HurtingMan Posted July 21, 2003 Share Posted July 21, 2003 Hi all, This is my first post here, and like a lot of people posting i am a serious amount of emotional turmoil. My wife and I have been married over 8 years, and i still love her madly! We have had our fair share of issues and problems! but It got so bad that about 4 months ago I moved out to a friends house (another guy) so that we could talk about the problems we had without the pressure of living together. I now realise that that may have been a mistake. I have spent a lot of time talking with her, and trying to let her know how i felt, and recently decided that I wanted to really make a dedicated effort to make things work, the only problem is that recently she has been spending a lot of time with a single guy that is a friend of a friend. I don't really know him and they have been going to movies, hiking, going to the lake, and talking on the phone all the time. I got very upset when I found out about this, but she insists that it is just platonic.. although she is very secretive about calling him and will cancel a date a date with me as she had been out with him and was too tired. I can't begin to say how much this is hurting, I am trying to make a go of it, and have started some therapy for myself but my wife won't go with me. My question is, is it dangerous for her to continue the relationship and how is the best way for me to approach her about ending it? Trying to keep my head above water. Link to post Share on other sites
Leikela Posted July 21, 2003 Share Posted July 21, 2003 Spending THAT much time exclusively with a male friend is never a good sign. Chances are, they are developing feelings for one another. Especially if she cancels dates with you because she has been out with him all day. BAD NEWS!! I would talk to her about it and ask her to be honest with you. Tell her that if she has any ounce of love left for you that she will be straight with you. Tell her you are willing to work things out but don't want to be wasting your time if she's having an emotional affair with this other guy. If she is still in denial about this relationship with this other guy, I would second guess your relationship. Chances are she is getting from him what your marriage is lacking. Be open with her and access if you can truly work on things. If not, cut your losses and move on. The least she can do is be honest with you. Oh yeah, and if she decides she wants to give it an honest go, then this relationship with this other guy MUST cease. It's inappropriate. Link to post Share on other sites
bryanp Posted July 22, 2003 Share Posted July 22, 2003 This is totally unacceptable. Are you both still married? She is dating another man - going to the movies, going to the lake, cancels dates with you to be with him and has secret phone calls to him. If you believe they are just friends that you must be in total denial. How do you think your wife would feel if the roles were reversed and you went to the lake with another woman and dated her constantly instead of your wife? Immediately move back to your home. She must agree to joint counseling and end the relationship immediately. If she refuses then she should be the one to leave the house since she is married to you and seeing (probably physical regardless of what she is telling you) some other man. If she refuses all this then you need to contact an attorney and protect your interests. She is dating another man while still married to you. What is it that you are not seeing? Do you need to have a piano fall on your hear? Again what would her reaction be if the roles were reversed? I am afraid that is playing you. Her behavior is unacceptable if she wishes to stay married to you. I wish you l uck. Link to post Share on other sites
BadMan Posted July 22, 2003 Share Posted July 22, 2003 When you left you opended the door for trouble. Sounds like even if you had stayed it would still be bad news. Forget her. Link to post Share on other sites
Ally Boo Posted July 23, 2003 Share Posted July 23, 2003 Originally posted by BadMan Sounds like even if you had stayed it would still be bad news. I agree with this....don't beat yourself up over it. You have things to sort out, so does she. I say don't be scared (although that's probably an impossibility for you), and let it work it's course out. If she decides that she doesn't want to stay in the relationship, at least you know...and you'll find someone else. If this isn't meant to be, consider it a blessing that you won't be living your entire life...with that person who IS meant for you, out there waiting. And if it all DOES work out with you two, be glad that you went through this hard time, bc you'll know that you are both there bc you WANT to be, and bc you love each other...not bc you HAVE to be. Link to post Share on other sites
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