scarlet12345 Posted July 19, 2003 Share Posted July 19, 2003 I need help. I still hang out with my ex boyfriend(Jay) all the time. As well we all have the same friends and we hang out all the time. I have known all of these people for 6 years and my ex and I have been apart for the last 2 years. During the time Jay and I were dating i knew that his best friend who is also my good friend (Andy) liked me. At the time I didn't think anything of it, but since then I've developed serious feelings for Andy. He has finally started seeing someone but he says they're just friends. This really bothers me. Andy had asked jay after we had broken up if he could start seeing me. But needless to say the answer was no. I know Andy has feelings for me still and we are just perfect for each other. Should I go with my heart and approach Andy? Will my ex and everyone else hate me? How should I tell Andy how I feel? Will he want to risk his friendships as well? Please help! Link to post Share on other sites
clia Posted July 19, 2003 Share Posted July 19, 2003 Andy had asked jay after we had broken up if he could start seeing me. But needless to say the answer was no. Two years ago? Are you sure Jay still cares if Andy and you date? A lot can change in two years. Is Jay dating anyone? Is it out of the question to find a guy outside of this group of friends to date? Link to post Share on other sites
Author scarlet12345 Posted July 19, 2003 Author Share Posted July 19, 2003 but i care for andy and no jay is not seeing anyone....i dont really care for anyone else Link to post Share on other sites
clia Posted July 19, 2003 Share Posted July 19, 2003 Should I go with my heart and approach Andy? Perhaps you should talk to Jay first and find out if he's still against it. Tell him how you feel about Andy. For all you know, he might be all for it. Will my ex and everyone else hate me? Entirely possible. I'd say after two years of being broken up it's silly for him to control who you date, but silly or not, he might be upset, the friends might be upset, and you could lose all of them. How should I tell Andy how I feel? "Andy, I am interested in pursuing more than friendship with you." Will he want to risk his friendships as well? Only he can answer this question. However, if Jay and some of the other guys are good friends of his, I seriously doubt he will purposely do something to ruin their friendship. Link to post Share on other sites
beaker Posted July 19, 2003 Share Posted July 19, 2003 I think you should approach Andy and tell him what's on your mind. Your feelings may be returned, and if not, you still need to communicate so he can make a decision for himself based on all the available information. If he's seeing someone but insists they're just friends then you're not doing anything sly or treacherous by simply telling him the truth about your own feelings. Now is the time to speak up. Your ex's opinion is irrelevant. If he reacts badly then he is reacting like a child. You stopped seeing each other 2 YEARS ago! I suppose it was not unreasonable for Andy to ask Jay if he could date you after you first broke up. Technically Jay had absolutely no right to grant or deny permission, but since you're all in the same circle of friends and Andy perhaps didn't want things to be awkward, I can understand why he would ask. However, that was a long time ago... if Jay still says "hands-off" then he has a long way to go in the maturing process. If he can't adapt, then he can be the one to ostracize himself from the group. You should not be adapting your behaviour to accomodate his immaturity. As for the rest of your friends, I don't see why they would hate you. Jay might possibly be jealous, but I can't imagine why anyone else would be upset. Surely they'll be able to see any (potential) discomfort on Jay's part for what it is. You just need to let Andy know how you feel. Speculating about potential consequences and how to deal with them is only speculation until you let Andy know. Perhaps you can make a more informed decision after you've spoken with him. Trust me, the only way you'll feel relief in the long run, short of exiling yourself from this group of friends, is to get this off your chest! Good luck! Link to post Share on other sites
Author scarlet12345 Posted July 20, 2003 Author Share Posted July 20, 2003 But how do I bring up the subjec with andy without making it too obvious....i dont want to ruin our friendship? Link to post Share on other sites
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