Falling for a married woman?

[happinessnow]

Thank you for all the advice, bumping this for anyone that would like to read it. Thank you

[whichwayisup]

Any update or thoughts on everyone's advice to you?

[happinessnow]

Hi, I am back. I had nowhere else to turn and I know i will probably get flamed for not listening 4 years ago. Well. I am still in the same situation. Waiting for her to leave her husband but now there is a kid involved.

 

About 2 years ago, she became pregnant and we were not sure if I was the father or her husband. The child was born and it was his. I don't know what I am doing. I know everyone will tell me I should of left then but i didnt. I took some advice and went to a counselor and had been going for the past year, weekly visits, but she stopped taking my insurance at the beginning of this year and i stopped going.

 

She says after the child was born she no longer has sex with her husband and that she found things that believes him to be cheating on her again. He is coming home later, lying about where hes going, texting all the time at home but wont let her look, she caught him talking to someone and he quickly hung up and said he was checking voicemail but she heard him talking, once he butt dialed her and she could hear him talking to another woman while eating lunch for a few mintues then the phone hung up. She asked him what he did for lunch and he told her he just picked up mcdonalds and ate at work alone, tons of other things. He has cheated on her in the past.

 

Well, she confronted him last month, and he denied everything and gave her some lies about how shes the only one for her and that he would never cheat on her again etc etc and she fell for it and apparently had sex. About 2 hours ago she just told me she is pregnant again and we dont know if its his or mine again and she swears they have only had sex once, after the time she confront him about the cheating. She just found out yesterday, and she does not want to have another child with him and will get an abortion (please please dont make this into a abortion topic)

 

I dont know what to do, she says she doesnt leave him because she feels guillty now because she is with me too, that how can she blame him for cheating on her when she is doing the same thing and we talked and maybe its best if we both just take a break so she can get over the guilt and stop getting all the love and support from me so she will be strong enough to leave him. Maybe she will be strong enough to leave him but i dont know how i can be without her. How have the rest of you done it, any advice? She has been a big part of my life the past 5 years, she has helped me in so many ways and in so many life decisions. I am just lost, I think i will go back to my counselor and try to get some advice also but i cant afford alot of sessions at her normal rate without insurance help.

 

I know i should agree to the separation and i know everyone will tell me to do it, but i think i just need to hear it from someone else and push me to it. I am just so confused and so lost and feel so down.

Edited September 13, 2012 by happinessnow

[Owl]

Nothing will change until YOU make it change.

 

That's why you're still here in the same boat, four years later.

 

When are YOU going to change the situation?

[happinessnow]

I do know its on me. I know I need to stop it, but I am having a very hard time, 5 years is a long time. I'd lose the woman I love and my Best Friend all at once.

[mercy]

Hello all,

 

I am in search of some advice. I find myself in love with a married woman. She has been married for 3 years (been with him for 8 years) with a man that does not treat her right, he has cheated on her, abused her physically and emotionally. He treats her badly and she has not been happy in her marriage for a long time. There are no kids involved. we are both in our high 20's.

 

We started out as friends for 6 months and then we took a step forward. We have been romantically seeing each other for 4 months now. She tells me that she is happy when she is with me and that i have brought happiness back into her life. She tells me that she is trying very hard to leave him and that she wants to be with me and loves me fully.

 

Recently he found out about me and she left and went to live with her parents. She stayed there for 2 weeks. And he asked her to come home, she says she is moving back in with him but only to get everything out in the open and find out why thier marriage broke up and that she is not going back to him to try to work things out and that her heart lies with me and only me.

 

What do you think i should do? do you think i am being stringed along? is it reasonable for me to continue to wait? what should i say or do? Any advice would be great. Thank you.

 

I think she's full of dookey.

[Owl]

I do know its on me. I know I need to stop it, but I am having a very hard time, 5 years is a long time. I'd lose the woman I love and my Best Friend all at once.

 

You might lose the woman you love...but that doesn't mean that she's the ONLY woman you can/will love, nor does it mean that the two of you are meant to be together.

 

Honestly, you need to stop, back off, cultivate some new friends, new hobbies, and build a life that revolves around you...not around the hope that SOMEDAY she MIGHT leave her H for you.

[RickFox]

She's full of crap and stringing you along to have the best of both worlds.

 

Oh and she's not yours bud, she's her husband's. You are her playtoy and allow yourself to be.

[happinessnow]

You might lose the woman you love...but that doesn't mean that she's the ONLY woman you can/will love, nor does it mean that the two of you are meant to be together.

 

Honestly, you need to stop, back off, cultivate some new friends, new hobbies, and build a life that revolves around you...not around the hope that SOMEDAY she MIGHT leave her H for you.

 

 

I know you are right. Ive been waiting for 5 years for her to leave her husband. And deep down I know the right thing for me to do is to Stop but I guess its hard to stop when you still love the person. Usually you breakup when someone stops loving a person or something happens

[jlola]

There is no love for you. If there was, she would have left when the affair started. It seems no matter how badly her husband treats her, she makes excuses to stay and you fall for it. When someone loves you, they will move mountains to be with you. She is a self absorbed cake eater. The fact you are staying around to play is feeding her ego.

