Do you hate everything about your life ?

[MaxManwell]

Its a serious issue I guess I will reflect on this and try to be good to good women instead of focusing my energy on hating the stupid ones. Some of you are stupid but some of you are also right.

[Geishawhelk]

You assume there is something wrong with being condescended or bossed around.

 

It depends who's doing the 'bossing'.

If it's someone with maturity who treats me with respect and courtesy and as an absolute equal (even though they may be higher than me, with regard to company position) I have absolutely no objection whatsoever...(I've had several bosses like this. Some male, some female. So you know, it's not impossible, Or unusual even.)

 

I object to anyone being a jerk and being condescending.

And the way you come across, I wouldn't work for you or even with you, for that matter, even if they actually paid me more than you.

[Geishawhelk]

Its a serious issue I guess I will reflect on this and try to be good to good women instead of focusing my energy on hating the stupid ones. Some of you are stupid but some of you are also right.

 

Given that not one of us has agreed with you, and we've all been saying much the same things in one way or another, actually, we're all right.

 

So - why stupid?

What in your eyes, constitutes someone who's being honest with you, telling you the way things are, but is still - 'stupid'?

And be careful to try to avoid replying like a jerk......

[brightskies]

This isn't a moral question I need advice. There are a lot of people that have hurt me and have done things that have caused me pain. I want to cause those people pain in return. I wouldn't ever do anything to anyone who didn't have it coming in the first place.

 

At the moment I am a powerless little dweeb and I am not getting much more powerful as the years go by. I need a way to change drastically and am hoping to hear some experiences so I know that it might be possible for me.

 

Here're my two cents:

 

You sound like an intelligent person who has been hurt many, many times, particularly by women. Other people around you might seem better off, and might seem to have all the luck, but I guarantee you that they too have gotten their share of pain. It doesn't always show.

 

I'm writing to you because your posts remind me of times that I've been bitter and angry and hating everyone and everything. It's difficult to be a good person and to be generous and caring when you're unhappy. Even the philosopher Bertrand Russell agrees:

 

"The good life, as I conceive it, is a happy life. I do not mean that if you are good you will be happy --- I mean that if you are happy you will be good."

 

That being said, what everyone else says on this forum about, "it's all up to you," that's true. Very true. No one else can take charge of the satisfaction and self-betterment that you long for other than yourself. Part of the key to that betterment is having the right motivations. You have to want to be more successful, happier, having better things and better situations FOR YOURSELF, and not because you want to hurt other people.

 

Getting stuck in that mind rut of always wanting to hurt other people really does hold you back ---- because instead of your energies being focused on the goals that you want to reach, they get focused on hate and anger. I know what that's like, I've been there.

 

I agree with you that you shouldn't have to be content with your lot, that there's always room for improvement and greater success both professionally and personally, whether that means a better career, more money, more friends, whatever it is that you wish to gain. This is the human condition, and if we didn't have a drive for improvement we'd all still be troglodytes.

 

Although keep in mind, you must strive for yourself, because you want to be better and you want to fulfill your potential. Not because you want others to suffer. The latter mindset will not allow you to move forward. And even if you somehow did make changes with all this hate in tow, your life would still be miserable because you'd be so burdened by all that anger and bitterness.

 

Another thing, you mustn't focus on what you don't have and what others do have so much. You do realize that no matter how much you lose or gain in life, someone else next to you will always have more or less than you? Like you said, everything is relative. It would be much more productive to look for heros --- find people who are doing well and who are happy, and treat them as inspirations for yourself so you can start taking steps for your improvement. I don't mean just big celebrities or hotshots in the business world, I mean real people whom you actually meet in the flesh.

 

Let me ask you, how old are you and what kind of work do you do? I'm asking because it helps puts things in context and may allow people to give you more specific advice.

