Suiyobi Posted June 2, 2008 Share Posted June 2, 2008 Hey everyone, first off I just want to apologize if this thread is in the wrong section of the forum. And if it is, moderators please feel free to move it where appropriate, thanks! Okay, now onto the meat of the package... There's a girl in my class whom I've grown to be rather fond with. We have similar interests, we play around with each other every now and then, and I notice that she's okay with me entering her "personal" space. I think our relationship could grow even stronger if we just gave each other a chance, so we can be more than just friends. Thing is, I haven't been able to tell her how I feel. There was a time (a couple of days ago, actually) when I was so close to telling her that I like her just because I couldn't contain myself anymore, but a topic came up and she ended up revealing that she already had a "boyfriend". Note the quotation marks because apparently at the time she wasn't sure of the relationship between her and that guy. Because of that, I decided to back off. It's not that I don't have balls to tell her how I feel, it's just that I figured it wouldn't be smart at the time to complicate things. At least, that's what I thought... So fast forward to today and although she didn't speak to me directly I did overhear her saying that the guy that she was interested in told her that he wasn't ready for a relationship. So technically, she is single, but the relationship between her and that guy is still pending... You know the phrase, "Three's a crowd"? I'm the third-party. At this moment, I'm not sure if I should go tell her how I feel, or if I should wait for a better time, or if I should just let it all go and be nothing more than a friend to her? I mean, I respect her but I do like her much more than just a friend... Link to post Share on other sites
d0minat3r23 Posted June 3, 2008 Share Posted June 3, 2008 Look man, Im in a similar situation and one of the things I learned is that people tend to jump at the opportunity to tell the girl, but I say to tell her when its just you and her. Seperate yourselves from everyone else and tell her that you understand her situation but you feel for her and that you would like to be with her instead of the a-hole that turned her down. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Suiyobi Posted June 4, 2008 Author Share Posted June 4, 2008 Ah, sorry for the late reply, but thanks for answering my post. I have to figure out how to get her to be alone with me... it seems she always has this other guy who's tagging along with her (whom she already admitted to me that he likes her, but she doesn't return the feeling) and when he's not around, our classmates instead are the ones following us. It's like we always have company... not that I'm saying it's a bad thing, but at the moment, it's kind of inconvenient lol. Link to post Share on other sites
amerikajin Posted June 4, 2008 Share Posted June 4, 2008 Wednesday, I think you shouldn't tell a woman how you feel, just hang out, get to know each other, talk and then, at the right time, if you sense that she's really into you, SHOW her how you feel instead. But don't start off by saying "I like you." Link to post Share on other sites
Author Suiyobi Posted June 4, 2008 Author Share Posted June 4, 2008 Lol awesome, you actually knew what my name meant. And you brought up a good point... maybe it is better to just show her my feelings rather than actually say it. We're supposed to hang out tomorrow but (unfortunately) once again the "other" people are going to be tagging along with us. I wished I could just say, "Hey guys, it's just between me and her" but then that'd make things look suspicious, and it'd also come off as rather rude. Alas, trying to be with her alone seems to be rather impossible at the moment... but I won't lose hope. Not yet anyway... Link to post Share on other sites
Author Suiyobi Posted June 6, 2008 Author Share Posted June 6, 2008 Okay, I'm pretty sure we can edit our posts but for some reason I can't seem to find the button, so forgive me for double-posting lol. But seriously guys, I'm confused about this girl right now. In class (and even outside of class) she seems friendly with me, and in a flirtatious way. But in spite of all that, I keep getting the vibe that she's not really onto me like I had hoped. Just yesterday, she and I were hanging around with a couple of classmates and then she invited a personal friend of hers to tag along. Happened to be a guy friend, of course lol... Saw her kiss him on the cheek when greeting him, didn't think much of it though, but I gotta admit it did shake me up a little inside. Then just when I thought she was onto that guy, I heard her tell him that she has been eye-ing another guy (who happens to be "hot", as she said) at her workplace. And I'm thinking to myself, "Oh God, I've already failed". So if that's truly the case, I guess I should just give up now while I still can, huh? I mean, it's not like I've confessed my feelings to her already so it wouldn't feel like as if I got rejected? Or is she just trying to test me by saying things like this just to see how I would react? Or am I just over-complicating things? If she's not interested in me, why does she have to flirt with me..... Link to post Share on other sites
