Sarah12385 Posted July 21, 2003 Share Posted July 21, 2003 okay well i've an update for all of you who've been listening to me complain about my bf who's friends hate me blah blah... alright, the center of my "stress" with him, is because when he goes out to the bar, or wherever he IS when he's not with me, he'll call me later and this is how things go: Jon: hey Sarah: hey you (okay fast forward to him telling me what he did...) Sarah: so what you do tonight? Jon: went out w/the friends... Sarah: cool Jon: yeah this girl hit on me tonight... okay stop. now, having to listen to him tell me how so-and-so hit on him, or how this girl flirted with him, it gets REAL old, REAL fast. so this evening, i told him how much it's starting to hurt. he says he tells me that to "tease" me, but it's like he wants me to know "yeah i'm the ****...". and he's not. any advice on what to say to him about this, but at the same time bein subtle...? Link to post Share on other sites
Tony T Posted July 21, 2003 Share Posted July 21, 2003 The next time he starts telling you about women who have hit on him, tell him that mature, adult men keep these kinds of personal details to themselves. Also, tell him it's very rude to talk about these types of encounters with someone he is dating. That's all you have to do. Repeat as needed until you break him of the childish verbage. He's probably doing it to make himself look better to you. Link to post Share on other sites
Bill Posted July 21, 2003 Share Posted July 21, 2003 Fight fire with fire. You know what to do. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Sarah12385 Posted July 21, 2003 Author Share Posted July 21, 2003 well i told my bf "i was at the mall this morning...and these 2 guys were flirting with me soooooooo bad" and he says "WHAT?! WHY?" i was like....i'm kidding. how's it FEEL? he's was like "i'm fine...?" >< he sucks. Link to post Share on other sites
Virginia Lady Posted July 21, 2003 Share Posted July 21, 2003 You sound like me a few years ago. My husband would say and do all kinds of things that hurt me. I hate to say this, because I know that it is hard to hear: a man who acts this way WILL NOT change. If you want him badly enough, you'd better change. When women are too anal about things like this, the man feels more and more pressure to actually lie and cheat. I am not saying that it is your fault, but with this kind of man it is a fact. Let him say what he wants. Try to desensitize yourself to it if you want to stay with him because it will only get worse if you try to control him. If it is too much against who you are, get out now. I would suggest trying to laugh at it and tease him back. You never know, it might give you a sense of freedom and be a turn on for both of you. The more freedom you give him, the less he will want. Trust me on this. Dont learn the painful way, like I did. Now things are good between my husband and me, but he felt so much pressure from our polarization on the subject, that he did a lot of things that really hurt me. Now nothing can hurt me, but the price was a lot of pain. Link to post Share on other sites
jalexy Posted July 21, 2003 Share Posted July 21, 2003 i dunno , i couldnt sacrifice myself like virginia lady did, but more power to her. i think this crap between the two of you needs to stop. you guys need to talk this out and promise to stop doing it. its retarded. i dont even know your man but hes already on my last nerve. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Sarah12385 Posted July 21, 2003 Author Share Posted July 21, 2003 thank you virginia lady, i'll take that to heart what you said. oh i really really REALLY like this guy. i mean, i usually don't take crap from guys, but i dunno what my problem is this time. heh... but thank you. i'll try teasin him back 'n see how that goes thanks again Link to post Share on other sites
jenny Posted July 21, 2003 Share Posted July 21, 2003 any guy i have dated who has done this has been uncertain of himself or uncertain of my feelings for him. most of them grew out of it, and to the one who did not i simply said "when you spend so much conversational time detailing other women it makes me feel devalued and i'd rather be with someone who made me feel good," and dumped him. you only have a certain amount of emotional energy, spend it where you can expect return. (also, weirdly, acting bored while he describes the situations might work much better than getting upset, and then you can go work it out in the gym later. ) tell how it turns out!! best of luck! xoxox j Link to post Share on other sites
Author Sarah12385 Posted July 22, 2003 Author Share Posted July 22, 2003 well li dug myself a hole this evening. *sigh* someone i graduated with shot himself last week. and at the time, Jonathan (the bf) said he'd go with me....a week goes by, every day Jonathan telling me how he wasn't sure bout the funeral thing...so today, the day OF the funeral, he says he's not going. not understand why, we began to argue. now, a while ago, he had told me how his mother died when he was 14, and his grandma died when he was 15. so there i was...bitching about how he was bein silly, blha blah....so he got upset. understandable. i call back twice to apologize ~ no answer. so i called back at 9:30pm when i got in (it's now 10:45pm) 'n he answers....guess who's with him. those two....girls. Joy and Brianne...the girls who hate me. ugh......it was dreadful. i could tell he felt uncomfortable, and i could just feel Brianne talking under her breath. however i apologized for earlier, asked if he forgave me, and he says "............i guess.........hey i'll call you later". >< lol i'm still dumbfounded. maybe i got myself into something a bit too much this time round, hm? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Sarah12385 Posted July 22, 2003 Author Share Posted July 22, 2003 i just read my last post....maybe i'm just over reacting. maybe i'm too "up-in-his-face" about stuff.....do i seem like that to the rest of you? lol i might just be making something out of nothing..... Link to post Share on other sites
yes Posted July 22, 2003 Share Posted July 22, 2003 it sounds like he's more into these two girls than into you. just stop calling him! ... and saying he'll go and cancelling the day of the funeral to spend time with friends instead IS a big deal, i'd probably say GOODBYE (hopefully i would). He's not a good bf is the message I wanted to send. You're better of being single & looking around, than with him. -yes Link to post Share on other sites
Ally Boo Posted July 23, 2003 Share Posted July 23, 2003 yeah, I mean do you really NEED this stress? Link to post Share on other sites
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