Would now be a good time to tell her, "I like you"?

[Suiyobi]

It's more like a hunch, really. I mean, she doesn't mind hanging out with me and all but as far intimacy is concerned, I just have a "hunch" that she finds me as nothing more than a friend. You're right though, there's nothing as clear as actually going for the closure...

[Mary3]

@ Mary3: That girl and I managed to hang out again today, together just her and me. (FINALLY!) We learned a little bit more about each other, too. She's a really fun person to be with, so I guess just having a platonic relationship with her won't be so bad afterall. And you're right, some girl out there will be interested in me just as much as I am interested in her.

 

@ Pluto: Heh, thanks for the advice. Lately I've been trying to get this girl off my mind and refocusing my interests. So far it's been pretty hard but I think I'm doing a little better now than I was before.

 

Anyway, you guys are great, thanks for the kind words. We'll see how things play out in the near future...

 

I caution you to * be friends * with this girl if you have any feelings for her...Be they sexual , romantic or emotional. If you settle for friends you will likely get hurt when you SEE her with someone else getting all her needs met.

 

You need to once again approach her in a straight romantic way , if she ducks your advances , I would take a break from her for awhile until you get steady feet and start going out with other girls , otherwise you will be hanging on to her , for what ?

To see later if she is going to start liking you in a romantic sorta way ? No , don't do that to yourself...

[amerikajin]

Hey D-Lish, thanks for the tip! I'll try something like that and see what she says... because I really don't want to give up on this girl just yet until she tells me flat out that she's not interested.

 

I respectfully disagree with D-Lish on this one. I doubt she's so dim as to not know that you're just trying to make her jealous, and if she senses that she's being 'gamed' by you, she'll either think you're a schmuck or respect you less because you will have tried a gimmick that she can see through.

 

I mean there is a way you can test her jealousy thermometer, but it doesn't involve walking up and asking questions that are clearly trying to provoke a response. Instead, whenever you're around her, just start talking to other girls. Don't completely ignore this girl, but just stop giving her all of the attention. Share it with other chicks and make your own private notes about how she reacts. Don't focus on one girl either; just strike up a normal conversation with other girls about anything. Heck, you might even get to know them and want to ask one of them out.

 

As someone said earlier, don't invest too much emotion into someone early on - especially before you even get to know them or date them. I know it seems like a game, but that's just what you have to do. If you get wound up over a girl, all you'll end up doing is making yourself nervous and you won't be able to enjoy yourself whenever you see her. You'll end monitoring what you say and acting differently...that's just not worth it. Just relax and don't build someone up until they've actually gotten to know you instead.

 

And oh by the way, do a search and read one of my threads on capturing and keeping women. Heh! heh!

[amerikajin]

I caution you to * be friends * with this girl if you have any feelings for her...Be they sexual , romantic or emotional. If you settle for friends you will likely get hurt when you SEE her with someone else getting all her needs met.

 

You need to once again approach her in a straight romantic way , if she ducks your advances , I would take a break from her for awhile until you get steady feet and start going out with other girls , otherwise you will be hanging on to her , for what ?

To see later if she is going to start liking you in a romantic sorta way ? No , don't do that to yourself...

 

I agree with this post.

 

I think that you can be friends with someone you crush on but not until you have mentally accepted - I mean truly accepted - the fact that you've been rejected and that, for the time being, she has other interests. Actually, though, there are times when you can recover and get someone back who may have dismissed you previously - it's happened to me before on more than one occasion. But you first have to get to the point where you no longer get too bummed and you can accept the outcome either way.

[Suiyobi]

Whoa, thanks for the posts guys!

 

@ Mary3: So far she hasn't really ducked any of my "advances", if you consider flirting as a form of advancement, so maybe I'm still good to go. I want to approach her in a "straight romantic way", although I'm not sure how to go about doing it. (Sorry, as I've said before I'm really new to the whole dating game.) One thing's for sure though, after reading up on a lot of posts on the Internet it seems that telling a girl straight up that you like her is the wrong way to go, i.e. actions speak louder than words. And honestly, I kind of agree with that. But of course I'm open to opinions. You are a lady, Mary3, I would very much like to hear what you have to say on this.

 

@ amerikajin: Yeah, I was actually kind of confused whether to go and do what D-Lish suggested or to hold back as you recommended. So to play it safe, I didn't do anything. Interestingly enough though the girl did open up a little bit to me today, and she said that I'm not like any of the other guys she knows. Something about the way she said that made me feel nice inside, as if I still have a fighting chance. Maybe I really shouldn't give up on this girl just yet...

