quiet_one Posted June 7, 2008 Share Posted June 7, 2008 Okay so i've had NC with her for about 2 months now. In the past week I was actually making some progress and thinking about her less often than I used to, until I heard some news about her the other day. I thought that by not looking at her myspace i'd be safe in never knowing what she's up to. However, the other day I saw a friend who is friends with someone else who is still friends with my ex. This friend told me that apparently my ex is "happier than she's ever been" with her new boyfriend of 2 months. Apparently they have even been on a holiday together. Hearing this just shattered me, I kept imagining her with another guy and them doing stuff together on a holiday that we would normally do. It also makes me very angry, because the last time we were speaking (just over 2 months ago), she was telling me how much she loves me and always wanted to be with me, and how she could never think of dating another guy for a long time etc. To my knowledge, not even 1 week later after saying this she was with another guy. It just seems so unfair. I've been here suffering all this time while she's been having the time of her life apparently. It feels like I meant nothing to her, especially if she was able to move on so quickly like that. Ignorance is bliss, and I thought i'd be able to get away with not knowing ANYTHING about her, providing I didn't look at her myspace. But unfortunately there are a few indirect connections to her through old mutual friends. Now i'm worried what I could hear next, that she's suddenly engaged perhaps? I wouldn't be surprised given how quickly she's been moving on. Link to post Share on other sites
Nemo Posted June 7, 2008 Share Posted June 7, 2008 , I kept imagining her with another guy and them doing stuff Maybe she's even learning some new positions? The least you could be is happy for her. Just like she'd be happy for you if you would get back into a regular boning schedule. Life is full of surprises, but a monkey doesn't let go of one branch until it has a firm grasp on another. Link to post Share on other sites
Author quiet_one Posted June 7, 2008 Author Share Posted June 7, 2008 Maybe she's even learning some new positions? That post was not helpful and has actually made me feel worse. Link to post Share on other sites
iwish Posted June 7, 2008 Share Posted June 7, 2008 Hey quiet one, I'm sorry for your pain. I really am. It does suck that they move on and we don't. There is no quick solution that i know of. I'm in a similar situation, but i had the pleasure of seeing my ex out having dinner with another guy. I can still see them now! I dread to think what she's doing now. But it's none of my business and i try to think of something else. (it's bloody hard) I wish there was a way to get rid of the pain for both of us. Only time will cure that. Also i like to think, that her time with him will not be the same as it was with me. He wont do the things i do, he wont be me. You have to say that, you have to believe that he isn't the same as you. He wont treat her the way you did. I don't know, just hang in there. Try and cheer up. Easier said than done i know, but we have to continue with our lives and wake up each day stronger and wiser. Link to post Share on other sites
Author quiet_one Posted June 7, 2008 Author Share Posted June 7, 2008 but i had the pleasure of seeing my ex out having dinner with another guy. I can still see them now! That would be horrible. I can't imagine how that must have made you feel. I hope I never have to see them together in public. I do worry about it though, whenever i'm in her area I worry i'll see her, or worse still, see her with her new bf. Link to post Share on other sites
iwish Posted June 7, 2008 Share Posted June 7, 2008 Ha, yes it did suck when i saw them. And i made a mistake of telling her i saw them by text and now she thinks i'm following her! Fortunately i was with a girl (friend) and she said i was better looking than him .. Not that it helps much, but it's something i suppose.. My plan for today, is to go round a friends house, and whinge for a bit, get through today (it's a bad day today) and wake up tomorrow. One day more healed One day at a time mate. That's all we can do for now. Link to post Share on other sites
borelandkaren Posted June 7, 2008 Share Posted June 7, 2008 [ You have to say that, you have to believe that he isn't the same as you. He wont treat her the way you did. . That's the one thing that worries me. I know exactly how my ex will treat his next target. The same as me. Like ****. And that's not fair to anyone. I just feel sorry for the next person he involves himself with. He is cruel, nasty, unjust. No one deserves to be treated the way he treated me or both of his other exes. Build up, devalue, discard. Not nice. Link to post Share on other sites
vivrantflo Posted June 7, 2008 Share Posted June 7, 2008 Maybe she's even learning some new positions? The least you could be is happy for her. Just like she'd be happy for you if you would get back into a regular boning schedule. Life is full of surprises, but a monkey doesn't let go of one branch until it has a firm grasp on another. If you're not going to say anything encouraging, don't say anything at all.. What the hell is wrong with you?? quiet_one, hang in there.. I know it's rough right now, but as previous posters have said.. time heals all wounds.. for now you have to let it burn, and continue to avoid looking at her myspace or anything else. And tell your friends, that you do NOT want an update on how your ex is doing, and that you don't want to hear about her at all.. One day at a time my man.. Good luck Link to post Share on other sites
