Thinkalot Posted February 8, 2004 Share Posted February 8, 2004 You are right beautifulme, and that is why many of us our trying to fix ourselves! Link to post Share on other sites
Medgirl Posted February 9, 2004 Share Posted February 9, 2004 I just wanted to say that I had serious issues getting over the ex and jealousy and it took actually breaking up and looking at things from a friend's perspective rather than a lover's perspective to change things. I can't believe how different things are now! Link to post Share on other sites
Thinkalot Posted February 10, 2004 Share Posted February 10, 2004 Are you back together now Medgirl? Link to post Share on other sites
curiosone2 Posted February 10, 2004 Share Posted February 10, 2004 I have the same problem. Ive been thinking about how hot Britney Spears is ever since I found out my bf thought so. The weird thing is he is very honest with me and he tells me when someone is hotter than me and he says Im hotter than her. I dont know why I keep thinking about her, fantisizing even! Link to post Share on other sites
Thinkalot Posted February 10, 2004 Share Posted February 10, 2004 You need to read through the advice given already in this very lengthy thread! Link to post Share on other sites
medgirl1984 Posted February 10, 2004 Share Posted February 10, 2004 We are back together now thinkalot! It has been like 10x better since! Especially since that one....day.... you may or may not have read about. Yeah sometimes I still get a tiny bit jealous. Like today we were talking about some of our "escapades" with our past lovers and I started to get way jealous. Then I had to tell myself to just quit thinking about the past, enjoy what I have now, and look forward to the future. As for curiousone2 I think your boyfriend is rude for telling you someone is hotter than you are! I mean, I'm fully aware that there are SEVERAL women that are hotter than me, but I don't need to hear it and I'm sure you don't either! I also think it's very interesting that you fanasize about Brittany because I've known several women, including myself, who develop "Crushes" on women they're envious of. I have NO CLUE what it means or how it works, but it seems to be pretty healthy. At least that's what the article I read said.... lol Link to post Share on other sites
Medgirl Posted February 10, 2004 Share Posted February 10, 2004 woops that was me Link to post Share on other sites
Thinkalot Posted February 10, 2004 Share Posted February 10, 2004 I'm really glad to hear that Medgirl!!! Things are continuing to improve for me too! I did not read about that "day" you referenced. I take it something yuk happened? Perhaps you could direct me to the thread. My bf and I almost split before Christmas, but as I have been posting on here, things have got steadily better since I really started to tackle my jealousy/insecurity head on! I feel much happier now and so does he. I still have bad days/moments too, but like you, I just breathe and wait for it to pass, and look forward instead of backwards. I still ask lots of questions about anything in his past too, but I am also getting better at control the urge to question everything (it's just another control issue I think- I don't want to look silly, so I make sure I know EVERY possible fact about all aspects of his life!). My questioning has reduced quite a bit therefore, much to the relief of my bf. Sometimes I still compare, but mostly I am just happy to have something so good in the here and now. And since I've relaxed, he is so much more loving and attentive again! I've been learning how to give more space in our togetherness, and that has helped immensely. I am just having more of my "own" life again now, and my self esteem is back on the rise. Link to post Share on other sites
Thinkalot Posted February 10, 2004 Share Posted February 10, 2004 Ok Medgirl...I read your "Desperate" post, so I'm back in the loop a bit now. Link to post Share on other sites
VictoriaMaude Posted February 16, 2004 Share Posted February 16, 2004 I have read just about everyone's message and feel better knowing that there are so many out there who feel the same way I do or have similar problems. I also feel worse because there are so many of us out there who seem to be obsessing over our boyfriend's ex's. I could use a lot of help right now and have no where to go or anyone to talk to. I will be completely honest and tell the whole story - hopefully someone could share a few words of advice with me. I never had an obsession with the ex until recently. My boyfriend and I have been together for 2 and a half years. He was single for a year before we met. His last girlfriend I believe he dated for over 2 years as well. The reason for their break up was never made known to me and I didn't really care nor was she ever an issue - he rarely spoke of her. When we met and started dating I was married - it was a bad marriage, my husband and I slept in different rooms and we were basically room-mates and had been living this way quite some time. We had never gotten divorced because we couldn't afford it... My husband and I had always been good friends from college