 

Edit:

 

And oh by the way, do a search and read one of my threads on capturing and keeping women. Heh! heh!

 

Sorry amerikajin, I tried to do a search but I didn't find your thread. Maybe I didn't use the correct keywords or something... if it's possible, could you please link me to it?

[Mary3]

Whoa, thanks for the posts guys!

 

@ Mary3: So far she hasn't really ducked any of my "advances", if you consider flirting as a form of advancement, so maybe I'm still good to go. I want to approach her in a "straight romantic way", although I'm not sure how to go about doing it. (Sorry, as I've said before I'm really new to the whole dating game.) One thing's for sure though, after reading up on a lot of posts on the Internet it seems that telling a girl straight up that you like her is the wrong way to go, i.e. actions speak louder than words. And honestly, I kind of agree with that. But of course I'm open to opinions. You are a lady, Mary3, I would very much like to hear what you have to say on this.

 

@ amerikajin: Yeah, I was actually kind of confused whether to go and do what D-Lish suggested or to hold back as you recommended. So to play it safe, I didn't do anything. Interestingly enough though the girl did open up a little bit to me today, and she said that I'm not like any of the other guys she knows. Something about the way she said that made me feel nice inside, as if I still have a fighting chance. Maybe I really shouldn't give up on this girl just yet...

 

Edit:

 

 

 

Sorry amerikajin, I tried to do a search but I didn't find your thread. Maybe I didn't use the correct keywords or something... if it's possible, could you please link me to it?

 

I see where you are going with this. You are flirting with her I imagine. Maybe laughing and smiling at her alot , being sweet and kind. But she may mistake that for being a buddy . You can't keep flirting endlessly without stepping up to the plate. She is not going to make the first kiss or the first move. Thats up to YOU , The direct approach means this : When you guys are alone , put your arm around her. Look into her eyes. Take your hand and cup her chin and tilt in for a soft kiss. Done.

 

Your internet reading is WRONG ! Please do not read those dumb Don Juan Books. Girls DO want you to show them you like them. They DO want to be kissed. They DO want to be held....

 

Guys who wrote this are LOSERS on the dating scene and have found a way to get back and HURT women who have rejected them such as " Don't call her for a week , make her wait , ignore her texts , wait 4 hours to call her back " Those are GAMES and one way to LOSE a smart women is to play games ! We know all the games. Guys who play them lose us fast !

 

ACTIONS are everything ! Show this girl before its too late. Words mean nothing unless they match the actions.

[D-Lish]

I respectfully disagree with D-Lish on this one. I doubt she's so dim as to not know that you're just trying to make her jealous, and if she senses that she's being 'gamed' by you, she'll either think you're a schmuck or respect you less because you will have tried a gimmick that she can see through.

 

I mean there is a way you can test her jealousy thermometer, but it doesn't involve walking up and asking questions that are clearly trying to provoke a response. Instead, whenever you're around her, just start talking to other girls. Don't completely ignore this girl, but just stop giving her all of the attention. Share it with other chicks and make your own private notes about how she reacts. Don't focus on one girl either; just strike up a normal conversation with other girls about anything. Heck, you might even get to know them and want to ask one of them out.

 

As someone said earlier, don't invest too much emotion into someone early on - especially before you even get to know them or date them. I know it seems like a game, but that's just what you have to do. If you get wound up over a girl, all you'll end up doing is making yourself nervous and you won't be able to enjoy yourself whenever you see her. You'll end monitoring what you say and acting differently...that's just not worth it. Just relax and don't build someone up until they've actually gotten to know you instead.

 

And oh by the way, do a search and read one of my threads on capturing and keeping women. Heh! heh!

 

You disagree with me??? wtf?? lol- just kidding.

 

From a woman's point of view- I can tell you that if a woman is on the fence about a guy and being wishy washy... she'll keep that guy around either as a friend or as an ego boost. Beginning to mention thoughts about other women will force her to think about what she truly wants from him.

 

It could be only friendship that she wants... in which case he'll know that from her reaction. I am not suggesting he be blatent about it... but the OP has mentioned they hang around socially and just shoot the sh** at times. She also opens up to him a bit. So- I see nothing wrong with interjecting some light discussion about other women into some of the conversations.