[brightskies]

Specifics on Improving Your Life:

 

1. Set goals. Write them down. Be specific, but not rigid. Expect that they may change and evolve over time.

 

2. Visualize. Really see yourself and where you want to be.

 

3. Make plans and take real steps to achieve said goals and vision. Write these steps down. Again, be specific, but not rigid. Make it happen.

 

4. Find a mentor and build a relationship. If you can, find more than one. Mentoring is invaluable in your quest for improvement.

 

5. Build healthy relationships with the people around you: professional and personal.

 

6. Focus on yourself and what you want to achieve, and focus POSITIVELY. Yes, this is easier said than done, especially when you're unhappy. But PERSIST.

 

7. You deserve better, right? Then treat yourself like you do deserve better! A negative, angry mindset is punishing, not rewarding yourself. You will find that allowing yourself to let go of your anger is incredibly liberating.

 

8. Get counseling/therapy. It might sound like a waste of time, but it isn't. A good counselor (it may take several iterations to find the right one for you, so don't give up) can help reset your thinking, and subsequently, your decisions and your life. I recommend cognitive behavioral therapy.

 

9. Some books you might want to read:

• The Fountainhead, by Ayn Rand (slightly didactic, but the underlying message is useful)
  
• Never Eat Alone, by Keith Ferrazzi (he can seem boastful sometimes but ignore that and focus on his pointers)
  

 

10. Remember to expect change and shifting. What you envision as improvement or success may not happen exactly as you expect it to be. It may come about in an alternate form.

 

11. You have expressed a desire to be good. This is an excellent start. Don't let your pain and unhappiness kill that desire.

 

12. Lastly, don't expect things to come easily. Expect to work hard and expect setbacks, but again, persist. Don't give up. Keep your chin up and look to the future ahead.

[MaxManwell]

It depends who's doing the 'bossing'.

If it's someone with maturity who treats me with respect and courtesy and as an absolute equal (even though they may be higher than me, with regard to company position) I have absolutely no objection whatsoever...(I've had several bosses like this. Some male, some female. So you know, it's not impossible, Or unusual even.)

 

I object to anyone being a jerk and being condescending.

And the way you come across, I wouldn't work for you or even with you, for that matter, even if they actually paid me more than you.

 

I don't think there is a need for me to be treated as an equal, for anyone that is my equal the treatment will naturally follow.

 

I don't object to being treated condescendingly. Why should a person in a low and not very useful position object to be treated in such a way by his or her betters ? I think you are just a little bit naive if you express such sentiments of equality. Why should Girl Friday be treated with the same respect as an Engineer ? If she doesn't like it she can go line up with the rest of the kids outside McDOnalds. Sometimes people pay for the right to almost degrade another human being to make themselves feel powerful.

[Geishawhelk]

I'm sorry - are you from this century...?

 

Is the term 'serfdom' an every day one for you?

Do you still ascribe to the vassals, Dukedoms and hierarchy of those above the salt and those below the crust?

 

Do you have any idea what the term 'condescention' actually means?

[MaxManwell]

3.voluntary assumption of equality with a person regarded as inferior.

[brightskies]

I'm sorry - are you from this century...?

 

Is the term 'serfdom' an every day one for you?

Do you still ascribe to the vassals, Dukedoms and hierarchy of those above the salt and those below the crust?

 

Do you have any idea what the term 'condescention' actually means?

 

Geisha,

I think we've been had by a troll. He seems to thrive on being inflammatory and ignores the constructive posts.

[MaxManwell]

Geisha,

I think we've been had by a troll. He seems to thrive on being inflammatory and ignores the constructive posts.

 

I read your posts and they were well thought out and constructive.

[mental_traveller]

I hate everything about my life and it makes me want to hurt people.

 

Have you, or do you hate everything about your life and how did you improve ? are you still after many years still hating everything ?

 

Or did you get used to it and trick yourself into believing that you are happy ?

 

I found the way to get out of this negative frame of mind is to find something you care about, work at it, and get good at it. That generates self-esteem and makes you feel better about yourself and life in general.

