Irish Posted July 19, 2003 Share Posted July 19, 2003 Can anyone answer this question: If a man that you work with has a pleasant demeanor and normally would say hello, starts asking how you are and while walking and discussing work related issues, puts his hand and forearm on your back and then lets it drop down to waist, is this man interested in something more than just business or is he just warming up as a friend? I do not wish to embarass myself. Link to post Share on other sites
Tony T Posted July 19, 2003 Share Posted July 19, 2003 He may be interested in more and you'll find out soon enough if he asks you out, he may be just interested as a friend and that you'll find out too. But one thing for sure, he hasn't read his booklet on sexual harassment in the workplace. Dropping his hand down to touch your waste can get him in a heap of trouble with the feds and in civil court. Why don't you ask him out?....if you decide not to sue him. Link to post Share on other sites
beaker Posted July 19, 2003 Share Posted July 19, 2003 That behaviour is way too ambiguous to say anything with certainty. Coming from me a hand around the waist would signify some level of interest (or drunkeness!), but from many other men who are more physically expressive it could be meaningless absent-minded behaviour, or anything in between. If you're interested in this fellow yourself and find it too awkward to raise the subject, try reciprocating the next time he makes a move like that. Put your arm around his waist right back, or something similar. If he is interested that may be precisely the sort of positive reinforcement he's looking for, and I don't see how he could take that badly or slap you with a harassment suit, seeing as he's doing the same thing to you! Romance at work can be a touchy subject, so it's possible he's just being careful not to overstep himself until he knows he has the green light. It could also mean nothing at all. Just take things in baby steps and any awkwardness or embarrassment should be minimal. Link to post Share on other sites
yes Posted July 19, 2003 Share Posted July 19, 2003 I think sexual harassment protection is way overdone in US and Canada. Men are afraid of everything - of touching, of joking, etc. I think it's going overboard... more on this later... -yes Link to post Share on other sites
Tony T Posted July 19, 2003 Share Posted July 19, 2003 YOU WRITE: "Men are afraid of everything - of touching, of joking, etc. I think it's going overboard..." It may be going overboard...but it's the women who started it for the most part and it can land you in court in a heartbeat in some cases. Link to post Share on other sites
Ally Boo Posted July 19, 2003 Share Posted July 19, 2003 I work with guys who are VERY friendly. In fact, it's not abnormal for my boss to kiss me on my cheek. We've got a real close family atmosphere, and I've worked with most of these people nearly half my life. Some people are just very friendly. You can either wait for them to make a move....and if they dont soon, chalk it up to friendliness. I'd just brush it off for now. Link to post Share on other sites
yes Posted July 19, 2003 Share Posted July 19, 2003 exactly - i think it's ridiculous that a simple touch can get you to court. Women are going way overboard with it! Unless he's touching a private part, or doing something after you've specifically asked him to not, what's the big deal?? I think many times, women provoke it, and then run to complain *poof!* I guess I'm annoyed by it because I enjoy people who're somewhat touchy/flirty and don't see any harm in it ... and I hate being around guys who have to count to three before they put an arm around your waist... ick... -yes Link to post Share on other sites
HokeyReligions Posted July 19, 2003 Share Posted July 19, 2003 A tidbit on harrassment. It's not harrassment if (I'll use this post as an example) the woman does not tell the man that she finds the physical contact uncomfortable. If she tells him "I appreciate that you are a friendly person, but I'm uncomfortable with the physical contact so would you mind keeping a little space between us" and he ceases the contact - then it's not harrassment. If he continues the contact after being told its uncomfortable and asked to stop - then the woman has a case for harrassment. If she is uncomfortable telling him this, then she needs to go to a supervisor or HR person, or even another employee, and tells them about it and that person tells the man to stop and he doesn't, it's harrassment. But if she just goes off to an attorney and says "this man keeps touching me and I feel harrassed" the man will most likely win in court - if it gets this far. Thats a really basic explanation and there are all sorts of circumstances that could change it, but without going into all of that, the above is very basic. I had a receptionist once who used to give neck massages - she would come up behind us and say we were tense and begin a massage. She was just being friendly and was a really nice girl, but I was uncomfortable with that. Even though it was two females, it could have been considered sexual harrassment if she continued after I told her that I appreciated her concern, blah blah blah, but I was uncomfortable and would she please stop. For the original poster, I'm curious - does he touch other people/women the same way? Is it only you? It could be that he is interested and it's up to you to ask him out, ask him to stop, or ignore it. Link to post Share on other sites
Irish Posted July 20, 2003 Share Posted July 20, 2003 Yes, It seems to be only me that this happens with. The action had seemed a little ambiguous and had made me think that if I did react either favorably or unfavorably that I could be seen as jumping to conclusions. By the way, this action in no way felt threating, controlling or manipulative. I am certain there was no harm intended however, I was unsure if any interest was intended. Thank you all for your answers. They have helped a great deal and I have learned a few things today also. Link to post Share on other sites
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