 

He doesn't have to be so blatent as to say "I have a crush on this girl" or be dawgish and whistle at pretty girls that walk by when he is around her.... Just some casual mentioning here and there, see what her reaction is.

 

I hung around with a guy in college- I knew he really liked me, but I had just gotten out of a relationship and I wasn't sure if I wanted to take a chance with this guy. I was on the fence about him- but I did have feelings for him. We hung around for about a year, went places together did homework together and I loved the adoration he gave me- it made me feel good, and he made me feel good... but I was scared to get involved. One day we were having lunch ( and I remember this moment with such clarity)... and this girl walked by and I saw him staring at her. I asked him what it was about and he mentioned he had a class with her and was thinking of asking her out. Guess what happened to me??? My heart dropped and I got jealous... really, really jealous. For the next week all I could think about was what a fool I had been. I avoided him that week believing I had lost him- and he eventually showed up at my door and as soon as I ioened it- I kissed him. Then we dated for 2 years.

 

I am using my story to illustrate that if there is something between two people- sometimes a little jealousy can kick start it. I had always known I had liked him, but I was holding off because my ex had hurt me so badly. When he expressed interest in another girl I panicked and that is when it hit me how much I wanted to be with him.

 

I am not saying this might be the case with the OP and his crush... But if someone is on the fence- they will jump one way or another pretty fast if theyy are faced with the slightest possibility of losing them.

[amerikajin]

Whoa, thanks for the posts guys!

 

@ Mary3: So far she hasn't really ducked any of my "advances", if you consider flirting as a form of advancement, so maybe I'm still good to go. I want to approach her in a "straight romantic way", although I'm not sure how to go about doing it. (Sorry, as I've said before I'm really new to the whole dating game.) One thing's for sure though, after reading up on a lot of posts on the Internet it seems that telling a girl straight up that you like her is the wrong way to go, i.e. actions speak louder than words. And honestly, I kind of agree with that. But of course I'm open to opinions. You are a lady, Mary3, I would very much like to hear what you have to say on this.

 

@ amerikajin: Yeah, I was actually kind of confused whether to go and do what D-Lish suggested or to hold back as you recommended. So to play it safe, I didn't do anything. Interestingly enough though the girl did open up a little bit to me today, and she said that I'm not like any of the other guys she knows. Something about the way she said that made me feel nice inside, as if I still have a fighting chance. Maybe I really shouldn't give up on this girl just yet...

 

Edit:

 

 

 

Sorry amerikajin, I tried to do a search but I didn't find your thread. Maybe I didn't use the correct keywords or something... if it's possible, could you please link me to it?

 

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t90737/?highlight=catching

[Mary3]

Catching and keeping women

 

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

Figured I'd just cut through the ***** and help my fellow man out a little bit. A few tips for the road.

 

Catching her--

 

Rule #1: act like you don't give a f*ck about whether you get in her panties or not. From the very first time you meet her to the very last time you kiss, make her think that p*ssy's not everything to you. I sit on the fence on this one because we all know men think about sex every 45 minutes so its not realistic or real for a manly man to act like he does not think about sex, Truth be known , I WANT a man who wants to consume me in the bedroom and lets me know it. When he first tells me is another matter. A complete stranger , nah but someone I am interested will match my sex drive ,'Coz if you do the opposite, she'll know that she can control you, and you don't want that. Sex is not and never has been about CONTROL. Pick a woman who loves sex @! No control involved....Men will alway try to control the remote but thats about it with me....Never bring up the topic of sex. A man should bring up sex and often, how he likes it , how you like it , how many times. Don't keep sex in the closet. Its one of the compatibility factors,Never joke about it. Sex should be fun ! Even joking about it is not a bad thing. Avoid innuendo. Disagree. You know most guys are thinking about it with you , They like the way you look , you know they wonder how you are sexually. Let her be the one to kick off that conversation if it ever comes up at all. Women won't bring up the sex , thats a mans thing. After you bring it up we can be offended ( which means she thinks all you are thinking about is sex ) or we can ease it into conversations , if you are openminded and both have a healthy sex drive then bringing it into the conversation is more realistic than never talking about it for fear she will run away from the Dog...

