Nemo Posted June 1, 2008 Share Posted June 1, 2008 pandagirl, I'd love to be where you are. I think it's a very healthy place. If my wife could only communicate with your clarity and insight, I'd be a happily married man Time to hit the bricks again. More good men await! Great post! This has nothing to do with myself, this is about Pandagirl. I think you're projecting your own fears into the discussion on this thread. But it's okay, because we're here for you. Link to post Share on other sites
hip chick Posted June 1, 2008 Share Posted June 1, 2008 I think a lot of women have been through the experience of sleeping with a guy thinking it will bring him closer. Her pasts threads/posts indicate she was into the guy and he wasn't into her (the way he blew her off after she gave him sexual intimacy (orally.) So why would this bother her if she wasn't that into him? I think by starting this thread in the first place she is trying to convince herself that she isn't upset that he didn't want her for more than sex. Link to post Share on other sites
Author pandagirl Posted June 1, 2008 Author Share Posted June 1, 2008 She is not being true when she says she really wasn't that into the guy. I don't disapprove, she's the one who has to live with her actions of giving physical pleasure to a guy who just wanted to use her for sex and didn't see her as good enough for anything else. This has nothing to do with myself, this is about Pandagirl. errrr. I WASN'T THAT INTO THE GUY EITHER. What was at the root of my insecurities and prior posts about him was that I wasn't good enough for someone to like me. I would've felt this way about ANY guy I was dating, not just HIM. If he really just wanted sex from me, which may be the case, I don't see why he would've been out of my life AFTER I told him I had herpes. Plus, guys who just want sex usually bail after a few dates. And if he did JUST want sex, why would he give me the opportunity to bail out by telling me beforehand he wanted to break up with me? If he was really a smooth operator, he would've just acted all into me and got sex regardless of his true feelings. I think more correctly, he didn't want a RELATIONSHIP with me, but yes, he DID want sex. In a perfect world, if me and him were different people and had different needs, yes -- a relationship would've been great! But as it is, we want different things and ultimately, we are not compatible. Link to post Share on other sites
Tomcat33 Posted June 1, 2008 Share Posted June 1, 2008 She is not being true when she says she really wasn't that into the guy. Why not? People change their emotions all the time. Have you never thought you liked something later to find out once you knew more about it you actually didn't like it that much afterall? I know it's happened to me plenty of times. We are not robots programmed to have the same emotion all the time, we fluctuate given the information we assimilate and given what we process in our thoughts and through power of rationalization. I don't disapprove, she's the one who has to live with her actions of giving physical pleasure to a guy who just wanted to use her for sex and didn't see her as good enough for anything else Excuse me but there was no "using" here, it was discussed and mututally agreed upon so what is this "using" you are talking about? It was two adults concenting to give each other sexual pleasure, how is that using someone? If he got pleasure from it guaranteed so did she, pleasurable sex is symbiotic. Link to post Share on other sites
Nemo Posted June 1, 2008 Share Posted June 1, 2008 It was two adults concenting to give each other sexual pleasure, I just don't understand why they stopped. Link to post Share on other sites
hip chick Posted June 1, 2008 Share Posted June 1, 2008 I guess that's true. She needed that ego boost that a guy would want to sleep with her. THanks, Tomcat. Link to post Share on other sites
Jilly Bean Posted June 1, 2008 Share Posted June 1, 2008 Yes but you don't have herpes so it might be easier to find willing partners for sex so maybe Panda's pool of sexual candidates is smaller than the average woman's because she has the virus. Just a thought. So if you have someone you trust and who is willing having all the facts infront of him, why not? So then you are saying she slept with him because he was one of a very few who was willing to have sex with her since she is infected? She was horny and figured even if he was dumping her, he was willing to bone her so she should be desperate enough to let him? Yeesh... Link to post Share on other sites
hip chick Posted June 1, 2008 Share Posted June 1, 2008 So then you are saying she slept with him because he was one of a very few who was willing to have sex with her since she is infected? She was horny and figured even if he was dumping her, he was willing to bone her so she should be desperate enough to let him? Yeesh... I kinda hate to say it but....yes. Link to post Share on other sites
