blair08 Posted June 3, 2008 Share Posted June 3, 2008 With all these topics on cheating, here is a question. Do you think people who stay in marriages where their spouse has cheated, do so due to lack of self esteem? I'm sure lots stay for kids or finances etc. But other than that, do you feel its from the fact they feel they do not have enough self esteem or self respect to move on? I wonder if they ever feel so little of themselves, and think they couldn't get anyone any better, so they just settle for what has happened, and stay. Link to post Share on other sites
PandorasBox Posted June 3, 2008 Share Posted June 3, 2008 I don't know, but for me, its something I would not tolerate, and I didn't. Link to post Share on other sites
LucreziaBorgia Posted June 4, 2008 Share Posted June 4, 2008 Some are like that, I imagine but certainly not all. Link to post Share on other sites
Lizzie60 Posted June 4, 2008 Share Posted June 4, 2008 With all these topics on cheating, here is a question. Do you think people who stay in marriages where their spouse has cheated, do so due to lack of self esteem? I'm sure lots stay for kids or finances etc. But other than that, do you feel its from the fact they feel they do not have enough self esteem or self respect to move on? I wonder if they ever feel so little of themselves, and think they couldn't get anyone any better, so they just settle for what has happened, and stay. I think there are as many reasons as there are affairs.. each person has a different reason for staying.. I would think that children would be the first... then the lifestyle (finances, family, circle of friends)... then the overwhelming thought of starting all over again... being lonely, scared, and certainly self-esteem in some cases.. Link to post Share on other sites
Trialbyfire Posted June 4, 2008 Share Posted June 4, 2008 The reason not mentioned in any post is love. From what I've seen on LS, there are enough members who do still love their WS. For me, cheating is a non-negotiable, so out he went. Link to post Share on other sites
Carmen87 Posted June 4, 2008 Share Posted June 4, 2008 I tend to notice that people who remain in a marriage where their partner has cheated simply say they love them too much to leave. With the whole self esteem issues, I see that more in abusive relationships. One partner makes the other feel like they are not worthy of love, so many will not try to seek comfort from anyone else. Link to post Share on other sites
Spectre Posted June 4, 2008 Share Posted June 4, 2008 It's a combination of low self esteem and the person who cheated on them being too damn selfish to stay away. I love it how people post on here after cheating and they are all happy they are getting another chance, completely oblivious that the damage they have done is permanent and if their s/o does stay with them, it will forever be a tainted relationship, but hey, I guess it's ok as long as they get what they want. That and the people getting cheated on are naive enough to believe the other person still loves them, despite the complete lack of disrespect and ability to keep ones clothing on. Link to post Share on other sites
porter218 Posted June 5, 2008 Share Posted June 5, 2008 I would say in a lot of the cases I have seen it has been a mix of being scared to be alone and low-self esteem. However in my case it was neither and I am sure of that. It was purely love. I did however leave him for a significant amount of time and filed for divorce until almost a year later when he proved he was everything I ever needed and 10 times a better man then before. I even had a short relationship with someone else during our time apart but in the end I love no one like I love him. Everyone has different reasons that drive them to stay after an affair, and unfortunately a lot of the reasons aren't good at all. Link to post Share on other sites
SueBee3490 Posted June 6, 2008 Share Posted June 6, 2008 With all these topics on cheating, here is a question. Do you think people who stay in marriages where their spouse has cheated, do so due to lack of self esteem? I'm sure lots stay for kids or finances etc. But other than that, do you feel its from the fact they feel they do not have enough self esteem or self respect to move on? I wonder if they ever feel so little of themselves, and think they couldn't get anyone any better, so they just settle for what has happened, and stay. I'm sure as others have said it may not be lack of self-esteem but love for that person. Alot of the BS's actually love their WS. That's why so many of us who have been been betrayed have such a hard time dealing with it, it's because we love that person so much. We are pulled between loving them and hating them for what they did. If I didn't love my H, then when I found out about his cheating, I would have kicked him out that day and never looked back. But I couldn't because I loved him, I can't turn my love for a person on and off like a water faucet. It actually took me many years to think about all the cheating he did to actually get to the point when I really don't love him anymore. I care about him to a degree but to look at him now and see such a manipulative, lying, deceiving person that I slowly felt less and less for him. He not only deceived me, he also deceived the other women and he even said a few he didn't know if they were married or in relationships (as he said one woman he sc***ed talked about her boyfriend and what a jerk he is and another made comments about "maybe" she's married) but he just didn't care and still scr**ed them. I don't understand him at all. So I also feel disgust at him for not only deceiving me but also those women (a few didn't know he was in a relationship) and the husband/boyfriends of those he did know about. I do have low self-esteem and I always have but I think I have enough self-respect to know that I didn't deserve (as nobody does) to be treated this way. Also in my case there are no children between us so maybe that does make it easier for me to move on though I doubt I'd stay even with children. I didn't stay with an ex when he lost his job, started drinking heavily and gambling away any money we had and we had 3 small children at the time. I thought enough of myself to leave him. I guess either some really get past the betrayal and continue to love their SO or maybe don't love them but just can't move on. Cheating just makes for a world of hurt. Link to post Share on other sites
porter218 Posted June 7, 2008 Share Posted June 7, 2008 IMO the whole staying because of the kids excuse is just a big crutch a lot of people use. Children want their parents to be happy, makes for a much easier childhood. I have 2 small kids and they made me more quick to kick my H out. Yes, in the end I did take him back ...but that is only because he came correct. I wouldn't want my kids to think that when you are married you have to stay together even if you have been cheated on. That is just a bad example you are setting and I want my kids to grow up with a backbone. Link to post Share on other sites
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