Rule #2: be real. Although DD's 'cocky and funny' routine does work, you don't necessarily have to have it. You just have to be real. You just have to look like you're comfortable in your own skin. I love this PART ! Please be REAL

Rule #3: Let her do all the talking. On dates or just idle chats in between meetings, make sure she's the one running her mouth. Men almost always kill their chances in the beginning by saying something that kills the attraction. You can rarely say too little, but you can almost always say too much. Don't. Just make sure you're the one asking questions and don't answer any personal questions until at least you've got a few dates under your belt. I actually like a man who does most of the talking. Its funny to listen but very revealing . It tells alot about him. I don't like loud obnoxious guys but let a man lead is fine. Sometimes I just want to listen . I dont think men like women who run their mouths .

Rule #4: Know the signs of attraction and pay close attention to them. Eye contact, smiling, laughing and touching...if you have two or more of these in tandem, it's more than a coincidence - act on it. If you don't get these signs too often, keep looking. Agreed. Is she repulsed or intriqued ?

Rule #5: last but definitely not least, be masculine. Understand that women want men. You don't have to be a tough guy, but you've got to let that maleness come through. OH heavens YES ! I love a manly man...

 

Keeping her (the hard part)--

 

1. Again, act like you don't give a f*ck about getting in her pants. Make her think 'If he gets laid...dammit, I still can't control him.' Act like you want him all the time , let him know you appreciate his maleness , his virility. THATS what a man really wants . TO be desired. Just as women do.

2. Do NOT take her crap for a second. If she starts flirting with guys right in front of you, or makes plans whenever it's convenient for her or otherwise makes you look like a clown, don't tolerate it - not even once. Which brings me to point number 3... DO NOT take it ! I agree. Walk away. You deserve better .

3. Don't tell her what you're going to do, just do it. Don't tell her you're angry. Don't tell her that you don't like it when she changes her plans at the last minute. Don't get jealous if she starts talking about her new 'friend' she met at a party last weekend. Just start pulling back and seeing a few 'friends' of your own. Let her see that you're a man of action and that you're not going to put up with her crap. You are so very right here. I feel the same about men. If they pull away , disrespect , act disinterested or take you for granted then PULL BACK ! And stay back until they realize you are not one to be messed with. GREAT ADVICE AMERijikan...

4. Keep your mouth shut. Sorta like rule number 3 except in general, this is a good rule to remember when it comes to arguments. Just keep your mouth shut. You may be tempted to tell her what you really think, and she may always go on about how she really wants to know your true feelings, but believe me when I tell you she does NOT want to know what you're really thinking. She wants you to tell her what she wants to hear - nothing more, nothing less. Avoid arguments. You will never be right, you will always lose. Just shut up and decide when you've had enough...and then go back to rule number 3 if necessary (or break up if you're really had enough). As far as this goes, oftentimes its good if both keep their mouths shut especially when in a heated simmer. Words can only hurt at this point. Better to talk when both are calm and can handle whats said.. Actually women don't want to hear the truth necessarily and they should not depend on the mans words. Too confusing. ACTIONS are everything !

5. Don't fall in love before she does. It's as simple as that. Women are more emotional, so let them get carried away with their emotions the way they normally do, and continue to be the cool, calm, reserve, detached male whose love she tries to win over. Well we won't be telling you we love you anytime soon. We want to hear it from you first. Smart women don't get that emotional. We hold back too. We want you to love us , then we can love you back

6. Never let her change who you are. Taking karate lessons on the weekends and she wants you to give that up for more 'us time'? Don't give in. Keep kicking ass in the dojo and keep her waiting for you to come home. Agreed 100% !

These are just a few pointers. Follow these basic rules, grasshoppers, and you'll succeed with women.

__________________

Should have been dead on a Sunday morning bangin' my head, no time for mournin', ain't got no time -- My Own Prison, Creed

 

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Last edited by amerikajin; 11th June 2006 at 8:29 AM.

 

 

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[Suiyobi]

Damn, I seriously wish I had gotten everyone's advice here much sooner (like, early in the year or something) because now I seriously think I screwed up. Either that, or she's sending me some signals that I'm not picking up on/or getting confused about, that I really don't know if she's interested in me or she truly sees me as nothing more than a friend.

 

I read people's posts here but I didn't respond for the past day or so because I kind of wanted to see how things would play out right now. So today, I hanged out with her but unfortunately she had a male friend tag along. (Apparently, that guy likes her too but she already told me that she's not interested in him. The guy knows that, but he still persists on being with her.)

 

Anyway, for the short period of time that she and I waited for the guy, I noticed some body language, two in particular:

 

- She was relatively close to me at times. (Not all the time, obviously.)

