I am a very insecure person, and I want to overcome this

[baby_girl]

Helllo, I am in real need of advice

 

I've been so depressed lately. I am a very insecure person, and I want to overcome this, but I don't know where to start. I am insecure about my looks, my boyfriend. I also get very jealous. My boyfriend and I are planning to get married but I still feel insecure about his past relationships, he hasn't done anything (it's just my insecurity) How do I overcome all of this I don't want to be jealous or insecure. I want self eestem and confidence what can I do to achieve this. I get so depressed when I watch Television because of all the women (ex: britney spears) it makes me so depressed about myself and it also makes me depressed because I feel as though my boyfriend is watching them (that's my jealousy)

 

Please help me I can't continue to live my life like this I'm only 21 I want to be happy not depressed all the time!

[Tony T]

The jealousy and insecurity you have described above is seriously pathological and requires the attention of a competent mental health professional (psychologist or counsellor).

 

The way you feel is a decision YOU make. Somewhere down the line, you must have really been put down or made to feel like crap...perhaps by your parents, friends, relatives or other people important to you. I'd like to go back and kick them in the butt. Meanwhile, you've got to erase the damage they did. From your post, it looks as if you may need professional help to do so. Get it as soon as you can!!!

[longlegzs80]

baby_girl,

 

I can totally relate to how you feel. I go through the same insecurities and feel depressed all the time too and also have low self esteem.

 

First, as far as your jelousy, you have to realize your boyfriend if he truely loves you and cares he will do nothing with anyone else and be happy with being with you. I really think you need to take your mind off of this jelousy issue by excersizing or going out with friends or whatever. This jelousy thing is only going to make you get worse and make you get physically sick over the matter.

 

And with the whole dealing with your looks. You look how you look and you need to accept it. Britney Spears is not that great looking, but it is her confidence and sex appeal that shine through. That is what will make you stand out. If you don't like the way you look pick out things that you do like and play it up. You have pretty eyes, make sure they stand out with mascara or eye liner or eye shadow, or if you have great hair make sure you have a hair style that will play off a sexy cute look for you. You must have something that you like about yourself. What you should do is act confident, try to fool your mind into thinking your one sexy momma. That is what I do. It kinda boosts up my self esteem and makes me feel good for the time being. But feeling down in the dumps about your looks is not going to get you anywhere. Sure there are those naturally beautiful people, but you are beautiful in your own way too. Just accept it. Your boyfriend would not be with you if he did not like something about you, maybe it is your looks or personality.

 

With you not accepting yourself, you will only push people away from you and make you isolate yourself. Realize you are a beautiful young women with good health, a family and a boyfriend that loves you.

 

I understand too that you are depressed. I can totally relate. But this is something where you can help yourself. Now, I am not going to tell you to go to a counselor to talk out your problems. This can be a matter of just goign to the gym and excersizing. That would be your best bet. Not only will it make you feel better but your energy level will be sky rocketing. Do things to help others who are not as fortunate as you. Been thinking of doing that for myself. I know when I was in college, which I am only 22, I used to be a campus tour guide and I would feel great with helping others out and them giving me compliments. It really makes you feel good.

 

But with the jelousy thing, your best bet is to do somethign about it. You probubly dwell all the time about your little imperfections and what your boyfriend is doing when your not around. This is your insecurity, and you need to take control and take your mind off of stuff like this. Vollunteer, work, meet up with friends, go out on the town. Just something to get you out. Okay, I am done babbling. Hope this has helped. Good luck.

[sunnie23]

i can totally relate to the way you feel.

 

i push my boyfriend away all the time because i don't believe that he really wants to be with me, and i require so much attention (proof that he cares) that i feel guilty because when we're apart i feel like i've neglected him.

 

there's a great book that will help you with your depression...it's called feeling good, by dr. david burns. the book is an alternative to anti-depressants, which i was once perscribed but refused to take. the book basically shows you that only you are in control of your feelings, and that nothing should make you feel that bad.

 

as for the insecurity issue, i'm still looking for an answer to that. us women have it pretty tough. i'll be 23 in a few weeks and alredy feel like an old prune. every time i see an advertisement for charlies angels or some other semi-naked girl movie, i wince. these are the ideals society presents to us, telling us all that we just aren't good enough.

