carhill Posted May 28, 2008 Share Posted May 28, 2008 I'm not going to lie, (why would anyone lie on the interwebs? lol), I do make nice money, and I am well known in certain circles in this city, but still, I stay the hell away from that scene, it's not for me. (I would find women to hate me really fast in those places!!) I really don't give off the impression that I do well, or anything like that. I'm very down to earth. Maybe I should stop wearing nice suits on my dates....... Would Richard Gere in "Pretty Woman" be too much of a stretch? I mean the character, not the plot line.... If not, yeah, maybe losing the suit and going a bit more low key and casual, in both attire and activities, might suit your purposes. Ladies enjoy discovery, and starting "down to earth" and slow, and letting them discover your success and sophistication over time might give you the pacing you need. Link to post Share on other sites
Author BrooklynBridge Posted May 28, 2008 Author Share Posted May 28, 2008 What's ironic about this is that it kind of seems to me that my objective of trying to make the woman feel happy is what's causes them to be too emotionally attached to me at way too early a stage. Conclusion: start being more selfish!! In all seriousness, I guess slowing things down and being more of an ashole couldn't hurt..... Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted May 28, 2008 Share Posted May 28, 2008 No need to be an asshat, just slow things down. Learn a different way to be a gentleman Link to post Share on other sites
Trialbyfire Posted May 28, 2008 Share Posted May 28, 2008 What's ironic about this is that it kind of seems to me that my objective of trying to make the woman feel happy is what's causes them to be too emotionally attached to me at way too early a stage. Conclusion: start being more selfish!! In all seriousness, I guess slowing things down and being more of an ashole couldn't hurt..... Whoah, slow down there. You didn't answer SouthernT's post. And I HAVE to ask this: Are you doing these things because you know that if you do them, the girl is more than likely going to let her guard down? She lets her guard down and you get what you want right? And don't get me wrong. I'm not accusing you of anything. I just want to pinpoint whether you are doing this and not realizing it or if you do it on purpose and it makes you feel good by having the attention. It's just that sometimes, it seeams like some guys do this on purpose and sometimes they're not even aware of what they are doing. Link to post Share on other sites
Author BrooklynBridge Posted May 28, 2008 Author Share Posted May 28, 2008 Whoah, slow down there. You didn't answer SouthernT's post. And I HAVE to ask this: Are you doing these things because you know that if you do them, the girl is more than likely going to let her guard down? She lets her guard down and you get what you want right? And don't get me wrong. I'm not accusing you of anything. I just want to pinpoint whether you are doing this and not realizing it or if you do it on purpose and it makes you feel good by having the attention. It's just that sometimes, it seeams like some guys do this on purpose and sometimes they're not even aware of what they are doing. I think you make a decent point. I could be behaving like the most amazing awesome guy on earth in the initial stages, which then causes the woman to let her guard down, resulting in her becoming infatuated with me. I will admit, that I think I do with the intent of the woman letting her guard down for one simple reason. With the guard down, the real person shines through. I suppose an unintended side effect of that is in certain situations (ie. mine!) they also become very attached emotionally to me because of it. Hmmmmmm Link to post Share on other sites
Trialbyfire Posted May 28, 2008 Share Posted May 28, 2008 I think you make a decent point. I could be behaving like the most amazing awesome guy on earth in the initial stages, which then causes the woman to let her guard down, resulting in her becoming infatuated with me. I will admit, that I think I do with the intent of the woman letting her guard down for one simple reason. With the guard down, the real person shines through. I supposed an unintended side effect of that is in certain situations (ie. mine!) they also become very attached emotionally to me because of it. Hmmmmmm This is exactly the technique used by someone I know. Once you let your guard down, you let your emotions take over because you trust that the other person will be just as invested in you. In your situation, just like his situation, he wasn't invested because he wasn't emotionally wide-open as he appeared to be. He said all the right things but when push came to shove, his actions belied his words. Link to post Share on other sites
