Why do women keep falling in love with me??

[SpikeyChick]

Perhaps I need to pursue women whose emotional needs fulfillment don't translate into them being head over heels in love with lil' old me.

 

.

 

All woman who are emotionally healthy WANT a deep emotional relationship with a man. The OP seems to give them what they want BUT too well to the extent that he has many applicants for the job. My guess is that he is very laid back about women and NOT wiiling to sign up with the first woman who falls for him. It is is a woman's nature to lust after what she can't have, and so she pursues him even harder which makes him even more distant and so her desire for him amps up .....and so on.

 

The OP has inadvertently adopted the "Rock Star" technique.

Why do women fall "in love" with Rock Stars when these same guys are not even dateable if they worked the nightshift at 7-Eleven ?

 

It is simple (guys here take notes) The formula for success with the ladies is twofold.

1. Be a man of high value and be seen as desired by many.

2. By a "hard to get" man.

 

This is why men need to create a great life for themselves and NOT chase or worship women as your main focus.

Secondly ,women are attracted to men who are attractive and desired by other women.

[Trialbyfire]

All woman who are emotionally healthy WANT a deep emotional relationship with a man. The OP seems to give them what they want BUT too well to the extent that he has many applicants for the job. My guess is that he is very laid back about women and NOT wiiling to sign up with the first woman who falls for him. It is is a woman's nature to lust after what she can't have, and so she pursues him even harder which makes him even more distant and so her desire for him amps up .....and so on.

 

The OP has inadvertently adopted the "Rock Star" technique.

Why do women fall "in love" with Rock Stars when these same guys are not even dateable if they worked the nightshift at 7-Eleven ?

 

It is simple (guys here take notes) The formula for success with the ladies is twofold.

1. Be a man of high value and be seen as desired by many.

2. By a "hard to get" man.

 

This is why men need to create a great life for themselves and NOT chase or worship women as your main focus.

Secondly ,women are attracted to men who are attractive and desired by other women.

Your example isn't one with emotionally healthy women. These women sound like women with very low self-esteem.

[SpikeyChick]

 

I honestly think it's probably in the way you conduct yourself. If you're charming and good looking, intelligent and attentive.... That may send some naive women off the edge.

 

Ha ha - "naive women" indeed - that behavior in a man would send ALL women off the edge. Get honest girls.

Of course most of you here want to pretend that his game would.."not work with me " I disagree. WE woman never change oot emotional requirements from men. A Zillion years of evolution are not going to be changed any time soon..We women are slaves to our biology and our psychology. and it is not going to change because a few of you want it to be otherwise...

[SpikeyChick]

Your example isn't one with emotionally healthy women. These women sound like women with very low self-esteem.

 

You are insulting 99% of women . George Clooney, Brad P or Micheal Buble would probably be annoyed by your assertion that their fans have " low self esteem."

Women are as women do, We LOVE, HOT, successful men -it is in our genes.. Self esteem be damned.. give me those MEN !

[Lookingforward]

You are insulting 99% of women . George Clooney, Brad P or Micheal Buble would probably be annoyed by your assertion that their fans have " low self esteem."

Women are as women do, We LOVE, HOT, successful men -it is in our genes.. Self esteem be damned.. give me those MEN !

 

 

so who died and made you official spokesperson for ALL women ?

 

just askin' like

[Trialbyfire]

You are insulting 99% of women . George Clooney Brad P or Micheal Buble would probably be annoyed by your assertion that their fans have " low self esteem."

Women are as women do, We LOVE, HOT, successful men -it is in our genes.. Self esteem be damned.. give me those MEN !

Not enough to give up our self-esteem. I will agree the low self-esteem types are the ones that Brooklyn seems to be attracting, which is why they fall so quickly and can't live without him.

 

There's no man that women with some self-esteem, can't live without. Same holds true in reverse with emotionally healthy men. There's no woman they can't live without. In all situations, emotionally healthy people will distance themselves from someone who isn't equally invested. It's common sense.

[SpikeyChick]

In all situations, emotionally healthy people will distance themselves from someone who isn't equally invested. It's common sense.

