Crush on co-worker

[Keebler Elf]

Hello everyone,

 

A little over a year ago I got a new office mate. Over the past year we became good friends. From the beginning I thought she was cute, but I never had any desire to be with her. All this changed a couple of months ago. I don't know what triggered it, but I suddenly had her on my mind constantly. Eventually that feeling went away again. She is currently dating someone else at work, and she is absolutely head over heels for this guy. They have been dating for 9 months now, and I have to say, they do make a cute couple. The problem is that he has never told her that he loved her until ... well, let me set this up for you!

 

OK, he was looking for a job and he recently accepted one that is out of State. He told her and added that he wanted to break up. She was (and still is) completely destroyed. Oh yeah, that same night he told her that he did love her, but he was afraid that he would fall out of love and hurt her, so he still wanted to break up. I've never heard of anything that ridiculous in my life. Of course she bought it, because she's not in the most rational state of mind at the moment. Perhaps deep down she knows it's all bulls***.

 

This took place about a week ago and we have talked about this several times, because we are good friends. I told her what I think about the situation (she didn't like my opinion). Many others have told her the same over the past few weeks, because it is pretty obvious that this guy isn't really in love with her. Well, after these conversations I really feel like she gave me peek at her soul. I know who she is now. Her little quirks are just a front to hide the pain and anguish. Perhaps my compassion kicked in, but I want to catch her. Does that make sense? I saw her for who she is and what she wants, and a lot of her desires, wants, and needs are in line with what I want. To make a long story short, I'm falling for her. I can still hold back. It wouldn't crush me if we never hooked up, but I really want to.

 

To make matters worse, this douche bag told her that "maybe" they can have a long distance thing. That's borderline evil, because it's blatantly obvious that he wants to cut her loose and to leave her hanging on a string like that is obscene at best. On the positive side, I think she's coming to terms with the idea that it's over. Perhaps she needed that "maybe" to carry her over.

 

Now a few details about us. We got along from day one. We have the same sense of humor. We're smart, kind of geeky, but still cool! I always sensed some type of sexual tension, or weird chemistry between us, even before I started liking her as more than a friend, but maybe I was mistaken. I notice her standing fairly close to me in situations where there is plenty of room, sometimes she brushes up against me. We are playful with each other and act like a bunch of teenagers sometimes. We generally have a good time when we're alone (office, lunch, etc.). Since we only see each other at work, we try to remain professional when people are around, but we still joke around a lot.

 

Here are some signs that I picked up on (I'll repeat the one's above) and you tell me if that means anything:

 

1. Standing at close proximity to each other

2. Occasional brushing up

3. We laugh together with an almost childish, silly humor

4. She has told me about her past relationships in detail

5. She has recently mentioned that she has an STD (herpes)

6. She has told me about some of her sexual fetishes (it's PG-13, so nothing too radical)

7. She tends to bump into my legs at restaurants (I might be reaching here)

8. She almost always puts her foot up on my side of the bench when we go out

9. She has had several Freudian slips, calling me by her bf's name

 

OK, I know some of those sound like I'm reading too much into it, but I don't know. We all do those subtle things. What does #9 mean? Do I remind her of her bf, or does she merely think of (and rather be with) him at that time? And some of the stuff she said to me in confidence, such as her STD. You don't say that to just anyone. I just want to know how to interpret these signs. Maybe she just considers me a good friend and I'm crazy. I mean, why would she feel anything about me when she is so in love with this guy? She said that she was hoping for a car to hit her, because after he is gone, life would be utterly pointless. Besides the obvious implications of such a statement, I'm afraid that she could care less about me beyond friendship.

 

All right, I do have one more thing. It's not a small matter. I'm currently married, but it has been going downhill for some time now, even before I met my office crush. I'm fairly certain that we won't make it much longer. My office mate knows about the state of my marriage. We're sort of like in the same boat now. That's another thing that could be a cause for concern. I don't want a double rebound here. That would be awful, although I don't think she's that kind of person. She is looking for her husband to have a family with.

 

OK, folks. What do you think? Can you interpret some of those signs? Plus, have you had any experience with any of the circumstances I described?

 

Thank you!

[J2FT1]

I heard that if a girl talks to you about her relationtionships (especially in detail), you are in the "friend-zone". Sorry I couldn't help much.

[Keebler Elf]

I heard that if a girl talks to you about her relationtionships (especially in detail), you are in the "friend-zone". Sorry I couldn't help much.

Well, that sucks!

 

Back to the drawing board then.

[J2FT1]

Well, that sucks!

 

Back to the drawing board then.

 

No! Not back the drawing board. LOL. This is a only a generalization. Generally speaking, women that talk to "guys" about their relationships consider them "friends." She could also be seeking attention.