My first love and girlfriend of 3 years left me for another man

[alphabetsoup13]

My girlfriend and each other's first love of 3 years dumped me 4 weeks ago and had requested a break 1 week before that. We had feelings for each other for 7 years and had the perfect relationship before the last month of our relationship. I was suffering from depression about other things and became needy and dependent on this girl. I wasn't abusive or a cheater, but we did rely on each other too much emotionally.

 

We are both finishing up our first year of college at different schools (they are only 10 miles apart though) and i recently found out that she left me for another guy that was her friend. I had been in NC for 3 weeks after the breakup and after she defriended me on facebook, i decided to log into her account just to see what she was up to (yes, i know this was a big mistake). I saw through her messages that she was dating this new guy and is in love with him. This guy is the complete opposite of me and their relationship appears to be developing very fast.

 

I confronted her and blasted her with an email saying I was upset with the way she lied to me and handled the break up (she decided to ignore me until i finally snapped and then she dropped the bomb). Needless to say, she was pissed that i signed into her account. I sent her an email apologizing for signing into her account and calling her names (coward and liar) but i didn't ask for a second chance or anything.

 

I'm going into NC again so I can heal and get over her, but i can't stop thinking about her and all the good times we had. I know she fell out of love with me and probably won't ever want to speak to me again, so i was wondering if anybody with a similar situation can share their experience with me and give me advice on how i can handle this tough breakup.

[BiAxident]

Welcome to the 180 club, my friend! One day they love you to no end, the next day they end the love! Now, there are several things you must bear in mind about your circumstances.

 

First, as it pertains to long-term relationships, you are still very young. Almost everyone gets their heart broken at some point in their lives. Richard Pryor considered having your heart torn out to be your "diploma". You're a man now! Now, having said that, you are better off to have this happen while you are still young. A brief scan of this site will show you many examples of people who were with their first loves until their late 20's, and then WHAM!

 

Second, it isn't entirely suprising that a relationship which began during your high-school years would end during your college years. College is a period of transition and growth. You are likely to be a different person when it ends than you were when it began, especially if you attend graduate school. She probably feels she grew apart from you, she might be right.

 

Now, your logging onto her "Space-Face" account is a sure sign of immaturity. It seems you already realize this. In addition, it probably didn't show you anything that made you feel better. I suspect you wont make that same decision again in the future.

 

How to handle the breakup? First, maintain a policy of NC for at least a few weeks. During this time you need to work on yourself, especially since you are suffering from depression. Depending on your emotional/mental state, you need at least exercise, if not therapy and/or medication.

 

Your plan going forward should include: surrounding yourself with friends and family, going for long walks/runs, busying yourself with an artistic activity (drawing, painting, music, etc), lifting weights, eating well, getting out in the sun, avoiding places that remind you of "her", read a book. Basically, keep yourself busy physically and mentally. No one wants to be with someone desperate and clingy.

 

Take care of yourself first, and then you can take part in a relationship.

[alphabetsoup13]

Welcome to the 180 club, my friend! One day they love you to no end, the next day they end the love! Now, there are several things you must bear in mind about your circumstances.

 

First, as it pertains to long-term relationships, you are still very young. Almost everyone gets their heart broken at some point in their lives. Richard Pryor considered having your heart torn out to be your "diploma". You're a man now! Now, having said that, you are better off to have this happen while you are still young. A brief scan of this site will show you many examples of people who were with their first loves until their late 20's, and then WHAM!

 

Second, it isn't entirely suprising that a relationship which began during your high-school years would end during your college years. College is a period of transition and growth. You are likely to be a different person when it ends than you were when it began, especially if you attend graduate school. She probably feels she grew apart from you, she might be right.

 

Now, your logging onto her "Space-Face" account is a sure sign of immaturity. It seems you already realize this. In addition, it probably didn't show you anything that made you feel better. I suspect you wont make that same decision again in the future.

 

How to handle the breakup? First, maintain a policy of NC for at least a few weeks. During this time you need to work on yourself, especially since you are suffering from depression. Depending on your emotional/mental state, you need at least exercise, if not therapy and/or medication.