- When it was just me and her waiting for the other guy, she had taken her jacket off, which revealed a nice top showing a bit of her cleavage. It was a nice sight () then I noticed she had put her jacket back on when the guy finally arrived.

 

Unfortunately, the things she said to me were kind of... well, I don't know, you tell me:

 

- "You come off as a nice guy but once I got to know you you're actually not." (I guess she was saying that I can be a bad boy but I just don't give off that initial impression.)

- "You should call me so we can hang out some time."

- And when she saw some of her other friends at a store and introduced them to me, she referred to me as a "friend". <-- Perhaps this was the ultimate mood killer.

 

I didn't act like an ass or anything but I have to admit all hopes I had were flushed down the toilet. But I don't know, am I overanalyzing this? Like, did she refer to me as a friend just because we haven't done anything "official" yet? Or, is it really true that she does see me as just a friend despite all the flirting and body language that she's done with me?

 

I feel maybe amerikajin was right along... I've lost her...?

 

@ D-Lish: Thanks for the clarification, I see what you mean now. I guess it could work, ironically enough, the girl I'm interested in had recently broken up with her last boyfriend so she maybe, as you say, currently "on the fence".

 

@ amerikajin: Great post! I especially like how you put Rule #2, it's something that I do all the time. But I guess it's just not enough to win a girl's heart lol.

 

@ Mary3: Hey, thanks for your insight. It's always interesting to hear a woman's opinion on these kinds of things.

[Mary3]

Damn, I seriously wish I had gotten everyone's advice here much sooner (like, early in the year or something) because now I seriously think I screwed up. Either that, or she's sending me some signals that I'm not picking up on/or getting confused about, that I really don't know if she's interested in me or she truly sees me as nothing more than a friend.

 

I read people's posts here but I didn't respond for the past day or so because I kind of wanted to see how things would play out right now. So today, I hanged out with her but unfortunately she had a male friend tag along. (Apparently, that guy likes her too but she already told me that she's not interested in him. The guy knows that, but he still persists on being with her.)

 

Anyway, for the short period of time that she and I waited for the guy, I noticed some body language, two in particular:

 

- She was relatively close to me at times. (Not all the time, obviously.)

- When it was just me and her waiting for the other guy, she had taken her jacket off, which revealed a nice top showing a bit of her cleavage. It was a nice sight () then I noticed she had put her jacket back on when the guy finally arrived.

 

Unfortunately, the things she said to me were kind of... well, I don't know, you tell me:

 

- "You come off as a nice guy but once I got to know you you're actually not." (I guess she was saying that I can be a bad boy but I just don't give off that initial impression.)

- "You should call me so we can hang out some time."

- And when she saw some of her other friends at a store and introduced them to me, she referred to me as a "friend". <-- Perhaps this was the ultimate mood killer.

 

I didn't act like an ass or anything but I have to admit all hopes I had were flushed down the toilet. But I don't know, am I overanalyzing this? Like, did she refer to me as a friend just because we haven't done anything "official" yet? Or, is it really true that she does see me as just a friend despite all the flirting and body language that she's done with me?

 

I feel maybe amerikajin was right along... I've lost her...?

 

@ D-Lish: Thanks for the clarification, I see what you mean now. I guess it could work, ironically enough, the girl I'm interested in had recently broken up with her last boyfriend so she maybe, as you say, currently "on the fence".

 

@ amerikajin: Great post! I especially like how you put Rule #2, it's something that I do all the time. But I guess it's just not enough to win a girl's heart lol.

 

@ Mary3: Hey, thanks for your insight. It's always interesting to hear a woman's opinion on these kinds of things.

 

Do you think you can tell her : " I want to be more than friends with you " ?

[Suiyobi]

I wish I could just be all blunt about it, Mary.

 

Thing is, I've tried giving hints to her that I'm interested in her, and I've even asked her a couple of relationship-related questions, heck, I even gave her the suggestion that if she were to have found someone she'd like to be with she should go after him right away. Thing that kinda struck me though (in a bad way, I guess) was that she was all like "I'm still looking, it's hard to find the right guy". In my mind, I was thinking, "Just look over your shoulder and he's there (referring to me, obviously)" LOL! Seriously though, what she said made me wonder if she was being shy about it and would rather not express the fact that she does have someone in mind (hopefully me!!!), or that she was actually telling the truth and therefore I am nothing more than just another guy friend. (She has way too many guy friends, that's for sure.)

 

I'm gonna have to hang out with her again sometime this week and dammit I hope this time it'll just be the two of us so I can finally say or do things without putting her on the spotlight among her friends...

