tessaprn Posted June 2, 2008 Share Posted June 2, 2008 Do I have some sort of mental problem because I do not like my own mother. I feel absolutely nothing for her. It requires too much energy to even waste my time hating her. I feel only anger. She's opinionated, racist, talks too loud, does care what she says or who may hear it. I cannot begin to count how often in my lifetime she has embarrassed me in public. I have a brother and sister she has done the same to. I hate Mother's Day because I have an awful time finding a card to give her. The same with her birthday. If she does anything to help either of us she never lets us forget it and never mentions the things we have done for her. Her grandchildren don't like her. She says she does not have money, but never misses a trip to Tunica. Somebody please please tell me if I'm going to hell for breaking that honor their mother and father one. I just want her to leave me alone. I'm tired of the constant nastiness from her. Link to post Share on other sites
Miss Stress Posted June 2, 2008 Share Posted June 2, 2008 No ... you are not crazy. If she was not your mother would you have her as a friend? I doubt it. I was about to start my own thread that says alot worse. Hopefully we can both find some answers or advice. I will not shed one tear when she leaves this world. My two brothers and myself will be celebrating on her grave. Link to post Share on other sites
GPFan Posted June 2, 2008 Share Posted June 2, 2008 Somebody please please tell me if I'm going to hell for breaking that honor their mother and father one. I just want her to leave me alone. I'm tired of the constant nastiness from her.No, you aren't going to hell! Wouldn't you agree that this situation is about as close to hell as you can get? Your Mother is toxic. This isn't a revelation nor is it unique (sad to say). The key is boundaries. Establish boundaries with her, communicate your boundaries clearly and be ready to act decisively. One book that may help you is Toxic Relationships by Clinton McLemore. Link to post Share on other sites
Author tessaprn Posted June 3, 2008 Author Share Posted June 3, 2008 This woman is evil. I have tried kindness, including her in family gatherings (where she embarrasses just about everyone in some way). This woman is all about money. She gambles. This crazy woman will go back 20 years to remind you that she loaned money for a coke and now expects it back with interest. She lies and lies. She lies so much she gets herself confused. I do not know if it is me or her that could use some psych help. I don't like her, I don't love her, I don't hate her, If I meet her on the street I could easily walk right on by. I do not wish harm or death for her. I just want her to go away and leave me alone. Link to post Share on other sites
Curmudgeon Posted June 3, 2008 Share Posted June 3, 2008 Somebody please please tell me if I'm going to hell for breaking that honor their mother and father one. I just want her to leave me alone. I'm tired of the constant nastiness from her. You honor her by not getting into it with her, by wishing your relationship was better and by having the wisdom to know she's toxic and still caring enough to remember her for special events. You need do no more nor apologize for anyting. Link to post Share on other sites
suzyq83 Posted July 12, 2008 Share Posted July 12, 2008 Do I have some sort of mental problem because I do not like my own mother. I feel absolutely nothing for her. It requires too much energy to even waste my time hating her. I feel only anger. She's opinionated, racist, talks too loud, does care what she says or who may hear it. I cannot begin to count how often in my lifetime she has embarrassed me in public. I have a brother and sister she has done the same to. I hate Mother's Day because I have an awful time finding a card to give her. The same with her birthday. If she does anything to help either of us she never lets us forget it and never mentions the things we have done for her. Her grandchildren don't like her. She says she does not have money, but never misses a trip to Tunica. Somebody please please tell me if I'm going to hell for breaking that honor their mother and father one. I just want her to leave me alone. I'm tired of the constant nastiness from her. Everyone goes thru some of feeling that way, when young, It can last for a short while or for some years. It will pass. All get embarrassed for awhile by their parents. You already know what you need -- you want her to leave you alone. Tell her. If it doesn't work, then tell her again what you want her to leave you alone about, until she stops. Give her time. She wants her kids to appreciate her, and all that she has done for you all. Give her some appreciation. It is hard, parents spend like 25 years of life, esp when raising more than one kid, and they set alot aside for their kids. Everyone owes their parents respect and gratitude for all that they did. Ppl become bitter when no one appreciates all that they did. When you are older, you will feel that way. Just don't emotionally flatten out on her -- that is too sad, and not a good thing to practice for your own self, emotionally, any way. Tell your Mom you love her. Be the one kid who does appreciate her, she probably feels her whole family doesn't like her, and these are ppl she gave BIRTH to and her grnadchildren. That is a scary feeling, I am sure. You won't go to hell, for feeling what you do, but look yourself in the eye, and ask how, in a few years, you will have wanted to handle this experience best. Don't join in on the gripe mode with the others, about your Mom. Link to post Share on other sites
suzyq83 Posted July 12, 2008 Share Posted July 12, 2008 No ... you are not crazy. If she was not your mother would you have her as a friend? I doubt it. I was about to start my own thread that says alot worse. Hopefully we can both find some answers or advice. I will not shed one tear when she leaves this world. My two brothers and myself will be celebrating on her grave. When my mother died, while she was terminally ill and sharing joys in her life, and memories, with me --- I can only say that I knew at that moment, that we fail so much in life, to truly value eachother's wonder and individuality enough, until we are about to lose them. The saying too, what goes around comes around, you will not want your children feeling that way about you when you are a mother. Think about it. What you practice now, will come through in your own children's attitudes. They will have learned it from you. Link to post Share on other sites
suzyq83 Posted July 12, 2008 Share Posted July 12, 2008 This woman is evil. I have tried kindness, including her in family gatherings (where she embarrasses just about everyone in some way). This woman is all about money. She gambles. This crazy woman will go back 20 years to remind you that she loaned money for a coke and now expects it back with interest. She lies and lies. She lies so much she gets herself confused. I do not know if it is me or her that could use some psych help. I don't like her, I don't love her, I don't hate her, If I meet her on the street I could easily walk right on by. I do not wish harm or death for her. I just want her to go away and leave me alone. It sounds like she is in need of some help, but you can't make her get help. You can lovingly tell her you think her life would be happier if she got some. You can even offer to go with her. But gambling in a sickness. Lying is also. Recognizing that someone has issues, helps to not hate them, but to have compassion. Sounds like issues to me, moreso than just plain evil. God, the mind can be a slippery thing, what it can lead ppl to. I wish you the best, honestly. But love her, with or without her issues, any way. As best as you can. Link to post Share on other sites
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