jeff10251970 Posted June 2, 2008 Share Posted June 2, 2008 I caught my girlfriend of 6 months emailing, texting amd calling her ex boyfriend. They were together for 4 years. He (according to her) was a total donkey........she did everything the guy asked her to do....3sums with another girl (2 times) and even tried out swinging (1 time). She left him to be with me. From the time she left she said she never wanted to talk to him again or hear from him. Every so often she would say he called her or her son. I asked if that was the only time he called and she said yes. I also asked if she ever called him, she said no. As time went on he would call and I would find out....I finally lost my temper and made her change the phone numbers. After that I (for the first time) looked at the billing details of her cell phone and discovered she had not only been calling him, but texting as well. She would do it on her way taking her soon to school or picking him up. Then she even texted for over a hour one night while I was asleep in the other room. I feel betrayed, and she is apoligetic etc, but I feel CHEATED on. All I get in response is she needed closure....she wanted to know why he didnt want to be a family.....yet I was and am here doing JUST that...... Link to post Share on other sites
Author jeff10251970 Posted June 2, 2008 Author Share Posted June 2, 2008 did I mention that this guy never did anything with her son....treated him like he was baggage......smoked pot every single day numerous times....and stayed drunk. I on the other hand work, get paid well, and view her son as my own. She has said she is sorry, and cried....but I want to know the TRUTH. I just can't see anyone needing closure to that kinda guy, when she has ME right here with her. Link to post Share on other sites
GPFan Posted June 2, 2008 Share Posted June 2, 2008 I... All I get in response is she needed closure....she wanted to know why he didnt want to be a family.....yet I was and am here doing JUST that......She isn't done with him on an emotional level. ... I just can't see anyone needing closure to that kinda guy, when she has ME right here with her.She doesn't realise yet that she has to find closure within herself. He couldn't give it her even if he wanted. You might suggest she locate a few good books on breaking up, do some reading and journal her feelings. Nothing good can come of this if she doesn't find closure she needs within herself. Link to post Share on other sites
shakenandstirred Posted June 2, 2008 Share Posted June 2, 2008 Women get very emotionally attached. She is trying to reason why he wouldn't do the right thing. It is obvious that he wasn't prone to doing the right things. She is wrong for lying and I can understand you feeling betrayed. The only person that can provide closure on this situation is her. She needs to just let it go. She obviously still has feelings for him. He's a bad boy and women want to always try to fix the bad boy. However most bad boys can't be fixed, they want to be who they are. I agree with GPFan. She needs to read some books on breaking up and also some on self esteem. Link to post Share on other sites
theobserver Posted June 2, 2008 Share Posted June 2, 2008 I agree with others now unless the texts and emails are specifically sexual then she is just having a hell of a hard time getting over him emotionally and why he did what he did etc. I've seen it a million times I've had a girlfriend in the past who did the same and I know how annoying it is and how the betrayal is. However with my girlfriend there was no issue on wanting to go back just a compulsive need to know why? The problem is when someone gets that "why" they think that they can fix it, they'll possible then go back and leave you and of course chances are it wont work out again but they've ruined the one thing they did need and had (a stable relationship) because they couldn't let it go. I do think that she's overdoing it with contact. It wasn't established if he was the childs father or if they just had a longer relationship to where the child has a longer relationship with him as a step-fatherish figure hence the family comment. I would talk to her again, tell her your trying to make a beautiful future for the 3 of you but if shes not on the same page and she is just waiting for her ex to clean up to play happy family this isn't going to work. Presuming you can deal with dumping her do so if she admits she just wants him back and your just a mid-way. If you're supporting her and the child don't exactly kick them out help them find somewhere to go, Parents etc? but not to him. Or just keep them at yours if she refuses to leave " I have no where to go " *rolls eyes* but enjoy yourself and start having women over *nod* Good Luck. Don't get too angry, there's a child in the house try to keep it civil. Link to post Share on other sites
Untouchable_Fire Posted June 2, 2008 Share Posted June 2, 2008 Then she even texted for over a hour one night while I was asleep in the other room. I feel betrayed, and she is apoligetic etc, but I feel CHEATED on. All I get in response is she needed closure....she wanted to know why he didnt want to be a family.....yet I was and am here doing JUST that...... You should feel cheated on! Closure is for people who still have feelings involved. What do you plan to do about it? Link to post Share on other sites
Bryanp Posted June 2, 2008 Share Posted June 2, 2008 You judge a person by their actions and not by their words. She has been constantly lying to you. She does not respect you or your relationship. I hate to be harsh but it sounds like you are the safety net guy and she is still in love with the other guy. Clearly she has no problems lying to you so my question is why in the world are you still with her? Time to move on and find someone who respects you and respects a relationship because she clearly does not. If you do not respect yourself then who will? Link to post Share on other sites
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