me1234 Posted June 7, 2008 Share Posted June 7, 2008 It also makes me very angry, because the last time we were speaking (just over 2 months ago), she was telling me how much she loves me and always wanted to be with me, and how she could never think of dating another guy for a long time etc. To my knowledge, not even 1 week later after saying this she was with another guy. feeling anger will only end up hurting you. when she told you these things, there's no reason to believe she wasn't being truthful - so don't feel as though you were lied to. unfortunately, feelings and circumstances can change rather suddenly. it would be nice to be able to influence these things in some way, but in most cases, we can only watch as things unfold around us. either way, rather than feeling anger, you should feel happy that you experienced being loved like that - however brief it was. think of all the people who go through life without experiencing love. it's true that in opening yourself to someone you can be burned - it's a big risk. but what's the alternative? if you'd close up, sure you'd never allow yourself to be hurt, but you'd also never have the opportunity to experience love and true happiness. It just seems so unfair. I've been here suffering all this time while she's been having the time of her life apparently. my ex has moved on and is happy and care free as well. it's rather disheartening to think about. but ask yourself, what's stopping you from having the time of your life? you don't need to suffer - you are choosing to. if you're still in the dumps after grieving runs it's normal course, it's because you're convincing yourself to stay in the dumps. your internal voice and its affirmations (or condemnations) greatly affect your outlook on life. you can choose to dwell, or you can choose to find new things to be happy about. a few years from now, do you want to look back and realize you accomplished little because you were busy moping and dwelling on the past? Link to post Share on other sites
borelandkaren Posted June 7, 2008 Share Posted June 7, 2008 If you're not going to say anything encouraging, don't say anything at all.. What the hell is wrong with you?? quiet_one, hang in there.. I know it's rough right now, but as previous posters have said.. time heals all wounds.. for now you have to let it burn, and continue to avoid looking at her myspace or anything else. And tell your friends, that you do NOT want an update on how your ex is doing, and that you don't want to hear about her at all.. One day at a time my man.. Good luck You are so right. No-one needs to give updates on the ex. We are all very capable of obsessing for ourselves and making things up in our own minds about what we perceive to be happening in their lives. Keep your chin up Quiet_One and look to the future, not what has passed. Nemo, snap out of it. Don't post if you're gonna say **** like that. We're supposed to encourage and support one another, not drag one another down. Link to post Share on other sites
0hpenelope Posted June 7, 2008 Share Posted June 7, 2008 I thought that by not looking at her myspace i'd be safe in never knowing what she's up to. However, the other day I saw a friend who is friends with someone else who is still friends with my ex. This friend told me that apparently my ex is "happier than she's ever been" with her new boyfriend of 2 months. Apparently they have even been on a holiday together. Hearing this just shattered me, I kept imagining her with another guy and them doing stuff together on a holiday that we would normally do. No updates about her are necessary. I miss my ex too, but I know how it's going to affect me to know how he's doing. Pictures, etc. Whatever. I avoid my own Facebook like the plague. I think I should do that again. I actually do dislike Facebook with a burning passion. Just get rid of those networking sites. Next time that happens, let your friend know that yeah, it's great and all that your ex is happier than ever but you don't need that information. Yeesh... perhaps this friend thought that he/she was doing you a favor by letting you know how your ex is doing so you can let go faster... but now isn't the appropriate time for that kind of information. Link to post Share on other sites
justaman99 Posted June 7, 2008 Share Posted June 7, 2008 This friend told me that apparently my ex is "happier than she's ever been" with her new boyfriend of 2 months. It's only been 2 months. They're still going through the fun "in love, so happy" phase. Not to mention this guy has taken her mind off of your relationship so she's not sad anymore or depressed by the break up because she has someone else that gets her out of that. It's euphoric going from did I do the right thing, I miss such and such and then bam, someone else is there to give her the attention she needs to get out of that hole. It sucks I know and she's happy now because she's not feeling that sadness and doubt anymore. At least for now. The real relationship hasn't even started yet. If she's really happy with this guy she'll/he'll feel the same way 1 year from now. Link to post Share on other sites