days and even though we weren't really in relationship or involved sexually we were friends and still lived together. I started dating my boyfriend and my husband knew about it and was a bit irritated by it - he gave me a really hard time about it and eventually when I could afford it I moved out so that I could proceed with my new found love. All this time my new boyfriend knew I was married, it didn't seem to bother him as he knew we weren't really together anymore and also knew that we were friends. When I moved out on my own we were able to really get on with our lives and have a relationship. I love my boyfriend. I loved him then as well. Life was complicated for me at the time - being married and having feelings for my husband which were strong but only on a friendship level. My boyfriend knew this and he seemed to accept that. It was so wrong of me to have kept up a "friendship" with my husband even after we had split. I never intended to hurt my boyfriend and I certainly never wanted to have to cheat on him but I did. I went to a concert with my husband and got drunk and we ended up in the sack together. I don't remember much except that I did wake up naked and flashbacks of the two of us having sex came to mind... I was distraught - I wish that I could take it all back and make as though it never happened. My conscience couldn't deal with it. I had to tell my boyfriend. I didn't want to lie to him and I knew if he found out about it later in some other way that it may hurt worse so I was completely honest with hiim. My boyfriend broke up with me. Wouldn't talk to me. It was over. I was devastated. I stopped talking to my husband, except when it came to signing divorce papers and paying bills we had accrued jointly, etc. I emailed and called my boyfriend several times and got no response from him - he kept telling me it seemed obvious that I still wanted to be with my husband. I really wanted to be back with my boyfriend. I never gave up trying to get back in touch with him. I was miserable. Eventually my boyfriend agreed to meet with me and we talked about what we both had been up to, just general stuff... I told him that there was nothing more that I wanted more in the world than to be with him again. He said he felt the same way and eventually we re-kindled our love and got back together. Of course at the worst of times my cheating on him always comes up and gets thrown in my face. This was almost two years ago. Last year ago we moved in together. Everything was great. So it seemed. Then one night while on his computer I came accross an email from his ex. There were a lot of things that he told her that he had not ever mentioned to me before. He told her things about our relationship and told her all the things that was bothering him - stuff he should be talking to ME about. I was hurt by this email. This one email which I just happened to come accross lead me to search even deeper for more emails from her or to her. I found more. The more I read the worse I felt. Other emails had sexual overtones. He called her a "hotty" in one of them... she said she wanted to see him... gave him her address and phone number... the whole bit. I confronted him about it. I knew I had to - even though it also meant telling him that I was snooping around on his computer, but I had to tell him how I felt and that I didn't think it was right. We had a huge argument - almost broke up because of it. The reason he wanted to break up with me was because I was snooping around on his computer. I said that we had been together for so long that we ought to be able to be honest with each other and that he shouldn't have to be offended if I was on his computer - because he shouldn't have to have something to hide... anyways, we got over that situation after he told me he never spoke to her or went to see her and that he was merely just saying hi and there were no intentions behind the emails... I had my doubts. Many times I forgot about it and then every once in a while it would come up and I'd wonder if he were still emailing her or calling her. I used to take care of the bills, this included paying his cell phone bill for him (he gave me the money of course... I just mailed all the checks out and made sure they got paid on time). This gave me access to his cell phone bill which always came in itemized with every number that he called and that called him. For many months I noticed there was the same number that called him several times always around the same time - just after he'd left work but just before he got home. I checked his cell phone to see who's number it was and that number apparently wasn't stored into his phone. This was all very curious to me and curiosity killed the cat you know... I did a search on the number and found out it was his ex's number. I asked him outright one day about her - had he still been emailing her or calling her or even seen her. He flew off the handle, got extremely angry with me for even asking him and accused me of being insecure and jealous (which yes I admit, I was becoming this way becuase of his ex.) He claimed he didnt email her anymore and never spoke to