always erroneously falling in love and getting dumped but it's the other way around. Most people just keep dating until they DO fall inlove they don't sit around waiting for love to magically knock at their door...

[Lizzie60]

Not to be too conceited here, but I do agree with some of you that I may be guilty of being a great person. It's not something I try very hard to be, I just am who I am.

 

Hahaha... I am the female side of you...

 

And when you say that in the last 5 years no women has walk away from you.. it's the same for me.. they are all interested.. but it's not working on MY side...

 

Geezz we're twins..

[Trialbyfire]

I am relaxed. I just wanted to understand what would be the point of taking time off but seeing as you can't even explain it then that just reinforces why that is a pointless idea.

 

I mean I can see take time off if you are the one who is always erroneously falling in love and getting dumped but it's the other way around. Most people just keep dating until they DO fall inlove they don't sit around waiting for love to magically knock at their door...

I dunno. Taking time off when dating isn't making you happy can be a good thing. It's individual reliant. Also, not everyone considers finding a relationship or even dating, the highest priority in their lives.

[Tomcat33]

I dunno. Taking time off when dating isn't making you happy can be a good thing. It's individual reliant. Also, not everyone considers finding a relationship or even dating, the highest priority in their lives.

 

 

That's fair and I agree with all of that, I DO understand what the point of taking time off between relationships is.

 

 

I just did not undrestand what the point is in THIS particular case?

 

Brooklyn said he wants nothing more than to fall inlove again, so why in the world would he quit dating even for a while? If he were contemplating not knowing what he wants in life or feeling like he is not over a past relationship, or barking up the wrong tree all the time getting hurt by women that don't appreciate him, or even if he was just tired of relationships and feels like they are too much hassle and prefers being alone then YEAH of course I can see why it would be beneficial to him to be on his own for a while.

 

In this case I don't see the point which is why I was asking for an explanation since maybe I missed something but I was told to "RELAX" instead so.....leads me to think there isn't a good reason behind it then...

[whichwayisup]

Because I think many people are kind of getting sick of replying to YOU on other people's threads. IF the OP wants to know my reasonings I'll say something (though TBF summed up my thoughts pretty nicely in her post, I just didn't get a chance to post them before you spouted off your 'but seeing as you can't even explain it then that just reinforces why that is a pointless idea' comment.

[Tomcat33]

Because I think many people are kind of getting sick of replying to YOU on other people's threads. IF the OP wants to know my reasonings I'll say something (though TBF summed up my thoughts pretty nicely in her post, I just didn't get a chance to post them before you spouted off your 'but seeing as you can't even explain it then that just reinforces why that is a pointless idea' comment.

 

 

you had a chance you told me to relax instead. And speaking of what others think I wonder what others think about you speaking for them...?

 

Aaaaanyway sorry I asked GEES!

 

PS it is not just the OP that can learn from a topic/thread it is EVERYONE reading that can benefit from it so if I asked a question I was merely trying to learn something new. No luck.

[Habibti]

I'm the same way. Whenever I start dating a woman, I pull out all the stops and sweep her off her feet. Then I find myself in the horrible position of having her fall hard for me, when I don't exactly feel the same way back. Urg.

 

 

 

 

I'm glad you acknowledge that behavior is unfair, OP take notice ; you most likely do this same thing yes? Please be aware that it very much IS leading a woman on. I'll tell you why- if a woman, a man, or any human being in general..took notice that a specific person was going out of their way to do caring things and be attentive to them what are they going to assume this means? They are going to assume it's a sign that you care deeply for them that you would go to such great lengths to make them happy. Wether you verbally express deep feelings or not, they will look at your actions and assume that's what is going on. Afterall, it isn't often we go out of our way to do extra special things for people unless they are indeed extra special to us.

 

You seem to just like the women on a basic level, so why are you pulling out all the stops?

[Nemo]

I don't think a monster tool can be discounted as a possibility. I would definitely fall in love with its owner rather quickly.

[Trialbyfire]

That's fair and I agree with all of that, I DO understand what the point of taking time off between relationships is.

 

 

I just did not undrestand what the point is in THIS particular case?

 

Brooklyn said he wants nothing more than to fall inlove again, so why in the world would he quit dating even for a while? If he were contemplating not knowing what he wants in life or feeling like he is not over a past relationship, or barking up the wrong tree all the time getting hurt by women that don't appreciate him, or even if he was just tired of relationships and feels like they are too much hassle and prefers being alone then YEAH of course I can see why it would be beneficial to him to be on his own for a while.

