endlesstrains Posted June 1, 2008 Share Posted June 1, 2008 So... I guess probably no one can answer this for me but I just wanted to get it out there and get some opinions. I have been dating this guy for 3 months and we are definitely exclusive (we talked about it.) Today he left his bag at my house while he went out to do some work related stuff, and I looked in his bag (I know, snooping is bad...) because I wanted to figure out what it is he does in my living room for so long before he leaves for work on some days (I stay in bed.) Anyway, the reason is unrelated. What I found was a box of condoms and at first I thought it was nice that he finally remembered to buy condoms, which we've been out of for a while. I am on the pill and he usually pulls out so it wasn't really a rush to buy them. But then I realized there were only 8 in the box instead of 12... and the expiration date on them is newer than on the one condom we have left from the old batch so it's not like they are old (and if they were he would have offered them anyway)... so uhhh... where did those other 4 condoms go? I really find it hard to believe he is cheating because he is really attracted to me, and to be honest he's not exactly smooth or subtle and I find it really hard to believe he could find someone else to have regular sex with in the short amount of time since he must have bought those condoms. If he is cheating I'm not going to shut my eyes to it, I want to know, but knowing him as a person it seems to have come out of nowhere. But where else could the condoms have gone? We never used them. We always used the ones out of my medicine cabinet. I know he has some trouble even with the large size condoms with keeping them on, but it doesn't seem very realistic that he "practiced" with 4 of them... which pretty much only leaves the possibility of him using them for their intended purpose, but not with me. I doubt he gave any to a friend because his friends are not getting laid any time soon. I don't want to confront him about cheating especially so early on in the relationship. But he also has seemed less interested lately... he's been working hard and getting little sleep and is also often stoned when we fall into bed so I didn't think much of it... but now I don't know. He is still being attentive to me, trying to please me, being very nice and sweet and keeps making comments about us in the long term and how I am not like his previous bad relationship... but... he has seemed less sexually interested in the last week or two... but I don't know. We had a small talk recently about some things that happened when he was very tired and I was left frustrated and not satisfied... and he felt really bad about it and kept saying "I don't want to be that kind of person"... which to me seems like the same kind of person who would cheat. He is just a really honest guy in general and it's painfully obvious when he is lying, kind of like a little kid... I dunno. I guess it's possible that he took out 4 condoms and put them somewhere else, like his other bag which he always carries with him (the bag I looked in is the one he brings his clothes, toothbrush, etc. in when he stays over.) But I will never know, not being able to ask or look in the other bag... so I will always be wondering now... Link to post Share on other sites
Author endlesstrains Posted June 1, 2008 Author Share Posted June 1, 2008 The more I think about it the more it makes sense that he took 4 and put them in his other bag... if he doesn't plan on spending the night he doesn't usually bring his bookbag where the condom box is... maybe he just wanted to be prepared in case I asked if he had gotten any condoms? I don't know. In the box there was one strip of 6 condoms (all still attached) and one of two condoms also still attached. So he could have just ripped off four and stuck them in his other bag... but why not put the full strip of 6 in there? And why not tell me he got new condoms? Well, I guess if he doesn't like to use condoms he wouldn't want to tell me, but he'd be prepared if I asked... still... it makes me a little uneasy. I don't want to make the situation worse with more snooping but I feel like if I could just get a look in his other bag and see if there are 4 condoms in there... but when would I get the chance? He always brings it with him when he goes places for any length of time, since it has his stuff in it. And when he goes into the shower he brings his bags with him usually since they have his change of clothes and toiletries in them. Plus, he would hear me going into the other room even while in the shower. Right now I am not feeling to worried, I just find it so hard to believe based on his personality that he would cheat on me, especially at this point in the relationship... it's not like we have been together a long time and things have gotten cold... but I also don't want to delude myself. So I am thinking next time we have sex I will ask him if he would rather wear condoms or not because if he wears them he doesn't have to pull out, and I will offer to buy more condoms if he wants them. If he doesn't mention that he has some in his bag I think something will be up... I also think that if next time we have sex he doesn't seem into it I will ask him if anything is wrong... I was planning to anyway, I am concerned that he is depressed lately, or maybe that he just is not into me anymore. Everything he says seems to point the opposite way but actions do speak louder than words. Link to post Share on other sites