Mary3 Posted June 9, 2008 Share Posted June 9, 2008 I'm going to give you serious long lasting advice : If you like her DO something ! You better hurry before she puts you in the friendzone and once you enter that....you rarely come out ... Get her alone and kiss her ! If she looks repulsed , you have your answer. If she looks * surprised * you might have a chance,....if she * smiles * you are in ! Hurry Link to post Share on other sites
Author Suiyobi Posted June 9, 2008 Author Share Posted June 9, 2008 Thanks for the tips, Mary3. Lol the kissing part, I wish I could do, it's just getting to be alone with her that's the problem. The only times we ever meet is like during class, because she isn't able to come to school at an early time, and right after class I have work. And when we do manage to have some time together, our classmates our ALWAYS hanging out with us. And during the weekend, she works but I don't. It's like, damn, when can we get some time alone? LOL! I'm sure there are other times that we can get together, I just haven't figured her schedule out yet. I plan on getting her number tomorrow so we can schedule a time. Link to post Share on other sites
Mary3 Posted June 9, 2008 Share Posted June 9, 2008 Thanks for the tips, Mary3. Lol the kissing part, I wish I could do, it's just getting to be alone with her that's the problem. The only times we ever meet is like during class, because she isn't able to come to school at an early time, and right after class I have work. And when we do manage to have some time together, our classmates our ALWAYS hanging out with us. And during the weekend, she works but I don't. It's like, damn, when can we get some time alone? LOL! I'm sure there are other times that we can get together, I just haven't figured her schedule out yet. I plan on getting her number tomorrow so we can schedule a time. Tell her this : " I would like to get your number because I would like to take you out to dinner , just us two . " See how she reacts. Give her time to create something because you do have tight schedules. I would give her 7 days from convo to come up with some kind of way to go out with you. If she can't she is too busy and too busy can signal disinterest... Link to post Share on other sites
Mahatma Posted June 10, 2008 Share Posted June 10, 2008 I'm assuming you are under 20 years old when I say this. I've found that when I'm around girls that like me, they will do and say things like you have mentioned such as saying how they like a certain "guy" or they hug guys around you, kiss on the cheek, or whatever else. From here, they generally see what your reaction is and if you are taken back by it. They do it to find out if you are interested in them too. If she absolutely makes no sign of seeing how it affected you, then you have the right to be kind of worried. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Suiyobi Posted June 11, 2008 Author Share Posted June 11, 2008 I'm assuming you are under 20 years old when I say this. I've found that when I'm around girls that like me, they will do and say things like you have mentioned such as saying how they like a certain "guy" or they hug guys around you, kiss on the cheek, or whatever else. From here, they generally see what your reaction is and if you are taken back by it. They do it to find out if you are interested in them too. If she absolutely makes no sign of seeing how it affected you, then you have the right to be kind of worried. Close, I'm actually 22. But I see your point. I've been reading some stuff and you're right about the "signals". I should definitely be on the cautious side. @ Mary3: Heh, the kissing part may be way too forward but if anything I did manage to exchange numbers with her recently. (Took a while, I know, but I finally got it.) Link to post Share on other sites
missdeathwish Posted June 12, 2008 Share Posted June 12, 2008 You have her number? Well, use it sometime. Just call to say hi, talk about class. :-) See if she wants to get some coffee or something with you after class sometime. Don't sweat it if a few people come and it's a group the first time. If you get along, see if she wants to hang out just the two of you sometime. Then you can get a better idea of her status and how she feels about you. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Suiyobi Posted June 12, 2008 Author Share Posted June 12, 2008 Hehe yeah, thanks for the tip, I really hope it'll play out like that. One thing I do want to find out first, though, is whether she's really single or has she finally formed that official relationship with this other guy she was interested in. I don't want to end up as nothing more than her "rebound" because I sincerely like this girl... I wonder how I'll be able to ask her relationship status this without looking like a needy person, and without stepping into her friend zone? Link to post Share on other sites
