Should I put his son first all the time?

[lexi29]

When you are with someone who has children should their children always come first in YOUR life as well? My fiance has a 9 yr old son who I am very close to. I do a lot for this child. More than his own mother. I see them every day I drive to their apartment (1/2 hr away from where I live) and spend the time with them until they go to bed. This is at my fiance's request and also because I enjoy it.

we just took a kid friendly vacation two weeks ago that totally catered toward his son. Which was fine.

 

Lately, I've been under a lot of stress, my dad has been in and out of the hospital (heart attack) and my parents live a few hours away so I've been running back and forth visiting them (my fiance and his son do not come with me because his son does not want to ride in the car for the two hour drive up there) So this Memorial day weekend I stayed with my fiance friday and sat (while his son was at his mother's) and left early sunday morning to visit my parents. Came back sunday night and spent time with my fiance and his son and got up early monday morning to go to a parade with them as well. Then I spent most of monday with them too. (I had to drive back to my parents that afternoon but came back that night to see my fiance and his son)

 

My fiance never once asked how my dad was doing. HE was upset that I was driving back and forth to my parents that weekend instead of going with him and his son to see fireworks (sunday). I really wanted to go with them but got back too late from my parents (day my dad went in the hospital for complications from his surgery). My dad is fine now and I'm grateful but basically the last 3 weeks I've just been running around like crazy and I'm exhausted and I was sick for two weeks and just got over it. My fiance and I have been arguing all week because I am grouchy and tired (I normally start the arguments and they are about things that happened in the past)

 

I put his son first in a lot of ways, I pick him up from his grandparents almost every day (unless my fiance gets home early), I play games with him every day, entertain him, often make him dinner (and my fiance too). I help him with his homework, take him out to do fun things and am always very loving toward him. Whenever he gets good grades I tell him how proud I am of him. So basically I treat him like he's my own or I'm an aunt or something.

 

Normally my fiance's parents watch his son when he's at work. he volunteered to work on Saturday . Well this weekend his son doesn't go to his mom's so he has to find someone to watch his son for him. His parents both work on saturday. This situation has never occurred before but my fiance just assumed that I would spend friday night (I never spend the nights when his son is there) and watch his son all day saturday while he is at work. He never asked me to do this he just TOLD me what he thought would happen when I asked him who was watching his son.

 

I got upset because #1 I feel like he is taking me for granted. He wasn't understanding when I had to run back and forth from my parents this last weekend, he wasnt supportive or even asked how my dad was doing. He was just upset that I didnt make it back in time to watch fireworks with them.

 

#2 I really don't want to babysit his son all day on saturday. If i spend the night I will have to get up early as his son always gets up around 7am (did this on vacation too) and he will NOT let you go back to sleep. There are no doors on the bedrooms and the tv is right near there so even if he watches cartoons it is going to keep me awake. I know it sounds silly to be craving sleep so much but I've literally been like the walking dead lately and REALLY need to sleep in. And saturday morning is my only chance until next week. also I really need to take care of stuff at my own apartment (and my roommate does not allow kids there so thats why my fiance and I always hang out at his place) We are looking for a place of our own but haven't found anything yet. I need to clean up at my place, do laundry, dishes, etc. My pets don't even know who I am anymore I"m hardly ever there.

 

So I would LOVE to sleep in to about 10am saturday morning (My fiance leaves for work at 5am) and then spend a few hours cleaning and then go pick up my fiance's son and take him bowling or to the movies and then hang out with him just the two of us till my fiance gets off work.

 

 

I suggested this and explained that I really need some "ME" time on saturday and will watch his son as a last resort. I mean he didn't put me first when my dad was in the hospital and say ok honey I"ll go with you (even though 9 yr old doesn't want to go) and we'll skip the fireworks. I understand the drive is long and his son gets bored but at least he shouldnt' have gotten upset with me because I didn't break my neck trying to get home to see the fireworks with them.

 

If we were married or living together then I could see my fiance just expecting me to put his son first all the time or to watch him whenever I didn't have to work. Because in that situation that is what I would do.

 

But we don't live together yet and I don't think it should be assumed that I am a babysitter whenever he needs one. The child has a mother, uncles, aunts etc. Yes, its easier if I do it but not the only option. This probably comes off as sounding cold (maybe because I'm angry) but I really do love his son very much and if my fiance would have just ASKED me instead of just assuming and getting irritated when I had other plans and acting like MY wants (and needs) aren't as important as HIS then I probably would have given up my alone time and watched his son for him.

 

While it may be selfish, I need "ME" time. I need to be able to sleep in and get my work done and take care of my neglected pets and apartment. I won't get to sleep in on sunday either because I have to go to my parents (and again my fiance does not want to go with me as this is his day to clean his apartment and his only day off if he works on saturday and his son doesnt' want to make the trip.)

 

 

He is a little irritated with me but is making other plans for his son. I am going to pick his son up around noon on saturday from his aunt's. I've told him if we lived together obviously it would be different because I wouldnt' have all these extra responsibilities and my pets would be at OUR house not somewhere I have to drive back and forth to take care of them. And I wouldnt be so tired and need to sleep in because I would just go to bed when they do and not have to drive 1/2 to go home after they go to bed every night.

 

Is he expecting too much or am I supposed to make his son my #1 priority too right now?