her on the phone and never saw her. I know he lied to me. He spoke to her several times on the phone - the cell phone bills prove it. I never told him this. I thought he would have then accused me of snooping... I guess I was just too afraid that it would lead to another argument and an eventual break up and I didn't want to lose him. I've since kept track of these phone calls to and from her via the bills... the calls seemed to have decreased and I eventually lost interest. Although I had found her address and drove by her house several times and wanted to contact her - why - I don't know... I was just so upset with the fact that he was talking to her and he was lying to me. About 6 months ago my boyfriend and I moved out of town - we're now thousands of miles apart... before we left he told me that his ex wanted to see him one last time and if he went to see her would I get all crazy and go nuts like I usually do? What was I to say? I said I didn't want him to but I knew he would anyway. I eventually thought I would be "mature" about it and said it was OK eventhough it was killing me inside. He was away for 2 hours. When he got back he said she turned out to be a lot uglier that he remembered and that they just talked and it was no big deal. OK I thought... lets get the heck out of here now and I don't ever want to hear about her again! It's been 6 months now since we've left and guess what... the emails begin once more... this time she misses him, he misses her, he calls her "hotty" again, etc. etc... The worst part was that I realized I was obsessed with her and was always wanting to know whether she had emailed him or not. I figured out my boyfriend's password to his email and eventually began checking his mail online without him knowing. That's how I got to read all her emails. THEN one day I outright caught him red-handed emailing her photos of himself. I was furious. What was that all about? He claimed it was no big deal and she just wanted a pic of himself. I KNOW in her emails she NEVER asked for a pic from him. He became so defensive. He was angry with ME because I was made about him emailing his ex photos of himself... The whole situation was a bit strange. This is not something that you do when you're in a relationship. I demanded to see her emails and for him to prove to me that he had nothing to hide and that she was not a threat to me and that they were merely just exchanging friendly emails. I had already read most of her emails anyway... He refused... he said he had a right to his privacy. This all tells me he has something to hide. Which I know he does because I've read the emails. I have become so obsessed with her that I now check his mail regularly and even sabotaged his computer and online email to store messages so that I can retrieve them after he's deleted them or read them just so that I can see what they've been saying to each other. For the most part the emails seem to be "hi how are you" kind of thing but they're always talking to each other as though neither of them have significant others and there are always sexual overtones, whether it's a "hi sexy" or "you're so cute." Just yesterday I read an email he sent out to her (I missed the one she sent to him) and it said that he loved her too and that she was OK and he'd talk to her soon. This does not sound good. I then also came across an email he sent to a friend saying that he didn't know whether he really was IN LOVE with me but that it was good enough for now. Also not good. I can't figure it all out because besides all this... when we're together - he's perfect. He's sweet, kind, loving... he buys me flowers, we have good sex, we talk - watch movies together, cook together, go shopping together... everything is just perfect. Except for these damn emails... from his ex and the ones he writes to her. He of course does not know that I know all about these emails. I can't figure out why and how we can have such a seemingly perfect relationship and then on the side he maintains this strange email relationship with his ex... He has no intentions of moving back - nearer to her. There seems to be no intentions of them wanting to get back together, but still those emails exist and don't seem to ever end.... I don't want him to email her anymore. I don't want him to have anything to do with her. Surely she could understand that? I read once she said that she didn't want to jeapordize his relationship with me... but yet she continues to email him and does she honestly think that she's not bothering me? Does she really believe that emailing him shouldn't be an issue to me? She's been a girlfriend before - surely she would know! That's why I feel like emailing her and having a little one-on-one with HER for a change... I feel as though as long as she keeps emailing him she's fueling the relationship and makes him want to email her back. I say this because just after I caught him emailing her those pics of himself all email correspondance stopped. She emailed him once in December - a short generic how are you type email and he never responded. She sent another one in Jan. and he never resonded either... then in