Will I be able to remember the good times ?

[foxh1234]

Hi, for any of you who have healed from a break up and a year or more has passed, can you look back at the good memories without feeling sad ? I don't want to ever forget the good stuff but I'm afraid I will lose it all with NC and enough time. Please reassure me that this won't happen. Thanks

[LikeCharlotte]

Hi, for any of you who have healed from a break up and a year or more has passed, can you look back at the good memories without feeling sad ? I don't want to ever forget the good stuff but I'm afraid I will lose it all with NC and enough time. Please reassure me that this won't happen. Thanks

I have the same fear. I think about other break ups and I know for me (please don't judge this) the exs that I had contact or friendship with I have better memories of. I have a very unpopular healing process. I have very fond memories and new shared experience with people that became part of my life in a new way.

I have very little memory or mostly bad of the few that I never spoke to again. I think that for me contact (in time) helps. I also want to add that the few I do not speak to and maintained NC with treated me horribly. I've never been told NC by an ex. Most of my relationships were with people I also had a friendship with.

This is the first time anyone has ever initiated NC with me. I think part of my fear is that I think that he thinks I am horrible. I know logically that is not true because I've been told many times that I am a good person and a great friend and gf. I'm curious to see responses to this because I would like to have good memories back someday.

[mark982]

i've been able to keep the good memories alive. even with complete nc. i haven't spoke one word to my ex in many a year. but the good times are very much alive.

[Nevermind]

It depends, I guess.

 

How you end it, on what terms. How they behaved after the break-up etc. All of this can make you see a person in a completely new light.

 

The ex actually wrote me and asked me to stay friends, to stay in contact, that he wanted to know about me. I was hoping that he indeed had good sides, and asked him to treat me with honesty and respect. He kept lieing. I told him about the tumor, but he hasn't replied yet.

 

This, and all of our history, makes it impossible to keep good memories. And I would have liked that. So much. Before I knew it, I was sure I would keep them and that they would make me smile whenever I needed a smile.

 

Now they make me uncomfortable and sad.

 

If you broke, and there was no betrayal and no side wanted to hurt the other (which still hurts), then you should be able to keep them. If there was betrayal and the person was different than you thought...it will be more difficult.

 

I hope you are well, and that you will find some good things to remember.

 

LikeCharlotte: Is the NC the only thing that keeps from healing and keeping good memories? He might just do that because it's the only thing that works for him. You can see many people here, who swear it's the best way to recover. Is the NC meant to go on forever?

[motive2002]

It can take years to be able to look back a the good times fondly without pain. It depends on how much you had vested in this other person.

[roghornio]

It can take years to be able to look back a the good times fondly without pain. It depends on how much you had vested in this other person.

 

 

This entirely depends on how you look at the situation… Most of the stuff I have read on this forum have made the EXs to be villans… bad people … for what reason? Cause they don’t fancy you anymore (obviously there’s situations where it’s a lot more than that – cheating/violence etc).

 

These people are only human… and if you’ve ever been in a relationship where you lost attraction for someone you will understand that when you want out that’s it. You’re not a bad person for feeling like that.. how you handle it is I suppose another matter… but at the end of the day if you choose that you can’t face it and walk, dump by text or phone or email or whatever – again it doesn’t make you a bad person. Putting yourself in their shoes (they lost attraction – why?) can help you understand what happened much better.

[borelandkaren]

Hi, for any of you who have healed from a break up and a year or more has passed, can you look back at the good memories without feeling sad ? I don't want to ever forget the good stuff but I'm afraid I will lose it all with NC and enough time. Please reassure me that this won't happen. Thanks

 

 

You'll remember everything as it was, if that's how you choose it to be. I choose to remember my ex for what he is. A monster.

[borelandkaren]

You'll remember everything as it was, if that's how you choose it to be. I choose to remember my ex for what he is. A monster.

 

 

 

A brutal, depraved, monster.

[Nevermind]

roghornio: sometimes, it helps with the pain.

 

And sometimes people really are bad, or try their best to look like it.

[foxh1234]

It can take years to be able to look back a the good times fondly without pain. It depends on how much you had vested in this other person.

 

Right now, any good memories still bring tears to my eyes. I don't want that to happen. I want to think of her back then and smile.

[LikeCharlotte]

Right now, any good memories still bring tears to my eyes. I don't want that to happen. I want to think of her back then and smile.

I think that is because you are sill experiencing the loss. Grief is a positive thing. You lost someone and its ok to feel sad about it. If you really want to think about it and smile than I think once you've healed you will. For me the anger and hurt that I experienced keeps me from both crying and having good memories. Sometimes part of healing is forgiveness and maybe once you've finished grieving you will forgive.

[foxh1234]

I think that is because you are sill experiencing the loss. Grief is a positive thing. You lost someone and its ok to feel sad about it. If you really want to think about it and smile than I think once you've healed you will. For me the anger and hurt that I experienced keeps me from both crying and having good memories. Sometimes part of healing is forgiveness and maybe once you've finished grieving you will forgive.

 

I hope your right LC, I really don't want to look back and be sad. We had some amazing times and I don't want to lose them.

[tinke]

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[justaman99]

Hi, for any of you who have healed from a break up and a year or more has passed, can you look back at the good memories without feeling sad ? I don't want to ever forget the good stuff but I'm afraid I will lose it all with NC and enough time. Please reassure me that this won't happen. Thanks

 

Yeah without a doubt I think about the good times. These were unique experiences shared with someone very special to me. I learned a lot, saw a lot, laughed a lot and was very happy. But I also remember the not so good times. I am happy that I experienced what I did, both good and bad. It just makes me realize what I need in my life. The good, without the really bad part. A little bad is normal.

 

I'm not sad. It just didn't work out, wish we could have fought harder and listened and tried better but it is what it is now. It changed me and made me look at life and relationships a lot different so I am grateful.

[foxh1234]

Yeah without a doubt I think about the good times. These were unique experiences shared with someone very special to me. I learned a lot, saw a lot, laughed a lot and was very happy. But I also remember the not so good times. I am happy that I experienced what I did, both good and bad. It just makes me realize what I need in my life. The good, without the really bad part. A little bad is normal.

 

I'm not sad. It just didn't work out, wish we could have fought harder and listened and tried better but it is what it is now. It changed me and made me look at life and relationships a lot different so I am grateful.

 

Thanks man, well said. This is how I hope to feel down the road a bit.

[MalachiX]

It depends. For the girl I dated four years ago, I easily look on good times and smile because it was just a summer fling and I never really loved her.

 

For my EX which I broke up with a little over 3 months ago and who was my first real "love" and was with for 2.5 years, it hurts like hell to think of all the good times. Maybe at some point I can think of them without feeling so bad but not now and probably not for a while. On the up side, whenever I'm asked to play the emotions of "sadness" or "grief" when I'm on stage or in a film; I just have to think of some touching moment and I'm gold. It's a lot more potent then thinking of my dog dieing (though that one hurts like hell too).