v33 Posted June 7, 2008 Share Posted June 7, 2008 I try to avoid getting any information about her life at all costs. You can't always avoid it, but you would be surprised at the little changes you can make you your routine to avoid possible contact. I am in a situation where we almost live on the same street, she works at a place I used to frequent and have to pass daily, she goes to the only bar in the area and also has to pass my house to get to work. Not to mention that her BF and her are always driving around the area. It hurts less and less each time I see her or him, and sometimes it doesn't phase me at all. I think it's because her new relationship and the evidence and details of it were thrust so heavily upon me when she first left (we lived together for a short while after that) that I eventually just became numb to it. You can only be beaten so many times before you just get used to it. I don't suggest torturing yourself with details about her new life to get over it, but it did help beat it into my head that she has moved on. Certainly not the way for everyone to deal with a break-up though. Avoidance and acceptance is the best solution. The latter comes after enough of the former. And of course she is "happier than ever". The honeymoon period is always great, otherwise people wouldn't make it past 2 months. And what is she going to tell her myspace friend about her new relationship anyways? That she is just "ok"? Of course she is going to say it's amazing. Don't read too much into it. You will feel that the next girl you start seeing is amazing too. It's just how things go man... break-ups suck and new relationships are exciting and amazing..... for a while. Link to post Share on other sites
BrownBear Posted June 7, 2008 Share Posted June 7, 2008 Maybe she's even learning some new positions? The least you could be is happy for her. Just like she'd be happy for you if you would get back into a regular boning schedule. Life is full of surprises, but a monkey doesn't let go of one branch until it has a firm grasp on another. Nemo, what the hell? You're a long time poster and should no better. Has that much water passed underneath your bridge that you've forgotten what's it like to be heartbroken - show some fooking respect next time. We're here to help each other out?!?! Link to post Share on other sites
Bobby.Roy Posted June 8, 2008 Share Posted June 8, 2008 It's only been 2 months. They're still going through the fun "in love, so happy" phase. Not to mention this guy has taken her mind off of your relationship so she's not sad anymore or depressed by the break up because she has someone else that gets her out of that. It's euphoric going from did I do the right thing, I miss such and such and then bam, someone else is there to give her the attention she needs to get out of that hole. It sucks I know and she's happy now because she's not feeling that sadness and doubt anymore. At least for now. The real relationship hasn't even started yet. If she's really happy with this guy she'll/he'll feel the same way 1 year from now. This is so true, exactly the thing i wanted to say! Link to post Share on other sites
freedom8 Posted June 8, 2008 Share Posted June 8, 2008 You start to wonder why she ever said those things to make you hope a little. Then it turns out to be something that wasn't. Maybe she was thinking that doing it that way, that she is letting you down gently. There really is no easy way out of this situation. You're going to have to set yourself back on track as you were and keep focusing on thinking less about her whenever it pops up. Yes this is most difficult but has to be done to start the process again. Stay with the no contact if you can and focus whatever energy you can harvest on yourself. You just have to find what can keep you going forward for the time being. You have to remember that it is only a matter of time before the healing process enables us to think clearer and start looking at other alternatives. GL Link to post Share on other sites
purplepoodle Posted June 8, 2008 Share Posted June 8, 2008 Quiet: I know exactly how you feel. My ex is engaged already to his new gf and when I ran into them a few weeks ago, they seemed so happy. It almost feels like we had to have been in a different relationship because as I sit here feeling like I've been kicked in the stomach 3 months later, he's happy as can be with no thoughts of me. Link to post Share on other sites
GuttedEnglishBloke Posted June 8, 2008 Share Posted June 8, 2008 Quiet One, I read your original post and couldn't believe how similar your situation is to my own. I could have written what you posted. It's tough, I know that as much as anyone. Consider it a mere "blip" - you were doing well until you found out, you'll get used to the idea sooner than you think and things will go back to normal. My heart's been ripped out too. I can't understand how my ex could just go off with another guy, especially after telling me how much she loved me. Now nothing surprises me anymore. Keep the faith, we'll get there. Link to post Share on other sites
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