Feb. she emailed again and this time she said she was worried about him since she hadn't heard from him and missed talking to him online and wished he was there so she could talk to him. This time he responded. And yet again the emails have started becoming more frequent. When I confront him he claims he doesn't talk to her.... But I know he does. It's almost like he's leading this double life... the one withe me where he pretends to be this all loving perfect man and then the one in the emails where he's single and i'm just someone he has around to "please him." I want to belive these emails are harmless. But why does he lie to me about the fact that he does contact her? Why does he get so defensive when I inquire about her? He claims to be tired of the fact that I'm so obsessed with her and that she means nothing to him but yet he keeps emailing her... I just don't know what to do.... Link to post Share on other sites
Thinkalot Posted February 16, 2004 Share Posted February 16, 2004 Phew! what a tough situation. I think it sounds like you two have a volatile relationship and trust issues, sparked by your cheating and his emails. I agree, some of the things said in the emails seem inappropriate, as though they are holding on to something between them. I think staying friends with an ex is just fine, so long as boundaries are drawn up and you stick to them. Maybe you need to discuss boundaries with him, which you think should be in place...a compromise deal or something. It is not healthy feeling how you feel. Can you see a counsellor to talk this through? It might help you get some clarity also. You do need to talk with your boyfriend, calmly and without blame, at a time which is good for you both to sort out where you stand and how he feels about you (especially given the reference to him not being "in love" but good enough "for now"). You need some clear direction on where you, and he, think you guys are heading. Then , you might be able to release your obsessive thoughts. There is a lot going on here, so I hope you can find someone to talk to. If you establish trust, you then need to work on letting your thoughts of the ex go. Good luck! Link to post Share on other sites
americannightmare Posted February 18, 2004 Share Posted February 18, 2004 trust me, i know how you feel exactly! i have been with my boyfriend for only 4 months, but we dated forever ago, except back then he was with his gf for 2 years, left her for me, then left me to get back with her. Now me and him are together, i always read her online journal CONSTANTLY. and i check his cell phone for messeges from her, and i think about her alot, and always dream about her. I hate it. You will get through it. trust me! also i just read ur whole story. and it makes me pissed/sad. I also sometimes find text messeges from her, and random things. its disgusting. if i EVER catch him saying ONE little itsy bitsy thing related to liking her or anything sexual, its over. i dont take ANYTHING. Link to post Share on other sites
Mushrooms1 Posted February 20, 2004 Share Posted February 20, 2004 It's so comforting to know how many other people have dealt with ex-girlfriend obsessiveness too. I've been with my bf for 2 years now, and I have been a lot better for the past several months. In fact, one of his ex's (with a super cool job, gorgeous looks, etc...) came into town to visit, and we all hung out together and had a great time. I think the most important thing to realize is that everyone has had a past, including yourself, so there is no point in living in someone else's. Live in the present. I used to find myself assuming that he was lying about his relationships with his ex's, but I discovered I had absolutely no grounds for the suspicion. It was my own insecurity making me miserable. Of course, he still has contact with a handful of them, but I just don't let it bother me, and I know for a fact that it is platonic. I used to visit one of their websites all the time. She is an actress in a foreign country, so she has this site that's elaborate and practically worships her. I would look at it constantly, checking for updates. I went through a phase a while back of checking his e-mail (and I did get caught- which was just humiliating and made me look like an ass- don't do it), and I discovered that he was indeed telling me the truth about his current relationships with his ex's. In fact, he wrote about me in some of the letters- just casual remarks about something I had mentioned, something I liked, etc. When he told me that one of his ex's (another gorgeous, successful woman) was e-mailing him, trying to get him back, he told me that he had responded, telling her that it was over and they could never be together again. Of course, I assumed he was lying to me. I couldn't possibly conceive of him actually being honest and cutting things off with this particular ex, knowing how infatuated they had been with each other. But when I indulged in my terrible snooping weakness, I realized he was telling the truth.Right there in front of me was the e-mail he had written to her, and it said exactly what he had told me. I realized then and there that I was the one with the problem. I was not trusting him as he deserved to be trusted. That was when I began the slow recovery process. I didn't quit cold turkey. It was hard, and even recently I have been tempted to snoop, obsess and visit their websites. But I just don't. Because when I do, the following information becomes more and more clear: 1. Yes, he had very strong feelings for her. 2. No, he doesn't have those feelings anymore. 3. It is me who has the problem, not him. End of story. Link to post Share on other sites