 

Ha- This may be true on another planet but down here ,we chase what is retreating from us when we have DESIRE for that object. It has NOTHING to do with "self esteem" (gawd, what an annoying old phrase from the '80s )

This is all about human nature -in particular the nature of WOMEN.

 

However - if it pleases you, believe that it is otherwise.

[Trialbyfire]

Ha- This may be true on another planet but down here ,we chase what is retreating from us when we have DESIRE for that object. It has NOTHING to do with "self esteem" (gawd, what an annoying old phrase from the '80s )

This is all about human nature -in particular the nature of WOMEN.

 

However - if it pleases you, believe that it is otherwise.

I do agree that we come from different planets. On my planet, most women have a modicum of self-esteem and won't play into the game, once it's evident. Sure, we can be fooled for a very short period but we can be patient since we're not always driven by crotch-thinking.

 

It does take some experience to learn to read the game. The more exposure, the faster you can peg it.

 

Remember, women are goddesses and men are gods.

[SpikeyChick]

so who died and made you official spokesperson for ALL women ?

 

just askin' like

 

I speak for feminine women who are HONEST with themselves - is that you honey ? The rest of you who want to believe in all the crap about " woman power" and the " you go girl - you can have it all "...well keep watching Oprah and I guarantee that you will still be whining about men and unhappy in another ten years when your market value has dropped through the floor.

[SpikeyChick]

I do agree that we come from different planets. On my planet, most women have a modicum of self-esteem and won't play into the game, once it's evident. Sure, we can be fooled for a very short period but we can be patient since we're not always driven by crotch-thinking.

 

It does take some experience to learn to read the game. The more exposure, the faster you can peg it.

 

Remember, women are goddesses and men are gods.

 

OK, do you have a hot date lined up Saturday night..

I am heading up to Biscayne with the HUNK for some shots and Salsa. Hot !!

[Trialbyfire]

I speak for feminine women who are HONEST with themselves - is that you honey ? The rest of you who want to believe in all the crap about " woman power" and the " you go girl - you can have it all "...well keep watching Oprah and I guarantee that you will still be whining about men and unhappy in another ten years when your market value has dropped through the floor.

Haha...since I don't watch Oprah, it's moot to me.

 

Settling isn't something that either men or women should do. Do tell us how happy you are in ten years time when your market value has dropped and you've realized how unhappy you are in settling. I know you don't believe this now but then, of course...you can't believe it...can you?

[Trialbyfire]

OK, do you have a hot date lined up Saturday night..

I am heading up to Biscayne with the HUNK for some shots and Salsa. Hot !!

Haha...my dating life isn't open for discussion although you're welcome to read what I've already posted on LS previously.

 

Anyways Brooklyn. I think you can see how this is rolling out. Take a good look at your technique and the women you target. You've stated that you're unhappy, so...do something about it.

[D-Lish]

OK, do you have a hot date lined up Saturday night..

I am heading up to Biscayne with the HUNK for some shots and Salsa. Hot !!

 

I have a hot date lined up for Saturday. We're going to Hooter's for wings and drinking beer from a can..... ooooohhhhhh I can't wait. lol.

[Tomcat33]

In all situations, emotionally healthy people will distance themselves from someone who isn't equally invested. It's common sense.

 

 

I happen to totally agree with this thought. Emotional intelligence does dictate that (we're back to the idea that reciprocation must be there) and perhaps these women have not developed theirs yet.

[Tomcat33]

BB I have a question for you, you say these women are great and you wish that you could feel the same towards them but really let's be honest here great people are the ones that captivate us an if you really think they are "great" there should be a pretty strong pull there so much so that it should lead down the path of falling in love. Either you are using the term "great" too loosely or your idea of "great" is not good enough. Can you define "great"?

 

What is is that is holding your back from being WOWED by them? Maybe it's time to really think about what you think was missing from all of these women that prevented you from feeling like you had an intense connection...

 

Once you can put your finger on that it might be easier for you to know what to look out for when you meet new women.

[Storyrider]

Ha- This may be true on another planet but down here ,we chase what is retreating from us when we have DESIRE for that object.

 

This is true, but if there isn't a real interest in the first place (based on a deeper connection with the person) the chase/retreat plan will only prolong the inevitable. You can't retreat forever. As soon as you stop retreating and turn to face the chasing partner, giving attention, the chasing partner will retreat because it is only the chase that is egging him on.