spookie Posted June 1, 2008 Share Posted June 1, 2008 So then you are saying she slept with him because he was one of a very few who was willing to have sex with her since she is infected? She was horny and figured even if he was dumping her, he was willing to bone her so she should be desperate enough to let him? Yeesh... Why do you guys think random sex for men = fun while random sex for women = losing dignity? Some PEOPLE just like to have sex. Just like some people understand that just because someone doesn't' want to marry you, doesn't mean you are not awesome, or that they don't think so, either. Link to post Share on other sites
Nemo Posted June 1, 2008 Share Posted June 1, 2008 You can never have too much sex, and that's a fact. Link to post Share on other sites
Jilly Bean Posted June 1, 2008 Share Posted June 1, 2008 Why do you guys think random sex for men = fun while random sex for women = losing dignity? Some PEOPLE just like to have sex. Just like some people understand that just because someone doesn't' want to marry you, doesn't mean you are not awesome, or that they don't think so, either. I wasn't the one who wrote the comment, Spookie. Reread the post. Link to post Share on other sites
Storyrider Posted June 1, 2008 Share Posted June 1, 2008 Negative attention is better than none, I suppose...Little children do this all the time. If people are ignoring you, slap someone upside the head. Better to play the villain than to not get a part. Link to post Share on other sites
Nemo Posted June 1, 2008 Share Posted June 1, 2008 Negative attention is better than none, I suppose...Little children do this all the time. If people are ignoring you, slap someone upside the head. Better to play the villain than to not get a part. Thankfully I'm way too mature to attempt such tactics. But I'm sure we all appreciate your perspective on this matter. Link to post Share on other sites
Storyrider Posted June 1, 2008 Share Posted June 1, 2008 Thankfully I'm way too mature to attempt such tactics. But I'm sure we all appreciate your perspective on this matter. Forbearance is the hallmark of your breed. Link to post Share on other sites
Nemo Posted June 1, 2008 Share Posted June 1, 2008 Forbearance is the hallmark of your breed. What can I say... you got me pegged. Link to post Share on other sites
Lovelybird Posted June 1, 2008 Share Posted June 1, 2008 Why do you guys think random sex for men = fun while random sex for women = losing dignity? Some PEOPLE just like to have sex. Just like some people understand that just because someone doesn't' want to marry you, doesn't mean you are not awesome, or that they don't think so, either. because physically and mentally women are made differently from men, that is a fact. What does pandagirl want? a loving caring relationship with a man. having sex based on love. anything lower than this called "settle down", or "self denying". when those love and care don't exist, now you tell her just lower her expectation? and tell herself again and again "this is what I want: only sex is fun"! Tomcat your protest gets better: first for OW, now for sex no string, what next? denying yourself emotionally and spiritually? women are sex machine, no emotion attached? "practice makes perfect"? but depends on what kind of practice, some practice just bring negativeness more and more: such as sex no string but practice for building more boundaries with men, saying no, taking responsibilities have positive effect. what do you want, pandagirl? the best thing you can think of? Link to post Share on other sites
Tomcat33 Posted June 1, 2008 Share Posted June 1, 2008 Tomcat your protest gets better. What exactly IS my "protest"? (whatever that means?!) who are you or anyone for that matter to tell another woman what is right for her? Not everyone wants to walk around with a chastity belt fastened on so tight it cuts off circulation to the brain. It leads to ill thoughts and possibly insanity. but practice for building more boundaries with men, saying no, taking responsibilities have positive effect. yes and speaking of practice... the practice of not being so overly critical and demeaning or chastasing of other's actions that don't adhere with their own, also makes for a positive effect. Something a LOT of people forget when they are so quick to insult other's for their choices. Does the phrase "live and live" resonate at all? Link to post Share on other sites
Author pandagirl Posted June 1, 2008 Author Share Posted June 1, 2008 So, its 3:30 AM and I just got back from a great party with my friends. If I'm being honest with myself, I am still processing what happened last night, but at the same time still be completely 100% that he was not the right guy for me. Instead, I went out tonight and met a new cute boy. I guess I kind of understand why some people might think what I did was wrong, but you don't know the situation and my relationship with this guy. We'll both move on, and in a couple of weeks, we'll probably get a beer together and laugh about the whole thing. Link to post Share on other sites