CAMGRAY Posted February 25, 2004 Share Posted February 25, 2004 I can totally relate to this situation. I work in a skip tracing department therefore, I have access to public records as well as personal documents. I have repeatedly looked up my boyfriends exes & found their phone #'s & have even called them just to hear their voice. We have been together for almost 3 years now & I don't know why but I can't get rid of the feelings that I do of wondering what their relationships were like. All I can say is, talk to someone about how you feel... Link to post Share on other sites
rubbersoul Posted February 26, 2004 Share Posted February 26, 2004 Hi everyone, I'm new to this forum--I was searching for somewhere to vent, and this seems like a great place to do so. I'm sharing the same problem that all of you are going through and I feel for all of you! My problem, however, is a little different: I've been best friends with this guy for like 3 years---and for a while he dated my best girl friend but they broke up---and sadly so did my friendship with my girl friend. So, at the time when we were still "just friends", I decided that he needed a new girlfriend to get over his old one---so I tried to set him up with this seemingly nice girl that went to church with me. It turned out that she liked him, so they started dating. I was happy that he was happy---hoorah for life. Until...he starts telling me about all the stuff his new gal and him do together...they weren't having sex...but they were experimenting in the oral dept. if you understand. This bothered me, considering that I thought I had found him a girl with some morals. So, then I started to feel jealous...and realized that I had feelings for him... Later on, they split up---and one day he admits to me that he never really liked her, but was only dating her so as not to think of me. This completely ticks me off---he could have just told me how he felt about me instead of screwing around with this stupid whore! Now, we're together but I can't get over her. I can't tell him how I feel because I don't want to sound stupid and jealous. I don't want to go any further than just kissing because anytime he tries anything with me I feel like her---for ex: we were making out on his bed...and the whole time all I could think of was "this must have been how she felt, or this is what she saw when they were screwing around"... Whenever I see her I want to kill her. I hate her more than anyone on this earth...except myself. The part that hurts the worse is knowing that they wouldn't have been together if it wasn't for me. I cut myself---he's seen the scars...the cuts, etc. But I don't want to blame him in any way for this---its my problem. how on earth can I stop thinking about her?? Link to post Share on other sites
VictoriaMaude Posted February 27, 2004 Share Posted February 27, 2004 Well I thank those of you who commented and made suggestions on my first post. Everyone I speak to says the same thing: let him go - get rid of him! I'm unable to stop myself from snooping around in his email - especially lately since there's been a lot of activity (him emailing the ex and the ex emailing him...). My BF and I had a serious talk the other day - I didn't mention any specifics - and he confessed that he was "bored" but not neccessarily with me and our relationship but also with himself and what he's been doing lately. I tried to let him know that if he did not love me that he should be honest and break it off with me before it gets worse. He said that he did love me and didn't want to break up with me. After a good few hours of letting each other know how we felt we decided to turn a new leaf and make the best of things, try different things - create some interest... I've done my part - now HE'S boring ME! I noticed that his emails to his ex of late (since we had this "talk") have become less "sexual" in nature and more like a "big brother" type giving advice. Since she had been complaining about her job and the fact that her boyfriend broke up with her. He also no longer ends his emails to her with "love ya" or "miss ya" and simply writes his name. This kind of emailing I can handle - that's fine with me, it's when we get into the I miss you and you're so sexy and when can I see you... all that makes me very angry. I feel somewhat betrayed then. Yesterday she emailed him saying she was thinking about the two of them when they were together and she reminicsed about a few things they did together... it was sickening. Then she went on to say that she's so happy that they still talk... I couldn't wait to see what his response