 

In a mild form it can help stimulate an already healthy relationship. But you can also play this chasing game back and forth and fool yourself into thinking there is real desire there, when in fact you are just chasing your own tail.

[SouthernT]

Honestly? Over the past 5 years lets say, 0, none of them.

 

Brooklyn....I can honestly say that I am NOT convinced that you really do want a relationship. How is it that you say you want it, but everytime the oppt. has presented itself, you find a reason to say that it's not legit?

 

I think that everybody on LS (the ladies) now has a chance to see the other side of this. Those 5 women that you let fall to the way side...are the very same women that post on here daily with confusion and hurt. And I think it's a good oppt. for you to see it from a woman's point of view as well. So that you can understand, that in "SOME" cases, maybe you should have actually continued pursuing the girl and allowed your feelings to develop as well.

 

So, tell us what it is that made you stop and think "Umm.....this is NOT going to work out with this one" Something she said or did or whatever the case may be....

[the_backstabber]

Hi. I'm a 27 year-old male living in New York City. Been here my whole life.

 

I go out a lot and meet lots of women all the time. Over the past 2 years I would say, I would start dating someone and after about 4-6 weeks, each one has professed love to me, and became very attached to me. I liked most of them, but never fell in love with any of them. The longest any of the relationships lasted were 7 months.

 

I think I'm a good guy. I'm good looking, very honest and very funny and smart. For some reason they all get really into to me, to the point where it's a big turn off to me. I can't seem to feel the same way and just want someone I'm dating to be interested in me, but not completely obsessed and say I love you's and how in love they are with me and can't live without me and so forth.

 

I know I'm not that excellent of a person, yet this consistently happens to me! The past 5 women I've "dated" - all of them!

 

Any ideas or insights??

 

You sound very glib to me.

 

For this to happen, 2 factors come in: you and the women you meet. I read that your fully aware of your behaviors and how they seem to attract and grip women ('just to make them feel happy') and that you acknowledge your good looks and your capital power. This means that you are not unconscious of what your actions are spelling out and hence when combined with good looks and status (which you are well aware of), you may be manipulating the situation in order for these women to fall for you hard (4-6 weeks is very short). The only problem is, it makes it easier for the crazies to veer towards you since its alot easier to manipulate their emotions.

 

I'm surprised that after countless dates you haven't found the right woman for you which leads to several things:

 

1.your either dating for fun (well...cant be this since your looking for that right woman with the right temperament)

 

2. you have commitment issues (cant also be this since you'd jump right away for a woman with the right temperament..tell me this though, what if you fell hard for a woman whom actually did the same thing as you?)

 

3. you don't know what you want (hmm, possibly, but still, you say that your looking for a certain temperament)

 

4. or your manipulative and cunning (this could be it. Maybe your innate behavior (that your very well aware of) allows you to lure women in easily, especially the crazies. If you were really good in this behavior, you can turn any woman, even the ones with their heads properly screwed on, into raving crazies like the ones you meet. Unfortunately though this hasn't happened yet because maybe, just maybe, these women see right through you).

 

5. or you could also be a narcissist or passive aggressive male (still both manipulative). Narcissist: You crave the attention that others project unto you and yet pull away when things get too close because they might see you for who you really are and the grandiose image of you fades with your imperfections surfacing.

Passive aggressive: your still in the dance with the ghost of your mother who never really gave any thought into you. You tried so hard to get her attention yet nothing worked. In your present relationships you play out it this dance again, but yet now its working, you must project the image of the little boy being neglected and pull back when things get too close as this unacceptable for your psyche.

[SouthernT]

You sound very glib to me.

 

For this to happen, 2 factors come in: you and the women you meet. I read that your fully aware of your behaviors and how they seem to attract and grip women ('just to make them feel happy') and that you acknowledge your good looks and your capital power. This means that you are not unconscious of what your actions are spelling out and hence when combined with good looks and status (which you are well aware of), you may be manipulating the situation in order for these women to fall for you hard (4-6 weeks is very short). The only problem is, it makes it easier for the crazies to veer towards you since its alot easier to manipulate their emotions.

