smileysmile Posted June 2, 2008 Share Posted June 2, 2008 Any bitter ex wives out there? Be honest. Tell me why your bitter first? Over your ex hubby. Did he cheat on you? Did he ruin your dreams? What exactly makes you ex wives bitter? Why don't you just let it go. Or maybe you still have feelings for the ex? Have you used your kids as pawns against your ex? Be honest. Life is to damn short for bitterness and resentment. Link to post Share on other sites
Mz. Pixie Posted June 3, 2008 Share Posted June 3, 2008 Any bitter ex wives out there? Be honest. I'm not bitter just sometimes angry because he got away with everything he did to end our marriage just because I had an affair. Why don't you just let it go. Or maybe you still have feelings for the ex? No feeling still for the ex- except respect as the father of my children and a few fond memories. Have you used your kids as pawns against your ex? Be honest. NEVER. Never would either. I'm not going to use them to run my emotional agenda. In fact when I've had the chance to reply to some comments they have made about how daddy doesn't love them like I do- I always tell them that he does and things like that. If I wanted to use them as pawns I could have taken that opportunity to slam him. But that would hurt my kids and I'm not going to do that. Why are you asking these questions? Got a bitter ex wife? Link to post Share on other sites
Author smileysmile Posted June 3, 2008 Author Share Posted June 3, 2008 I'm not bitter just sometimes angry because he got away with everything he did to end our marriage just because I had an affair. Wow! Am I reading this right you admitting to an affair?? Well your circumstances are different then. My STBXW is bitter VERY bitter actually because I had put her where she is today as a single parent. If, according to her I had treated her decent and acted 'normal' which I occasionally did then we would still be together. We were a perfect couple but if you search for my original posts you will know my situation. I did treat her decent etc it was just my anger when frustrated with misinterpreting things that were said so it was a lot to do with communication with us. I used hurtful words like "I wish I was back with my ex" or/and "my ex was my soulmate." Yes, I did not mean them but totally unjustified. This is my problem I have to deal with. I am regretting these words everyday and today she is still hurt. Again read my other posts. But she is using D against me and I have no choice than to protect myself and get legal advice regarding visitation with my D and not be stopped when she feels like it. There are alsorts of reasons why ex wives become bitter and it is very common, especially when kids are involved. I am feeling so sad. I wish there was a magic button to turn back the clock. But this makes me smile and cheer up if only for a bit. Britians got talent. I would be very proud if this lad was my lad ..but I am proud to have my daughter. So I am fighting all the way to have my rights. Link to post Share on other sites
tinktronik Posted June 3, 2008 Share Posted June 3, 2008 Nah. Not bitter . But I learned a few things from my exH . How to go for the balls first and not back down because of emotionality. Be as nasty as you can be so that you WIN. Look only to your own best interest and assume whats in your best interest is surly everyone elses as well. Do what-ever you want , always. Really I did learn these things, I have never implemented them, but now I know what works. Link to post Share on other sites
Author smileysmile Posted June 3, 2008 Author Share Posted June 3, 2008 so is the bitterness due to because your hurting? Because you despise your ex? That is a strong adjective. Is the bitterness a sort of a defense because you (the ex wife) have done some wrong doing but you are defending your actions by attacking!? They say the best form of defence is attack. Link to post Share on other sites
Lishy Posted June 3, 2008 Share Posted June 3, 2008 The thing is that when we feel bitter it is because we still feel! When I left my ex (no through my own fault) I was so angry and bitter as his madness ruined my life, I no longer feel bitter I just feel relieved to be away from him! That is when you know you are over it, when you are grateful that they are with someone new and you do not feel one bit bitter anymore! So, yes I did feel bitter and I had every right to, but no I don't anymore! Link to post Share on other sites
Author smileysmile Posted June 3, 2008 Author Share Posted June 3, 2008 Lishy. Good comments. My ex would say the same thing. No fault of her own this has happened. So yes she still FEELS. What did you 'feel?' A sense of loss and broken dreams? 4 weeks ago my ex lost it. When I picked up my D from her house. She then left a message on my home answering machine I only found after I had dropped off my D later that day. She had been feeling low (after 9 mths from our marital home and since the end of end of April 2007) so a long time. She said she was stressed, tired, hurt, upset, fed up, cheesed off. Looking at me (when picking up D) reminds her of the pain that I caused and seeing me being nice and 'normal' winds her up as if I had been 'normal' as I had been occasionally and treated her decent etc then we would still be together but she is still adament she did the right thing since the stunts I pulled this year. She says she will get over it she always does you just caught me at a low ebb. So...what do you figure? I received today the arrangement documentation from her solicitor for our D. I am not entirely happy so I need legal advice. She has dragged ger heels but it was inevitable. So what happens if I keep being 'nice and 'normal?' Do you think this will keep her wound uP!? Do you think the bitterness lessens when you find another man? Or what reason would the bitterness lessen and varnish altogether? Link to post Share on other sites
Lishy Posted June 3, 2008 Share Posted June 3, 2008 She is bitter at you, actually bitter may be the wrong word, I would say she is probably upset at you being nice and normal and wishes you could have been like that when you were together? When you leave someone because they have treated you bad it makes you so upset to see them being nice as that was all you wanted! It sucks that we realise these things too late! Link to post Share on other sites
