1,5 years since breakup ... met few times ... want to feel her out..

[Kelso]

This is gonna be quite long ... but please read and help if you can ...

 

We had such a short relationship, but I don't think I will ever be over her. We were together for about 9 months in 2006. We broke up in the fall of 2006 and it was a kind of a mutual breakup. I had "the talk" with her on Sunday but we wanted to try a bit longer ... she dumped me on the next Friday.

 

I must admit that I was terribly stupid and I asked her if she was seeing another guy. And I think I might have hurt her with that, as I have found out now that she wasn't seeing another guy. This accusations still bother me.

 

Unless for one phone call and one unwanted surprise visit at her house, I have maintained a strict NC since the day we broke up. However we have met quite often while partying.

 

a) We met in January 2007, 4 months after the breakup. She tried to hide behind her sister, but stepped forward and we had a nice talk for few minutes

b) We met in June 2007, while partying. She took my hand and dragged me to a club we used to go to often back in the days. We were holding hands...holding hands like couples do. Later that night we agreed to meet for lunch the week after.

c) We met for lunch on Thursday. A great 1 hour conversation and we found out for a coincidence that we were going to the same camping trip (planned by my school). The camping trip took the place during the weekend after.

d) The day after lunch, we met at the camping trip. We hung a lot together and somehow we ended up sleeping in each others arms in her tent. No kissing or sex though. The second night of the camping trip she slept with her friend (a girl) and did not want to cuddle again (I think her friend was pressuring her not to do so...irrelevant though). After the camping trip we had some MSN chats ... nothing interesting.

e) I invited her to my birthday party. She came by and stopped for about 2 hours. Her friend wanted to bail, but me ex is a decent person and looked for me at the club just to say thank you and nice seeing you. She gave me a rose for a present.

f) Didn't meet for a half a year until we met while partying again. I was with my friend (a hot girl) who came and grabbed my arm and said "come on honey let's go". My ex looked kind of shocked. We met again the weekend after and my ex did the same as I did the weekend before.

g) This spring and this summer we have met few times while partying. However she has been more distant than ever before. A month ago we met in a club and when she saw me, she hooked up with the ugliest guy she could have found. He tried to kiss her for quite a time, but she didn't want to. When he came in for a kiss she refused. I think she glanced over to me few times during that evening (I was dancing with her sister and friends at the time). Later in the evening I saw her at the cue at a pizza place. She acted like I wasn't even there.

h) Okay, the last one. We met tonight. Were in the same club for about 2 hours and our eyes crossed when she entered the club. However, neither me or her initiated a contact the whole evening. It wasn't until I walked by her that she waived at me. I smiled and blinked. No chat.

 

My problem is that I really want this girl back. It's been a long time since we broke up and I've been with lots of girls since ... but I'm so f***ing tired of picking up girls for ONS - I haven't been able to develop feelings towards anyone but her. She is still sometimes the first thing that pops into my mind when I wake up. When I see a car that is the same model as hers I look at the license plate to check if it's her. I found her Facebook profile for a coincidence a month ago and looked through it (I know it's forbidden) and it was weird to see her active on all of those dating applications.

 

Don't get me wrong. I'm 90% over this girl. She doesn't have any effect on my daily life ... but when I meet her it's always so strange. She acts exactly like I do sometimes (and I still care about her a lot). But now, a year and a half later something tells me that I should talk to her again.

 

I'm have almost decided that I'm gonna contact her. What I need is a gameplan. This 9 month relationship is my longest relationship and also hers. She is commitment phobic. Her sister, which is her soulmate, also hasn't been in any long term relationship. Her best friend is chubby and ugly. She was so friendly when were getting to know each other. But when our relationship developed into more than I friendship, she became hostile and tried to rip us apart.

 

I need help from you guys. Is her behavior normal? We are both afraid to talk to each other, like tonight. We tried not to meet at the club tonight, but still I want her so much. Is it a possibility that she's thinking the same? She's the girl I compare all others to.

 

To end this ... I want to tell you guys that I have learned so much about me, relationships and the life in general for the past year and a half. All because of this breakup. I am much more mature then I was then.

 

If you have any advice ... please help me. I have no idea if and how I should approach.

 

Oh and yeah, I guess it matters .. I'm 24yo and she's 26yo.

 

Sincerely yours,

Kelso

[Kelso]

Is there really nobody who has something to say here. I'm so lost and I can feel that there are someone here in the same situation.

 

Every input will be appreciated...

[0hpenelope]

You're looking for a gameplan...

 

I suggest looking up posts by wowIlose, vivrantflo, and badbrit. You sort of have to search through vivrantflo's posts because most of them are about maintaining NC. V.flo has a couple of "I don't guarantee this is going to work, but you should try these" kinds of posts.

 

That's all I can really offer. Good luck.

[Exl]

if you're feeling you need to try it. just get on with it. grab her arm next time and good luck

just be aware of the possible consequences.