Lizzie60 Posted May 28, 2008 Share Posted May 28, 2008 OK.. I only read the first few posts.. and I agree with Collector here.. it has nothing to do with you.. you are who you are: A GREAT GUY... period! I don't know why people try to find something wrong with a great person.. when in fact, nothing is wrong.. when you are confident and independant, people are at your feet.. I know.. trust me.. I am the female YOU. I don't want anyone in my life..then I have them at my feet... I don't know what it is.. but it's not YOU or ME... it's the people around us.. If you are like me.... you are a great person, with a good sense of humour.. who is charming.. sexy, attractive.. people LOVE us.. what can we do about it.. WE ARE PERFECT! and.. like Collector said 'don't blame yourself, and don't stop being yourself.' Enjoy yourself.. you're not responsible for the every girl's lack of self confidence... Link to post Share on other sites
SpikeyChick Posted May 28, 2008 Share Posted May 28, 2008 I will admit, that I think I do with the intent of the woman letting her guard down for one simple reason. With the guard down, the real person shines through. I suppose an unintended side effect of that is in certain situations (ie. mine!) they also become very attached emotionally to me because of it. Hmmmmmm My Gad, some of the advice that you have received here is awful. In a nutshell, you are naturally great with women - so much so that they become infatuated/ in love/ invested in you rapidly, and way before YOu feel the same. Firstly ignore all the whiners and faultfinders here who see this as some problem of your own making - as if there something that you need to "fix".. ( Apparently you may have intimacy problems, you choose low quality women, you are covertly manipulating them ...blah ! What BS is that ) You are a man with a rare ability and this talent is just working TOO WELL. Many guys would love to have your problem or even half of it. YOu are the kind of guy that women LOVE to LOVE. (Hell, im thinking about you already after just reading your first post...he he !) Do not change the WAY that you are doing things - it works. IF you want a different outcome then just slow down and NOT take so many numbers or emails. Cut down your "workload" and be more selective. When you have as many options as you have ,you can pick and choose. Go for QUALITY not quantity. Link to post Share on other sites
The Collector Posted May 28, 2008 Share Posted May 28, 2008 TBF, you are basically accusing the OP of being disingenuous for being open and likable. If women 'let their guard down' ie throw themselves at him emotionally, it's not his fault and I don't see how he's leading anyone on. It's nice to be open, charming and attractive. If we reverse the genders and an attractive woman was complaining that her men kept becoming over-smitten, would we advise her to stop being so nice or wear a bag over her head? It's up to everyone not to give their heart unless it's wanted, and on occasion that we accidentally do when it's not, accept responsibility and not blame the object of our affection/lust. Link to post Share on other sites
Trialbyfire Posted May 28, 2008 Share Posted May 28, 2008 The definition of insanity is to repeat the same cycles over and over again with the exact same results... He's not happy with the way it's going, with the only common denominator himself. Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted May 28, 2008 Share Posted May 28, 2008 I'd date him and I don't even know him Seriously, I don't think there's any quantum changes required; just turn the volume of the "good" down a little bit.....Friday's almost here Link to post Share on other sites
Cherry Blossom 35 Posted May 29, 2008 Share Posted May 29, 2008 This is a very interesting thread. I say, keep doing what you are doing. If it works every time, then one day you are bound to find that one amazing woman who makes YOU fall hard. If you are intent on changing your behavior, a couple of suggestions: 1. Don't be too emotionally available, at least at first. You have to set the pace here. 2. Don't talk about future events. Ex. Coldplay is coming to NY in August...wow I would really love to go. Girl: Oh wow, me too, I love them. You: Yeah, that would be really fun. You're talking in the moment. Gee, I like Coldplay, i would like to go. Girl: Me too. She's thinking that you're envisioning a future with her. I have to tell you- in NY, as well as here in DC, guys like you are hard to come by so it is really easy to fall for them. These women are likely falling for you because you are the first guy in a long while to be emotionally available. Rare quality in these places. Link to post Share on other sites
Tomcat33 Posted May 29, 2008 Share Posted May 29, 2008 I think the answer is simple, you don't trust them or why they could be so inlove with you in such a short period of time and especially since you don't also feel the same therefore this turns you off. It creates a LOT of pressure for you, rightly so, because you cannot live up to their expectations. If they can so easily fall in love with you knowing so little about you what would they think of the REAL you when they get to see you at your worst? It's natural you would get turned off. Link to post Share on other sites