Mary3 Posted June 12, 2008 Share Posted June 12, 2008 I would just say " Hey if you aren't seeing anyone I would sure like to take you out to dinner " She then has the option of telling you she does or she doesn't. Either way if you get a turn down , she's not interested in you that way. If she is , she will gladly accept. I say again you really DO need to do something romantic so she understands you are interested in her THAT way. Like hold her hand after dinner , a peck on the cheek, that kind of thing. We want to know if you are interested because we don't make the first move on a guy like kiss. ( Well not normally , but I have been known to do a surprise quick kiss and then I get a smile and a kiss back Link to post Share on other sites
J2FT1 Posted June 12, 2008 Share Posted June 12, 2008 Hehe yeah, thanks for the tip, I really hope it'll play out like that. One thing I do want to find out first, though, is whether she's really single or has she finally formed that official relationship with this other guy she was interested in. I don't want to end up as nothing more than her "rebound" because I sincerely like this girl... I wonder how I'll be able to ask her relationship status this without looking like a needy person, and without stepping into her friend zone? I think if you want to find out you should just be blunt. "Hey, do you have a boyfriend?" You won't sound needy at all and you should not be in the friend-zone because it's a very general question. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Suiyobi Posted June 13, 2008 Author Share Posted June 13, 2008 Thanks for the tips guys. I'll see if I can somehow segway into asking her that question during a conversation. But if I don't get there then I'll bluntly ask her. Hehe, no harm in it, I guess. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Suiyobi Posted June 14, 2008 Author Share Posted June 14, 2008 I don't know how or when, but I think I blew it... I have this serious gut feeling that the girl I like just doesn't seem to like me the same way, despite all the flirting that we did the past couple of weeks. Lately I called her up but she never responded, not even to my voicemail. I assume she's busy, but I dunno... Even a busy person would call back if that person was really interested, even if it's just to say something that'll take only a minute. Man, I was a fool into thinking there was something going on between us in the first place. Link to post Share on other sites
amerikajin Posted June 14, 2008 Share Posted June 14, 2008 I don't know how or when, but I think I blew it... I have this serious gut feeling that the girl I like just doesn't seem to like me the same way, despite all the flirting that we did the past couple of weeks. Lately I called her up but she never responded, not even to my voicemail. I assume she's busy, but I dunno... Even a busy person would call back if that person was really interested, even if it's just to say something that'll take only a minute. Man, I was a fool into thinking there was something going on between us in the first place. Your instincts are right. She's not busy, chief; she's just not that interested. A good rule of thumb to remember in the dating game is that it all comes down to basic human nature. If someone is interested in something - I mean really interested - they usually find a way to get what they're after if the opportunity presents itself. This woman obviously knows your interested, but didn't respond. The opportunity was there, she just didn't take it. Don't beat yourself up over it. You did nothing wrong. You tried, which is better than sitting on your butt, wishing you had the courage to go after girls but doing nothing about it. I think the thing is, if you just learn how to pay attention to the signs of interest and take it from there, dating becomes a lot easier. That was the big breakthrough for me. I remember being so frustrated because I would ask girls out, not having any idea of whether they were interested in me or not. The result was that they would say "no" a lot and I would get really discouraged. But once I learned what interest was, and more importantly, once I learned how to act upon those signs, or pull back when I wasn't getting clear signals, it made approaching women a lot easier for me. A lot easier. I think you'll figure it out in time. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Suiyobi Posted June 15, 2008 Author Share Posted June 15, 2008 You're right, amerikajin... But I have to admit I still feel bummed out. This girl is truly one-of-a-kind. She's into stuff that most people here would consider "the things that only losers would be into", if you catch my drift, yet she's very open about this stuff, AND to top it off she's really pretty. To think that I was able to speak with her on equal grounds and even get to flirt around with her made me feel like I finally found the perfect person I've been searching all my life. But now... I guess there really was no spark between us. I mean, I felt it, but I sense that she herself did not. I'm not going to call her anymore as that would only make me look desperate. I know I have to move on, and I understand that I "did nothing wrong" and that I "tried". You're right, I guess those are the most important things to learn from all of this. She's in my class though so I'm not gonna ignore her or do anything mean, but I'll definitely stop flirting with her. The next couple of days with her is gonna be rather awkward in my opinion. Just have to hang in there, I guess... Link to post Share on other sites