 

IF her husband is really cheating on her,she is in love with you and she STILL cannot leave, then she has bigger issues than you can help her with. Cannot believe the best you can do is be involved with a married women who keeps getting pregnant and not know who baby-daddy is till baby is born. Too sad. Get out!

[whichwayisup]

I know you are right. Ive been waiting for 5 years for her to leave her husband. And deep down I know the right thing for me to do is to Stop but I guess its hard to stop when you still love the person. Usually you breakup when someone stops loving a person or something happens

 

She isn't going to leave. She's had a baby with him. She continued to have sex with her husband while having the A with you.

 

This is it. An affair. She ain't leaving..Ever! If you want to have her in your life, then stay the OM. Be second fiddle..Miss out on love, a relationship, possibly marriage and a child of your own with someone who loves ONLY you. Or, you can find the strength to get yourself into counselling so you can finally end this A and grieve the loss and move on with your life.

 

The choice is yours. Do you want to be in this exact same place in another 5 years? When she has another baby? What is it going to take for you to wake up and realize that you are the OM to her and she's having her cake and eating it too. You are missing out on so much by wasting your time, energy, love and care into someone who continually is LYING to you. She is still having sex with her husband. Stop believing her! Do you think she's going to tell you that she is still having sex with him? No, of course not because it will only damage what you share together. She's got the best of both worlds and you don't question it or her! GET MAD, be fed up and say the ol' F...U..and leave! DO it. It's time to let go of her.

[underwater2010]

Leave her alone to make her choice. If she comes back to you, ask for the signed divorce papers. Think to the future....you and her together....she becomes "unhappy"....what will her actions be?

[happinessnow]

She isn't going to leave. She's had a baby with him. She continued to have sex with her husband while having the A with you.

 

This is it. An affair. She ain't leaving..Ever! If you want to have her in your life, then stay the OM. Be second fiddle..Miss out on love, a relationship, possibly marriage and a child of your own with someone who loves ONLY you. Or, you can find the strength to get yourself into counselling so you can finally end this A and grieve the loss and move on with your life.

 

The choice is yours. Do you want to be in this exact same place in another 5 years? When she has another baby? What is it going to take for you to wake up and realize that you are the OM to her and she's having her cake and eating it too. You are missing out on so much by wasting your time, energy, love and care into someone who continually is LYING to you. She is still having sex with her husband. Stop believing her! Do you think she's going to tell you that she is still having sex with him? No, of course not because it will only damage what you share together. She's got the best of both worlds and you don't question it or her! GET MAD, be fed up and say the ol' F...U..and leave! DO it. It's time to let go of her.

 

Thanks whichwayisup you have given me good advice through this, even back 4 years ago. I made an appointment with my old therapist to see her tonight. I know I should of gotten made and blew her off after we are in this position yet again, I dont know why I didn't. Instead I got extremely sad to be in this position yet again. I'm not sure why I cant get mad at her, just in general im a pretty mellow guy but this should of put me over the edge and it didnt.

[happinessnow]

There is no love for you. If there was, she would have left when the affair started. It seems no matter how badly her husband treats her, she makes excuses to stay and you fall for it. When someone loves you, they will move mountains to be with you. She is a self absorbed cake eater. The fact you are staying around to play is feeding her ego.

 

IF her husband is really cheating on her,she is in love with you and she STILL cannot leave, then she has bigger issues than you can help her with. Cannot believe the best you can do is be involved with a married women who keeps getting pregnant and not know who baby-daddy is till baby is born. Too sad. Get out!

 

 

I know, I think part of me forgives her for stuff just because I know she has other issues mentally that she needs to fix. Started with her father mistreating her and every relationship she has been in has been with guys that treat her like dirt and I am the first nice guy that she has ever been with.

[East7]

I know, I think part of me forgives her for stuff just because I know she has other issues mentally that she needs to fix. Started with her father mistreating her and every relationship she has been in has been with guys that treat her like dirt and I am the first nice guy that she has ever been with.

 

 

I didn't have patience to read all the thread but it sounds like this woman is full of it !

 

While having an A with you she made a plan to have a baby and now she has a kid with her H. What more signs do you want her to give you. 4 years of your life wasted for a woman who was never yours ! If I was you I would feel sorry about myself.

 

She had all the opportunities and time to be with you, but she didn't.

 

Maybe she has real issues but you are not on this planet to save her. Save yourself first !

[jlola]

East7 "They don"t want you, they only want you to want them."

 

Brilliant!!!! I have been there. Ignoring actions,drawn in by words. Not having a clue that I am their narcissistic supply. Kept around to feed their ego. they only panic when they realize their ego filling supply may be lost. Then they reel you in again with passionate words and promises. same old,same old. Takes a while to figure out the game.

 

Empty people are never happy. They will convince people pleasers We and only We can make them happy! And we believe it. Till we are the ones stuck with them. Then we realize it was all a fantasy. We so wanted to be needed and to play savior we believed it.