[J2FT1]

I wish I could just be all blunt about it, Mary.

 

Thing is, I've tried giving hints to her that I'm interested in her, and I've even asked her a couple of relationship-related questions, heck, I even gave her the suggestion that if she were to have found someone she'd like to be with she should go after him right away. Thing that kinda struck me though (in a bad way, I guess) was that she was all like "I'm still looking, it's hard to find the right guy". In my mind, I was thinking, "Just look over your shoulder and he's there (referring to me, obviously)" LOL! Seriously though, what she said made me wonder if she was being shy about it and would rather not express the fact that she does have someone in mind (hopefully me!!!), or that she was actually telling the truth and therefore I am nothing more than just another guy friend. (She has way too many guy friends, that's for sure.)

 

I'm gonna have to hang out with her again sometime this week and dammit I hope this time it'll just be the two of us so I can finally say or do things without putting her on the spotlight among her friends...

 

Do it in front of all her guy friends (I'm sure some of them like her also), if she didn't like you before, she will now.

[Suiyobi]

Holy crap... that's so bold and daring that IT JUST MIGHT WORK! Now, just need to plan it all out...

[J2FT1]

Holy crap... that's so bold and daring that IT JUST MIGHT WORK! Now, just need to plan it all out...

 

Yeah it will work. Her other guy friends will just stare in awe, confusion, and envy. She will say "yes, so friday at 8 right?" You will say "sounds good, I'll see you then." Give her a nice smile. Walk away without looking back. She will think about you all week long.

[amerikajin]

Try it but don't be gutted if it doesn't work. Either she's into you or she's not. You just have to be able to read the signs of interest.

[Suiyobi]

You just have to be able to read the signs of interest.

 

I see... I've been in denial all along and now I've reevaluated my compatibility level with her. This girl is not as interested in me as I thought. I haven't done J2FT1's or Mary3's suggestions (yet) to confirm her feelings for me, but after recalling the moments with her, I think there were not enough signs to show her interest in me. In fact, I'm willing to say that whatever signs she was giving off were body language that comes naturally to her, so it was pretty much my fault for having looked into them more than what they really were.

 

That's it, I think I'm gonna stop pursuing this girl. If she was really interested in me, I wouldn't be in this predicament.

 

It's hard, but I'll have to try my best to get this girl off my mind...

[Mary3]

I think once again your actions are of * a friend *.

 

I say again , you must do something like risky and romantic , you've got to pull this off to find out.

 

You either ask directly or do something sexy , then she can say " ahhhhhhh I get it " ! And at that point she either runs or falls into your arms.

 

If a guy acted like this around me and I had not kissed him ( not sure how long you have been hanging out with her ) I would lose interest , thinking he was NOT interested. Get it ?

[Suiyobi]

Just recently I called her to find out if she'll be available to hang out this week. She didn't answer the phone and so far she hasn't called back or anything. I understand that people have lives, or something must have happened to her phone, but I have to admit the anticipation is killing me lol.

 

I'll try to keep my cool, but if I get a response from her saying that she wants to meet me then I'll go for it. And at that point, I'll do what you're suggesting. Actually, I think I have no choice BUT to do it now, especially since it's been almost five weeks.

[Mary3]

Just recently I called her to find out if she'll be available to hang out this week. She didn't answer the phone and so far she hasn't called back or anything. I understand that people have lives, or something must have happened to her phone, but I have to admit the anticipation is killing me lol.

 

I'll try to keep my cool, but if I get a response from her saying that she wants to meet me then I'll go for it. And at that point, I'll do what you're suggesting. Actually, I think I have no choice BUT to do it now, especially since it's been almost five weeks.

 

Why do you hang out with her ? Hang out is for buddys. Is that what you want to be to her ? Have you EVER said " Lisa I really like you and I want to take you to dinner " ?

[Suiyobi]

$@#%!!!... I finally see what you mean! And no, I never asked her out for dinner. It was always something along the lines of spending time together... @$#%!

 

Crap, am I too late? Have I already fallen into her friend zone?

 

Edit: Now I'm seriously contemplating on whether I should give her a call and be more direct about it, or will it be a bad idea since I did contact her this morning (and as said before, never got a response back).

[amerikajin]

Just recently I called her to find out if she'll be available to hang out this week. She didn't answer the phone and so far she hasn't called back or anything. I understand that people have lives, or something must have happened to her phone, but I have to admit the anticipation is killing me lol.