 

I'm surprised that after countless dates you haven't found the right woman for you which leads to several things:

 

1.your either dating for fun (well...cant be this since your looking for that right woman with the right temperament)

 

2. you have commitment issues (cant also be this since you'd jump right away for a woman with the right temperament..tell me this though, what if you fell hard for a woman whom actually did the same thing as you?)

 

3. you don't know what you want (hmm, possibly, but still, you say that your looking for a certain temperament)

 

4. or your manipulative and cunning (this could be it. Maybe your innate behavior (that your very well aware of) allows you to lure women in easily, especially the crazies. If you were really good in this behavior, you can turn any woman, even the ones with their heads properly screwed on, into raving crazies like the ones you meet. Unfortunately though this hasn't happened yet because maybe, just maybe, these women see right through you).

 

5. or you could also be a narcissist or passive aggressive male (still both manipulative). Narcissist: You crave the attention that others project unto you and yet pull away when things get too close because they might see you for who you really are and the grandiose image of you fades with your imperfections surfacing.

Passive aggressive: your still in the dance with the ghost of your mother who never really gave any thought into you. You tried so hard to get her attention yet nothing worked. In your present relationships you play out it this dance again, but yet now its working, you must project the image of the little boy being neglected and pull back when things get too close as this unacceptable for your psyche.

 

And I say # 4....

[Tomcat33]

You sound very glib to me.

 

For this to happen, 2 factors come in: you and the women you meet. I read that your fully aware of your behaviors and how they seem to attract and grip women ('just to make them feel happy') and that you acknowledge your good looks and your capital power. This means that you are not unconscious of what your actions are spelling out and hence when combined with good looks and status (which you are well aware of), you may be manipulating the situation in order for these women to fall for you hard (4-6 weeks is very short). The only problem is, it makes it easier for the crazies to veer towards you since its alot easier to manipulate their emotions.

 

I'm surprised that after countless dates you haven't found the right woman for you which leads to several things:

 

1.your either dating for fun (well...cant be this since your looking for that right woman with the right temperament)

 

2. you have commitment issues (cant also be this since you'd jump right away for a woman with the right temperament..tell me this though, what if you fell hard for a woman whom actually did the same thing as you?)

 

3. you don't know what you want (hmm, possibly, but still, you say that your looking for a certain temperament)

 

4. or your manipulative and cunning (this could be it. Maybe your innate behavior (that your very well aware of) allows you to lure women in easily, especially the crazies. If you were really good in this behavior, you can turn any woman, even the ones with their heads properly screwed on, into raving crazies like the ones you meet. Unfortunately though this hasn't happened yet because maybe, just maybe, these women see right through you).

 

5. or you could also be a narcissist or passive aggressive male (still both manipulative). Narcissist: You crave the attention that others project unto you and yet pull away when things get too close because they might see you for who you really are and the grandiose image of you fades with your imperfections surfacing.

Passive aggressive: your still in the dance with the ghost of your mother who never really gave any thought into you. You tried so hard to get her attention yet nothing worked. In your present relationships you play out it this dance again, but yet now its working, you must project the image of the little boy being neglected and pull back when things get too close as this unacceptable for your psyche.

 

 

WHOA!!!

 

 

or maybe he is just the kind of guy, like a lot of guys his age who are attractive successful and charming and who also know it, that picks the types of women who fall really hard for a man who is goodlooking succesful moderately attentive and who will buy them dinner. Maybe he picks the types of women who settle for superficial qualities and they themselves don't require much to "fall hard". Go on a dating site and see what the 20 somethings are asking for these days.

 

When you are young good looking and successful there is no shortage of opportunities to get what you want, that doesn't mean there is something wrong with the guy it just means he is used to getting what he wants and is confused about what he really needs.

[underpants]

Well, I'm not in love with you and here is what I think.

 

It is good that you question why the same thing keeps happening. How are you contributing and what is the pattern? What is it that you want beyond a 'relationship'. What do you want? Do you tell them upfront (before sex) so they can know and realize or decide for themselves accordingly. Do you identify and weed them out before sex? If not you might be rushing intimacy where there is none.

 

If you don't tweak things to suit your eventual purpose and embody what you wish to gain, then you very well may risk 'falling' or being stuck with the wrong girl. The one that will push your buttons in a toxic and dysfunctional way.