Author smileysmile Posted June 3, 2008 Author Share Posted June 3, 2008 Exactly and that is coming from a woman who knows eh? I guess you have no children together and you don't have to see each other? You know something I think we men can as well as women but from a man point, we can say some mean and nasty things to the person we love most and who is closet to us and not really mean it. And we are truly remorseful and we beat ourselves up over it. I know you women can bare grudges for years because of it. Why do we do it in the first place? Well my ex reckons it has something to do with being engrained in me from youth when my dad left me at 8 and I have only seen him once in 33 years. But I hate the fact I said hurtful things and caused many of the problems which brought us here. I am a really nice guy and good father to my D. I have a lot of love to give but I let my emotions get the better of me sometimes. Something 'deep rooted' my ex says. I am not a lunatic. I don' have problems outside of this R with friends and family etc. Link to post Share on other sites
Lishy Posted June 3, 2008 Share Posted June 3, 2008 Yeah we do have a child together but it is a long story and not relevant to this thread - The bottom line is that as long as she feels bitter then she is still feeling something! Link to post Share on other sites
Nomad1 Posted June 3, 2008 Share Posted June 3, 2008 Smiley - It appears to me that the problems you are having with your ex are essentially to do with communication. I think that if you completely detach, you will be in a better place. Since you are clearly still attached, you tend to react to things you really shouldn't. Just focus on your role as co-parent. Draw a line under anything that happened between you and stick to it. No one feels happy about divorce unless if they are nuts! I don't think your wife is bitter....she may be angry at a whole heap of things. She may resent it when you are nice to her now as it gives her no reason to be angry with you and she may get angry at that. If you are consistent in your interaction, you might be in a better place to communicate better, not about the old relationship as it is over by the sound of it. But a new relationship as parents, perhaps friends? But you have to accept that she is no longer your wife, but the mother of your daughter. Nomad1 Link to post Share on other sites
2sunny Posted June 3, 2008 Share Posted June 3, 2008 nope - not bitter... grateful really. in retrospect i should have done it many years before i did. i may not have put myself through so much self destruction had i divorced earlier. that's speculation though... never used my kids as a pawn... never will either. Link to post Share on other sites
Author smileysmile Posted June 3, 2008 Author Share Posted June 3, 2008 Nomad You have my word. I am detaching as I think I cannot do anything else that could possibly make things worse than what they have become. I am seeking legal advice this Friday for rights to my daughter. I sent her a nice text at 8pm telling her I have received child arrangements forms. Thank for that. Can I see D on Wednesday or Friday please as I am back to work on Sunday. 3 hrs later no reply but shes making me sweat and wondering what I am up to etc. But now that is it. Seeing me happy etc will probably wind her up but I am not going to react. I am done But it is sad, very sad to hear of all these R breakinng down around us and kids are involved Link to post Share on other sites
Lishy Posted June 3, 2008 Share Posted June 3, 2008 It is better to be apart and single parents than together and miserable! Link to post Share on other sites
Nomad1 Posted June 3, 2008 Share Posted June 3, 2008 When you fully detach you wouldn't even think what she might be thinking. Believe me, if you just chill (I mean being consistent and letting your ex be). Just be yourself, don't act happy for her sake.....you have a right to feel miserable at times too....but if you are happy or miserable it's just because that is genuinely how you feel. Try to engage in an authentic inter-personal relationship with you, your ex and your daughter. Ideally you want to get to a point where all the formalities of the D and certainly access arrangements are negotiated between the two of you without legal intervention! You both sound like intelligent people, why should you pay solicitors to negotiate your parenting arrangements?! Nomad1 Link to post Share on other sites
LakesideDream Posted June 4, 2008 Share Posted June 4, 2008 Not one of the ladies.. but I'll lend my opion anyway. I am occasionally bitter at my walk away ex. Her behavior caused dthe destruction of a 25 year marriage. Literally the best 25 years of my life, my health, my/our success went up in smoke on D-day. I don't think about her often, but when I do the feelings are negetive. Link to post Share on other sites
Ssheena Posted June 4, 2008 Share Posted June 4, 2008 Oh hell yeh, I'm bitter but I'm also glad as all get out not to be married to him anymore. why? Probably because he is living so well and has never had to deal with or accept any responsibility for the ending of our marriage. He just replaced me with another woman, one who was my co-worker, one that I covered for at his store... oh X, yes she's working putting away stuff (when in actuality she was taking her 10th smoke break). Let's see why else... um.. because I've had to raise the kids entirely by myself and have made huge sacrifices and have never gotten any acknowledgment from him on that. Because my parents took his side. Feelings for him - none except hatred. Hate him. Ruin my dreams - changed them, that's for sure. Ruined them, no. Would I/did I speak badly to my kids about him. Some. Not a lot. I managed to keep the fact I wished he had died in the avalanche that his friend died in to myself because I know my kids love him. I did mention to my daughter as she was talking to me about her roommate at college who was sleeping with a guy who had a girlfriend and how the girl had that done to her before and she was hurt by it and how it was wrong, I did say...hmm... sounds like someone I know. He is a filthy, rich spoiled brat who never has had to face any consequences for his behavior. Bitter... just a tad. Link to post Share on other sites
Mz. Pixie Posted June 4, 2008 Share Posted June 4, 2008 Wow! Am I reading this right you admitting to an affair?? Well your circumstances are different then. Yes, I've admitted to having an affair. He was extremely neglectful for years before that. There are lots of my posts on the board about it and affairs. Link to post Share on other sites
MissXena Posted June 4, 2008 Share Posted June 4, 2008 When you leave someone because they have treated you bad it makes you so upset to see them being nice as that was all you wanted! I agree with this 100%. Although, I realize now that, in my case, my H being "nice" to me would have only gone so far but, far enough that our separation and imminent divorce wouldn't be so freaking ugly. Link to post Share on other sites
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