was. I for sure thought it would be juicy and that if anything he would confess his true feelings - and much to my surprise he responded quite nicely - for my liking. He merely mentioned that he sometimes thought about her as well - the "what ifs" - what if they never broke up etc. etc. and he also said that it was in the past and without mentioning whether he regretted it or not he went on to say that he had treated her badly when they were together and for that he was sorry. The only thing that did kind of bother me about this email was that he said that she was really good to him and he treated her badly and felt terrible that he never realized sooner how good she was until it was too late. That left me wondering whether he regrets the break up and wishes to be back with her... Anyways, this could go on and on and on forever... I may never know his true intentions - how he feels about her and what his thoughts are... or how he truly feels about me... I know he emails me constantly while he's at work and sends me pictures of what he's working on... asks for my opinion and in general just sends random messages to me with whatever's on his mind at the moment. He doesn't do this with her. So in that respect I feel that I'm superior and that he does need me, want me, like me... love me? who knows... I am starting to realize that I may never get over this obsession with this girl because she so often interrupts and interferes with our relationship just by emailing - it seems to throw him out of wack - and sometimes when he gets home from work on a day when I know she's emailed him and he's emailed her he acts differently around me - he's a lot more irritable with me - that tells me his mind is somewhere else. Perhaps still on her... I'm working up the courage at the moment but I will have to let him go. I cannot maintain a relationship with someone who is mentally living out memories from the past and the "what if's" that never happened (all relating to his ex). Sometimes I can't help but wonder what she thinks she's doing? She knows he has a girlfriend and yet still she's persistently emailing him - after she said so herself - she would never want to get in between the two of us (my boyfriend and myself...) I think she does. And because he doesn't put her in her rightful place I can't be with him anymore. A good hint that he's not into me is the fact that when he emails his friends and family - he never speaks of me. Everything that we do - together - he always tells everyone "I did this" "I went there" "I'm going here..." and so on - it's never "we" - I'm never included. He never mentions me. It's almost as though I don't even exist. So why should I continue to exist in his life? It's wasting my life... All those endless efforts to salvage a broken relationship - it's exhausting. I may have my problem with his ex but he seems to have a problem of his own... Link to post Share on other sites
chinkette Posted February 29, 2004 Share Posted February 29, 2004 Hi, I posted here before in this forum (read my situation HERE ) yes, it's been 6 months but I'm still bothered by this whole obsessed-with-bf's-ex thing... thoughts anyone? Link to post Share on other sites
kickinem Posted March 1, 2004 Share Posted March 1, 2004 I think that you are a lovely person, you are just a bit confused and insecure. Link to post Share on other sites
tracey619 Posted March 1, 2004 Share Posted March 1, 2004 i can't believe i've finally found a forum were i can vent!!!! this is a great place!!!! here's my story...i'm not quite sure if this is all in my head, or it really is him. my current boyfriend was single for a little over a year when we met. he lived with someone for 2 years prior to that (and went out for 3...i think) and all i know is that she broke up with him and he loved her. he still lives in the apartment they lived in, has pictures of her in photo albums (which actually doesn't bother, as so do i), has the cats she gave him, her email address still in his computer, etc, etc... but the thing is, it's obvious he feels he got screwed over in his past realtionship. i hear all the time about how she took everything of his and now he doesn't have anything. i feel since there is so much anger still towards her, he is obviously not over her, or not over the break-up. and if that's the case, how can he be in a realtionship with me now??? does this make sense?? i feel as if i can't tell if he's just being a boy and doesn't realize this, or that he is fact over her. of course, he says he is over it, but it's still nagging in the back of my head. i have asked my friends and they go either way..i'd really like an unbiased opinion!!! any thoughts??? am i just being insecure and jealous??? or do you think he's really not over her and i should move on?? whew. feels good to get this out! Link to post Share on other sites