 

I'll try to keep my cool, but if I get a response from her saying that she wants to meet me then I'll go for it. And at that point, I'll do what you're suggesting. Actually, I think I have no choice BUT to do it now, especially since it's been almost five weeks.

 

No disrespect to Mary or the other ladies on this thread but I think they're playing the role of cheerleaders more than they are actually giving useful advice. But let's look at the facts: you've already called her more than once, right? Dude, trust me, few women who are truly interested in you are going to ignore a phone call - certainly not more than once. This girl says 'call me' and when you do, she doesn't answer and doesn't return your call. Come on, ladies, you know that you've probably done this a few times to guys you're not interested in, and you know what this means.

 

Suiyoubi, you're setting yourself up to be thought of as the dreaded 'nice guy', because if you keep calling and letting her yank your chain, then she's going to know that she's got you, and she'll keep yanking until your neck is broken. But even more importantly for you, other girls will see this too...and that's something you really don't want. You've got to look at the big picture when you date. You can't focus on this one girl, think of yourself and think of doing what's right for yourself. Even if this girl doesn't work out (which it doesn't realistically look like it will, sorry to say) you can still convince others that you're man enough not to be jerked around by some girl who gives you false hope.

 

You've got to keep things simple when dating. Only reward someone who rewards you. That doesn't mean be bitter or hold grudges. Always be nice, friendly and a gentleman. Take rejection in stride and just accept that it happens but don't make too much of it. But at the same time, don't stick around waiting and hoping that things will change, or that she'll somehow see the real you -- that's in movies, but that's not real life.

 

The only chance you really have, if you really insist on going after this girl, is by doing several things at the same time. Basically, you want to be friendly to her but don't be her friend. When she comes into class, acknowledge her briefly, smile, and then go on about your business. Don't stare at her while she's not looking. Don't initiate conversation with her. I would let her come to you. If she does, then at least you know she's interested in getting to know you better. If she doesn't, then you know she's not. But even if she does initiate conversation, make sure she gives you all the signs you're looking for. Make sure she really flirts with you. Make sure she touches you. Make sure she starts suggesting future activities together. Make sure she smiles and shows a genuine interest in you. And meanwhile, be social with others...other chicks and even just casually social with other people in the room, girls or guys. And while you're at it, try your luck with other women both in and out of class. In short, make sure you reinforce through your own actions that she is far from the only person in the room, that you don't have time to waste, and that you're down with going out if she's really interested, but nothing less than that. If you do that, you'll present yourself as someone worthy of respect. You'll make yourself look more date-able.

[Suiyobi]

No disrespect to Mary or the other ladies on this thread but I think they're playing the role of cheerleaders more than they are actually giving useful advice. But let's look at the facts: you've already called her more than once, right? Dude, trust me, few women who are truly interested in you are going to ignore a phone call - certainly not more than once. This girl says 'call me' and when you do, she doesn't answer and doesn't return your call. Come on, ladies, you know that you've probably done this a few times to guys you're not interested in, and you know what this means.

 

I had to "man up" and called her anyway, taking into account that I might have appeared rather needy, but I've always felt that if I wait too long (which I think I may have done already) then it'd be all too late. Interestingly enough, she responded! Even better... she agreed to go out for dinner!

 

Edit: Oh, I should be more clear about the calling part... With exception of that one instance in which I called her twice on the same day, I never call her frequently, actually. I always wait at least a whole day, sometimes two days, and I believe the longest was three days, before calling again. Same deal with text messages.

 

Suiyoubi, you're setting yourself up to be thought of as the dreaded 'nice guy', because if you keep calling and letting her yank your chain, then she's going to know that she's got you, and she'll keep yanking until your neck is broken. But even more importantly for you, other girls will see this too...and that's something you really don't want. You've got to look at the big picture when you date. You can't focus on this one girl, think of yourself and think of doing what's right for yourself. Even if this girl doesn't work out (which it doesn't realistically look like it will, sorry to say) you can still convince others that you're man enough not to be jerked around by some girl who gives you false hope.

 

Yeah, you're right about that. That's why I'm trying to get in a more romantic level with her, as what you and Mary have been trying to ingrain in me on the previous posts (sorry that I didn't quite catch it sooner!) I mean, I think we've established that I can be a friend to her, but I think we can still go beyond that. This is why I want to confirm everything on this upcoming date... Things do look grim but I'd feel much better if I knew how she felt about me rather than be in this cloud of mystery. It's fun at first but then gets emotionally taxing.

