Im in love with the other woman!

[Ben]

I have been married for 13 years. I have a two wonderful children and a great wife. I have a successful career. So whats wrong with this picture? I am in love with another woman. We were sweethearts in high school and when I went to college we just couldn,t hang on. Or more accurately I couldn,t stand the thought of her going out with other guys while I was gone. I was insanely jealous. Anyway I met my current wife and not long after we started dating I found out she had been molested by her father and beaten by her brother. After one such beating I would not let her go home. We got married and brought two wonderful children into the world. I love her but I have never felt in love with her. You know the kind of love that makes your heart pound, your hand sweat and your head spin. I had convinced myself those were the things that only teenagers feel and it wasn,t who you married but the fact that you were married that ruins all that. Recently I began seeing my old girlfriend. She is also married. I still feel the same way about her. She is just incredable. She has not asked me to leave my wife. I am not sure she would leave her husband. Like I said I love my wife but it is not the same. On the one hand I feel she deserves better.(Even though she has admitted to cheating on me once) On the other hand I think it is unfair for me hold on to her while being in love with someone els. Then there is the kids. I am my kids dad if you know what I mean. They have been my world for eight years. I cannot even bear to think of not seeing them every day. I wonder what kind of man my wife would meet if I left her. Would he be good to the kids. I couldn,t live with myself if someone hurt them. Someone who they would not have known if not for my actions. What a head job huh? This woman I love she is just incredable. I think about her all the time. I can,t even talk to her on the weekends and it kills me. I may have to break it off with her just because I can't take the strain of not seeing her. I think she is happy just enjoying the little time we have together. Maybe she will never ask me to leave my wife. I don,t know if thats good or bad. If anyone has gone through something like this I would appreciate some hind site.

 

Confused in Texas.

[Shirley]

I have been married for 13 years. I have a two wonderful children and a great wife. I have a successful career. So whats wrong with this picture? I am in love with another woman. We were sweethearts in high school and when I went to college we just couldn,t hang on. Or more accurately I couldn,t stand the thought of her going out with other guys while I was gone. I was insanely jealous. Anyway I met my current wife and not long after we started dating I found out she had been molested by her father and beaten by her brother. After one such beating I would not let her go home. We got married and brought two wonderful children into the world. I love her but I have never felt in love with her. You know the kind of love that makes your heart pound, your hand sweat and your head spin. I had convinced myself those were the things that only teenagers feel and it wasn,t who you married but the fact that you were married that ruins all that. Recently I began seeing my old girlfriend. She is also married. I still feel the same way about her. She is just incredable. She has not asked me to leave my wife. I am not sure she would leave her husband. Like I said I love my wife but it is not the same. On the one hand I feel she deserves better.(Even though she has admitted to cheating on me once) On the other hand I think it is unfair for me hold on to her while being in love with someone els. Then there is the kids. I am my kids dad if you know what I mean. They have been my world for eight years. I cannot even bear to think of not seeing them every day. I wonder what kind of man my wife would meet if I left her. Would he be good to the kids. I couldn,t live with myself if someone hurt them. Someone who they would not have known if not for my actions. What a head job huh? This woman I love she is just incredable. I think about her all the time. I can,t even talk to her on the weekends and it kills me. I may have to break it off with her just because I can't take the strain of not seeing her. I think she is happy just enjoying the little time we have together. Maybe she will never ask me to leave my wife. I don,t know if thats good or bad. If anyone has gone through something like this I would appreciate some hind site. Confused in Texas.

 

Hi

 

The best thing for you to do right now is break things off with the other woman. You need to start talking to your wife about your feelings. No matter how much it hurts her. The fact that she also had an affair shows that she is not totally happy with the marriage either. Staying married for the sake of the kids does not make it better for them. They need to learn about love also. And there's noone to teach them other than you and your wife. And kids know more than you think they do. They don't know the details, but they do sense the tension and they know that you're not happy. It will be much better for your kids to see that you and your wife are able to work through these feelings together. The resentment will only become stronger if you hide from what you feel. It may take a long time to deal with this. And there will probably be a lot of anger. But the anger will eventually subside, and you will be able to move on. And your kids will learn from you how important feelings really are.

[Nicky]

Hi The best thing for you to do right now is break things off with the other woman. You need to start talking to your wife about your feelings. No matter how much it hurts her. The fact that she also had an affair shows that she is not totally happy with the marriage either. Staying married for the sake of the kids does not make it better for them. They need to learn about love also. And there's noone to teach them other than you and your wife. And kids know more than you think they do. They don't know the details, but they do sense the tension and they know that you're not happy. It will be much better for your kids to see that you and your wife are able to work through these feelings together. The resentment will only become stronger if you hide from what you feel. It may take a long time to deal with this. And there will probably be a lot of anger. But the anger will eventually subside, and you will be able to move on. And your kids will learn from you how important feelings really are.

Hi!

 

I think your first priority is to your kids. What is in their best interest? I think some marriages are beyond salvation, and those couples are better off separated. But it doesn't sound quite like that with your wife. You don't hate her, you love her. It's just not the right kind. I think things could, with counselling, perhaps be improved with her. I don't think you should leave. Stay a bit longer, and make things better , for the kids sake. Put your own desires aside. And I'm sure you don't want to hear it, but work on the marriage!

 

Strangely you say little about how the other woman feels. She hasn't asked you to leave your wife, and you're not sure she'd leave her husband. So, why would you be contemplating leaving your wife and family, for a woman that does not seem to be prepared to sacrifice as much as you? It sounds like you'd be the "mistress", always hoping she'd leave her husband, when in fact she might never. And you'd have lost so much.....

 

I think you need to think things through more, before you make any decisions. But good luck anyway