 

Why not start a plan to shake up your work/career? If life sucks now, start a 5 year plan to get things on track for something better than your current situation. You seem to have some aggression, why not use it to do something like learning a martial art, boxing etc?

[Taramere]

Sometimes people pay for the right to almost degrade another human being to make themselves feel powerful.

 

Because they have to pay out hard cash to get a false sense of power...in an effort to compensate for the fact that deep down other people don't respect them.

 

In my last job, any time I delegated anything to the admin staff, the response was "no problem" and it would get done quickly and well. As far as I could see, they were extremely competent. Yet as far as the boss who paid their wages was concerned, they were incompetent slackers.

 

The reason she could never, as she saw it, get good people was quite simply that she didn't command trust and respect. She'd play nice and avoid confrontation for X amount of time, then suddenly she'd blow, throw her weight around and start issuing threats and creating a sense of job insecurity. Instead of being consistent and professional.

 

So she'd get short bursts of productivity from them, then they'd go into long term paralysis whereby they wouldn't want to do any work she handed to them because they just didn't want to deal with her. We had a high turnover of admin staff who should have been - were - perfectly competent. But she would invariably demolish their confidence, morale and motivation.

 

She just couldn't accept that you don't have to be your staff's best friend one minute and their worst enemy the next. The workplace isn't a set for cheap soap opera drama. Nine times out of ten, your staff just want to be able to trust and respect you....and you get that trust and respect by being fair and professional. Not by treating the office like some personal playground where you're allowed to throw tantrums and kick the smaller kids.

 

Why should Girl Friday be treated with the same respect as an Engineer ?

 

Why shouldn't she? Why should anyone in a workplace not be treated in a respectful and courteous manner, regardless of the title they hold?

[Geishawhelk]

3.voluntary assumption of equality with a person regarded as inferior.

 

condescend

 

• verb 1 show that one feels superior. 2 do something despite regarding it as below one’s dignity.

 

 

What gives you the right, and superiority to regard anyone as inferior?

 

if you worked FOR me, I wouldn't consider you inferior. I don't consider any single member of my staff as inferior to me.

They don't have my authority, but there again, they haven't accumulated my experience and business acumen either, though there is no reason why on earth they shouldn't, if this is what they want to achieve....

I would however, question your work ethics and suitability for your post, and monitor your attitude both towards me and towards others. And if that differed, I'd seriously consider your suitbility.

Working with others - no matter what their position within the company - is a partnership.

 

Lee Iacocca was Chairman and CEO of Chrysler Cars in America.

He regularly placed himself into different sections of his company - Taking orders from the relevant and specific manager or supervisor - because he maintained that he couldn't ask anyone to work within his company, in a job that he could not do, or be willing to do, himself.

Thus it was that a man commanding a high, six-figure annual salary (this was a long time ago!) would be very happy to submit to the authority of an employee who took home a tenth of that.

 

In a visit to a manufactoring plant, the Manager thanked him for sparing the time to visit the factory, and interrupting what must have been a very pressing, and time consuming schedule. What an honour it was to have such an important man in their plant!

"Are you kidding?" replied Iacocca. "If I leave the office for an afternoon, I can guarantee you the place will be run like clockwork by my secretaries and assistants. They do pretty well without my being under their feet, I can tell you! But I'll tell you what - if you want to know who's important in my company, just see what happens when our cleaning janitor is absent for a week and the washrooms don't get attended to. Now HE's Important!"

 

(From "Iacocca" By Lee Iacocca, William Novak)

 

I'm sure if he can do it, you can.....

[MaxManwell]

See how you just condescended me right there ?

You might think you are little mis/mister perfect but your staff probably hate your guts in secret.

 

I know subordination and I have no problem with authority.

 

Stop trying to pretend you are my equal. I probably would end up working for you and you'd throw that same rubbish at me while I cleaned the toilet (figuratively speaking) and you sat at your desk gossiping over a hot cup of coffee.

