should i be upset that he went 2 the strip club??

[BluSkyy02]

 

 

recently my bf of 4 years started hanging out with a new group of guys, one of them is in a relationship but i think he cheats, and the rest don't have gf's. i sometimes hang out with them which is cool most of the time, b4 my bf started hanging out with them he used to spend all of his time with me. but i think it is cool for him to have friends of his own. last week we were at Ruby Tuesday's and it was me, my bf, and 6 of his friends. after we were done eating i heard one of the guys mention the strip club, and they started making arrangements for rides, my bf and i got in the car to drive me home and then he turns and asks me if i was ready to go home, meanwhile his friends are following him to my house, i was soo pissed, well he told me he went, and i was heart broken, i am still kinda upset with him...is this normal?? but if the shoe were on the other foot he would be upset. please help me understand why guys go to strip clubs if they have gf at home.

 

Thanks

[Tony T]

When guys get together they behave differently. He probably felt some peer pressure to go to the strip club. It's also a natural instinct for men to enjoying looking at strange female anatomy. Now, if he paid $20 for a lap dance, I'd dance out of his life if I were you....but I don't see a problem of him watching. I can certainly understand your being hurt at his enthusiasm for going to the strip club, but again I think it was because all his friends were going.

 

If I were you, I would let him know just how you felt. If going to the strip club becomes a regular thing for him, you ought to make yourself an irregular thing for him.

[MarieW]

I agree. Peer pressure can be huge.

From a female point of view and being quite an insecure one at that, I would go nuts if my boyfriend went to a strip club. Okay, men like to look at naked women and that's normal and fine as is a SINGLE man going to a strip club, that's what these places are there for!!

But I think if a man is happy in his relationship, he shouldn't need the added stimulus of other naked women, he should be happy with what he's got.

Your guy probably IS happy with you and probably feels he has to go to this club because his mates are going. But if it upsets you, then tell him. Out of respect for you he shouldn't go.

It's different when they see naked women on tv or in magazines etc but if a guy who is in a relationship SEEKS out this kind of thing I don't think it's right, it could symbolise a problem in the relationship...like guys who are addicted to porn, many of them are unhappy with their sex life or they just don't have one at all.

Just tell him how you feel. If he still goes then I guess the popular opinion would be that he's only looking, although I wouldn't see it that way. Mind you I'm a pretty paranoid girlie.

Good luck!

[my_mother's_daughter]

This doesn't seem to be a question of whether it's right for you to be p*d at him, because everyone will have a different opinion on that. What you can't deny though is that, right or wrong, you ARE upset about it and that in itself speaks volumes.

 

The peer pressure argument is a reasonable, and possibly accurate reason why he did it the first time, and if he agrees not to go again cos it upsets you then case closed, forget about it and move on. If however he continues to visit fully aware that it hurts you, then he is being disrespectful and then you will need to think whether that relationship has a future. And don't listen to any excuses that involve needing to do it to keep his friends, cos if his friends don't respect his and your wishes, then they're not friends worth keeping.

xx

[Gray]

You nailed it. I remember another post like this, and I don't understand these women, ASKING if they should be upset.

 

Should you be? Strip clubs are legal. They don't allow touching and theres no way your husband could cheat with them. So should you be upset, no you shouldn't.

 

ARE you upset is the big question here. If you are, then you need to talk to him about it. We're not going to be able to give you advice on how you should feel.

[wideawake]

Originally posted by Gray

Strip clubs are legal. They don't allow touching and theres no way your husband could cheat with them. So should you be upset, no you shouldn't.

 

Not sure about the whole 'touching' deal, this must be state or county dependent. I've been to a few clubs that allowed way more than just touching, i.e., lap dances and all.

 

And let's be honest...strip clubs are not exactly known for their staunch support of legalities...I've been proposioned a few times by strippers for a little extra fun in the VIP room.

 

This was in my younger days, and no I never did ANYTHING other than watch, but I know a few guys that have had pretty much anything they wanted at a few of these clubs.

 

Strip clubs are nasty...I think you should let him know that they piss you off and to avoid them.

 

Screw the whole peer pressure deal.

[NEONINK]

"Should you be? Strip clubs are legal. They don't allow touching and theres no way your husband could cheat with them. So should you be upset, no you shouldn't."

 

Are you kidding me? Oh my God! There's a lot of things illegal that take place. I dated a stripper, only dated mind you, and you would not believe what goes on. Go out back and get a bj, for a price of course, etc...

 

Sorry, those places aren't Disneyland, they are sexed up and the strippers are sometimes coked up!

[Gray]

Neon, I think you missed the whole point of my previous post.

[km82794]

Maybe it's just me, but I think I would be more upset that your boyfriend was driving you home, with his friends following behind, purposely ditching you and going to a strip club. To me, it just seems like he was putting his friends and a bunch of strippers before you.

 

So I ask, did you have to go home for a reason, or was he just being rude and taking you home?

 

If not, I would be highly p.o.'d over that in itself. My favorite person above all is my boyfriend. I would much rather spend my entire night with him, than drop him off and go see the Chippendales with my buddies.

 

Turn the situation around, would you tell your boyfriend "Well hon, nights over, you're going home and me and the girls are going to the bar?" I highly doubt it!!!!

 

MY THOUGHTS ON STRIP CLUBS....

There isn't anything there that he could take home to Mom. Most men are fully aware of the dangers of doing the nasty with a stripper.

 

I see it this way, God gave you eyes for a reason, to look, but as long as it doesn't go past looking, you are reaping the benefits of all their (strippers) hard work.

 

My ex used to go and I had no problem with it, because I fully trusted him, he got all hot and bothered and I was the one who

reaped all the benefits when he got home. Hell, I even went with him once, and laughed the whole time, UNTIL of of them nasty things started hittin on me. Can you say Ewwww!!!