 

You've got to keep things simple when dating. Only reward someone who rewards you. That doesn't mean be bitter or hold grudges. Always be nice, friendly and a gentleman. Take rejection in stride and just accept that it happens but don't make too much of it. But at the same time, don't stick around waiting and hoping that things will change, or that she'll somehow see the real you -- that's in movies, but that's not real life.

 

Yeah, although I haven't had any major experiences with dating, I've read and heard enough stories to realize that I need to "keep things simple" but if things don't go my way I should keep my cool. But also, as I said earlier, this is why I went ahead and asked her out anyway, because I figured "I can't just sit around and wait hoping things will change".

 

We'll see what happens after the date, and I'll be sure to post here.

[amerikajin]

I had to "man up" and called her anyway, taking into account that I might have appeared rather needy, but I've always felt that if I wait too long (which I think I may have done already) then it'd be all too late. Interestingly enough, she responded! Even better... she agreed to go out for dinner!

 

Nice!

 

Yeah, you're right about that. That's why I'm trying to get in a more romantic level with her, as what you and Mary have been trying to ingrain in me on the previous posts (sorry that I didn't quite catch it sooner!) I mean, I think we've established that I can be a friend to her, but I think we can still go beyond that. This is why I want to confirm everything on this upcoming date... Things do look grim but I'd feel much better if I knew how she felt about me rather than be in this cloud of mystery. It's fun at first but then gets emotionally taxing.

 

Actually, I'd say you're doing fairly well at this point. You got a dinner date, it would seem, so you're actually doing better than I gave you credit for. Maybe the first time you called you seemed a bit unsure of yourself. Women like decisiveness, so remember that as you move into your date. What I mean is, have maybe one or two 'safe-bet' restaurants in mind and then give her a choice between them. If she suggests another and you're cool with it, be flexible. But look like you've got a game plan. Don't say 'Where do you want to go?' Women hate that. Women want you to have already planned options with the flexibility enough to give her a choice between them. The restaurant ought to be casual, a place that has energy but not too much as you want to be able to talk to her.

 

 

Yeah, although I haven't had any major experiences with dating, I've read and heard enough stories to realize that I need to "keep things simple" but if things don't go my way I should keep my cool. But also, as I said earlier, this is why I went ahead and asked her out anyway, because I figured "I can't just sit around and wait hoping things will change".

 

We'll see what happens after the date, and I'll be sure to post here.

 

Yeah, don't get greedy. Just keep it simple. Get to know this girl. Just ask her questions and get her to do the majority of the talking (at least 60/40 and 75/25 is even better if she's a conversationalist). Don't avoid questions or anything but just try to be the one who gets her to talk. Ask her about her interests, about things she likes to do. Ask her interesting questions like the most fun she's ever had or stuff like that. Get her in a good mood. Don't ask her a bunch of serious questions and stay away from serious topics until a couple of dates later if possible. I mean if she steers the conversation in that direction, it might be difficult to avoid it but shift it back. Keep things on a light and positive note in the beginning...and be sure to *listen*. Make a mental note of things. She will be really impressed if you can remember details about her on a later date.

[Suiyobi]

Thanks for the vote of confidence, amerikajin!

 

Yeah, I have an idea of what kind of restaurant she'll want to go to but I thought about changing the venue a little, just so we can experience something different together. I have a Plan A and a Plan B as far as restaurants are concerned lol.

 

Anyway, I haven't gotten on that date yet but when I do, I'll definitely let you guys know if the girl does like me or not. In the end, I should go out there and have fun, not be in some serious mission lol.

 

Yeah, don't get greedy. Just keep it simple. Get to know this girl. Just ask her questions and get her to do the majority of the talking (at least 60/40 and 75/25 is even better if she's a conversationalist). Don't avoid questions or anything but just try to be the one who gets her to talk. Ask her about her interests, about things she likes to do. Ask her interesting questions like the most fun she's ever had or stuff like that. Get her in a good mood. Don't ask her a bunch of serious questions and stay away from serious topics until a couple of dates later if possible. I mean if she steers the conversation in that direction, it might be difficult to avoid it but shift it back. Keep things on a light and positive note in the beginning...and be sure to *listen*. Make a mental note of things. She will be really impressed if you can remember details about her on a later date.

Thanks for the tips here, I'll make note of them.