Lovelybird Posted June 1, 2008 Share Posted June 1, 2008 What exactly IS my "protest"? (whatever that means?!) who are you or anyone for that matter to tell another woman what is right for her? . do I need to tell you that woman don't have penis? no, it is truth. it is same with the sexuality: women need sex within commitment. other than that, women only hurt themselves in a invisible way, it is not 'live' Link to post Share on other sites
Tomcat33 Posted June 1, 2008 Share Posted June 1, 2008 women need sex within commitment. other than that, women only hurt themselves in a invisible way That's what you believe because you are your own boss. And I don't even disagree with that thought but sometimes women just need sex. So don't try to impose on me your views because you are wasting your time since I am my own boss and know what is best for me thank you very much. It's too bad that your English is not up to par and perhaps that is why you misinterpreted what I told Panda earlier in the thread when I said practice makes perfect. I never told her to practice no strings attached sex, I recommended her breaking out of old patterns was a way of practicing to make perfect. If you had actually understood what I wrote it was in reference to the fact that I told her about a friend of mine who had never had a relationship of which I told to go out there and date men anyway even if they were not "perfect" because she had to start somewhere in order to relate to men and form a serious relationship. To this, Panda added that it reminded her of herself, and I said practice makes perfect. Her experience with this last guy served as a lesson. Link to post Share on other sites
Tomcat33 Posted June 1, 2008 Share Posted June 1, 2008 So, its 3:30 AM and I just got back from a great party with my friends. If I'm being honest with myself, I am still processing what happened last night, but at the same time still be completely 100% that he was not the right guy for me. Instead, I went out tonight and met a new cute boy. I guess I kind of understand why some people might think what I did was wrong, but you don't know the situation and my relationship with this guy. We'll both move on, and in a couple of weeks, we'll probably get a beer together and laugh about the whole thing. Hey Panda glad you had fun and met a cute guy! Link to post Share on other sites
OpenBook Posted June 1, 2008 Share Posted June 1, 2008 do I need to tell you that woman don't have penis? no, it is truth. it is same with the sexuality: women need sex within commitment. other than that, women only hurt themselves in a invisible way, it is not 'live' That is each and every woman's call for herself. Men enjoy this autonomy about their sexuality, as they have throughout human history (must be a penis thing!!). It's about time women started enjoying this same autonomy. Neither the govt nor the church nor any banking institution is going to dictate to me WHAT I DO WITH MY OWN BODY. It's totally my choice, and no person or institution is going to guilt me into behaving "their" way simply because I don't have a penis. Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted June 2, 2008 Share Posted June 2, 2008 As a man, I support and agree with that philosophy completely. It is a cultural norm that those in power seek to preserve their power base, so resistance to fundamental change is nearly always pervasive. That said, with newfound power comes new responsibility. In that endeavor I wish women (and PG ) well.... Link to post Share on other sites
Cov Posted June 2, 2008 Share Posted June 2, 2008 I'm not against women embracing masculinity and male dominated roles, but I am against women who frown on me for being somewhat feminine. For instance, some girl insulted me for wearing a dress and high heels to a fancy dress party when she wears traditional t-shirt and jeans and sneakers, that was once male dominated clothing. Maybe I'm just comfortable in dresses...mmmkay? Link to post Share on other sites
dreamergrl Posted June 2, 2008 Share Posted June 2, 2008 I don't think Panda's choice to sleep with the guy was a bad one. She has been trying to put herself back into the dating game. She's had to over come a situation that is new to her. She's not upset about the outcome, and it appears to me, and I think it does to herself as well, that in the end it was positive. She was able to face her insecurities and come out of this as a stronger woman. So what if she had sex with him. He knew about the HSV, she wasn't trying to use sex as a game. They both wanted it, they both knew they wanted to end the relationship, and they both were able to handle it as adults. Nothing of this to me screams desperate or promiscuous. Link to post Share on other sites
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