Myst Posted June 3, 2008 Share Posted June 3, 2008 So Im 21 & on my lunch hour I go to this library nearby to borrow books. So I've been going since last Friday and I spotted this guy who Im kinda interested in. So we saw each other last Friday and Monday and none of us said anything to each other. THEN today I plucked up the courage to go up to him and say "Hi do you have a pen or pencil I could borrow?" --so I had an excuse to talk to him. I scribbled something on my paper then said thanks and he said it was ok. So I scribbled on my paper for about 10 seconds or less. So not to freak him out or anything.Then I quickly left, thinking 'What am I doing?!" So Im going there tomorrow again, hoping hes there. So how do I approach him to ask him out? Bear in mind he's sitting on a table where its a laptop only bench where you plug in to the internet. I cant sit there unless I have a laptop. BUT he does look up, when I go past him. So if he looks up again, i thought I should smile then maybe say a casual hi? Then where to from there? Do i just hang around near him browsing at books and see what happens for a few days? Oh I didnt finish the title of the thread. I meant to ask, how should I ask him out? Link to post Share on other sites
thisishowitis Posted June 3, 2008 Share Posted June 3, 2008 Just say hi and ask him out for coffee or something. He won't hate you for it he'll probably be intrigued. What do you got to lose? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Myst Posted June 4, 2008 Author Share Posted June 4, 2008 I went to the library today. He didnt look up at me. Even after my shoes was squeeking when i walked past him. Im pretty sure he saw beforehand thos when I was on a computer sort of near him. I think i've scared him off. I even tried browsing for books near him. Nothing. What do i do? Go back there tomorrow? Or next week so not to freak him out? Or is it game over? He doesnt like me otherwise he woulda asked me out by now? Link to post Share on other sites
JohnnyBlaze Posted June 4, 2008 Share Posted June 4, 2008 Don't read too much into a one day anomaly. I've had times where I've been so deeply immersed in something that it didn't matter who walked by, I wasn't looking up. It's nothing; everyone has those days. Heck, I remember one girl in high school who barely glanced up...for a fire alarm. Stick with the original plan. Talk to him, ask him out for a coffee (use the excuse that you could use a break from all this reading). The fact that he hasn't asked you out yet (like not looking up once) means nothing. He could be shy, or he could just be thinking to himself "man, she's hot. She MUST have a guy already." Of course, there is the possibility that he has a chick already. Hopefully that's not the case, but it is a possibility. My money's on shyness. Being the one to ask him will score you big points in the long run. Most guys aren't intimidated by a girl asking him out anymore. It shows that you're not some princess living in a fantasy world, waiting for a knight to come rescue you (and cater to your every whim each day thereafter). It also is a big boost to the ego. More often than not, guys have to work to get the girl. Equally often, girls can pick and choose which guy they want. So the fact that you're taking the difficult road and doing some work to get him is a HUGE boost to his ego. And there is nothing in the world (yes, including THAT) that a guy likes to have stroked more than his ego. Be warned though: he may not initially respond the way you hope. Guys aren't used to being asked out, so on the rare occasion that it does happen, we're not quite sure how to react. Once again, it has nothing to do with you. It's an unfamiliar situation to us, so the male brain needs to take a minute to say "holy s__t, what just happened?!". As to when to go back, just stick with your regular schedule. If you normally go every day, don't stop now. If he's interested in you, he'll be trying to discover your patterns as much as you are his. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Myst Posted June 4, 2008 Author Share Posted June 4, 2008 Hey Johnny, Thanks for the quick response. I will come back tomorrow and casually ask about his laptop? Maybe pretend that im browsing for one and wondered how he would rate his laptop? Then let the converstation go from there--if it goes anywhere? Link to post Share on other sites
Suiyobi Posted June 4, 2008 Share Posted June 4, 2008 Hi, I'm not Johnny but I've just read this thread and I think it'd be great if you do talk to that guy you're interested in tomorrow. One of the best things that could happen to a shy guy (assuming that he is) is if the girl actually initiates the conversation. Of course, this doesn't mean that the guy should always let the girl strike up a topic, but it's a good way for him to start feeling comfortable with you so he himself can muster up the courage to start talking to you. Link to post Share on other sites