[MarieW]

Congratulations! You sound very sad. Can't you get a normal girl who doesn't have to take her clothes off for a living?

[Stone]

O.k. I am what you would call a Stripper ( exotic dancer preferred) and have been working in Fla clubs for over 3 years. Just for some education 65% of men that frequent the clubs are married or in a relationship! Most men are free to tell us ( dancers) that they are attached and I assure you that the dancers are the least bit intrested in your man.( Please don't take offense) they are there to work and make money to flirt, dance, be sexy and make the man feel good! that is their job and when the guy leaves we're just looking for another one to hit up! for a $20 lap dance. Most clubs don't solicit postitution and girls don't usually date customers and if they do the customers are filthy rich! I don't think it's any diffrent than looking at porn on the net or magisines actually it's less provoctiave and more personal. but men just like to look and sometimes there stupid enough to give us $20.00 to look for 3 minutes or more.

 

also, I would like to add that dancers can be verry pushy and presistant. basically when your in a strip club it is customary to spend money if you don't the girls will make you feel like a peice of sh**.

[my_mother's_daughter]

65%? You conducted a survey? Bet the punters weren't so keen on that one

[Stone]

To marie W post

"Can't you find a normal girl who doesn't take her clothes off for a living"

 

not all dancers are like that! I for one am a stripper and am verry normal! I am a single mother of a disabled child, am educated and have a real job during they day and strip a couple times a week cause I can make $2,000.00 in 3 nights! Not all of us are hores and " abnormal" some of us are working through school and raising our children on our own with out going on Welfare and having the goverment pay. But of course shallow minded people like you have to sterotype everything!

[Stone]

my-mothers-daughter No I didn't conduct a survey ...Playboy did

[my_mother's_daughter]

Playboy. Ah, that organisation is renowned for its reputable statisticians!!!

 

I'm only teasing ya.

xx

[Jonna]

I went through the same exact thing with my boyfriend, who went to a strip club with his friends. I was SO angry. And hurt as well. I felt like I wasn't good enough or something. Well he didn't think he did anything wrong, and didn't make me feel better about the whole situation either, which has made me even more insecure.

[akascha303]

hey out there,

i actually ended up on this site and in this discussion about that specific issue accidentally.

i'm german, so sorry for any mistakes.

a lot of stuff has been said here that i think is right, but i was wondering how long its gonna take that somebody says something about the way this whole incident happened.

somebody said how bad it is to get your girlfriend home first and then go to some stripclub, people heve been discussing the general necessity or opposite of stripclubs and so on.

its interesting to see how in the end its not about blueskys problem anymore, but about the general opinion about going to stripclubs.

 

first for bluesky:

i think its a pretty normal reaction to feel hurt, when your boyfriend goes to stripclubs, its simply something that questions your selfesteem and suddenly confronts you with some unknown (goodlooking) "enemy".

nevertheless i think you should show some appreciation fot the fact, that your boyfriend did this without trying to hide it.

to me that means hes not questioning your relationship or anything, he loves you, but he wants some new excitement.

YOU are the person whos having a problem here.

guys on the average don't like to tell their girlfiends that they like to see some naked ass and some chick turning them on. you know why? because they fear exactly the reaction you had.

you feel intimidated in your role as his girlfriend? well you should, cause maybe you don't pay enough attention to the needs or little fantasies of your boyfriend.

i'm not saying that its your job to fulfill them all, 'cause in a relationship only what both like should be ok, but at least you should be able to talk about ****.

it doesn't matter where he gets the appetite, as long as he eats at home, mh?

take this whole incident as a signal and pay more attention to the needs and wishes of your bf. of course his ass ought to do the same!

if everything was ok in your relationship, what would you have to worry about.

you do worry, so do something about it. most of all relationship problems happen due to a lack of communication and attention. especially after quite a while, cause you take things for granted and you fall into some kind of relationship habit. but a relationship is something dynamic, thats wants to be taken care of.

don't make the mistake to only think what he might have been doing wrong, but also what you might have done tht caused it.

 

generally:

i'm a guy - of course i like to see some ass and pu**y, but that doesnt mean that i would ever cheat on my girlfriend. a quick shag with some hot chick could never conquer the value that my relationship has - so i think twice before i'd do that. if it happens, something was wrong before. so i should sort that out.

i don't feel very well in strip clubs, although of course i like to see the hotties. but i feel reduced to my instinct of beeing a man that can f**k. and i think i have more to offer than only that. (still i like to f**k :-)).

women that work in stripclubs often like to feel their superiority, cause when it comes to pu**y men are so predictable. they make our brain drop into our pants and thats a place where the play the game! don't hate the player, hate the game.

but when i go there i should be aware of that. how cool can i feel, if i have to pay for a shag.

nobodys givin' me any for free? how poor is that. and if it is about to get some fantasies fullfilled that my partner can't take care of it is in fact wether the wrong partner or disrespect.

 

i don't like those tunnelvisioned black or white opinions. cause will bring reaction - and when **** hits the fan its always at least 2 involved. one that acts, and one that causes the action.

sort your **** out by talking - IN ADVANCE!!!!

 

by the way - my girlfriend is a former stripper too, and in the beginning i had a problem with that too. i thought "am i dating some dirty ho here?" but then realised that it was a problem in my head and not within our realtionship! since i got over that (she tought me how to get over my conservative german attitude) i feel way more free and easy.

 

cheers

andre

[Angel]

If it bothers you, it bothers you.

 

How old is he? It takes some a little bit of immaturity to be influenced by your peers like that and if that is the case, beware. If it is that he enjoys strip clubs, beware. To be forewarned is to be forearmed. LISTEN to his actions.

 

Hope this was helpful.