 

Your plan going forward should include: surrounding yourself with friends and family, going for long walks/runs, busying yourself with an artistic activity (drawing, painting, music, etc), lifting weights, eating well, getting out in the sun, avoiding places that remind you of "her", read a book. Basically, keep yourself busy physically and mentally. No one wants to be with someone desperate and clingy.

 

Take care of yourself first, and then you can take part in a relationship.

 

Thanks for the advice and insight. Signing into her facebook was a really bad and childish thing to do, i really regret doing it. At least i know for next time.

 

I know it's for the best that we broke up, but it's just so hard to realize that it's really over. I wake up in the morning and think for a second that i'm still with her.

 

It hurts me that she moved on so fast and i'm left here to deal with the pain. As much as I want her back, I know that i need to move on if i want to find love again.

[Bobby.Roy]

People do change over time..My girl-friend left me for some other guy after being with me for almost 9 years. Its just the way it is, we really cannot force anyone to love us; if they want to go, all you can do is just let her go..

 

Believe me, if she wanted you back, she would be back with you no-matter what. But then, they wouldn't leave in the first place if they loved us so very much.

 

NC is a really good thing, trust me. Its been almost three months now since she broke up with me and i have been doing NC since. Although, i did see her a couple of times with her new "boy-friend" and did hurt very much but i am glad that i did not get emotional or anything.

 

Its all about accepting the fact and letting it go; it will take lots of time but eventually you will come out of it as a much stronger person.. All the best mate..

[BiAxident]

It hurts me that she moved on so fast and i'm left here to deal with the pain. As much as I want her back, I know that i need to move on if i want to find love again.

 

Yeah, it seems that often times women move on quicker than men. In your case, she initiated the breakup, so she was better prepared for the seperate and began whatever grieving she went through before you did. Also, women tend to have larger groups of friends who are more than willing to listen to them and support them emotionally. Guys? We get drunk and punch things while crying.

[alphabetsoup13]

Yeah, after watching movies like Forgetting Sarah Marshall and Cashback i realize that i will move on and find someone else if i get on with my life, and that things don't turn out too well for the person that did the dumping.

[BiAxident]

Yeah, after watching movies like Forgetting Sarah Marshall and Cashback i realize that i will move on and find someone else if i get on with my life, and that things don't turn out too well for the person that did the dumping.

 

Yes, you will find someone else if you want to and you make it a goal. There are a lot of humans on the planet. However, try not to be vindictive towards your ex. For all we know, her leaving you might turn out to be the single decision that leads to her becoming the CEO of the galaxy. My ex is doing much better now without having me in her life. You just never know.

[alphabetsoup13]

ugh. heartbreak sucks.

 

I hate to say it but for me it hurts more than losing people i was close to.

[BiAxident]

ugh. heartbreak sucks. I hate to say it but for me it hurts more than losing people i was close to.

 

My friend, you just lost a person you were close to. The older you become, the fewer things life gives you and the more it takes away.

[alphabetsoup13]

My ex and I live near each other during the summer (socal) and her new bf lives very far away (norcal). When she comes home for the summer, would staying in NC hurt my chances of re-kindling a relationship or should i try i hang out with her as friends and see what happens?

 

I don't know if i really wanna let go just yet...i'm so confused with this whole thing...

[joejoechen]

Move on dude if she's not the one for you, at least it seems so to me. :>

 

Joe

[orangesean]

All the e-mails and Facebook messages aside, which I can understand either way, even though you shouldn't have done it, it sounds like you are probably better off.

 

Girls who go and date guys who were their friends after the relationship are pretty naive, in my opinion. Usually more often than not, the guy will be one of those types that feeds on peoples rebounds. I try not to make friends with those type of guys.

 

And so with that and the fact that she left and didn't support you through depression just says she's flighty and can't make up her mind. I think ideally you want someone who sticks with you solid like glue, even when things suck and you both need space, they won't completely detach.

 

Good luck to you, and definitely just avoid her for the rest of your life, I say. No contact, no messages, and stay away from her Facebook.