my heart is broken Posted May 30, 2008 Share Posted May 30, 2008 I have been married to the man of my dreams for 15 years and have been together for 16. I dated my husband years ago though he had a girlfriend and married her, I went on with my life, got married, and had my daughter. I loved this man from afar from the time I first dated him and when he divorced his wife, I wasn't happy in my current marriage and we ended up having an affair. I divorced my husband and I lived with, than married my night in tarnished armor! This was to be my third marriage. I had a son who was about twelve at the time and my daughter was 2 years old. My husband raised my daughter as his own and our personalities really complimented each other. He is very passive and I am emotional. We have been through a lot together and my husband has always been supportive though lacked on the emotional side. The worst thing for my husband to deal with is my two year break down, after my son committed suicide.. Not only did he have to take charge of the household which he never liked, due to him having jobs where he had positions of high stress and dealt with many people, but also dealing with me and I was beyond devastation. I finally started to live again and retired my job and out of the blue my husband finally told me that he had a lot of things he needed to figure out for himself and that he loved me but said he didn't want to be controlled or have the responsibility of a family anymore. My daughter is 19 and since I have retired I have been doing everything around the house. When I asked him about the control part, he stated that he didn't like having to ask me to do things, which really is just respect. He can do whatever he wants and when it comes to material things, he gets whatever he wants and I have always supported him with any endeavers he has ever wanted to pursue. He had just turned 50 and I kept thinking it was mid life crisis, but I don't know anymore. We attended counseling three times and he was so hateful and callused that I told him that I wasn't going anymore. He has little respect for therapists and feels he is smarter than them. This is what happens when you work around them for years. I told him that he needed to go to counseling for guidance, to help him figure out what is going on with him, he feels he can figure it out for himself, though I tell him that a person who has internalized everything in their life time, certainly needs guidance. He was going to get an apartment to figure out what his problems were and continues to tell me that he loves me and none of this is about me, his problems are his own. I agreed that he get an apartment and then he kpept changing things we agreed upon, so in a family meeting he was confronted on all of this and he agreed to work on his problems at home. He has told me more than once that he isn't going to tell me anything because all it does is hurt my feelings, which I try to make him understand, that him doing that only makes things worse! He has had few relationships in his life and I on the understand have had my fair share of them and have been screwed over dearly, so I am at the point that I do not trust him. I know he is not cheating on me, due to his daily routine has not changed, but over time he really isn't affectionate towards me and doesn't meet my needs. We don't fight or really argue. I Love this man with all my heart and I can't believe this is happening to me! I really feel that if he does move out to deal with his problems or experience things he never has... Independence... Which I really feel after being married 15 years, that he has not shared enough with me, but he continues to say he doesn't know, and that he is still analyzing things. I need some advice of what I should do and really what I should feel! I feel that if he leaves our marriage is over! Though I also feel that I should try to be a bit patient since he supported me through my grief, with my sons suicide. Help me please!!!!!! Link to post Share on other sites
Nomad1 Posted May 30, 2008 Share Posted May 30, 2008 No offense meant, but I am surprised that the relationship lasted 15 years! Any relationship born out of an affair has shaky foundations! the man wants to leave, let him go. Mid-life crisis is a social construction. He is 50 and by the sound of it is not happy in the relationship and wants to start a new life! Good luck Nomad1 Link to post Share on other sites
Chrome Barracuda Posted May 30, 2008 Share Posted May 30, 2008 If you want him to stop then divorce him because serial cheaters rarely change without massive introspection Link to post Share on other sites
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