thisishowitis Posted June 4, 2008 Share Posted June 4, 2008 I went to the library today. He didnt look up at me. Even after my shoes was squeeking when i walked past him. Im pretty sure he saw beforehand thos when I was on a computer sort of near him. I think i've scared him off. I even tried browsing for books near him. Nothing. What do i do? Go back there tomorrow? Or next week so not to freak him out? Or is it game over? He doesnt like me otherwise he woulda asked me out by now? You're worried about freaking him out? You haven't even said anything to him! You must really be attracted to him. It's not going to hurt his feelings if you talk to him. He will be in awe of a woman who's willing to ask him out for coffee, that will get his attention right away. Link to post Share on other sites
tinktronik Posted June 4, 2008 Share Posted June 4, 2008 My s/o suggests borrowing a laptop from a friend for a day so tha you will have a reason to sit near him and break he ice. Link to post Share on other sites
JohnnyBlaze Posted June 4, 2008 Share Posted June 4, 2008 Myst, asking about his computer is a sure way to start things. It's like asking what size engine he has in his car. We know that no girl is really that interested in a guy's computer (and this is coming from a guy who works in IT). If you ask about his computer, he'll know you're interested in him. Tinktronik has a great idea; borrow a laptop for a few days. Let him know that you're just borrowing it. Talk to him a few times. Once you've gotten comfortable with him, tell him that you are thinking of getting a laptop of your own (you're not, but he doesn't need to know that). You're going browsing next Saturday and ask if he'd be willing to come along as your 'expert', since poor lil' you doesn't want those salesmen taking advantage and trying to sell you some overpriced toy you don't need. Guys love this, especially shy ones. It gives them a chance to protect the damsel and match wits with a pro, all at once. It goes back to that ego stroking thing. Do a little window shopping and then as your way of thanking him, take him out for lunch afterwards. This has a number of advantages. First, since you now have plans, you'll probably need to exchange numbers and/or addresses, assuming one of you will be picking the other up. Secondly, it's not an official date and it is something he knows about, so he won't be as nervous and you'll get to know the 'real' him better. Third, because laptops are so small, the two of you will be in close contact frequently (to get a better look at the computer, of course). So now you've got a number, lots of body contact and time alone with him, and lunch, all without the pressure of a 'date'. One of the best things that could happen to a shy guy (assuming that he is) is if the girl actually initiates the conversation. True dat. If he turns five shades of red before you've said three words, you're on the right track (let's not ask how I know this). Link to post Share on other sites
Author Myst Posted June 6, 2008 Author Share Posted June 6, 2008 Thank you everyone for your suggestions. So I went to the library again yesterday. Plucked up the courage to talk to him properly. I pretended to be interested in buying a laptop as I'll be doing some further university studies. He was friendly, polite and listed off the brands of laptops, where he bought his bla bla. I even wrote down the brands he said on a piece of paper to make it believable. Then i tried to turn the conversation on him and went "oh so what do u use your laptop for" . He answered very briefly. THEN i said "i've seen you here a couple of times already". Then he just mumbled something, kinda avoiding the the question. SO really he didnt even ask anything about me. Nothing. Didnt even ask for my name. I tried to keep the conversation going, and tried to lead it to normal conversation about him or me but to no success. Just computer talk. I dont think he's interested. He didn't blush or anything. Barely smiled. He just polite and friendly. I've been politely rejected. Thanks JohnnyBlaze for your responses. Link to post Share on other sites
Suiyobi Posted June 6, 2008 Share Posted June 6, 2008 Don't worry Myst, there's always gonna be someone out there for you. But at least you tried to get somewhere with this guy, and I think that's what's important right now. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Myst Posted June 6, 2008 Author Share Posted June 6, 2008 Don't worry Myst, there's always gonna be someone out there for you. But at least you tried to get somewhere with this guy, and I think that's what's important right now. Thanks Suiyobi:) I am quite proud of myself for talking to a complete stranger with those intentions. I've NEVER done that before. It was very unlike-me. Link to post Share on other sites
Suiyobi Posted June 6, 2008 Share Posted June 6, 2008 Heh, you're welcome. And I know what you mean by being "unlike" oneself. I'm like on the same boat as you right now, hehe. Link to post Share on other sites
JohnnyBlaze Posted June 6, 2008 Share Posted June 6, 2008 Myst, sorry that nothing came of it. But at least you're looking at the positive; you gave it a shot! You've got bigger cojones than me, girl. Even now, I still can't talk to a girl I like without stuttering and stammering like a 13 year old. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Myst Posted June 6, 2008 Author Share Posted June 6, 2008 Myst, sorry that nothing came of it. But at least you're looking at the positive; you gave it a shot! You've got bigger cojones than me, girl. Even now, I still can't talk to a girl I like without stuttering and stammering like a 13 year old. Thats ok. Thanks Johnny. At least now I know for sure he doesnt like me and so Im not in agony in wondering if he does. Im sure you you're not that bad at chatting up girls;) Link to post Share on other sites