 

The trick is to not be too nice or too aloof/uninvested. Figure out what you want, communicate it and be genuine. To yourself first then to potentials.

[SpikeyChick]

WHOA!!!

 

 

or maybe he is just the kind of guy, like a lot of guys his age who are attractive successful and charming and who also know it, that picks the types of women who fall really hard for a man who is goodlooking succesful moderately attentive and who will buy them dinner.

.

 

Bingo ! At last a comment from a woman who is NOT trying to fault-find or blacken the OP's character. He has done nothing WRONG.

Ladies. I know MEN because I work in an all male environment

and always have since grad. The vast majority of guys are nothing like your mistrustful and suspicious minds are conjuring up.

Most of you are miserable because you are hyper-vigilant, overly sensitive, highly defended and just plain soured by some real or imagined "experience" with a guy. How many man have hurt you ? One or two?

So why keep this grudge alive against the rest of them .

Good guys are plentiful IF you are wiiling to be good women and get the chips off your shoulders. No guy wants a woman who is no fun.

 

I got to go pack now - we are flying up Miami in an hour. Have a great weekend , I plan to.

[SpikeyChick]

You sound very glib to me.

 

For this to happen, 2 factors come in: you and the women you meet. I read that your fully aware of your behaviors and how they seem to attract and grip women ('just to make them feel happy') and that you acknowledge your good looks and your capital power. This means that you are not unconscious of what your actions are spelling out and hence when combined with good looks and status (which you are well aware of), you may be manipulating the situation in order for these women to fall for you hard (4-6 weeks is very short). The only problem is, it makes it easier for the crazies to veer towards you since its alot easier to manipulate their emotions.

 

I'm surprised that after countless dates you haven't found the right woman for you which leads to several things:

 

1.your either dating for fun (well...cant be this since your looking for that right woman with the right temperament)

 

2. you have commitment issues (cant also be this since you'd jump right away for a woman with the right temperament..tell me this though, what if you fell hard for a woman whom actually did the same thing as you?)

 

3. you don't know what you want (hmm, possibly, but still, you say that your looking for a certain temperament)

 

4. or your manipulative and cunning (this could be it. Maybe your innate behavior (that your very well aware of) allows you to lure women in easily, especially the crazies. If you were really good in this behavior, you can turn any woman, even the ones with their heads properly screwed on, into raving crazies like the ones you meet. Unfortunately though this hasn't happened yet because maybe, just maybe, these women see right through you).

 

5. or you could also be a narcissist or passive aggressive male (still both manipulative). Narcissist: You crave the attention that others project unto you and yet pull away when things get too close because they might see you for who you really are and the grandiose image of you fades with your imperfections surfacing.

Passive aggressive: your still in the dance with the ghost of your mother who never really gave any thought into you. You tried so hard to get her attention yet nothing worked. In your present relationships you play out it this dance again, but yet now its working, you must project the image of the little boy being neglected and pull back when things get too close as this unacceptable for your psyche.

 

OMG -are you serious ?. I just pray that you are not a member of the "helping professions" and are counseling others. ..how sad that someone could believe any of this gibberish..

[the_backstabber]

WHOA!!!

 

 

or maybe he is just the kind of guy, like a lot of guys his age who are attractive successful and charming and who also know it, that picks the types of women who fall really hard for a man who is goodlooking succesful moderately attentive and who will buy them dinner. Maybe he picks the types of women who settle for superficial qualities and they themselves don't require much to "fall hard". Go on a dating site and see what the 20 somethings are asking for these days.

 

When you are young good looking and successful there is no shortage of opportunities to get what you want, that doesn't mean there is something wrong with the guy it just means he is used to getting what he wants and is confused about what he really needs.

 

whoa!! thanks for the sarcasm...

 

what you just said was basically a euphism of what I said.

[the_backstabber]

OMG -are you serious ?. I just pray that you are not a member of the "helping professions" and are counseling others. ..how sad that someone could believe any of this gibberish..

 

why?? so women like you would accept falling hard for guys like these when deep inside you know that maybe somethings wrong him? Did I say anything was wrong with him?..... do enlighten me whats wrong with my 'gibberish' before posting 'authoritative' quick shot replies.