Married 10 years and in love with another man

[73117311]

Hi, I am very confused with were my life is going. I have been married for 10 years and we have two young children that I adore and spend every moment with. My husband is very much in love with me and wants to be with me all the time. Our sex life has only decreased because of me, I have no physical attraction towards him what so ever. I find myself wondering why I married him at age 21 because now he is not my type at all. We get along like two roomates and we share bills. I have such a void in my life and so does he.

 

I have a sister that is very close to me in age and we have been best friends our whole life. We life in the same city so we spend a lot of time together. She has been married for 3 years and has one young child. We have been close to her and her husband for years and do fun things together all the time. I was always told that I should have married my brother in law because he is so much like me and we have so much in common. My husband and sister would always give me hard time about it and say that I am just like him and we both want the same things in life.

 

Recently, My brother in law had shared some feelings with me. He told me that he had romantic feelings for me and that he has for many years. He recalled many times that we all spent together that he wished he could be with me and how he wanted to touch me. I felt very flattered and shocked but in the mean time I knew that I was very attracted to him but thought that he would never have an interest in me. I never thought I would have been good enough. We started seeing each other secretly and our good talks turned into much more. Now we can hardly keep our hands off of each other and It has gotten crazy. I find that I have fallen it Love with him and do not know what to do because I would loose my sister forever. I think he knows that it would never work because of our families but a part of me wants it to work so badly. He is everything I could ever want and more. I have children to consider and so does he. What do I do? There is a bit more to the story and if you are interested let me know because I would like to talk about it. Thanks, confused

[Bill]

Adultery is likely to occur soon, if it has not already!

 

You need be honest with your husband and leave him if you continue to cheat on him. Why does anyone deserve to be cheated on?

[luvmyboys]

Wow, what a story. He is everything you want because he doesn't come with the reality of day to day married life. Unless both of you are willing to lose your whole family to be together, I think you'ld both better sit down and put an end to this affair now...before you're found out or become pregnant.

 

There are always flirtations that go on between brothers/sisters inlaws but that doesn't mean one should act on them. I love my hubby's brothers dearly. They're handsome, single and quite the charmers. One even replied after I told him he needed to find a good woman and settle down, "you're taken, so I'm out of luck!" I was floored, but it was all in good fun and I know he'd never and I'd never ever jeopardize my marriage over it.

 

You will break many, many, hearts and when there are children involved, is it really worth it? Perhaps you need to find out why you fell in love with your husband in the first place, there had to be some attraction at one time, wasn't there? You have 10 years of marriage and two children who need a stable environment. If your husband loves you as you say he does, don't ruin it all. Get some therapy if you need to, but please end this now or you will have regrets later on.

 

Take it from one who has been married 21+ years, it's not chapters out of a romance novel that makes a commitment to one another. It's surviving the late nights at a hospital when a child is ill; it's being there for one another when your day goes bad at work; it's respecting each others opinions even if you don't agree. I could go on and on.

 

Bottom line, you and your brother in law are in the fantasy part of a relationship, you make each other feel good because you are escaping from the reality of being a wife and mother/husband and father.

 

It will only get worse, trust me. Get out now while you can. How could you ever feel good about breaking apart two families?

 

I think you know the answer, just bringing this topic up tells me that your conscience must be bothering you. If it is now, imagine how it would be if it all was out in the open?

[jalexy]

your brother in law??? ugh, im disgusted. why would you even think of seeing him. im sick now..

[bryanp]

This is very sad. Do you hate your sister so much that you would do this to her? Would your sister ever do that to you? Look in the mirror and ask is this who I want to be no matter that it destroys two families and your sister, husband and family? Divorce your husband if you must and find someone else but not your sister's husband. Again you must have such hatred of your sister to be doing this. What will your extended family think?

[RogueK]

I like how it starts out about you and your husband and ends without even so much as a mention about his feelings.

 

Too bad for your husband and sister who are going to feel the pain over you and you're brother-in-law's infatuation with each other.

 

Let the pain fest for everyone begin.

 

 

Be honest. Tell your husband it's over and be prepared to lose your sister. We'll see just how in love you are with your sister's husband.

 

sick.

 

Man reading this forum makes me so affraid of marriage.

[julieg]

you are a very unhappy person and the reason is you only think of yourself. we are not here on earth soley for our own happiness.

[quankanne]

you ask what should you do -- I say run as fast as you can away from your BiL and start concentrating on your marriage. No long-lasting relationship (esp. marriage) stays exactly the same as it was in the beginning, but part of the maturing process is understanding this and taking proactive measures to make that relationship work. Proactive as in doing things to keep it alive and growing, even if that means something like counseling or going a retreat like Marriage Encounter.

 

It's not about the snags you hit in life, but how you handle them, and getting involved with your sister's husband is not a smart move, period. He looks good because he's a fantasy figure, compared to the reality of the relationship you've got with your husband. But what happens when the party's over and the lights come back on? Not only will you have cheated on your husband, but your sister and all y'alls kids. And for what? An hour of feeling "special" with someone else's husband? Spare me. I think that if it wasn't you he was sniffing around, it'd be some other woman, he's just looking for excitement wherever he can find it, and you are convenient.

 

Now, if you honestly give your marriage another go and both you and your husband come to realize that you're better off divorced, that's another thing, because at least you will have tried your best with him. After your divorce is the time to start looking for romance with an unattached (read: NOT your BiL) man.

 

cease and desist, no matter how good you think the jerk your sister married looks. If you can't do that easily, start thinking about how you'd feel if the tables were turned and your husband was hot and heavy all over your sister, then tell yourself this is exactly how she will feel when she figures out you're humping her husband.