the temptress Posted July 19, 2003 Share Posted July 19, 2003 me and my boyfriend are very deeply in love. we have decided to move in together in about 2 and a half years and get engaged in 2 years. the other nite he said 'i wish you were 18 so i could marry you right now.' and i thought yes finally now i dont have to tell him i want to get married *now* my parents would never agree so i went on the net and found a place in scotland where we could do it anytime without parental consent (im under 18). for the 6 hours before i saw him i had a dream and a fantasy going on in my head about a secret, romantic, love story wedding. i even found a dress! when it came to telling him i was so nervous. but i love him so i just said it. he went off his head saying 'im not ready, i dont want it like that....' and i was ready to cry. he was so mean about it but last month he said 'i dont care where or how we get married.' what is up with him? i want this so much and i know he wants it too but he wants a big drunken, loud, huge wedding in years from now, i wanted to get married christmas eve in a green scotland in the snow in a small beautiful registory office, just us two and two friends. he shattered my dream and he is going to get what he wants when he wants. i know marriage is about loadsa stuff and i should respect his opinion and will do what he wants but i am so upset! he was so hurtful, what is wrong with him? Link to post Share on other sites
niko1999 Posted July 19, 2003 Share Posted July 19, 2003 What is wrong with him? Nothing, it honestly sounds as if he is being a little more rational than you. YOu guys are both still so young, dont rush anything, ESPECIALLY marraige. Youre still in high school, you still have college ahead of you. And by being married at such a young age, youll miss out on a lot, mainly, being a kid and taking the time to grow up. The fact taht you respect him for changing his mind does show a maturity on your part, and on his as well, for realizing that three years from now, you two might not be still together. My boyfreind is almost 26 and im 22, and though I want marraige, and I know a part of him does, guys cringe when it comes to getting married no matter how old they are. I have no doubt you love him sweetie, but there is no need to rush into anything, just take your time and enjoy being young, you have the rest of your life to be married to one person and look at them EVERY single morning for the rest of your life. Link to post Share on other sites
Gray Posted July 19, 2003 Share Posted July 19, 2003 I'd guess he was just sweet talking you with it. Saying things he knew you'd like to hear in the moment. Then when you took him seriously... he backed down. niko's right tho. Seriously... theres so much more time for that, why rush into it now? I mean ok you love a person and you want to spend the rest of your life with them. We're talking 50+ years!!! Thats three times as long as you've already lived. Thats plenty of time to learn everything about them, and then get used to each other. Take this time to enjoy dating and hanging out. Once you're hitched I guarantee* there'll be times you miss it. * - as I have never been married, this guarantee means nada. Link to post Share on other sites
Jamie31 Posted July 20, 2003 Share Posted July 20, 2003 The other two made excellent points. If you aren't even old enough to get married in the States, that should be telling you something. There is a reason people can't get married at any age - and that reason is that young people fall in and out of love so easily. I see you didn't mention how long you and your boyfriend have been together, but however long it is, your still so young, and you could change your mind later. You might go through some changes and realize that marriage was a bad idea. People do change, especially when they are young. You still have so much to do before you are ready to be married. Graduate high school (if you haven't already), go to college, or find a good job. Become financially stable and know who you are and what you want out of life before you make a lifetime commitment like that, and make sure your boyfriend has done the same. Don't believe anyone when they say "Love is all you need"....although love counts, there are so many other things that you need for a marriage to work and it is a FULL TIME job. It is a lifetime commitment. And it is imperative that you know who you are as a person, what you want out of life, and you have to be absolutely sure that this man is the one you want to spend the rest of your life with. And don't rush, for heavens sake. You have your whole life. Just enjoy being together right now and get to know each other. What's the rush? Best of luck to you, but I encourage you to wait. Link to post Share on other sites
moimeme Posted July 20, 2003 Share Posted July 20, 2003 See, here's the thing. You think you know enough to get married. You think we don't get it. But we were there and we remember how we were. You don't forget, you know? The years don't really blur; especially the times you were in love. But what you find out is that there is still SO much to learn about life that you just haven't had time to learn in 16 years or 17 years or even more. So we'll say 'you're too young' because we're now standing on the high hills of years we have below us. It's a good vantage point. You are at the bottom of the hill and can't see the view as we do. Trust people who tell you you are too young. If yours is a true love, it will last 50 years, married or not - and it is worth it to not marry if it isn't that true love. Only time will tell and that's why you should let time show you rather than rushing into marriage. Link to post Share on other sites
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