[AshleyV]

[color=indigo][/color]

My Husband is a great guy.. We recently got married and I love him so much, and I know that he loves me. He tries so hard to make me feel secure, he doesnt look at other girls, he doesnt make any kind of comments about girls. He is truely all about me, and I love it. But in past relationships I have had, have been completely opposite, and I dont know if that is the cause of my jelousy.. But my most recent ex would always talk about how hot girls were and I coulnt trust him at all. Over time I got used to it and ignored it, not that it didnt bother me, I just didnt care about his opinion anymore. But with my husband now, I get soooo jelouse about his past relationships, at first it didnt bother me, but now I get sooo upset I cant help it. His sister will bring her up sometimes.. They had a bad relationship, she was very mean to him, and he became a mean person because he had to put up with her. She cheated on him three times, and ended up telling him, then they broke up. So it was only about a 7 month period in between us. So I hear about her all the time, and I cannot stand it. I hate being jelouse. I dont understand why I am like that, and I dont want to be. I know that he loves me and he would never cheat on me.. He loves me more than anything. And my ex (whom I have a child with) calles me all the time, just to annoy us. and I see him quite a bit. And it doesnt bother him. I cant handle this anymore, I need to get over it. I am not insecure about my looks, or anyone stealing him away, I just dont like thinking about him having sex or kissing his ex, even though it was before we even met. He tells me that if he knew he was going to be with me none of his past would have happened, and I know he is sincere. I just cant help being jelouse!!! I need to overcome this, I would like to talk about it, maybe some advise would help... thanx

[HotCaliGirl]

It's easy to feel jealous because it is a natural reaction and feeling. It is more difficult to resist it and force yourself to think differently. Even though I am secure and confident, jealousy ate me up to the point of suspecting things from my boyfriend and it drove him to do things that I was only imagining to begin with and getting jealous over things I should not have been.

 

I hope someone can give advice as to how not to feel jealous. In the meantime, I hope your husband does not notice that you are jealous of his ex because it will cause problems. I want to know how not to feel jealous too. It has nothing to do with feeling secure with yourself - I used to watch music videos full of half naked women with my boyfriend and it didn't bother me at all, yet I was still getting jealous at more imaginary things, like the thought that he might be interested in someone else, etc...

[AshleyV]

Well my husband does know about this issue. Recently his sister brought her up, and some things that I just didnt want to know but did at the same time... thats weird, but im sure you know what I mean. So I got upset and my husband and I ended up talking about it. He knows about my past relationships, he personally knew my ex and saw how he treated me. So he knows what caused this problem, but he is trying his hardest to make me feel secure. He is a rare breed, I have never met anyone like him. I know that I am the world to him, and I dont know why it bothers me, I should be shoving it in her face because I have the greatest guy in the world that she treated like crap. I need to reshape the way I think, and I know that he wants to know how I feel, and I wouldnt keep it from him. He is trying to help me feel more secure, and I know that no matter what he would never even hang out with another female without me knowing, nevermind cheat on me. I just dont know how to get over this.

[SadBabyGirl]

Im suffering from something called Cognitive Distortion... everthing all the jealousy and negative feelings on myself was all in my head. it really zapped my self esteem and I always was jealous and imagining things going on with my boyfriends which just eventually drove me nuts and drove him away. I started reading that book called 'feeling good the new mood therapy' by dr david burns and its REALLY helping me a lot dude u should check it out. I did crazy stuff too like as far as introducing my bf's to my hot friends who were girls just to see if they'd check them out or even go as far as sending them hot pics of girls and be like what do u think of her isnt she hot?Basically setting myself up for dissapointment and he probably seen thru it. Heres a lil info on that book that was mentioned in the earlier post.

 

FEELING GOOD FEELS WONDERFUL

The good news is that anxiety, guilt, pessimism, procrastination, low self-esteem, and other "black holes" of depression can be cured without drugs. In FEELING GOOD, eminent psychiatrist, David D. Burns, M.D., outlines the remarkable, scientifically proven techniques that will immediately lift your spirits and help you develop a positive outlook on life. Now, in this updated edition, Dr. Burns adds an ALL-NEW CONSUMER'S GUIDE TO ANTIDEPRESSANT DRUGS as well as a new introduction to help answer your questions about the many options available for treating depression.

- Recognize what causes your mood swings

- Nip negative feelings in the bud

- Deal with guilt

- Handle hostility and criticism

- Overcome addiction to love and approval

- Build self-esteem

- Feel good everyday

 

maybe check it out someday it may help u as it is me :-)

[invincible summer]

You are not alone...Get help now before you are 35 and still in the same mind frame. At least you have your youth! But this problem is more common than you think. Even gorgeous girls I've known have had this problem(most don't likto admit it), so its not your looks-its your mind. Looking at mags and stars on tv doesn't help-they are not the norm- so stop looking! Someone gave me great advice once and told me to work on inner things that made me feel better -you can work on your outside like crazy and never feel good enough, but loving the inner you will produce results that will last beyond your youth. A book The Velveteen Principles could be a nice start. Its about becoming REAL not just a shell. I hope this makes some sense.

[invincible summer]

Oh BTW if you want someone to relate and sympathize I will. I'm a lot like you. I understand where your coming from. I've worked my butt off to look good and its never made me feel a huge difference (little difference maybe) but I'll never be thin enough, pretty enough,etc.... I'm feeling much better already with help. But hopefully I can become someone who essence is unforgettably attractive-I believe this is obtainable through lots of work.