 

Equal my ass.

 

Could YOU be anymore condescending ?

 

I'm sorry that was probably a little bit over the top I see your point but I think that you are missing mine for the most part.

[Geishawhelk]

Max - and this IS going to sound condescending, because all I have in the way of being able to communicate with you, is the written word, so I actually, truly don't mean it to be - It's a mark of the fact that I'm still posting that actually, I think you're worth talking to.

At some point, in some time, you might have received a crap deal and I'm sorry fo that.

But tarring everyone with the same brush rarely woks, because you can't. No two people are the same. I would be willing to bet that if you have a brother or sister, you have your different temperaments and characteristics... so even in families, you can have chalk and cheese...

Try to consider that everyone comes to something with an agenda.

No-one travels through life without baggage.

 

The important is what they do with it. And trying to off-load it and make everyone else do the carrying, instead of heaving it yourself ('yourself' as in any yourself, not 'yourself' as in you yourself) is counter-productive, because sooner or later, they'll shove it right back atcha, and it will be twice as heavy...

 

Attitude counts for much nowadays.

[LonelyVocalist]

I personally hate every little detail of my life. It doesn't make me want to hurt people, but I can't help but feel at least a little insignificant. Oh well, I guess the most humble thing I can do is wish the best for others 'cause my life is worthless.

[Lovelybird]

Looking for power is so vanity. basically looking for something only for self is not so worth living.

 

a simple happy life is good, a life relate to others and contributing is good

[burning 4 revenge]

I love everything about my life and I thank God for every passing second Ive been given to experience all of these wonderful sensations and for being given the neurons to process and interpret all of those wonderful sensations and think about them and I thank God for all of the time Ive been given to think about them and really think about them, albeit not understand them, but think about them and to be able to be fully conscious and aware of what it is like to be me right here right now this very second

[johan]

I love everything about my life and I thank God for every passing second Ive been given to experience all of these wonderful sensations and for being given the neurons to process and interpret all of those wonderful sensations and think about them and I thank God for all of the time Ive been given to think about them and really think about them, albeit not understand them, but think about them and to be able to be fully conscious and aware of what it is like to be me right here right now this very second

 

Ditto here.

[Lovelybird]

I love everything about my life and I thank God for every passing second Ive been given to experience all of these wonderful sensations and for being given the neurons to process and interpret all of those wonderful sensations and think about them and I thank God for all of the time Ive been given to think about them and really think about them, albeit not understand them, but think about them and to be able to be fully conscious and aware of what it is like to be me right here right now this very second

sounds beautiful

 

God gave us something that should be appreciated, not denied

[Mustang Sally]

I love everything about my life and I thank God for every passing second Ive been given to experience all of these wonderful sensations and for being given the neurons to process and interpret all of those wonderful sensations and think about them and I thank God for all of the time Ive been given to think about them and really think about them, albeit not understand them, but think about them and to be able to be fully conscious and aware of what it is like to be me right here right now this very second

I thank God for the weed that you obviously smoked before you posted this....

 

Seriously, though, the tone of this original post is so....dramatic, and, well, extreme.

 

Hate everything?

Just about as unlikely as "Love everything."

 

Sally's Master of the Obvious Statement(s) of the Day:

We all have our ups and downs.

What is it that you want to focus on, OP?

The half empty or the half full?

YOU are the master of your own destiny. Own it.

[Cherry Blossom 35]

I love everything about my life and I thank God for every passing second Ive been given to experience all of these wonderful sensations and for being given the neurons to process and interpret all of those wonderful sensations and think about them and I thank God for all of the time Ive been given to think about them and really think about them, albeit not understand them, but think about them and to be able to be fully conscious and aware of what it is like to be me right here right now this very second

 

Ok, this is like the longest run-on in the world, but I get it and I agree with you.

 

If you have your health, and your brain works properly, then you have a lot to be thankful for.