JohnnyBlaze Posted June 6, 2008 Share Posted June 6, 2008 You'd think that, as a biker, I'd be a little less shy around women, but no. I still blush like a five year old. Link to post Share on other sites
Mahatma Posted June 10, 2008 Share Posted June 10, 2008 I'm not necessarily saying that you should go back and bug him some more if thats the vibe you are getting, but I will say this: I've been in a lot of situations where I'm talking to some girl and just totally oblivious to the little subtle hints she's trying to send and my friends will be like "damn she likes you" and I will be totally clueless until they point it out. I don't know anything about this guy, but I've had girls think I rejected them when I had no idea there was any interest past where I bought my new shirt. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Myst Posted June 11, 2008 Author Share Posted June 11, 2008 I'm not necessarily saying that you should go back and bug him some more if thats the vibe you are getting, but I will say this: I've been in a lot of situations where I'm talking to some girl and just totally oblivious to the little subtle hints she's trying to send and my friends will be like "damn she likes you" and I will be totally clueless until they point it out. I don't know anything about this guy, but I've had girls think I rejected them when I had no idea there was any interest past where I bought my new shirt. Id luv to do that tho. But no, i think it is a definite no from him. I still like going to that library, its the only one near my work. I dont want him reporting me to the library security or anything for stalking:eek: But i will be browsing for books near him still, so maybe if he sees me just say hi? Thats all i can think of. Thanks anyways. Link to post Share on other sites
Suiyobi Posted June 11, 2008 Share Posted June 11, 2008 Myst, is your avatar a "cartoon" version of how you would look in real life? Because if so I think you're cute and I'm kind of baffled why that guy you're interested in wouldn't show any interest in you, unless of course he already has a girlfriend, but even then I would think he'd at least try to get to know you even if it's on a friendship level. Anyway, that's just my thought but goodluck and hopefully he'll start to open up to you soon. Link to post Share on other sites
Pedigree Posted June 11, 2008 Share Posted June 11, 2008 The way things stand, I don't think there should be anymore contact unless he initiates it. Given that he's the one that did the rejecting, I'm worried that further attempts at interaction will be taken as stalking. Still, you should try to browse near him. Who knows, he might look up at you and say something friendly. I'll drink to you having enough courage to approach, though. Link to post Share on other sites
monkey00 Posted June 12, 2008 Share Posted June 12, 2008 I think when it comes down to these situations, often guys are very oblivious when a girl is interested. I think sometimes you just need to make it very obvious...because we all know women can be very flirt friendly/social creatures. Speaking from a guy's perspective, when I mean obvious I mean obvious. For instance you could compliment on his shirt, sit/stand near him, or ask him for directions...but it's cliche, girls do that often to guys - and what's supposed to separate you from the rest? Show some interest in what he's doing or ask him why he's there. If possible even do some mirroring. Mirroring is pretty powerful if done right, and it will catch his attention. Link to post Share on other sites
J2FT1 Posted June 12, 2008 Share Posted June 12, 2008 Lol, now that I think about it, there have been several girls who have came up to me for apparently no reason and started to ask questions like this. God, I'm so stupid for taking it so literal. Link to post Share on other sites
Pedigree Posted June 13, 2008 Share Posted June 13, 2008 God, I'm so stupid for taking it so literal. Well, one can't help but take it like that because it's so damn subtle. If a cute girl asks me for direction for directions, that's the only way I'm gonna take it; as being asked for directions. Either that or I was a brick wall in a past life. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Myst Posted June 13, 2008 Author Share Posted June 13, 2008 Myst, is your avatar a "cartoon" version of how you would look in real life? Because if so I think you're cute and I'm kind of baffled why that guy you're interested in wouldn't show any interest in you, unless of course he already has a girlfriend, but even then I would think he'd at least try to get to know you even if it's on a friendship level. Anyway, that's just my thought but goodluck and hopefully he'll start to open up to you soon. My avatar is sort of what i look like. Well, the closest cartoon version of me anyways. Thanks for the compliment, everyone has been so nice here, how come you guys weren't in the library, huh?:bunny: Link to post Share on other sites
Author Myst Posted June 13, 2008 Author Share Posted June 13, 2008 I'll drink to you having enough courage to approach, though. Thanks:). Hey im from Sydney too lol. Link to post Share on other sites
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