porter218 Posted June 1, 2008 Share Posted June 1, 2008 Alot of men still do cheat in the begginning of the relationship. I am relatively sure my husband cheated during the first month of our relationship even though we were have sex 3-5 times a day. But it is possible your man has the other condoms in his car at his house or any where. the expiration date doesn't mean much because he could have bought them 5 months ago at a store that had newer condoms then the ones you guys had used..no telling. You will either have to ask him or just let it haunt you. Link to post Share on other sites
Author endlesstrains Posted June 1, 2008 Author Share Posted June 1, 2008 Well just for an update when he got back to my place this afternoon after his freelance job we had sex pretty much right away, he was really into me, so I guess the disinterest thing really might be a factor of being tired and overworked like I thought originally. I didn't ask him the condom question though (if he wanted me to buy some, etc.) because it never seemed like the right moment. But I think those other condoms must be in his other bag... I was just kind of shocked when I first found the partially empty condom box and I posted this for advice... but now having had a day to think about it (and spending the day with him) I am sure it must be nothing to worry about. I've had no other signs he was cheating on me. I don't even know when he would do it. We don't spend a ton of time together but I always generally know what he is doing when he's not with me... (things that he wouldn't lie about because they could be easily disproven.) And he lives with his family at the moment so it's not like he could bring another girl back there. I am thinking he just put them in his other bag in case I wanted a condom some time we were having sex but he wasn't staying over... Link to post Share on other sites
Siphon9a Posted June 2, 2008 Share Posted June 2, 2008 Not sure if it could be a problem or not but if it were me and I was going to cheat on your, I would have the common sense not to leave something like that laying around. Know what I mean. I mean aren't cheaters usually sneaky? I would think that he would have had a unopened box or whatever? Maybe it's that he did put them in his bag and never gave a thought that you would add it up as cheating or maybe he just isn't very good at hiding things? You'll have to find a way to ask him to find out. Link to post Share on other sites
The Collector Posted June 2, 2008 Share Posted June 2, 2008 Maybe he likes an occasional 'posh wank.' If he doesn't seem like a cheater I reckon he's split them and has the others someplace else - but if he was me, and you said you 'accidentally' found them and was confused, I wouldn't be too upset. You'll know if he's lying and can move on. Link to post Share on other sites
Author endlesstrains Posted June 8, 2008 Author Share Posted June 8, 2008 Well just for an update they are not in his other bag... they are still MIA. Oh well. I'm not really stressed or worried about it, just wanted opinions. I have had no other warning signs at all but if I do I will definitely keep alert. Link to post Share on other sites
porter218 Posted June 8, 2008 Share Posted June 8, 2008 I am sure there is some reason that makes sense. He does seem like an OK guy. Don't worry about it. Stay aware but not paranoid. Link to post Share on other sites
Author endlesstrains Posted June 8, 2008 Author Share Posted June 8, 2008 Something that did occur to me is maybe they ARE old, but weren't always in his bag. Maybe he had them at his house or whatever because of his previous girlfriend (he broke up with her 2 months before we started dating) and put them in his bag one day when it occurred to him that it would be good to have more condoms to bring to my house. And then he may have forgotten about them when we ran out of the other box (they would be easy to miss when looking in the bag.) The box was awfully worn like it had been around a bit... Anyway like I said, I am not too worried, but I am someone who likes to have answers and so I try to reason things out and find the best explanation, which is why I am making all these posts. I also don't have any experience with cheating boyfriends so I don't want to be naive or stupid, but he is SO not setting off any other warning signs, and my gut is telling me that he is truly a decent and honest guy who wouldn't do that kind of thing. Link to post Share on other sites
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