blueskies84 Posted March 8, 2004 Share Posted March 8, 2004 hi.. like the rest of you said, i thought i was the only one who is "obsessed with her boyfriend's ex". i've been with my boyfriend for eight months now and it's been great. him and his ex broke up a couple of years ago, and at the beginning of our relationship, and even still now, he talks about how bad it was (he was 19 and she was 15), and that their breakup was mostly because of her parents. i know how much he loved her, and his sister even told me that the only thing she had going for her is that she was "cute", and it bothers me sooo much to think that she was even cute. months ago, she would im him and they'd talk online but not very frequently. it just makes me so angry and irritated to think that he was in love with her once, even obsessed with her. i for some reason feel that i have to compete with her. although i know that he regrets the relationship, it bothers me even more to know that he holds nothing bad against her. i told my boyfriend how much this bothers me, and knowing this was his first love, i know i'm constantly being compared to her. he constantly reassures me that i'm better, and that i always come out on top, and that he's never loved anyone has much as he does me in his entire life. then why do i still feel that i have to have her name on my buddy list even though he doesn't anymore; i've even wanted to visit her work just so i can see what she looks like, i guess to see if she's prettier than me. my relationship with my boyfriend is very mature, but now i'm starting to think that it might not be, and guess who's fault that would be.. mine. i need to GET over this! i hate being a jealous person. reading this over, i see how stupid i sound... Link to post Share on other sites
Mariam Posted March 16, 2004 Share Posted March 16, 2004 Hello, I would like some advice! Heres my ordeal , Okay been dating this guy for almost 4 years and we are getting married soon. He has an x-fling who would not leave him alone..after he told her he was interesting in having a real relationship and they were over. She finally left him alone, but before when we started hanging out I always went to his house and did not have a clue she lived across the street. She bought the house across the street the same month we started dating. He does not talk to her and has made it clear to her in front of me a couple of years ago not to call the house. She has played some tricks on me a long time ago, I often think about her, it is hard not too. She drives by the house to get home to hers. How can I forget about a ghost from the past when she keeps appearing? What is the best advice? We are not going to move out becuase of her! thanks Link to post Share on other sites
kara Posted March 16, 2004 Share Posted March 16, 2004 Hey there, this thread needs renewing, just posting another one. The above sounds like a serious problem and the woman might be dangerous, moving to the house across the street...WOW... I would say report her to the police if she does anything reportable, you know what I mean... Link to post Share on other sites
Ms.Michigan Posted March 16, 2004 Share Posted March 16, 2004 Whoops, Hi. Well, i am definalety glad i found this forum. I totally understand how you feel. Its killing me right now. I have only been with my guy( we are both college grads) for 5 months, while he was with " her" for 2 and a half years, and was single for a whole year before me. The relatinship between him and I is new. My first rule i pounded on him, was NOT to speak about the EX. A simple rule, that can be so deadly to me. He tries hard not to mention her name, so he will recall to her as " my freind", or " some girl i knew". I dont understand why he needs to bring her up, or what she liked too. It hurts me so much. The other day he showed me a photo albulm that i did not want to see. The photo alboulm had photos of him and his Ex , as well as photos of his freinds. I had told him before i did not want to see them, for some reason he pulled it out in front of me. Almost every page he turned my heart broke. She looked liked an older girl, she wasnt as beautiful, but they looked so in love in the photos, and she had a killer body. That night, i was so heart broken that i couldnt even speak. I have not spoken to him since, but i am still hurt. I feel as if i shouldt be, and that i am being irrational. I want to call things off, and i think i am gonna break up with him very soon. All because i cant control this jealous, hurtfull obession. Just my thoughts. My weird thoughts. I wish I just knew how to overcome them. Link to post Share on other sites
jlove421 Posted March 16, 2004 Share Posted March 16, 2004 I completely understand about the X issue. Unfortunately, I think that it is very common with women. I've been with my boyfriend almost 3 years. He had a girlfriend (his first love) all through high school until he was 19. They were broken up for 2 years when we first met, but I guess because she left him I felt insecure. I'm just like a lot of you women...looking at pictures when he's not around. All can say is that they are with us for a reason. If they wanted to be with their ex then they could be. Insecurity is very unattractive to men, so we need to try and be secure with them and save the insecurities for girlfriends or this message board. Link to post Share on other sites
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