Mary3 Posted June 15, 2008 Share Posted June 15, 2008 You're right, amerikajin... But I have to admit I still feel bummed out. This girl is truly one-of-a-kind. She's into stuff that most people here would consider "the things that only losers would be into", if you catch my drift, yet she's very open about this stuff, AND to top it off she's really pretty. To think that I was able to speak with her on equal grounds and even get to flirt around with her made me feel like I finally found the perfect person I've been searching all my life. But now... I guess there really was no spark between us. I mean, I felt it, but I sense that she herself did not. I'm not going to call her anymore as that would only make me look desperate. I know I have to move on, and I understand that I "did nothing wrong" and that I "tried". You're right, I guess those are the most important things to learn from all of this. She's in my class though so I'm not gonna ignore her or do anything mean, but I'll definitely stop flirting with her. The next couple of days with her is gonna be rather awkward in my opinion. Just have to hang in there, I guess... In your single lifetime you will come across many women. Some you will like and some you will detest. The same with them. They really like 5 things about you and 2 of them they don't. You are right. You can't make how she feels change. She feels how she feels. If you are 100% certain that she is not interested in you that way , then you can move on. I know she was pretty. I know she was special and unique. But believe or not , on our planet there are other pretty special girls and one will be interested in you. Is it easy ? Heck no, I am pretty picky myself but I figure someday I can find the right fit , the right guy for me Link to post Share on other sites
Pluto Posted June 15, 2008 Share Posted June 15, 2008 I try not to get too invested in the early stages of courtship. You should try and do the same. Keep it fun, keep it exciting, but importantly you should keep an open mind to all sorts of scenario's and only tackle these scenario's if and when they present themself to you. I learnt not to get too over excited and I have learnt not to develop feelings easily - it came with being hurt majorly about two and a half years ago aged just sixteen. Just take your mind off of relationships and focus on you and what your interests and I am sure when you least expect another pretty and awesome woman will walk into your life. Seldom look, because you seldom find my friend. You are not Christopher Columbus. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Suiyobi Posted June 16, 2008 Author Share Posted June 16, 2008 @ Mary3: That girl and I managed to hang out again today, together just her and me. (FINALLY!) We learned a little bit more about each other, too. She's a really fun person to be with, so I guess just having a platonic relationship with her won't be so bad afterall. And you're right, some girl out there will be interested in me just as much as I am interested in her. @ Pluto: Heh, thanks for the advice. Lately I've been trying to get this girl off my mind and refocusing my interests. So far it's been pretty hard but I think I'm doing a little better now than I was before. Anyway, you guys are great, thanks for the kind words. We'll see how things play out in the near future... Link to post Share on other sites
D-Lish Posted June 16, 2008 Share Posted June 16, 2008 If you want to rgain some power in this situation, when the two of you hang, ask her questions about other women. Not in the sense where you flaunt it in her face- just general questions like - "I sort of like this girl who works in a coffee shop and I am trying to figure out if I should make a move"... subtle things like that. You can really guage a girls reaction about you when bring up being interested in other women. It's not playing games- it's establishing the friendship as platonic and it's negating any initial thoughts she might have had about you wanting more from her. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Suiyobi Posted June 16, 2008 Author Share Posted June 16, 2008 Hey D-Lish, thanks for the tip! I'll try something like that and see what she says... because I really don't want to give up on this girl just yet until she tells me flat out that she's not interested. Link to post Share on other sites
Pluto Posted June 16, 2008 Share Posted June 16, 2008 Man up and ask her, that way you can get closure. As good as D-Lish advice is, I don't know you would waste your time when you can get closure, it will easier for you to move on. Think about it. Do you definitely know she is not interested in you? Or is it a 'hunch'? Link to post Share on other sites
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