 

In this case I don't see the point which is why I was asking for an explanation since maybe I missed something but I was told to "RELAX" instead so.....leads me to think there isn't a good reason behind it then...

In taking a step back, the OP has the opportunity to review his behaviour in relation to the women he's been dating and decide if there's need for revision or not. Notice how he's already found one commonality in that his previous five targets were women from out-of-state. He needs to delve deeper into whether this commonality is meaningful, in that he might learn that he doesn't appreciate the aggressive attitude of NY women, hence why he targeted the previous women.

 

I don't know for certain and neither do you. But...any member of LS can provide him with input of which your guess is just as much guess as WWIU or mine. No one can mind read the OP or his five infatuated women or their mutual dynamics.

[Tomcat33]

In taking a step back, the OP has the opportunity to review his behaviour in relation to the women he's been dating and decide if there's need for revision or not. Notice how he's already found one commonality in that his previous five targets were women from out-of-state. He needs to delve deeper into whether this commonality is meaningful, in that he might learn that he doesn't appreciate the aggressive attitude of NY women, hence why he targeted the previous women.

 

 

 

Ok that's an interesting take, see I would not have thought about that. He said he is 27 and living in NY city, if you look at the demographic in NYc of people under 30 a good mayority are prob from"out of state" because everyone moves to NY from all around the world in their 20's it's the business capital of the world and if you are going to go there it will more than likely be while you are in your 20's ie. the demographic of women he is more than likely exposed to. So I suppose that didn't resonate with me. But if he thinks there is a trend there then perhaps that could be a possibility.

[Cherry Blossom 35]

I don't think a monster tool can be discounted as a possibility. I would definitely fall in love with its owner rather quickly.

 

Hahahahahaha...me too

[SpikeyChick]

This thread is getting nowhere. The advice so far is for the OP to take a step back and "review his behavior" - Huh ? His behavior is FINE - too damn fine.

BB's dimemma is NOT a big deal as I see it - he does NOT need to see himself as the common factor in this and he certainly does not need to regard himnself as acting badly to the extent that HE should change his ways.

The "in love" reaction of his dates to him is THEIR responsibility. People are responsibile for their own feelings.

 

I say "Go back for more BB." and eventually you will find a woman who meets your standards.

It is true that ,men with many options can afford to be picky, and therefore BB can afford to pick and choose or NOT choose at all.

 

This guy is running tight game. He understands women's emotional needs and fills them skillfully -hence his outstanding success. Bravo.

 

I only have one suggestion to BB, and that is to be a little more selective earlier in the piece. Filter out the unsuitable candidates in the first two or three dates. Not all women are good LTR material, but all woman are driven by emotional needs. To be fair to them and YOU ,test them more vigorously EARLY in the precess and delete the ones who don't measure up.

 

Geez - what a problem for a guy to have in NYC. !!

[Nemo]

,test them more vigorously

I think we all know what this means. Put them on a high-protein diet as soon as possible.

[BrooklynBridge]

 

This guy is running tight game. He understands women's emotional needs and fills them skillfully -hence his outstanding success. Bravo.

 

Geez - what a problem for a guy to have in NYC. !!

 

You would think that it's not really a big deal and most guys would kill to be in my shoes. Don't get me wrong, it's quite nice to have these great women be really into me. But when they become really into me...well you know the rest.

 

Perhaps I need to pursue women whose emotional needs fulfillment don't translate into them being head over heels in love with lil' old me.

 

And by the way, I've lived in NYC my entire life. I'm not one of the ones that's comes here and get swept up by the magic of New York. I've just seen it in women that I meet my whole adult life......

[D-Lish]

You would think that it's not really a big deal and most guys would kill to be in my shoes. Don't get me wrong, it's quite nice to have these great women be really into me. But when they become really into me...well you know the rest.

 

Perhaps I need to pursue women whose emotional needs fulfillment don't translate into them being head over heels in love with lil' old me.

 

And by the way, I've lived in NYC my entire life. I'm not one of the ones that's comes here and get swept up by the magic of New York. I've just seen it in women that I meet my whole adult life......

 

I dunno, I think the earliest I have fallen in love with a guy has been at the 5 month mark- it once took me a year to think I felt it... but I still don't think I did. I won't be the one to say it first though.

 

I honestly think it's probably in the way you conduct yourself. If you're charming and good looking, intelligent and attentive.... That may send some naive women off the edge.

 

Are they younger girls by chance?

Are they dropping everything to center their lives around you?

That's some kind of power you have going on...lol