D-Lish Posted May 29, 2008 Share Posted May 29, 2008 I consistently attract "stalker types" that show up on my doorstep at all hours of the night and fill my cell inbox with texts... I def think it's the kind of guy I am initially attracted to and choose to date... Meh- I know I am to blame for making poor choices. Link to post Share on other sites
SpikeyChick Posted May 29, 2008 Share Posted May 29, 2008 I consistently attract "stalker types" that show up on my doorstep at all hours of the night and fill my cell inbox with texts... I def think it's the kind of guy I am initially attracted to and choose to date... Meh- I know I am to blame for making poor choices. Like attracts like ???? He, he ... Link to post Share on other sites
D-Lish Posted May 29, 2008 Share Posted May 29, 2008 Like attracts like ???? Nah, I am an aloof dater. I don't give much in the first 3-4 months. Opposites attract might be a better assumption if you actually knew anything about me SC. Link to post Share on other sites
Tomcat33 Posted May 29, 2008 Share Posted May 29, 2008 Ladies, take note of this and buy The Rules and Why Men Love Bitches, stat. Don't say there's nothing to these strategies. Swiss are you male or female? interesting observation. Link to post Share on other sites
Tomcat33 Posted May 29, 2008 Share Posted May 29, 2008 Nah, I am an aloof dater. I don't give much in the first 3-4 months. Opposites attract might be a better assumption if you actually knew anything about me SC. Yeah I'd go more with the opposites attract theory because "stalker types" are all about the chase and the challenge of what they can't have. So what you should do is tell them you want him to pick out baby names with you, challenge over problem solved. LOL Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted May 29, 2008 Share Posted May 29, 2008 If they can so easily fall in love with you knowing so little about you what would they think of the REAL you when they get to see you at your worst? It's natural you would get turned off. Stalker or not, I guess this blows the theory I've read over and over again on LS about falling inlove instantly...... Link to post Share on other sites
Sw3etdev1L Posted May 29, 2008 Share Posted May 29, 2008 I think you are a typical twenty something kind of a guy who thinks everybody has the hots for him and you don't appreciate no one because you are arrogant and cocky and feel everybody falls in love with you. But that's just some psychology kind of thing, they want to feel they can change you because you are arrogant and appear to be impossible to everyone, you are a challenge. They are just infatuated, not in love. In love is when they already know you, and they love the person inside. Not the challenge. but if you act cocky, and arrogant and feel " everybody is in love with me very quickly " without really appreciating noone, then you are just f....ed up. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted May 29, 2008 Share Posted May 29, 2008 BrooklynBridge, maybe you're just one of those guys that every women could easily fall for. The full package, marriage material. Link to post Share on other sites
Leia Posted May 29, 2008 Share Posted May 29, 2008 BrooklynBridge, maybe you're just one of those guys that every women could easily fall for. The full package, marriage material. Which there is nothing wrong with that. Just enjoy it and take it slow. Just don't start acting like a jerk. It's not your fault if those women fall easily. Link to post Share on other sites
Tomcat33 Posted May 29, 2008 Share Posted May 29, 2008 Stalker or not, I guess this blows the theory I've read over and over again on LS about falling inlove instantly...... No it doesn't because in order for it to be love it must be reciprocated, unilateral "love" is not the same thing. What the OP is describing is unilateral so it is founded on an erroneous basis. and what does "stalker" have to do with anything!?!? Link to post Share on other sites
Trialbyfire Posted May 29, 2008 Share Posted May 29, 2008 No it doesn't because in order for it to be love it must be reciprocated, unilateral "love" is not the same thing. What the OP is describing is unilateral so it is founded on an erroneous basis. and what does "stalker" have to do with anything!?!? Oh, so two people who fall in love instantaneously without knowing much about each other is wonderful, where if one person falls in love with the same criteria, it's not okay? Wha? Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted May 29, 2008 Share Posted May 29, 2008 Which there is nothing wrong with that. Just enjoy it and take it slow. Just don't start acting like a jerk. It's not your fault if those women fall easily. Yup exactly! Last thing you need to do is turn into a jerk. Just be who you are and when you find a woman getting too attached, let her know that you're not ready for anything serious and back off abit (in the sense of making out, kissing etc..). Link to post Share on other sites
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